I recently saw old footage of someone i knew who looked happy and full of life. But 40 years later, they seem resentful, angry, or withdrawn. Bitterness is my worst fear.
I recently saw old footage of someone i knew who looked happy and full of life. But 40 years later, they seem resentful, angry, or withdrawn. Bitterness is my worst fear.
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I live life without expectations really. And so I don’t think I’ll ever be bitter, but it’s hard to know truly. You don’t know how your life will pan out, or what events may unfold that leave you feeling like life did you a disservice.
Keep an open mind and keep learning and trying, or stay the same and reject change and get left behind. It’s the getting left behind that causes the anger and resentment.
There was once a boy who grew up in the shadow of a strict and overbearing father. He longed for a different path—one of creativity and expression—but his father dismissed his dreams as foolish. When the boy was still young, his father died, leaving him with a mixture of grief and a newfound sense of freedom.
As a teenager, he moved to a grand city, hoping to build a future as an artist. But rejection struck again and again. Twice, he applied to a prestigious art academy, and twice, he was turned away. His work was deemed unremarkable, his talent insufficient. Soon, he found himself wandering the streets, living in shelters, scraping by on meager earnings from painting postcards. Each failure deepened his resentment, turning his frustration into something darker.
He began to see enemies everywhere—people he blamed for his struggles, for his lack of success, for the cruel indifference of the world. His bitterness festered, and instead of seeking growth, he sought someone to blame. When war broke out, he embraced it as a chance for purpose, but even when peace returned, he remained lost, clinging to anger as his only guiding force.
That man was Hadolf Shitler.
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I’m worried about myself after this most recent breakup.
I’ve always felt cheated out of my childhood by abusive parents to the point where I have disassociated from that being “my life” and try not to think back on it.
I felt cheated out of my 20-25 years of age by sa then a cancer journey immediately after. Never truly felt I had the opportunity to seek happiness during.
A toxic relationship claimed my late 20s because I didn’t really have experience with other people and I spent a lot of time making others happy.
Now in my early thirties I was healthily dating who I thought was the love of my life and raising their child only for them to leave suddenly once they figured their shit out which apparently took the love and support from me that they never got from their parents.
I’m really really trying. And people often refer to me as a positive influence. I’m not trying to be a victim here. But it’s hard not to be bitter that any moment of happiness I get is fleeting and I haven’t been able to count on others to be there for me ever.
I also feel with my abusive childhood I live in my head a lot and anytime I put my thoughts into the world they are continually scrutinized or rejected. I still do it because I don’t want to be alone. But it’s harder and harder to exist in this world that wasn’t built to accommodate people like me.
People (esp oppressed and disabled) should have a level of bitterness in a capitalist society.
Edit: it’s not fun how I’m experiencing rejection and scrutiny when just explaining that I’m feeling bitter to how rejected and scrutinized I feel when putting myself out there.
The older I’m getting the less serious I take things. Not to say I’m a nihilist, but the circle of "give a fuck" is much smaller now. I only worry about the things I have direct control over.
I would consider myself a happy guy and I live a relatively simple lifestyle. My best moments are with family and I cherish every second of it.
I know some people who live their entire lives for other people, be it wives, kids, parents or whatever. I firmly believe these martyr types are the ones that end up bitter.
These same people will say it’s selfish, but you need to have interests, hobbies and another sense of purpose for yourself, other than just being a good provider/good son.
Realize no one owes you anything. Not your parents, kids, spouse, job, government.
Practice gratitude and contentment. Your ability to type this question on a computer that fits in your pocket means you have wealth and opportunity beyond what the majority of people in the world have. There is always going to be someone better off than you, but there’s also a lot of people who have it worse
In the same way no one owes you anything you owe nothing to anyone one else. Ultimately I raise my kids because I choose to, I stay married because I choose to. Yes I love them and am committed to them. But love is as much of a choice as warm and fuzzy feelings, many times it’s more so.
Be kind, there’s lots of reasons to be angry. But you don’t have to be . Let the car merge, be kind to the customer service rep, you’re not special, you’re just human. So is everyone else.
For me personally I’ll add the my faith in Jesus helps. YMMV.
A few of my friends’ parents have gotten bitter with age. From what I’ve seen, it stems from:
Illness and immobility. Arthritis is a big one. I’d be cranky too if it physically hurt to walk around.
Bitterness that they didn’t make the most of life. They lived in the same town and worked the same job for 45 years. Now they’re retired in that same town and too old to travel far. Basically they’re just sitting around waiting to die.
They got divorced at some point and never met someone else again. Eventually they’re 70+ and alone.
I knew a guy back when I lived in Chicago, a bit older than me. But he was one of a well known group that got jobs at the board of trade back when the futures market and all that was huge there. Basically an uneducated punk that was marched into making good money and having privilege enough to sell drugs w/of fear of prison and partied it up. Well when all that crashed or was lost to technology and there just weren’t jobs anymore he was just a guy in his 40s with no real marketable skills and who had been used to the good life. Dude could not get out of the past or accept reality. I think a lot of it has to do with learning how the world works young enough. I had worked low level jobs all my adult life and knew what a kick in the dick real life is so mentally I can handle adversity. This guy was bitter and trolled dating sites for the skankiest women who were trying to look 20 years younger
I don’t have a cautionary tale to give but if you find yourself becoming bitter, go do the things you love, my wife and I walk on the beach alot, my bitter Co-worker doesn’t do this. Make time for life my man
Buncha people I went to high school with. Got that stupid "I better marry young and stupid or I’ll be alone forever" bug or the "better the join the military or I don’t know what to do with myself" virus and they’re now 300+ lbs, involved in a pyramid scheme, on their second divorce by 32, or wishing they had a divorce 3 kids in, and they’ve still never left their home town unless they deployed.
Don’t enlist. Don’t marry out of desperation. Don’t marry young military dudes. Don’t have kids expecting them to fix your loneliness or relationship issues.
Dodged all that shit. Happily married, in the best shape of my life, got a full head of hair, wife and I can go on vacation whenever we feel like, and generally I’m in a pretty fucking great mood.
I’ve been that way for 25 years not a good sign of it gets worse and I somehow live
When I was younger I tapped into “the dark side” for motivation.
Anger. Fear. Shame. All of that was my fuel to better myself.
The problem is when you slay all your enemies, you turn on the only people left, those that are closest to you.
I started to feel contempt for my friends. They were the problem. They were holding me back.
I found myself on an island pretty quickly.
Don’t go down that road.
Id probably say taking life too serious. My advice is to engage with the world as much as possible. Exercise patience as much as possible. Try to be the one to set the tone for the environment you’re in and never expect anything from anyone that you aren’t willing to give yourself.
I’ve felt myself become significantly more bitter and pessimistic about the world over the last 5 years or so. It’s something I’ve reflected on and am actively trying to combat.
It is very difficult to so do however based on what I’ve been through since 2019.
Between 2020 and 2022, I had 3 grandparents pass way. During that time I also went no contact with my father whom seriously assaulted someone while drunk, and was then charged and went to jail.
At the end of 2022, he took his life.
In 2023, I was suffered a major panic at work due to my manager attempting to force me to break the law. This led to a series of events that resulted in workplace bullying.
I became unfit to work in 2024 and haven’t worked since. There is now a legal battle against my employer, and they have lied, gaslit and slandered me the entire way.
I do whatever I can to remind myself of what I am grateful for- but there is so fucking much shit to have to deal with that I feel like I should never had had to.
If it wasn’t for how much I adore my wife, I don’t know if I would still be here. It’s so fucking hard to handle or even see the good in the world.
I mean, I would consider myself bitter, resentful, angry and withdrawn, and the future is just going to be a miserable death march, a dead end personally and professionally where I wouldn’t even call what I would do living. So if you need a Jacob Marley to shake his chains and tell you to turn back while you still can, here I am: it’s awful existing like this and wouldn’t want to wish it on anyone in the world.
I found myself getting bitter as I got older then I heard someone say that hate and anger corrode the vessel they’re carried in. That really sunk in and made me realize I’m wasting my days stewing about things outside of myself.
Life has a way of beating people down repeatedly. Mistakes made earlier in life echo an eternity.
We think we know everything at 16, 20, 26. Most don’t know shit about life. I’d be willing to be you that if you went back 80 years, a 26 year old might be a little green, but they were vastly more prepared for life than modern generations.
When people spend 1/3 of their lives in school, that’s not real life.
They jump at the chance to do adult things and make adult decisions but they have none of the experience they need to navigate through the challenges and opportunities.
That’s a recipe for failure and unhappiness. By the time they figure it out, it’s too late and the game is close to ending. It’s not hard to understand why people are bitter about that.
Families with tight social networks that stay local and aren’t on some major vision quest seem to still do exceptionally well.
You need that direct support to help guide and support you until you figure things out.
Almost everyone is in a rush to grow up as fast as possible.
You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
I find people who live vicariously through their kids end up the most unhappy.
I wouldn’t be shocked if I eventually become a old bitter man. Shoot I might already be one now to a degree.
Any Karen secretary working in a small office.
I bet people who had love early (teens/ 20s) but then never got to taste it again, get bitter over time because we all desire that oxytocin, dopamine, etc for optimal health and happiness. Without love, people grow bitter. I think people who had love early have it worse than those who never tasted love because those who never had it, have no idea what it truly feels like to share that deep level of trust and intimacy.
Great Expectations‘ Miss Haversham is a pretty good example.
It’s common. Expectations are a key element, usually ego related and unrealistic which set people up for trouble. Working too hard and realising employers aren’t loyal. Being a coward: not taking the big risks when young, thinking home is the best option, conforming to others expectations, resenting the harm done by others often because the others are ignorant and limited, being mean, trying to be somebody else, materialism, failure to engage and listen.
People and experiences matter, the rest is sauce.
Just reminds me of the picture of Jack Nicholson that was floating around Reddit today. According to the caption he lives alone in a 5 million dollar house. People commenting that this sounds amazing, but I have to think he must be pushing people away for it to come to this. Dude is 85.
Also, Gene Hackman, but at least he was married.
a divorce will do that to you. Millions of examples
I got divorced last year and I spend over half my energy on not being bitter. It’s very difficult
To hold a grudge against life, you must do two things:
and
If you can stop doing one or both, you will shed the resentment and move on. You might not be happy, but you can stop being bitter.
Most people, for instance, will be hung up on a failed relationship until they find another one. They will also look for external changes that could have saved the relationship, and think things like "if only I had gotten that job, she wouldn’t have left me".
My view is that life is too short to hold grudges like that. If you can learn to be happy with yourself, where you are, the steps that you took to get there, and appreciate the little joys in life, you won’t lose yourself in the infinite darkness of who you could have been.
38m. I know i sound absolutely 100% bitter on Reddit. Sometimes IRL i am bitter for never making it past a third date, never having a girlfriend, and being on a 10 year dry spell.
I just focus on my job, read books, and other hobbies.
Being bitter is a natural reaction to constant and chronic failure. You can’t flip a switch. We’re all human.
I resemble that remark.
I think having a loving family sometimes gives you unrealistic expectations. The world does not care about you.
I often call myself bitter but I think cynical is more accurate.
The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those who don’t possess it.
If you work hard and are overlooked or worse still acknowledged and restrained because of how "essential" you are, can seed apathy and before long burnout is inevitable.
Bitterness is nothing to fear. Bitterness is a shield, a warm coat.
Bitterness is a spite soaked ember in your belly and it can propel you if you harness it. I’m bitter AF but I love my life anyway.
Resentful, angry, withdrawn? Yes.yes.yes.
Resilient, passionate, creative? Yes.yes.yes.
Know thyself is the best advice I can offer.
If you’re bitter (that’s ok), acknowledge it and keep moving forward.
Growing in life is inevitable. Whether you grow happy or bitter is up to you.
I am intentional about the lessons I learn. I am intentional about the joy in my life.
Avoid it at all costs. Especially gun owners. Nuff said.
Could be a mental condition, could be how they were raised, or the outcome of how they lived their lives. Life is hard, harder on some more than others. Keep reminding yourself that you don’t want to be a bitter person, and that alone might help prevent you from turning out that way. Wish you well.
The best way to combat bitterness is to be grateful. Even if you don’t have a lot to be grateful for, try to find something. Nature especially is always there, a sunny day, a nice smelling flower, something green growing against all odds. How lucky are we to live in a world filled with such beauty?
Say thankyou to everyone you can, the bus driver, the cashier at the shops, the person who lets you merge in traffic. Giving thanks is the best medicine against bitterness in my opinion.
This is gonna sound terrible because it is but my dad grew up during the time of school integration. He had to move districts into a new school and I think he held a lot of bitter feelings towards that.
Several years ago, he decided to take the severance package with Delta as it faced bankruptcy. When the airline recovered, he tried rejoining but lost all of his benefits he had earned prior.
Recently he’s become such a bitter man that it’s hard to be around. I’m not going to get political but he’s particularly entrenched in a certain news (entertainment) company. Back when I was in the closet, I wasn’t allowed to attend certain colleges that taught sexuality classes. He fed into several conspiracies, Obama birtherism, gay agenda, trans people as pedophiles, post-birth abortions, etc.
I just don’t recognize him anymore. My 30th birthday recently passed and he said nothing to me. He doesn’t talk to me. It’s been months.
I’ve found love in my life and am happily engaged. He refuses to attend the wedding.
Losing my dad by his own accord has been one of the hardest situations I’ve had to deal with in my entire life. There’s a deep sadness in my life because of it.
r/askwomenover40 this entire sub basically
This has been one of the best things about having children for me. I’m focused on them and that (mostly) keeps me positive.
I also work with a bunch of great people who are probably 10 years younger than me on average. We get on great but that would not be the case if I was cynical and bitter.
I know that not every man is in the position I’m in though and I can imagine it’s tough not to fall into the bitterness trap. I’m certainly not immune to it.
But I do think it’s a mentality that you need to be conscious about and work on, because it’s a really downhill slope if you succumb to the darkness.
They start thinking about what they don’t have instead of appreciating what they do have
My ex-wife said something to me, that really stuck with me
"Not liking things is so boring."
So much of boomerhood starts with complaining and finding the negative in everything.
If you can pivot and focus on curiousity and positivity, life is so much more enjoyable. Instead of complaining that new music sucks, give it a shot and try to find something you like, I promise it exists. Try to be open and curious about everything and for the love of god, focus on fitness and limiting alcohol.
My bitterness radicates from politics and humans just hating each other.
As well as the world being a clusterfuck of expectations of you got to be a certain way and like certain things.
However I have a direct effect, I lost everything I once had, home, family, I’ve seen people be arrested for no reason, people hungry, society turning violent, people suffering, none of which matters, it was just a dot of irrelevance and a bunch of undesirables, did not matter if a lot of us were but just as normal as everyone else; I lost an education, a career I once had. All because humans have to human, their morality, their us an them, both primates, that even look the same, act the same, think the same.
My advice.
Don’t be born in a shithole, poor hood, warzone, or some shit place, don’t be born in a dictatorship, don’t be born in a place with a cast system; also don’t be born in a poor country, hell don’t be born poor altogether.
Oh wait, you don’t control that, unlucky; I mean that’s what society would tell you; you can just fuck off and take responsibility for things that happened before you were even born.
And none cares about science, about progress and development, about the fact we are just a bunch of monkeys floating in a spinning rock in space; instead all this morality, all this ethics, all this hypocritical BS.
At some point you just want to be left the fuck alone; but you can’t escape systems of control.
You realize how insignificant everything is.
We are all going to die anyway.
It doesn’t matter.
Honestly? The reverse is true. It’s peaceful not giving a fuck about people. Not worrying about making anyone happy accept who I choose to give a rats ass about. Your circles are smaller and better and less drama, less stress.
I work in the long term care industry. At 56, I’m constantly reminded of both the fragility of our lives and the illusory nature of Time. One thing I’ve come to recognize is that bitter people die badly. I knew a man several years ago that was the angriest and most bitter 68 year old I have ever known, before or since. He had never married, never fathered children, wasted all his years as an unrepentant addict, burned thru all his family, and was in care for the rest of his life. I think about him specifically, because I tried hard to bring this guy some form of joy but never dulled the lade
Honestly learn to let go, and learn to not attend where not invited or welcome. Be your own man
I worked in HVAC and there was two old bitter guys that worked there, absolutely hated life.
After talking to them and working there five years I summarised they were bitter because they felt life had dealt them a poor hand.
Poor self image, alcoholism, bad money management skills and ex wives and entangled lives made them miserable. Plus one of them had agreed to move house and get another mortgage despite him being 62 so he lamenting that he was never going to retire and had spent two decades perfecting his house for his wife to decide she didn’t want to live in that area.
I used their lives as templates for what I don’t want to become, I make sure to stay healthy, avoid excessive alcohol and have saved for retirement so I don’t have to work till I die.
I’d say try and balance fun and responsibility as someone who’s probably there. Did a lot "right" and had a boring 18-29. Got an incurable chronic condition at 30 and I’m pretty much gnostic/antinatalist/nihilism these days. Lost my youth for an adulthood Ill never have.
The more you let go the happier you become