I’m a bit behind in this area of my life as I focused on school and work and didn’t have many girlfriends who would talk about these things enough… so I was kind of stuck in naive land for a long time. I’m now learning a lot, at a fast pace, and it’s a lot. What are some things men do that let you know immediately that they’re playing games with you/toying with you (yes, even over 30)? Please, I need all the help I can get. And what do you do as a woman to show you know how to shut things down at the first sign of disrespect? I feel like so many of my issues are convoluted in this area that it feels impossible to know how to act.
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The biggest red flag or warning that he is playing games is inconsistency. We pick up on these things as women and its so important to trust your gut.
If you’re confused you’re being played with.
Additionally, I just suggest logging off for a bit and not taking on other people’s traumatic experiences—you’re your own person. Looking for info is fine, but take it easy on yourself. Lean into learning your gut and respecting yourself and you can sniff the bullshit out a mile away—and better yet, men not worthy of your time will self eliminate.
Best of luck
Pay attention to actions not words.
Control, Lust and Power
You shut it down if something is wrong
If they say they love you within a month of meeting/getting to know you. Acting really serious about you and talking as if you’re soulmates when they barely know you.
Focusing on sex.
The way to respond it to just avoid men who act like that.
Inconsistency (Do actions align with words++)
Lustful comments
Lack of effort
Sexual conversations in the first dates
If you’re anxious, unsure, confused, have a bad feeling, feel like you have to try really hard to impress him, feel like you need to lie or pretend, anything like that, your intuition is talking to you. I don’t mean normal nervousness or butterflies, but a quiet sense of unease.
Any time he disregards your “no” it’s a bad sign. It could be as simple as you not wanting to stay out late on a date because you have to work in the morning and him insisting until you give in. Or it could be that you expressed you weren’t interested in him at all and he keeps pursuing you anyway until he finally wears you down. Run the other way.
If it’s been less than 6 months (even a year) and you’re already annoyed with shitty little things he does, it’s not going to get better. He is on his absolute best behaviour in the early days, and if that’s his absolute best, you can bet it’s going to get a whole lot worse later.
If he’s encouraging you to cancel plans with your friends or family to be with him, or to quit your job, or give up school, or change the way you dress or act or eat, those are big warning signs the he may be trying to isolate and control you.
Trust your gut. It’s hard at first, and it takes practice, but you’ll get better at it. You don’t need to justify your decision to walk away to him, to anyone else, or even to yourself. If your gut says walk away, walk away, even if you can’t put your finger on why.
If you have to ask for things like basic consideration, respect for your time and self, attention and reassurance, then he’s not that into you and the best way to shut things down is to just quietly remove his access to you. Just disappear and move on. You don’t owe them any explanations to their lack of consistency and disrespect. They won’t listen anyway.
If you’re interested I can give you a little perspective as a male, some things to look out for. If not it’s totally fine, just wanted to ask first.
They don’t want you around their friends.
This is an odd question for someone that is self admittedly naive.
Just focus on what’s respectful.
Usually, someone who is hot and cold.
To be honest, I can’t tell what people’s intentions are almost at all. I have massive social blind spots for some reason.
I kind of correct for this by bailing on things really easily if anything seems off to me, or being really aggressive when I don’t understand someone’s motivations.