So last night I had this feeling to go through my boyfriend’s phone. A year ago on the 4th of July he told me he didn’t love me anymore, it was the most painful thing and I was in a dark place. We ended up staying together and life has been amazing. The 4th of July this year was wonderful, but I couldn’t shake that feeling that I need to go through his phone.
I’ve done it once before and found that he was texting a girl from his school in a more than friendly manner and I confronted him about it. I felt so guilt for invading his privacy so I promised I wouldn’t do it again, but the feeling would not go away.
So last night after he fell asleep I picked up his phone. I had just opened snapchat when he got a notification from his group chat with all of his military friends. I never had the feeling to go through this group chat before because I never expected anything bad, just guy stuff and military stuff.
However I decided to click on it a go through just a little, not through curiosity of something bad, but because I just wanted to see what they talk about all day long. I don’t get far when I see a text from boyfriend saying “the titties at the fair are crazy everyone has bikini tan lines”. I was at the fair with him when he sent this. I was so taken aback because I have never heard him say anything like this. So I scroll further.
I find a lot of messages about how certain places have crazy hoes and baddies or how a place he went to only has mid women to look at. He even mentions how the baseball game has fine latinas and mexican baddies. The baseball games are a fun thing we do together, but it turns out he likes going for them. He even mentions celebrities like sabrina carpenter and how “she’s a wh**e probably rides like a fiend and has crazy throat game”.
He goes even further by commenting on all of the hoes and baddies at his school and how he would probably have STDs if he was single. Or how he would’ve banged all of the fine women when he was on deployment if he was single.
He used to follow this influencer girl on instagram and would DM her, with no reply, while we were dating. I told him how weird that was and he unfollowed her, he said he only followed her because she was funny. But then in the group chat he goes on to say how hot she is.
My chest sank reading these because this isn’t the kind of guy I thought he was who just talks about women and so disgustingly too. I feel so disrespected and blindsided like I don’t really know him.
I haven’t felt the same since I read these and he can tell that something is off with me. I don’t know if I should confront him about this or not because I don’t want him to feel like I invaded his privacy, but I also feel like it was important for me to see it.
If I do confront him how do I tell him how it made me feel without him feeling attacked?
**TL;DR; : I basically found him talking inappropriately with his guy friends about other women which made me feel very disrespected and I am unsure on whether to confront him or not. The comments he made me feel disgusted and like I don’t really know him.
Comments
This is a “you’re gonna feel bad no matter what” situation. No avoiding it.
>> A year ago on the 4th of July he told me he didn’t love me anymore.
Why do you want to make this work?
Sounds repulsive honestly. Even if you don’t consider this being unfaithful, is this the kind of man you want to be with?
Okay so now you know how he really is. Break up with him. If you don’t, if you try confronting him, he will give you 100 different excuses to make you believe that its not the full story. Tell me, does any of this signal to you that you’re missing context? the rest is on you 🙂
Make him single again.
You are going to learn the “trust your gut” lesson as this relationship plays out. The good news is you are young. The lesson will be helpful in future relationships
How does he make you a better person, what does that look like to you?
The reality is this relationship should have ended a year ago. You held on our of fear, he held on because he is lazy.
Free yourself from this. Being in this relationship will erode your sense of self.
Hey so you shouldn’t be with someone who talks so vulgar and disrespectful about women. I can’t imagine how he talks about you to his friends. I strongly recommend getting out of this relationship. The only reason he probably hasn’t cheated is men like these are repulsive and have no actual game. He’s all gross talk. He’ll be single for a long, long time if you dump him. Gross.
When going through a person’s phone, you should always have a plan on what you’re going to do if you find something you don’t like.
If you find something you don’t like what are you going to do? Stay or leave.. if you’re still going to stay why even bother looking through the phone, you’re just going to keep on hurting yourself. Now, if you’re serious and will actually leave this year, go through the phone… but yeah, there’s no sense of going through it if you’re still going to stay either way..
When you reply to someone’s comment saying “he made you a better person “.. it sounds like you probably put him on more of a pedestal than he does you. I bet you love him more than he loves you… and that’s a no no..
Sounds like he wants to be single….grant him that wish. Judging by how he talks to his friends…..sooner or later he’s going to cheat on you since he’s so tempted constantly with all these eye candy around him 🫤
Big oof. I think you know what to do, it’s just very hard. If your friend was going through the exact same situation with her boyfriend, what would you tell her to do?
Guys to talk their buddies a certain way. He is also allowed to be attracted to other people. It sounds like he is full of shit with his friends. But if this really had turned you off of him, I would leave.
Did you mean ex boyfriend? There are plenty of respectful men out there, find one