I’ve seen a lot of comments around saying that vast majority of women across the board have set their standards too high.
Can you elaborate? What do you mean? What standard / requirements specifically, if you could.
[34M, USA] and I can’t say I’ve had that issue so genuinely confused. Occasionally you’ll see someone who just wants someone to take care of her, but we did that in the not-too-distant past, many would like to return to that, and I’d also wager they’re pretty well in the minority.
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I am not American and in a long term relationship but from what I see with my girl friends and my guy friends the standards are pretty normal.
I think social media has blown up a lot of the ridiculous demands that SOME women have. These women are easily avoided, and in my experience there are still a lot of really great ones out there who don’t have impossible standards.
One big one I think is ridiculous seems to be height, and when I pointed out to my 5’11” friend who demanded to only date guys over 6’2” (because that was her height in heels) that she was eliminating about 98% of her potential dating pool, she didn’t seem to get it.
6ft, no kids, $100k/yr, man pays for everything. Gtfoh.
Gainful employment /s
A lot of people asking for things when they bring nothing to the table. The internet has also given a lot of confidence to young people who don’t know that their pretty privilege will go away.
The age gap discourse is getting out of control. You got women in their late 20s, saying they won’t date men three years older than them. These aren’t serious people
I genuinely don’t think it’s the vast majority; I blame social media (and also dating apps) for making those voices loud enough for people to believe that it’s most women.
With that said, I do think the “6/6/6” (six feet; six figure salary; six pack) is a standard that women have expressed that is pretty insane. Not only are those men rare, but…how do those women know that those guys will want to date them?
Not “all women”, but there is a subset of women whose expectations are entirely too high. These are, at best, average women that expect a near perfect man. The type that talk about a “6-6-6 man” (6′ tall, 6 figure income, 6 inch dick…….about 2% of the population) and believe that they deserve that man……despite being out of shape, average looking, and bringing nothing to the table. They want a guy that’s a pussy cat at home and lets her call the shots, but is a lion at work and in his other dealings with the world. They don’t want him to exert ANY level of influence over her, yet expect him to be perfectly in control of the remainder of his life.
Go on TikTok for a few hours and you’ll understand.
Thinking they have space to define what a “real man” is.
I think if people got offline more they would understand that most women’s standards are not what you see on social media. The women I’m friends witch’s standards are pretty much, be taller than them, don’t be a dick, have your shit a lil together. Like the type of men women will dream about and the type of men they will actually date are not the same.
It’s not all that different from how most men want big tits and ass but are absolutely fine shacking up with women who don’t have one or either. A lot of things can be dreamt about without being dealbreakers
It is important to remember that social media is not real life. In real life my impressions are that most women have pretty reasonable (dare I say bare minimum) standards.
The arbitrary shifting standard(s) for the “ick”, sometimes cultural, psychologically subjective and their own self-sabotage.
The fact that I am happily married indicates that standards clearly aren’t too high.
The standards that are referred to might be things like “666” (i.e. at least 6′ tall, at least 6″ long, makes at least 6 figures) or “man in finance, 6’5, blue eyes” (a funny song, but is taken seriously by some).
However, the women who are incessantly on about these are either*:
All of these groups tend to be very very vocal about their preferences, which make them seem like the majority.
For real-life women though, some standards have changed in the sense that many of them want more egalitarian relationships, but I think that’s natural with changing earning and education patterns in society.
This post is pointless. Assuming the thread doesn’t just die out everyone here knows exactly how this discussion is about to play out. There will be a handful of people who answer your question. The rest of the posts will be people calling those people incels, and misogynists and telling them to touch grass or go to therapy.
I keep saying videos of young women demanding their partner makes 100k a year before they consider taking them up on a date. Which is nuts. I mean, how do people even discuss wages when they’re talking to each other romantically? Immediate red flag 😆
Common misunderstanding; the issue isn’t that they’re “new standards,” its that they’re more commonly and more rigidly enforced. “Taller than me, richer than me, more social than me” used to be the standard, and that was flexible. There were more ways to achieve it. Now it’s not uncommon to hear about the 6/6/6 standard or other similar sets of specific income, height, and wealth requirements that they will not go below. This in addition to the advancement and expansion of other nakedly self-interested, unrealistic, and unfair behavioral norms, such as the Convience Problem (also sometimes called the Baller/Eunuch problem), the unequal expectations around the dissolution of gender roles, or the unexpected return of Original Sin.
While some individuals do break these norms, at the population level, it’s just not happening. At the same time, the quality of the general dating pool has declined. Not just women, but women are not excluded, either. We make less in a world that is more expensive, we eat bad food, work at computers, and then don’t exercise, we don’t go out, we don’t volunteer. None of us has nearly the value our parents did. The feedback loop we see is this:
Women enforce rigid standards, only pursuing guys who meet these standards
Fewer men are able to meet those standards, shrinking the dating pool.
The remaining men have less competiton for relatively more women, so are disincentivised to treat any of them well.
Women, being treated poorly, decide that their standards are too loose and more strictly enforce more severe standards.
All this while more and more men are totally iced out, leading to resentment because they see the problem and understand (though don’t respect) its causes. Its why we see the most misogynistic behaviors from the most romanticallt desirable men and fron the least; one doesn’t respect women because they are disposible to him, the other because he thinks them stupid.
I’d also like to point out that if you ask women, they also feel their standards are too high for the available pool of men, they just want the other girls to eat the shit sandwich so they can win. This isn’t a situation where the issue is seriously disputed by serious individuals. This is a game theory issue.
Social media, dating apps . . .
I dont know this to be true or not, but Ive seen it a bunch on social media where woman would rate themselves on a scale of 1-10 and then point out what type of man they would date on a scale of 1-10.
For those posts specifically, it seems like the woman would rate themselves over what they probably were, and also only go after the higher rated men (8’s or above). But this could just also be they chose that specific girl so it may be just an instance of selective bias. But to me it does seem believable in certain cases since there has been a huge push the last couple decades for self confidence, and know your worth type stuff. Which is great, except to me there are times the pendulum has swung too far and there seems to be over confidence instead of confidence.
Men have been telling women to “date better men” for years. Especially women who are single mothers, or who have been treated poorly by male partners in their past.
Now that women are expecting men to bring more than just a paycheck to the table, men are pissed that women have higher standards. These high standards are things like emotional intelligence and emotional maturity, willingness to participate in the running of a home, being us focused instead of self focused.
If these things seem like “duh“ to you, congratulations you fit the standard of better men that women are being told to date.
If you are in the market for an HMH (high maintenance hottie) you must follow the 666 rule. 6 figure income, 6 pack abs, and 6 feet tall. I believe this is what OP is referring to.
Aside from the common unrealistic standards that have already been mentioned, I’d argue that too many women have expectations of absurd, expensive, dramatic, over-the-top gestures of love or affection that feel contrived. They expect lavish gifts, manufactured public displays of affection, constant praise, endless obsession.
Always receiving, never giving in return.
The expectations of worship and obsession are toxic and unhealthy, and any relationship counselor or therapist can tell you that. No normal human being can sustain that indefinitely without resentment or burnout.
I blame viral Tiktok videos where people do ridiculous things for clout.
outside of social media I haven’t seen insane standards realy
The main issue I’ve run into is women are just too passive and expect us to know their needs automatically and deliver a relationship to them rather then wanting to participate in the building of said relationship
I’ve had women question why I don’t make six figures at 28……..no this is not social media, I’ve had women in real life that I’ve gone on dates with genuinely question why I’m not making absurd amounts of money when most people don’t hit their financial stride until their 40s
Yeah, that’s social media skewing perception.
Walk around your local grocery store, and you’ll find lots of people who clearly don’t have standards that are too high.
As with many things these days, I think people suffer from a reduced attention span when dating. Many won’t take the time to get to know someone ordinary and see if a connection develops. They want instant gratification. If they aren’t immediately attracted, or if the person isn’t a particularly big catch, they just aren’t willing to invest the time.
>Can you elaborate? What do you mean? What standard / requirements specifically, if you could.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUe3DMXBx2E&t=2445s
I think a lot of dudes on Reddit are just terrible with Women so they rationalize their standards must be super high.
Women have abysmally low standards for the most part.
When women express that 100K salary is pathetic because it’s only barely 6 figures.
Just about everything to a degree. And it stems from The “I deserve” mindset.
“I deserve a tradhusband who is still somehow a feminist.”
“I deserve more than just a loving partner, that’s not enough. What does the man bring to the table for me?!”
“I deserve to be treated like a real human instead of an object, and no, I will not stop dating bad boy assholes because those are the only ones I am attracted. So pick it up, men (only bad boys, pls. go away you other creeps)!”
“I deserve a man at least 6 feet. He needs to be able to protect me and I just think they are hot awooga awooga.”
“I deserve a man who is my rock and play my therapist, but is very stoic and strong and doesn’t cry as that makes me uncomfortable and makes my constant suffering as a woman about himself.”
“I deserve more than this! I already do the chores half of the time and give him my attention and sex when I want to!”
“Where have the good men gone? I deserve one.”
A lot of modern women have started to develop very similar entitlement to men as incels have for women. Femcels, if you will. There’s this contradiction in wanting men who provide everything yet are utter doormats for them. They don’t want a man, the want a dog.
And oh boy, is the most common tackle for this the classic “women just want men who don’t r*pe them. Is that TOO much to ask?! 💅💅”. It’s like an incel saying the only bar they set for women they’d date is… nothing? Yet they all just wanna fuck Pokimane instead of Frogen.
On dating apps, they generally reject about 95% of men’s profiles that they see. People say it’s usually the “666” (height, money, etc.) but a lot of women on here will get triggered and vehemently deny that’s what they’re looking for. So whatever is causing such an insane (95%) rejection rate and ghosting would be the crazy standards.
If you haven’t run into that, then I think a lot of guys would be wondering where and how you’re meeting women to date.
Why shouldn’t they be high? Why aren’t yours?
This whole paying for my lifestyle molarky. .
Went on a speed date with a woman who was like a character out of a bad comedy movie. She was in her mid to late 20s and wore the worst outfit possible she looked like Divine from Pink Flamingos/Ursula from The Little Mermaid, she had really bad makeup on and was on the heavier side.
She spent the whole time dominating the conversation giving me an ultimatum of what she wanted in a man and what it included.
Apparently he needed to have a house, a car and a six figure job and indulge all her material desires and provide for her because she said she didn’t want to work a 9-5 job anymore. Keep in mind I wasn’t able to say a word in edgewise, by the time she finished I was more in awe than anything else. I wish I was exaggerating but these people really do exist.
Just simply who pays when going out to eat. When I was dating I always paid, though there was often a back-and-forth about who was going to pay. I was happy to, pretty much, made me feel like I was doing something right, ahead of the game.
Now it seems like the best you can do is pay and get a “he did the bare minimum” box checked off. like you start out way in the hole, and the best you can do is not be a further disappointment.
Social media focuses on extremes. Women with unreasonably high demands. Women expressing being unsure as to whether it’s ok for them to be upset about being treated like a doormat.
I’m a 39 woman and I guess I have standards. I wouldn’t date a man who smoked anything including weed or vape. I definitely don’t like a man who drinks beer. I wouldnt date a man who has more then one baby mama. But I don’t care about your height ,or where you work, Or if you live with your mama. All humans have standards. But everyone has different ones. It’s not a bad thing.
I think that nowadays, height is more importabt for men than ever. I understand that being tall was always seen as preferable to being average or short, but in recent times there has been so much vitriol thrown at short men and also there are a lot of people on social media who are very vocal about despising short men for their height.
All in all being short has kinda become one of the biggest non-negotiables for a lot of women and also is something that you have zero control over so if you are born short, you are kinda fucked for life in dating unless you can offer a ton to compensate for the lack of height, which most men can’t really do.
Here’s the thing
Anyone who gets dating advice from social media, or listens to a “relationship coach” on social media…is just a person looking for an echo chamber to justify their unrealistic expectations
So if a bunch of women on social media believe that a man has to make X amount of dollars, more women will find this echo chamber and they too will now have this unrealistic expectation
But to answer your question, the women who think a man should pay for their makeup and hair and beauty stuff…that’s the bizarre standard that I have been seeing more and more of
In general, the impossible standards are that women generally want to do whatever they want with no effects or consequences (strong, independent). They expect men to otherwise be “perfect” partners while never thinking whether they are the perfect partner. The perfect example of this is that women expect men to do/be manly about many traditional things (pay for dinner, change a tire, fight for you) but God forbid they be expected to do traditionally feminine things like cook and clean.
From a physical perspective, because women have way more choices today, they generally date up. Unfortunately, those men are the ones with all the options and so many women are just mistreated and left in the dust, further entrenching their “standards” for finding a “good” man.
A woman can have any standard she wants. The issue is if she has been in the dating market for over a year, and has 100 of DMs but complains that none of the men meet her standards.
If you feel entitled to be with a millionaire yet you never have interacted with one, maybe it’s time to do some self-reflection, and realize you aren’t the “prize” you think you are.
There’s a lot of talk about this especially surrounding dating apps and it’s a problem, but it’s more sociological, historical, and cultural. It’s not women’s fault but just like people unfairly expected certain things from women in the past so did women of men and some of those expectations make zero sense now.
The best example I think is income. Women are making more money. They’re graduating from college more often. Yet, women consistently expect men to make more than them. I think more specifically, they find it attractive. That used to be cute back when they couldn’t work but now it’s just completely irrational and ass backwards. It’s not just harming men, it’s also harming women because the chances of them finding the right man after filtering out 99% of them because they make $200,000 a year is just sad.
The future will be dominated by cat ladies and men marrying female sex robots.
It seems like a lot of those people (men as well as women) who have ridiculously unrealistic standards are using it as a defense mechanism. They’re scared of actually connecting with someone, so they set up these insurmountable barriers so that they can at least say they’re trying. Then, when they can’t successfully connect with anyone, they blame “men” or “women”.
That we’re supposed to love them even as worms
Most of my in-person friends are married, and let me tell you the bar is so much lower if your only goal is not being lonely.
Have a Job: Impossible for some people, but like… try.
Don’t be an unwashed nasty: not even a firm rule for some women
Know who you want to be in life: actually the biggest skill check, but most women want men going somewhere.
Have a personality that doesn’t suck: Be nice, have hobbies, communicate your intentions clearly,
Recognize the league you play in: If you are not an MLB prospect, do not pick up that bat. For both your sakes.
None.
Everyone is free to set their own standards, you don’t have to follow them if you don’t like it. Also nobody owes anything to anyone. It would be silly to demand that someone lowers their standards for someone else.
If a woman wants a young, super rich and smart man who will give her a credit card with no limit, then so be it. I’m not that man, so I don’t care.
If woman truly had standard that were too high, I wouldn’t be working with so many kids with methed out fathers. I WISH woman had higher standards.