Basically the question! I’m a girl in her 20s dating a wonderful guy (for 2 years now) and I just want to be the best I can be for him and be mindful of how men see things.
What are the common mistakes women make in their relationships from a male perspective?
What are common mistakes women make in relationships?
r/AskMen
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Investing even the tiniest fragment of trust in social media.
Not asking him what he wants, why ask us before him?
The most common mistake I’ve seen is women dating men with the intention of changing them into someone else. Date people you like instead of people you think you can turn into people you like.
Letting your insecurities play havoc and kill it
Seeking and entertaining attention on social media.
Making assumptions instead of just talking to him.
For example he’s not ignoring you he probably just didn’t hear you
Believing that their role is to simply be an accessory to the dude (only he has to plan dates, he’s the only one who has to compliment the other, he’s the only one who provides emotional support, etc)
Taking relationship advice from friends who are single, divorced, or unable to stay in long term relationships.
Don’t compare your relationship to one’s you see online, they aren’t you and most of the time it’s put on anyway.
I had a relationship go down hill because she started comparing us to relationships she seen on TikTok and started complaining that I wasn’t buying her flowers everyday like this random TikTok couple like bouquets aren’t expensive and I’m made of money or something
Lack of respect for their partner
Taking advice from social media like ticktock. If you see a dating coach who can’t get a man, give you advice. Ignore and move on. Take advice from a couple of 10 plus years.
This might be more my own thing but it could apply to others; reward the behavior you want to see profusely. With compliments or thank you notes, hugs, etc, but it should be verbal, tying your appreciation to whatever the act was.
I say this because some relationships I had started to lose steam and I think a lot of it was because she expected me to initiate a lot (in the bedroom and out), which is fine, but there has to be a lot of positive feedback when things are going right, or that behavior will fade.
number 1 would be asking reddit for relationship advice
talk to him and listen to what he says not what you hear between the lines
The most Common mistake that I know of is, being attracted to / picking the guy that is bad for you.
Most women that have had relationships before, keep going after the same type of guy. I don’t know what is going through their minds, that has them believing it will turn out any different.
Not being honest, with her partner.. or herself.
Lying and manipulation.
Arguing and Not communicating. Most women I know have ZERO communication skills. If you are the only one allowed to talk… the relationship is doomed.
In general, women tend to communicate more by hints, subtext, tone of voice and body language than men do. This can lead to a lot of misunderstanding. If you want him to know something, the best approach is to tell him with words.
Not allowing him to have his own interests, hobbies and alone time.
We don’t hate you because we don’t want to spend every waking hour with you. We need space as well.
Not speaking directly, honestly, fully, without any stupid hitnts or anything like that.
Not trying to save the relationship. If she doesn’t like something, she starts looking for a replacement, when she finds him, she leaves the old guy for the new guy.
cryptic and immature communication
Be mindful of those girl friends that aren’t in a fulfilling long-term relationship themselves
As the saying goes, show me your friends and i’ll tell you who you are. It’s natural for us to seek out other people’s feedback to our decisions. It’s how we stay sane. However if the women you surround yourself with are single, divorced or have trouble holding down a relationship, they likely don’t share all the same values as you
They will likely still be good friends of yours. Just take with a grain of salt whatever they have to say about boundaries, relationships and “the single life”
People will call this “misery loves company” here on the internet which I don’t think that’s accurate. It’s just that you wouldn’t pay much importance to how a homeless person reacts to the stock market when you are looking to invest. So when it comes to opinions about your relationship, make sure to put your attention on people who share the same goals and values as you
Thinking you live in a Disney movie or romcom..
Listening to your friends on what to do in your relationship.
Bringing other people’s drama into your relationship. Hint: we don’t give a shit why your best friend broke up with her fourth boyfriend this year.
Engaging in any one of the stupid social media “test your boyfriend” shit.
Not using your words! We can’t read your freaking mind. So, if there’s anything bothering you, say it clearly.
No longer being affectionate.
Disrespectful.
Dismissing his concerns. You want your relationship to end? Make a habit of ignoring what he says.
Smothering their partner or playing games. Trying to get your boyfriend jealous or gaslighting is a good way to push a mature man away.
Also with the smothering, if a man expresses that he needs some alone time that doesnt mean try to make him feel guilty for it. Some people are pretty introverted and need there alone time to recharge. Same with hanging with friends dont get mad he wants to have a social life too. Time with the boys is healthy.
Thinking we can read your minds
Cheating. Yelling at him all the time.
From my last relationship:
Sabotaging the relationship by letting her insecurities take control
Playing games instead of directly communicating things
Expecting to change something about me even though i was like that from the start and staying with me for 3 and a half years
Getting in one
Don’t do it
You are not the prize. He is not the prize. The relationship is the prize.
Accepting attention from other men. You should never allow this.
Not communicating directly with your man. If you want or need something, say it. Directly and concisely. No hints. No clues.
Sharing your man’s secrets. Never repeat anything he says that is private. If you’re not sure if he considers it private, ask him. Never share sexual info about him with your gfs. Never complain about him to your gfs. Complain to him. Then work to fix the issue with him.
Sex as a weapon.
Failing to openly acknowledge his affection fades with every lie.
Aiming to conform the couple to whats expected of them.
Infighting between the couple for power, instead of taking power from those you don’t love and sharing it with those you do.
Neither is ideal, but if you want/crave more power, don’t be foolish enough to try to take it from those you love.
Having more than 2 people in the relationship by allowing outsiders to determine what happens within the couple.
communication. Not being 100% honest with your feelings when you express them.
We are not mind readers. If we ask you how you’re doing, and you say “fine”. Then we are going to assume everything is OK
I think reading things into actions or inactions is probably pretty common. Shit like “oh he suggested a salad for dinner tonight, obviously he thinks I’m fat, I need to dwell on this for the next two weeks until it turns into an argument.” Don’t do that.
Being clingy and needy.
The biggest mistake women make in relationships is never admitting when they are wrong.
At this point is a staple of stand up comedy routines, and just accepted by the vast majority of married men around the world.
“Whats wrong?”
“I don’t like this thing you did”
“Well I only did it because: you made me / you did ___ first / blame you blame you blame you”
Or when you know you’re wrong and he has proven his point beyond a shadow of a doubt you just load up some dirt you had stowed away as a distraction, and it has actually nothing to do with the topic at hand.
If a women says “you know, i was wrong sorry” she’s a billion miles ahead of the rest. I honestly think I’ve heard a woman that phrase in an argument about 3 times in all my years on earth
That you are even trying speaks volumes, a lot of relationships devolve to complacency.
That’s what most of us want, two partners both making the effort to understand and meet the needs of each other on equal terms.
It’s the little stuff, a cup of tea after a hard day, a random hug, coming home to dinner in the oven (I wfh and while my missus is the far superior cook, food you didn’t have to cook always tastes better) much more than the big gestures (though those are nice occasionally).
You don’t need to second guess yourself, just support and love each other.
Which it sounds like you do :).
Biggest mistake I hear from my female friends after a break-up up “I thought I could change him”. Uh, no, no you can’t. Accept him as is, or move on.
The biggest mistake I see on social media is “He should think like me”. Men don’t know what it’s like to be a woman. We don’t what it’s like to have cramps, be on a period, have a vagina, or female instincts. Most men aren’t even going to try to guess what being female is like. Yet, I see post after post from women who are miserable in their relationships, thinking they understand what it’s like to be a man, and he should know what I’m thinking. While women who are happy in their relationships acknowledge they have no idea what it’s like to walk around with a thing dangling from your crotch, testosterone running through your body, and having a male brain that just doesn’t work like a female brain.
Acceptance that we’re not ever going to fully understand what it’s like to be the other one is a key to love that lasts.
No matter what your issue is treat him with respect and never use a weakness to attack him
Not dealing with their baggage from a previous relationship
Listening to what he says and then proceeding with her own interpretation regardless. I told my wife the other day, “I’m gonna use the Visa to buy the couch”. She proceeds to 1) assume the Visa card was closed 2) assume for some godforsaken reason it’s her Visa 3) yell at me for opening a new card in her name.
I’m like are you ok. It’s the same card we always had. No one is opening anything and if I were, I’d tell you. Has zero balance on it. I was just gonna put the couch on it to get points. Like why do you hear what I tell you in plain English and then concoct some narrative that has nothing to do with reality. Ffs.
Ask dumb tiktactoe questions. I do my best to overlook how much women use those dumb apps but all the garbage better stay on those apps.
Playing games. I’m very honest and straightforward. I’m very specific and mean every single thing that I say. Words have meaning so use them.
Feel free to share your input. You’re not my pet or toy. When everything’s up to me I just feel like your dad.
tolerating a loser.
Not having any friends outside of their partner.
Don’t put on too much weight
Sex, food, respect, peace
For me, assuming that a traditionally female dominated task (e.g. raising children, cleaning house, cooking, etc) can ONLY be done by her. Condescending comments like, “Oh I’d appreciate help with my house” is a poisonous statement. Sure, he isn’t gonna parent the same, but that’s actually a good thing. It’s OUR house, OUR children, OUR food.
Riding a horse at full speed off a cliff into the sea
Just tell us what you want instead of using twenty layers of subtext!
Getting on the wrong D
Expecting the man to change and spending a lot of time and effort to have it happen.
They aren’t women specific but good for everyone.
Mocking. It’s a small thing but, man, it really is tough for guys to come back from that.
Especially calling them out in front of people. Criticize in public. Celebrate them in public.
Communication.
And fighting the right way – which means fighting for each other, not fighting with each other.
So work as a team to resolve your shared problem. Not as adversaries dealing with his problem or her problem.
Doesn’t matter where the problems come from. They are for both of you to shoulder. Own them together like you own your joy and happiness and love together.
Women mistakenly believe they’re good at communication because they talk a lot. They leak their feelings all over everyone.. but in my 49 years, I’ve yet to meet a woman that is good at doing what they want their man to do. They just want validation, they don’t want to validate.evwntislly, as aan, you learn to not tell women anything so it never becomes an issue.
Dating bad boys.
overthinking and not talking. If you have an issue you have to talk it throw even if it’s uncomfortable, if he don’t listen then he need to learn it fast or leave, if he listen but doesn’t stick to his word leave. But you need to say it clearly because most men can’t take a clue
One common mistake is losing yourself in the relationship. People tend to put so much focus on your partner’s needs that they forget their own. I find that it often comes from love, but over time, it can lead to burnout or feeling like you’re performing instead of just being present. (I learned this the hard way)
OP, you wanting to grow is beautiful. If anything, don’t shape yourself around how men see things. Shape yourself around what’s true for you, and build a rhythm with your partner from there. Don’t strive to be perfect, just to be real and present.
Act as if he should feel grateful and privileged that he is allowed to be in their presence. And not taking accountability for their mistakes or when they are wrong.
In addition, not coming out and saying what they want/need and instead hinting at it.
The need to win all disagreements regardless. Just quietly no one wins it just causes resentment.
Control.