Does it get easier parenting daughters?
I have three daughters , one’s just become a teen and the other two will follow shortly.
We don’t have many shared interests and they fight each other constantly- the teenager is showing flashes of anger and downright mean behaviour. Also noticing men giving them lingering stares which is really disgusting 🙁
Feeling increasingly gutted I didn’t have any sons to be honest …
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I don’t think it does get easier. I have 4 girls (and a lad) and they can be really, really difficult. Thankfully all my kids are in their 30’s now and now starting to learn what it’s like to be parents and the shit that goes with it.
The only advice I could offer would be to sit down and chat with them, every day make a small amount of time for a chat and a bit of banter.
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And as for the leering from blokes, try to ignore it unless they start making unwanted advances, then you do what you gotta do.
>Also noticing men giving them lingering stares which is really disgusting
You are the father of three daughters. That is something you will have to live with. there is literally nothing you can do about it other than locking her into her room
>the teenager is showing flashes of anger and downright mean behavior.
she is a teenager… they do be like that sometimes. Be as supportive as you can but try to keep certain lines up. She is having a rough time herself.
The lingering stares are mostly just guys assessing why this child is dressing up like a woman that wants attention. Make-up, hair done right, tight or short shorts, push-up bra, stretchy tees, jewelry, you saying that’s what she wears when sick at home on the couch? So that’s on you for allowing her to think that’s normal. Even worse, she probably relishes the sense of power that all those looks give her. Kind of like how boys her age get a power rush by being aggressive.
As for those flashes of anger, that’s probably a sign that she wants to be treated not like a child anymore, that she’s being crowded combined with a lack of consequences for bad behavior.
All of these problem should have been managed already years ago, so this post will be more of a warning.
My two children are teenagers: one is dramatic, while the other is stoic. Each week, the eldest encounters problems with her friendship group. They get along well, then suddenly have a big argument.
They do a lot together, then boom it’s an argument…
I just ignore most of it…
Treat your daughters like princesses so that they have the expectations of being treated like one by any guy that comes around. Teach them how to value themselves and respect themselves. You’re their parent, you don’t have to have any shared interests, ffs. They aren’t your friends, they’re your daughters. Teach them as only a parent can.
Bwahaaahaa.
Good luck.
Pick your battles
Do women ever do anything but make other people miserable? Seriously, they are so fucking awful to everyone. I don’t even want to be around them anymore, they are so relentlessly… I guess “mean” would be the correct term.
Women aren’t nice people. They just aren’t.
Individual attention. I spend days with individual kids taking them some place.
I don’t know if I’m doing it right or wrong but this is what I’ve done:
Fighting/drama – I usually use a combination of absurd humour and logic to either break a situation down very quickly so it’s clear what they are arguing about is ridiculous. It usually induces some embarrassment or laughter once it kicks in. Then change the tone to ask what is really bugging them and 2/3 times I get a “nothing, dad” but 1/3 of three times I learn a few things because they share what’s really going on.
Flashing of anger – I give zero shits if they are angrily talking to other people but since childhood, I would nip in the bud any disrespectful talking to each other as siblings or to mom. Minute things get an edgy tone, I tend to flash a look or a “hey…” and usually it stops
Share interests – I have zero with them BUT all my kids do chores + projects around the house. So if my wife wants a shed, everyone is pitching in. We’ve dug trenches for drainage, built a deck, change oil on cars, changed shingles on a cabin etc. my daughters might not have an interest in this stuff but they are doing work and they know they have to help. Usually there are some breaks in the day or when project is finished that I feel is very warm and fuzzy inside.
Leering men – not sure what to do here. Haven’t really seen it yet. My daughter’s aren’t ugly but they aren’t like blossoming teens yet either and haven’t really figured out fashion or style yet. One is starting to, but my wife seems to have a set of rules for them, like “no eye makeup until 17” or whatever the rules are. I figure my wife has a plan on educating/leading them in the right direction in terms of beauty, attraction and handling male attention and dating. I’ve taught my daughters not to take shit from anyone, they are doing martial arts but I’ve always told them it’s best to prevent bad things from happening by being smart and if bad things do happen, look to exit/run and if you can’t, fight like your life depends on it. But now that you’ve brought it up and I’m thinking about it, I will have an explicit chat with my wife on what the plan is here so we can stick to one.
I am one of several daughters, and all I’ve ever wanted from my father was to know he accepted me for who I am without judgement, even though we enjoy very different things, and that he was proud of me. I suppose that can be said for any parent, not just fathers, but it can be harder to bridge the gap sometimes because of a lack of shared interests.
My father is very handy and he’s taught me a lot of those types of things over the years, which I’m grateful for now. As I’ve gotten older it’s become something of a shared interest.
Just make sure they know you value them for who they are, even if you don’t always understand them.
I only have daughters as well so I don’t have any experience with boys, but I just treat mine like kids. I don’t think there’s anything super unique about raising girls other than periods and stuff, which my wife mostly handles. Siblings are going to fight and teenagers are going to be assholes. I don’t think that’s unique to daughters either.
The shared interests thing I feel though. My kids are very different than me in terms of what they enjoy doing, but I try and get involved in stuff they like whether I’m interested or not. And I push them some to try out things I’m interested in too. It’s been a mixed bag so far. I dunno man, I just try to raise them to be decent people, ya know?
So you’ve made zero attempt to connect with your children based on who they are or their own interests and yet you think they’re at fault because they aren’t boys or into the same things as you?
This is a fundamental failure of you as a parent. You’re so focused on them being girls and being ‘different’ that you haven’t actually stepped outside your own comfort zone to connect with them.
As FWIW parenting boys isn’t always easier, they are also moody and mean as teens, and there’s no guarantee they would enjoy the same hobbies as you.
Pull your head out of your backside and stop being so incredibly sexist.
I can say that as an adult woman, I can spot women who had good dads instantly. They’re more self assured and capable. They just function smoother. What I mean by a good dad is a dad who likes women. A lot of men (including my dad) don’t LIKE women. We pick up on it and it causes a lot of issues. I’m not saying give her princess treatment or anything but just treat them how you would a son. If you look at them as hysterical, silly women they’re not going to grow up with a good backbone if even their own father sees them that way.
I have 3 teenage girls. I try to spend some 1 on 1 time with each of them doing their thing. One daughter likes movies and tinkering with stuff in my woodshop. #2 likes shooting, #3 likes fishing. Fully aware this is more about spending time with dad but they enjoy these things and we get a chance to bond over them. I think that love and attention from dad takes away some of the need to get snotty with their sisters.
What I’ve learned is that if you’re a good dad your daughters will love you and look up to you. It’s not all Care Bear moments but it’s pretty cool.
And any man staring at my daughters, two of whom are very obviously under 18, is going to get called out and humiliated publicly by me. Girls need to know dad’s got their back 100%.
My daughters (13 and 9) are my two favorite humans on this planet. I do most of the work of being interested in what they’re interested in. I may not do it with them, but I am interested in their thoughts about it.
I asked my wife, and nearly every female I knew, “What did you want from your Dad when you were that age?” And I listened to them. 90% gave a variation on: “I just wanted him to accept and love me for who I am.” Many complained about knowing that their Dad valued them less because they weren’t boys who played sports and liked to do “boy stuff”. Knowing a few of their Dads, I know that many of those Dads had a hard time doing “girlie” stuff, and feeling alienated because of it.
So, I let my youngest give me a makeover. I painted my nails for a while while they were learning about that. We played dolls a few times, but I wasn’t as much fun as Mom so that didn’t last. Hahahaha! We play pretend games, board games, and card games. We do art and craft projects together. We collect rocks. Basically, we follow their interests.
I don’t pretend to like stuff for them. I tell them, “I just want to spend time with you, I’ll do whatever you want.” My stated goal is just to be with them, no matter what.
Now that my oldest is maturing and showing interest in boys, and boys are showing interest in her, I do my best to model a loving relationship with her. I show interest, but I give her space. I say nice things to her, but it’s specific and honest (e.g., “That shirt is so cool. I really like the color on you.” or “That hairstyle looks really hard to create. How did you do it?”) I allow her to feel bad, and support her when she does. I leave myself open to hear about her day, but I don’t press for information.
They don’t come to me with their friend troubles or tell me about boys. They don’t tell me about their hormone cycles or ask me about sex. Though if either ever wanted to, I would be there for it. But my oldest recently told me that I was one of the best relationships in her whole life, and that was worth every single second of the time I put in to just being there for them, as much as possible.
Will that last into adulthood? I have no idea. Will that prevent them from dating shitty guys? Probably not. That’s not my job. My job is to be there for them. To show up and show interest, no matter what. To be a safe, stable place for them to land and recover when life knocks them down and they build themselves back up.
Have you considered building a fortified panic room?
I watched my family every day for decades. Teens want to be LISTENED TO, not “allowed to rant”