I am getting married in early 2026 and am going to start wedding dress shopping this summer. I am very excited and looking forward to it. I am planning on inviting my mom, MOH and one of my bridesmaids to join me. I have never vibed with my future MIL. She is basically 50 something mean girl. She has openly admitted to my fiancé that she does not like me and feels like I am “changing him” and she has never really been super kind to me in the 5+ years we have been together. She is a boy mom and treats me very differently than her other DIL’s. My fiancé is very much obviously her favorite of her 3 boys and I think it really bothers her that I am “taking him away from her” my therapist tells me it sounds like she thinks of my fiancé as her second spouse 🤢 there are so many examples of things she has done and WHY I feel this way but I won’t get into that in this post.
She has made several comments about coming wedding dress shopping with me already since we have gotten engaged. She went dress shopping with her other DIL’s when they got married and she clearly assumes I will be inviting her. I do not want her there. Everything with the wedding planning process so far she has had something negative to say about it. I don’t want her opinions and I want to feel comfortable when I’m wedding dress shopping and I never feel like I can be myself around her. I’ve also gained a significant amount of weight in the last year and know I would feel very self conscious with her there as well.
Do I just go without telling her and ask for forgiveness later or how should I handle this situation? I just know she is going to be mad and talk poorly of me when she finds out like she usually does (which still bothers me even though it shouldn’t at this point) and it all makes me anxious. Any advice would be appreciated!
tl;dr my unkind MIL has implied she is coming dress shopping me but I don’t want her there. Accepting advice.
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If you’re willing to keep the peace, round up all your squad and your mum and let MIL join you. Go shopping and try to enjoy the day. Go all out with brunch and stuff.
Don’t tell her about the several other trips you have planned without her for serious shopping.
Alternatively, go shopping without, find your dress and if she raises it again tell her that you didn’t want to upset her but you found your dress ages ago and you’re sorted.
I would just go dress shopping without her. Tell you were passing a shop , went in just for a look and found the dress you wanted. Done!
It’s not necessarily traditional to invite your MIL to dress shopping, some people, others don’t.
Time to start grey rocking about everything concerning your wedding. She’s a bitch to you don’t worry about her feelings she doesn’t give a damn about yours.
Why would you ask for forgiveness?
This event is about you and your fiance — not her.
You invite those who are supportive and loving — you don’t “owe” anyone an experience or inclusion
She can assume whatever — doesn’t mean she’s going to get it
If she says anything — you say:
That’s a very odd thing for you to assume. I would suggest that you refocus your expectations so that you won’t constantly feel disappointed.
Get comfortable with being considered the “bad guy” because she’s also the type of person who will expect to cut the cord at your birth and show up to “help” (uninvited) postpartum
You go without telling her and don’t bother asking for forgiveness. She’s not entitled to that experience. She’ll find a reason to talk poorly of you regardless, might as well let it be for this.
How does your fiance feel about the way his mother treats you? Is he a “that’s just how she is” kind of guy or does he firmly put boundaries and consequences in place? I ask because how he handles her is incredibly important to the future of your relationship.