My boyfriend is almost 22 and he recently has been telling me he is ready to get married. We have been together 5 years and we don’t live together bc we only live 11 minutes away and both still live with our parents. I have parents on the wealthier side so money is not a a huge stressor and his parents do well as well. And we both obviously have full time jobs him being a car technician and I work as administrative assistant. I’m only 20 (21 in October) and I would like to marry him but I also feel like I’m crazy for wanting to get married now because we are in our early 20s. What would you guys do?
Edit: I’ve read most of the comments and it’s kind of a mix but a lot of people saying to wait till 25. I just wanted some advice because I know that we are still very young. I think I’m going to communicate with my partner about a time frame for engagement and not rush into things. Thank you to everyone who was super kind to me.
Comments
25+
only when you are ready. no age limit, but people usually get hitched around 25-30 years old. i was with my wife for 8 years before i proposed. when you know, you know. stuff takes time and marriage is a huge step / life changing for both sides.
I would say thirty, the time you are financially well
As someone who’s 26 right now. I can tell you there is SO MUCH growth and development into who you become as a person from your age to my age. Even then, I’m still changing. I will say, safely I feel 25-30 is a great time to consider marriage.
Thirty. Do not rush this!! Said as a 51 yo who got married at 22.
You should live together, and away from your parents, first.
Is this the US?
You can always get engaged but have a long engagement. I’d say wait until at least your mid-twenties because a lot can change between now and then. Doesn’t mean you can’t move in together. I would keep your money separate. Open a joint account and each of you put in your share of the bill money workout whether it’s going to be 50/50 or 60/40 depending on your incomes etc. sometimes it’s a really good idea to move in together before you get married to see if you’re actually compatible. People are different when they’re living with somebody else. Keep your finances separate because you do not want to be trapped because of money. Doesn’t mean you can’t split on things and that’s why each of you can put money aside to save for maybe a house in the future or the actual wedding. It’s really best if you can save the money for the wedding rather than go in debt for it. This way you can keep the gifts and money from the wedding and put it towards a down payment on the house.
I would try living together first before you get married. Getting married straight out of your parent’s house is a BIG adjustment. Living together is your trial run to see if you are actually compatible when you share more of your life with each other.
Talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and then perhaps you can go to a marriage counselor or a pastor to explore your reasons for wanting to get married and putting marriage on hold. This may help you in making the best decision for yourself. God be with you both. Take care.
I got married at 23 and we had an extremely rocky start to our marriage fraught with trust issues, drug and alcohol abuse and various kinds of emotional and physical abuse. We have made it through everything with a lot of work and therapy in the early years, getting sober, and we’ve now been married 14 years and have 7 kids together and a wonderful life.
If I could do it over, I wouldn’t necessarily wish that I had waited longer to marry him, I just would have worked harder and encouraged him to do the work to become the right partner sooner, and I would have put in the work to discover how to have a strong marriage rather than just assumed and stumbled through it for a few years.
So I don’t necessarily think you’re too young, I think it has to do with your view of marriage, your maturity level, how good you are at true communication, and if you’re mature enough to truly serve your partner in a relationship where you’re both 100 percent all the time, even when things feel difficult.
I think 20 is a little young, but 22 or 23 is reasonable. I was married at 24 and have been married for 31 years. How about a long engagement?
I got married at 20 and wish I waited. Wait until you’re 25+.
When the time is right. After you know someone for several years. I’d say 5 years after knowing someone is good to get married. Date for a few years, engaged for a year, then get married.
I’d wait until at least 25 and have a year of cohabitation together.
30
but definitely not before your frontal lobe is developed which happens around. age 25/26
You already have been dating for a while. If you have everything right and believe you’re with the right person then go for it.
If you can’t legally drink, rent a car, or book an airbnb I don’t think you’re old enough to get married. Your world does (or gosh it should) change so much it your early 20s. I wouldn’t rush it. You’re soooo young. Like 25 is early around here to get married. At 20 people would be calling you a child bride only half joking.
I recommend moving in together before getting married . Being there all the time is not the same as visiting each other tbh.
I don’t think age is that relevant tbh . I think 5 years is a good chunk of time to be dating too…and can understand why he is ready.
75
From your comments you’re absolutely not ready to get married…
Club life? Nah
I wouldn’t listen to these comments saying you need to be “having fun” over getting married. For one, you can live a very fun life while married. And secondly, it all comes down to what you want in life. If you want to marry this man, which you should have a pretty solid idea if you do or not after five years, then age should not stop you. Marriage is simply a promise to your partner that you’re in it for life and if you’re ready to make that commitment, there’s no objective reason you should wait.
After you have both lived independently of parents and each other. Figure out what you each like/need/etc as an individual adult human before trying to create a new life together.
I am almost 22. Wait.
You can get married whenever you want. If it feels right then it feels right. 25+ gives you time to figure out who you are and what you want but not everyone changes drastically from 20-25.
Not before living together
Live together for a while first…
I literally got married a month before my 29th birthday. We were together for 5 years before. My sister got married at 23, they’re still together, like 10 or so yrs later, and my mom got married at 23, shes divorced after 20 yrs. Imo there’s no right answer. But you don’t really know someone unless you’ve lived together with family at some point, experienced a massive loss together, etc. During stressful times, true colors tend to shine.
coming from a cynical pov:
wait and if this is the only “adult” relationship you have had. you may be blinded. do what is comfortable for you but dont compromise who you are just because he is there now.
You need live life some before you settle down. The last thing you want is to be middle-aged or older and full of regret.
I was 22; wife was 20. WE are very happily married.
My parents were the same age and married over 30 years until my dad passed.
Got married at 22 (now 24). Also lived separately, dating for 5 years. I would encourage a long engagement. Have you vacationed together? Since I was living with my parents they were quite controlling and I didn’t have the option to live with my now husband together first. Thankfully I had a glimpse from vacations. I changed vastly from 20-23. Still works fine for me, but I would wait for marriage until at least 23.
There is no right age for marriage, only right person. If you happen to meet the right person, you’d know.
Having said that marriage takes a lot of hard work, it takes 2 to commit to a lifetime of growing together, nothing should feel force though, both partners would have a strong desire to include each other in respective lives and milestones.
Source: married extremely happily for 15 years, we met at 21.
Can the two of you support yourself in your incomes? A car technician, is he a certified mechanic or does he perform oil changes?
What about technical school or college? Do you know how to budget, cook, clean, pay bills? Does he?
Do you have savings? Does he? Has he ever lived alone? Does Mommy still do his laundry?
There are a lot of things to consider before marrying, these are just a few of them.
Move in with together first. Never get married before you know how you really work together.
Sure you guys live close and spend a lot of time together – but that is not the same as living together. Taking care of a whole household together. Witnessing and accepting each and every one of your partners little ticks.
Never get married before you lived together.
I got married at 22 after being together for 4 years
It can absolutely work and I dont regret doing it
We had to do some growing up together and we had to do some learning together though. As long as you recognize that and are ok with it then you’ll be fine
But if you’re asking this online it means you probably don’t feel ready
If you’re not ready, dont do it
I would also suggest living on your own at some point before marriage, kinda allow yourself ti be a version of free.
Never imo
For an adult, the best age to get married, is when you want to get married.
If you’re thinking you’d rather not get married quite yet, then don’t get married. You’ll be tramping those feelings down, and it’s possible they would resurface after the wedding.
Start by expressing your love and commitment to the relationship, then clearly state your perspective on marriage, outlining your reasons for not wanting to get married yet (or at all). Be prepared for a potentially difficult conversation, and emphasize that this is your personal decision, not a reflection of your feelings for him.
You gotta live with someone and manage a house together for a while. Neither of you have managed a household on your own. You’ll probably discover a lot about yourselves and each other by living together.
Money isn’t an issue for your parents… unless they are planning on supporting you after you get married then you need to realize their financial situation isn’t your financial situation.
Gotta live together before you get married
A good age, is when your no longer dating a guy from HS.
well yall got roch parents, thats the best in this day in age
30+
Why anyone questions a great relationship is sad. Why anyone questions a great relationship due to their age and what people in social media and society dictators say, pathetic.
Don’t listen to anyone but yourself, your family. Otherwise you are really going to follow advice from accounts that are 90% bots, paid trolls, or are single and miserable and want others to join them.
Don’t question what you two have over reddit. smh.. Have a long engagement or get engaged and then set a date 2 years out or something.. There is no wrong or right and none of us know your exact details in your lives to even begin to say otherwise
25+ but also make it clear that while you would very much love that in the future it’s just not the right time and start setting realistic relationship goals that you both agree on like moving in together at this point, marriage at this point, kids at this point just open and honest communication between you two
My wife and I started dating at 21. We were together for 6 years before marriage. We lived together for 3 years.
There’s absolutely no reason to rush into a marriage right now.
I won’t say y’all have some growing up to do, but you do have some living to do before y’all get married. I like 25+.
I would live alone first, no parents paying your bills, no boyfriend, preferably a pet and preferably no kids lol — you seem like you have a sweet deal but I’ve become so much more comfortable in my life since I moved into my own place — it feels like you learn to do much for yourself and you learn much about yourself. My mom, alternatively, did NOT live alone between being with her parents and marrying my dad and he did a lot of the finances and maintenance type stuff – mom seems so dim sometimes, though I hate to say it, and she seems to struggle now that dad is gone and she is resistant to help.
Eh, I’ve known happy couples that married in their twenties and lived their whole lives together, and I know those that split apart, it all depends.
30
30+, I got married waaayyyyy too young at 24.
The key is to never get married
Five years is a long time. If he is the one then you know it by now. The reason for waiting is usually to accomplish a goal (ex. Finish college, obtain a certain type of job etc.). If he is the one, marry him. Engagements can take up to two years. 7 years of dating before marriage is an eternity. On the other hand if you don’t want to marry him, don’t waste his time. Tell him, let him go. Personally I would not live together before marriage. Secondly, I would save the money to buy a house if you can. If you commit to him and establish goals (saving for a house) and targets (future wedding date) it will help him see the path towards your future, if you have a future together. It also would help to know what can you afford. Should you be going to school now while you are living at home? It gets harder to do this later.
You should 100% live together before getting married….
You’ve been together since you were 15 (and he was 17)? Neither of you look to have gone to college. Do the two of you feel financially ready to buy a house and start a family? If not, why get married?
It’s important to know that our brains aren’t fully developed until the ages of 25-30. This is the part of the brain that is responsible in making decisions. I think it’s best to make these kind of decisions once you’re a bit older.
There’s also the fact that you haven’t lived together and as much as you love someone, you may not be compatible living together.
I think it’s also important to have a few boyfriends before settling down. If it’s meant to be, you’ll reconnect later on life.
You are crazy for that.
Live together first. Your brain isn’t even done cooking yet for another 5 years. You have no idea what you want.
I would know, got divorced at 22.
96 😁
ALWAYS live together first. You will learn so much about your partner, for better or worse. And I’m begging you as a 27F who got married last year – wait until you’re at least 25. I used to be a part of a religious community where my friends all married really young, 23 or under. Most of them are unhappy or divorced because they were not old enough to have the life experience & wisdom necessary to make that kind of commitment. Your finances will be enmeshed, you will have to coparent with this person if you choose to have kids, & you do not want to do either of those things with someone you decided on at 20.
5 years feels like a long time to be together, but it’s way less about the length of the relationship & way more about your age. People will often say your brain is not fully developed yet before 25 – for good reason. There is truth to that. Don’t commit the rest of your life & your wellbeing before you even have a chance to try out your full adult brain.
Someone else mentioned 25+. I will have to say I agree.
Wait at least 5 years. You will both change a lot in those 5 years, so you need to make sure your goal and priorities are still in line.
After you have finished education and is solid in a job. 28+ for females, 30+ for men instead norm around here.
Social welfare clients <25 if ever
People mature at different times but IMO 25 is the best age to get married as most have gotten out of their “wild oats” partying teen stage by this point, plus know of what they want out of life, have likely started some sort of career, and are generally ready to settle down and mature enough to be a responsible husband or wife.
Again, people will be different with some ready in their early 20’s while others never mature to be a responsible spouse.
Part of getting married when in their mid-20’s is that most have had at least one other serious relationship, if not more than one, so they have this experience and context to know what they want out of a partner. People do change as they get older, so keep this in mind.
Not all, but many who get married to their first relationship later wonder what they may have missed out on by not dating more people before settling down.
Instead of waiting to get married as you are both adults you could consider moving in with each other and then seeing how you do living together.
If getting married now is decided then do keep in mind most have “starter marriages” and then get divorced before getting married later, typically when over 25.
Whatever you do, be sure to consider this before deciding to have children. God luck to you!
If it feels right then do it. But agree you should live together first and see how 24/7 living feels from a compatibility perspective
Never lol. No the short answer is you can marry at any age, Ive known people marry at 18 who are still together and people marry mid thirties who last 6 months. Definitely live together before marriage for at least 6 months- cant emphasise this enough. If you cant cope as he likes to have a shower at 3am or you drive him mad with your sinkful of mugs then its important to know before committing to a lifetime. Ever read silliest reasons people get divorced? One was a lawyer where the wife had had ten years of hearing him chew with his mouth open and was ready to murder him for it.
The important questions to ask yourself:
-What level of clean vs. dirty is okay for you both
-Stay at home mom or working mum?
-Finances, what debt or savings are you bringing into the marriage- this will help you identify whether you want joint finances or if its better to contribute to a shared fund.
-Pets, do you want them or not
-Travel is it important or not?
-Any future training either of you want to do? Important to know before one of you signs up to 4 years supporting the other.
-Dream home, country or city, garden or apartment. If he fancies moving states you want to know if being near your family is hugely important. Equally if he or you get an amazing career opportunity away is that a no go or are you both open to moving your lives with your partner.
Abortion- genuinely know a couple who divorced as ‘she murdered his kid’ a baby that would have lived under 20 minutes when born but he felt waiting for natural passing was needed or it was murder whereas she couldn’t imagine carrying a child for another 5/6 months knowing it would pass almost immediately when born. They did not get over it.
-Arguments – are you good at talking it out or are there communication styles you both need to work on. Marriage will escalate rather than subdue these behaviours.
Be honest with each other and what you both want and expect and decide on whether marriage is right for you both based on that. Been married 15 years and got married early twenties- I would absolutely still marry my husband but I probably wouldn’t have until we had worked these out as it was a hard hard route getting there without having the conversations upfront.
Neither of you has the slightest clue about money, and that could cause problems later. You are both used to living in comfort. What happens when you are trying to pay your bills on your own and you have to make adult financial decisions? Are you both mature enough to make the necessary sacrifices? The combined salaries of a tech and an AA will not support your current lifestyle and certainly not when babies start arriving. It will be hella hard but not impossible. Is your relationship strong enough to handle the stress? If so, go for it.
Nobody is ready for marriage at 22. Nobody.
25 at an absolute minimum.
30 is much better.
8years might not seem.like a big deal, but stop.and think about the difference in maturity between 16 and 22.
I’m 63, married 34 years. Absolutly the best thing in my life.
But it takes work to make it work. Everyday.
Don’t get pregnant or married for a while. Keep having fun instead. Which means not getting pregnant or married.
Never
Never
It really depends on your maturity levels. I got married young(early 20s) before I enlisted in the Army, but had already been with my partner for a long time(since sophomore year of highschool). We have both always been more mature than most people our age, work hard in our careers, are financially responsible, and put constant effort into our relationship. We’ve now been together for over 13 years, still regularly go on dates and do cute stuff for each other. It worked for us because we put effort into the relationship, and communicated through hard times. I’ve also seen friends in their early 20s already getting divorced because they were very immature. You guys just need to understand that marriage isn’t always easy and you need to keep it at the top of your priority list regardless of how busy life gets.
u/Lainaslp “Edit: I’ve read most of the comments and it’s kind of a mix but a lot of people saying to wait till 25. I just wanted some advice because I know that we are still very young. I think I’m going to communicate with my partner about a time frame for engagement and not rush into things. Thank you to everyone who was super kind to me.”
i was gonna say 25 as well, theres a reason you have to be 25 to rent a car, like i don’t even think you can get a mortgage before 25, at 25 you have lived a quarter of a century and have a better understanding of the world around you and have settled on a opinion of who you are and who you want to be and what your polotics are
in anycase i’m glad the 2 of you have “found” each other and i hope it’s a long and fruitful marriage
I got married at 23. After 6 years I can say its been the best choice I could have made.
We were together for 3 years before getting married. The first year we had our own places but switched off where we were staying. Then we got engaged and got a place together.
My #1 piece of advice is to live together with someone for at least a few years before getting married. In my opinion a relationship has not been properly tested until you live together.
It’s not about age. it’s being financially, emotionally, and maturity ready
If you want to wait, then put that out there. There is nothing wrong with not being ready, especially when you are so young.
I second living together first, regardless of skewed data suggesting to not. I would never marry anyone without living with them first.
But if you have a target age that you think is more appropriate, that’s fine. Don’t get railroaded into marriage before you are ready.
i’d say 25+ i’m 19 and married due to issues with health insurance etc, i love being married but waiting til ur brain is fully developed is a good idea
My husband and I started getting to know each other when I was 19, dating seriously by 20. He proposed when I was 22, got married at 23. It’s been 13 years and while the first few were tough with having kids right away, I wouldn’t change a thing now. If anything, I wish he had proposed earlier! Greatest decision of my life. If you know, you know. And if you do want kids, having them young is really awesome. Our kids are 12+8 now and we have so much more freedom now, and honestly as much as we take care of ourselves, we definitely have less energy than we did in our 20’s. I’m grateful I’m not in the diaper/newborn stages now!
Marriage at 22? Bruh
It really depends on your goals and whether you are compatible. If neither of you have ever had experience (sexual, emotional, etc.) outside of each other – that could be a huge problem in the future because one or both of you could feel like you never got to live and be free adults. I am also concerned that if you decided to move-in together from both living with your parents, neither of you will have been able to live alone and freely. How do you know you will like living together? Do you have common goals – are there any career, school, or life experiences that either of you want that could complicate a commitment you make NOW (or soon)? I think anyone, of any age and situation, should really consider these things and more. Religion, culture, trust, etc. Do you believe this person would be a good partner for your life? If you got sick, would they take care of you? Would they be able to take care of children (if you both want them) without you? I always feel like you should have a legal reason to get married: you want to buy a house, have kids together, or it allows you to consolidate your benefits and medical coverage. Otherwise, what’s the point to have a legal tie to someone? And it’s perfectly ok to not know all of these things yet. Any time you are unsure, just say no and wait it out. But I feel like too many people rush into marriage because it feels like a “necessary step” for a couple, when they haven’t even really decided what they want for their future. Do not let anyone pressure you into marriage. It is expensive and actually a huge deal. You can always have a personal commitment ceremony to scratch the itch of “wedding fever” everyone has without having to sign the dumb piece of paper that tells the government about it.
There is no age, it’s really just about when you feel ready. If youre not ready communicate that to him. Have a conversation about it.
I strongly advise moving in together for at least 6 months, a year preferably, before getting married as staying the right all the time and living together are very different.
Late 20s
30 or so. Learn how to be an adult first.
I would suggest living together before you pull the trigger. Things get real when you live together.
Go live your life, marriage can wait and if he can’t you have your answer
There is no “correct” age. This will vary widely based on your life experience, goals, how long you’ve been dating, etc. I personally got married at age 33…
35-40
They study these things couples who get married for the first time between the ages of 28 and 32 have an exponentially greater success rate than those who get married before that age. Further, although it would seem counterintuitive, people who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce than those who do not.
Echoing other’s statements: Get an apartment (not a house) and live together for a minute. See how it goes. Probably good to wait a year or two more. If things are still going well and steady then it’s probably fine to move forward with getting married.
27
I think 25 is good age if your with your bf gor while
Marry after you’ve completed school. I’ve been married 9 years. My wife and I met when I was 28 and she was 29.
Not until at least 25. Until then, the brain isn’t fully developed. Also, make sure you are set in your career and on a good financial path. Speaking of which, make sure you agree on things like budget and finance. Also, don’t have a lot of debt and have a decent credit score. All of these things become super important as a married couple.
Celebrating my 20th anniversary…
Honestly wait til mid to late 20s…get some work history built, (carrier or employment street cred if you will) it doesn’t have to be much, just enough that you are not at the bottom most rung
Then have the conversation of “what if, kids”.
Child care is expensive. When my wife and I got married, we found out a month later she was pregnant. (Dam open bar at our wedding). My wife invested alot more time in her career than I did. I wasn’t going to make her decide Kid vs Career. I worked nights, and watched the kids during the day.
If I had made her stay home with the kids…and turn her back on her plans….chances are…she would have grown to resent the way things went.
If we both worked days, one of us would be working to pay the day care with no financial wiggle room….which you need…to grow in your position for your family.
(so what is even the point then)
My point is have contingency plans…and discuss the pro’s and cons of each. And each agree to do their part. Be mature about it. And execute your plan as 2 people attempting the same goal, working together. Cause you are a family.
I was 19 when I married my high school sweetheart. We are over 30 years married. If you know this is the right person for you, I don’t see why you can’t be married happily.
I don’t hold with the trial period of living together first. It is fine to live together without being married, but it is also fine to marry first. I don’t think there’s a best way for everyone, just the best for each couple. Doing a trial of living together is starting with the view that you’re not looking to accommodate one another, but to see if you fit together as you already are. My wife and I had a lot of little changes we had to make in order to fit well together, and it worked out great.
If you and he know you want to make this a lifelong relationship, go ahead and marry. You ask what a good age is. The answer is whatever age you know you’re going to trust your own decision to commit for life.
Honestly I don’t think age matters as much as maturity. I got married at 20 and have been married for 25 years. Yes we have changed a lot over time but we were mature young. My sister got married at 24, and ended up divorced and remarried three times in a ten year span. It’s not about age, it’s about the ability to commit and know that every day, every year isn’t going to be great. Hard times happen to everyone.
Girl 25 is too young wait until you’re at least 30. Find yourself and grow into yourself. Don’t worry about getting married right now.
30
35
As someone who got married last year at 22. Its all about your relationship and if your both ready. Don’t rush it do it when your both ready.
Talk heavily about the following: Money, Goals, Kids, how you’ll handle money month to month, and sex. Find real common ground on those and you’ll be alright. Marriage isn’t easy but its the best thing I’ve ever committed too.
The correct time to get married is when you want to get married and don’t have any hesitation about it. Age irrelevant.
Well it’s not 22 and 20, that’s for sure! You are both SUPER young and have plenty of time. Give yourself that time – you will never get it back. Give yourselves time to develop as adults, and I would also chime in with those recommending to live together before marrying, so you two can see how it goes, how you work together and divide up chores, if you are compatible in that way. Finances are a huge thing too.
I’m in my 40s, and know several couples who started dating in high school and are still happily together, but every single one of them waited until their mid to late 20s to get married, and all got their educations and/or careers going first.
If you can handle living together, maybe. But y’all are shooting for the stars before building a rocket
Happily married for 10 years, got married at 19+21, but definitely live together first. When you know, you know.
I don’t think it’s an age thing so much as an experience thing. If you’ve done each of the following things, I’d say you’re ready to get married:
Too often, people only encounter something like this for the first time AFTER they get married. The wedding is the first major financial decision they make. The honeymoon is the first trip they go on together. Post partum is the first medical event the man has to support the women through. If you’ve experienced it BEFORE marriage, you are much more prepared for it. And you can actually know that you want to sign up for a lifetime with this person, hardship and all.
Never
Why do you want to get married? Really think about it. What is the goal, and what do you hope will change?
Neither one of you has ever lived alone, so you’d both be missing out on that experience.
Most people who get married do it because they love their partner, and that’s one layer. but it’s also a legal bond that has huge financial implications. Similarly, being married means being roommates. That means dealing with sharing space and sharing household tasks.
How much does divorce cost where you are? How do you and he feel about your finances? If one of you wants to go to college, would the other one pay all the bills?
25 is a reasonable age – and recommend you live together to see if you are compatible. You will find out things about each other – at least 2 years of living together.
I wouldn’t put a age on it but more so what stage of ur life ur in because let’s say ur in college or trade school or an apprenticeship or something and u graduate and ur just starting ur career there’s a lot going on in your life you starting a career it’s new to you, your probably trying to get a permanent living situation going like buying a house or renting an apartment and creating a budget to afford being an adult and so on. It would be really hard to juggle a marriage on top of that Imo I think just for the sake of both people get life sorted then when life becomes a little less hectic then start talking marriage
Realistically, 25+.
Why are you rushing to get married? What is going to change in your relationship if you get married now and not after 10 years? If you are planning on having kids and not being married will be an issue, then fine, I guess. But why rush? To be “official”?
Why get married at 22, when you haven’t had time to get to know yourself first as an adult. Personally, I am a completely different person at 27 compared to 5 years ago. So many changes in my life and my beliefs.
30-35 (if ever)
Not less than 24 (both of you), because you’re just not mature enough. But after that, it doesn’t matter, because there are WAY more important things to consider than age.
No one knows when you should get married. All you can do is try to make the best decision for yourself.
Since you’re both living at home, what will your finances look like once you get married? Will your parents continue to support you?
Also, talk a LOT about dreams, expectations, wants, needs, money, and goals. Who will do the laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc? A lot of that falls to the woman, so I highly recommend sorting that stuff out. Will you guys want to buy a house someday, and if so, how will you afford it? Will you save for retirement, or will you live paycheck to paycheck?
Do you both keep your personal spaces clean? A lot of stress comes from situations where one of you likes things clean and neat, but the other doesn’t make any effort. A lot of people say they’ll change when they move in together, but I’ve not seen much supporting evidence for that. Habits are hard to break, so make sure you’re each good with your habits.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
i lived with my wife 3 years then got married i was 21 and she was 20 been married 46 years and going strong
I would say middle 20’s or early to late 30’s
27+ mature brain and past the “honeymoom” period.
I got married at 23 my wife was 22 had dated for 6 years. We are still married today 35 years later. Its all about you and her and how you feel about it
Just my opinion, based on my own experience:
Living away from your parents is already a big change — but living with a partner is a whole different story compared to just dating and seeing each other when you’re both in the mood. It’s a different kind of challenge.
Personally, I’d recommend living together for at least a year before getting married. And during that time, I’d also avoid having kids.
To me, it’s not just a trial period — it’s a time to enjoy each other and the freedom that comes from no longer having to report to your parents.
Go out, stay up late, have fun, have fun 😉 — really enjoy that beautiful stage where you’re out of the house, but not yet carrying the heavier commitments that come with kids or marriage.
Late 20s to early 30s is good from what I think
Love together for a few years first.
I would have a couple of recommendations for you both.
When I got married. I was 26, she was 23. In my experience, there’s something to be said about waiting until 25ish to get married because both of you need the time to really get a grasp of who you are and who you want to be. There is so much other things going on (and even additional brain development) that can change who you are in that short of a time.
The second, and this is one where I think I went wrong. I had moved out and gotten my own place. I knew how to sustain myself all the way around, and had a couple of years to be who I wanted to be under my own rules. My wife however lived at home until the day we got married. I thought at the time “think of the money she is saving.” But reality is under their roof she was still a by-product of her parents rules. She dove straight out of their rules and into marriage, and I can tell now 14 years later that she is regretful that she never got to be young and live under her own rules. She’s feeling like there is so much she would have done differently had she gotten to live on her own. The hard part for me is I really liked her as who she was when she was her parents by-product. But if she got on her own and turned into a wild party girl, I probably never would have went for her. And I think sometimes she wonders if she missed out by not going out and being wild. At that age, I wasn’t wanting some girl who has slept around. I hadn’t been doing that, I wouldn’t want someone who had. But she sometimes makes it sound like that’s what she wishes she has done. I think part of that is her coworkers apparently lived that life and they have shown only the “highlights” of it, not the lowlights.
I’m not going to put an age on it, but I would recommend living together first. There are so many things that can make living together intolerable- but you don’t know until you’ve done it. Right now it makes financial sense to stay living with the parents, but I really would recommend to live together for 6 months, preferably a year before getting married. Or you can get engaged and live together while you plan it. But just live together first.
30s
I got married at 18. My late wife passed when I was 27. When people say the first year of marriage is the hardest they really mean the first year of living together is the hardest. You should absolutely try that first, be adults together and survive together for a bit, if that all works out then why not? Don’t waste the time you have being away from the people you love. I have been lucky enough to find a second love of my life. I think my late wife sent her to me. I’m not wasting my time.
Living together should be the next logical step before getting married.
When there’s a 3 in front of your age, you are more likely to know what the other party is all about — and to know yourself. I was 31. Been married now over 35 years.
👋
There is nothing wrong with getting married young. Building a life with someone creates a deeper bond.
People are building their own lives first nowadays and are looking for x y z requirements because they got a b c. It’s a great place to be if you want to be unhappy in your relationships or alone.
No matter what you decide to do, make it your decision. People will justify their lifestyle to you. Tell you what you should do, despite not being you. And no matter how you live your life, there are missed opportunities. Decision a precludes decision b. If you live your life making the best decisions and resent yourself/others for the what ifs, you’ll lose in life no matter how great you have it.
It’s never a good age!
I would live together for at least a year before even discussing getting engaged. Living with someone is a complete different thing.
Cohabitate first. Let the red flags and trauma fly.
Don’t interpret your parents wealth as yours. Earn your own way. If you have to depend on them then you are both not ready to get married. Move out, live on your own and earn your own way. Money worries bring there on level of stress. Both of you need to learn that first.
25 should be the absolute bare minimum when you’ve already lived together for several years at least. I’d say 27/28 is better because you’re closer to the person you’re going to become. In theory you’re spending the rest of your lives together so why do a few years matter?
My wife and I married when she was 19 and I was 20 (42/43 now). We were too young, and though we’re still married, we’re the exception. Make sure you know who you are alone first, same with him. He didn’t want to wake up one day and realize that you finally figured out who you are and that doesn’t fit with your now husband. It’s a lot easier to figure this out now instead of when you are married. Do yourself a favor and make sure you take some time for yourselves.
I’m going to tell you what I told someone else on here. You change a lot in your twenties. And sometimes you both don’t change the same. I know you think you are all mature but one day you will realize how much you didn’t know. I was married at 19 the first time. Got divorced by 30. I was told I changed. But he didn’t. I grew he didn’t. Just wait awhile. You will see what I mean