Throughout this entire wedding planning process, both my mom and MIL have been expecting me to be the mediator between them. They don’t know each other very well and every time they have a request that they think might even slightly piss the other off, they ask me to be the bearer of bad news. (e.g. MIL asked me to be the one to tell mom that we couldn’t invite everyone she wanted to the rehearsal dinner, mom wants me to ask MIL why she’s taking so long to get her RSVPs done, etc.) Whenever I ask them to communicate directly with each other, I get “oh, well she doesn’t answer me” or “We’re paying for a lot of this wedding, this is the least you can do.” I recognize that all of this sounds ridiculous that the mothers are arguing about things relating to MY wedding and acting as if it’s their own. Regardless, any tips on how to diffuse this dynamic (when I’ve told them both several times how draining it is to be put in the middle and they continue to do this) would be much appreciated.
I feel like I’m a broken record in this sub because it’s been 14 months of this completely toxic and draining dynamic. Luckily wedding is in a month, my fiance and I are moving across the country and will only have to see those fuckers on holidays going forward! I appreciate everyone in this community for being so understanding and kind!
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too close to the wedding to do much of anything now. it will get worst as wedding day approaches. your first mistake was taken money from them – once you did that, the wedding became theirs, whether you want to believe it or not. I read your previous posts. You got what they paid for.
good thing you are moving away. If you have any children, the two mothers (pun intended) will be an absolute nightmare. Be prepared and stand firm.
I hope your wedding is everything you hope for. I hope the move away from MOM/MIL is even better than you hoped for
That’s sounds very annoying, but I don’t actually think their requests are that unreasonable.
This is your wedding. They don’t know each other very well. I don’t think it’s out of line to ask you to be the intermediary, especially for decisions you should be a part of.
In my experience weddings (and other big events) can bring out the worst in people. Other than saying no (which I know can be hard in certain circumstances) I would suggest perhaps a group chat with them, you and your fiancé that all wedding information must go through. Tell them you will only correspond to any wedding information through that chat, that way you can monitor what they’re sending, whether or not it’s being read and recorded to and you can respond where necessary. Adding your fiancé shows you’re in this together and might quell their desire to put everything on you. Even if your fiancé isn’t as involved in the planning just having them on there might tamper down some of their worst impulses. You can phrase it under the guise that with the wedding being in crunch time you’re so overwhelmed (even if you’re not) that it’s getting hard to keep track of everything so having all messages in one place makes it easier for you so you don’t miss anything. Best of luck, please keep us updated.
How are mom/mil communicating with you? Phone call/face time/text message?
If it is text – create a group chat where the 3 of you can share updates. Any solo question comes in from one of them asking you to ask the other. Post the question in the group chat.
Phone call/face time? Ask the caller to hold on and add the other person. EVERY TIME. Force them to talk.
Ambushing you at Aunt June’s sunday dinner? Invite them both out to lunch and tell them you are going to work out details so bring their planners.