My partner 54M and I 56F have been together for nearly four years. He has two children in their early twenties who still lives at home, my children of similar ages have moved out. His kids are fine. It’s not an issue, and give it a couple more years and we’ll be empty-nesters anyway.
Thing is… We’re very different. As in… I don’t even know if we think alike in anything anymore. I used to think we could overcome that because we’re both pretty calm and communicative, but I give up. If I think something is tall, he thinks it’s short. If I think it’s blue, he thinks it’s green. If I want a hard mattress, he wants soft. If I like trees in our yard, he wants to cut them into bushes. If I say ‘let’s not spend a lot of money for a while before we see what our expenses will look like’, he MUST buy a barbecue, outdoor furniture, etc, etc. He’s narrow minded where I try to see different perspectives. He’s a small-town boy. I’m a city girl. He rants against socialism, immigrants, what people wear, eat, drink, say, do-where I think life’s generally better if people mostly mind their own business. I don’t care how someone else chooses to decorate their home, or how much money they have, or of they’re ‘somebody worth knowing’. He thinks he knows everything, he never checks stuff up, he just voices his truths and frankly, it’s exhausting.
A year ago, I broke us up. Then we got back together because there were also good parts, of course, and it seemed right, and now we’ve bought this large, expensive house and I feel like I’ve done the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.
I need to tell him that, and soon, because my mind is exploding.
I have just undergone extensive medically needed surgery and I’m in pain.
We need to finish furbishing the house so we can put it on the market. I’m praying we didn’t buy it TOO expensive and that we won’t lose a lot of money on this. We need to each find rentals and uproot everyone and everything. I’m looking at some peace of mind in maybe 6-12 months from now.
And I’m so sad because it feels like he’s living his dream while I’m dying on the inside. I hate that I have to crush him, and this.
I’ll stay single for the rest of my life. I will never share my living space again. I can’t think. I can’t exist. I can’t breathe. I can’t be creative, focus on work, my art, children, and friends. I just lock myself up.
There’s so much to do.
I need to heal from my surgery, then tell him.
Soon.
Sorry for rambling. Needed to get this off my chest and I just can’t talk to anyone right now because it all happened so fast and seems so rash and I feel like it’s all my fault.
Comments
Everything is also amplified right now because you’re wounded and in pain. That’s not to say you’re wrong – it just hurts more. I’m so sorry. You’re going to do what’s best for you at the right time.
Hey OP – first of all, I’m sorry you’re in pain. I hope you can recover quickly.
Relationships require compromise from BOTH people. And just from this small blurb I’m getting the feeling you’re the only one compromising, so no wonder you feel run down and trapped.
Also, this isn’t rash, it’s just finishing a process you already started. You said you broke up a year ago, that means you’ve seen both sides and now want to leave for good. Your brain is telling you the patterns it sees.
You got this!
This man sounds so exhausting to be around, i would venture to guess he would take years off your life. It’s not worth it for the few aspects of him that are good. I’m sure your feelings are amplified by your physical pain as well and as far as you have wrote in, he doesn’t seem to contribute to your healing at all. And nobody deserves to age next to someone who only sees themselves as worthy.
Of course he’s living his dream. Men benefit the most when cohabitating. Women end up having more work to do (physically and emotionally).
Oof, depressing proof that people of all ages will hide who they truly are at the beginning of relationships. That’s a tough pill to swallow.
I wish you fast healing and a quick exit out of this mess. It’s not your fault; I would also have expected someone in their 50s to be mature and sensible, instead of childish and mercurial.
Why would you wait six months to a year to move out? go get an apartment and move i to it.