I’ve come across A LOT of incels on dating advice subreddits. They’re extremely annoying and don’t seem to want to believe anything but what they believe to be true in their own little worlds. They’re too far gone.
I had experiences with them pretty much daily back when those communities ran reddit. They’re extremely hostile, not interested in learning anything new or hearing anyone else’s perspective, and make spaces actively unsafe for women. I don’t miss them.
The most heated interaction I had with these sorts of guys was when one made the claim that “most men are lied to about their children being theirs”. I pointed out that that’s just most men WHO GOT PATERNITY TESTS which implies they had reason to be suspicious, and therefore this cannot be taken as representative of the general populace (also, just because a paternity test comes back negative doesn’t necessarily mean any dishonesty took place, the mother could also not know who the father is). They were so livid the thread had to be locked.
It’s never worth bothering to respond to these idiots. They don’t care, they believe what they want to believe and it doesn’t matter to them what anyone else has to say about it.
My experiences are only in the last couple of years a) with a guy who was a new friend, who I didn’t realise was into this culture, and who would say weird things from time to time where I would think ‘huh?’ Like: ‘there has to be a boss in every relationship’. Or that women friends of mine who have high flying careers and crappy relationships like being dominated and are actually looking to be abused. Needless to say the penny finally dropped and we’re not friends anymore. And then b) since Trump got elected I’ve been coming to Reddit for moral support and stumbled into these kinds of guys from time to time on what look like they could be interesting dating advice conversations. It’s stunning how sure of themselves they are, and how backarsewards their grip on history and culture is. And most importantly, how ill served they are by their take on things. It’s such a strange phenomenon to have all these guys buying into something that is going to do them so much harm. I’d feel sorry for them if they weren’t so hateful towards women including me.
When I first came to Reddit I innocently shared in a random sub that I was a housewife. As a response I got a DM from someone telling me he was going to come blow my head off and make sure my husband was watching.
My BIL became more and more of an incel during COVID.
In his 40s, living in his children’s room in his parents house (he had never moved out), no friends, never had a girlfriend.
Came to my husbands and my home for visits just to crap on everything he considered “woke” (everything involving women, PoC, queerness etc of course), hating against “mean feminists” and so on.
My husband nearly died laughing because we’re both vocal feminists and whenever we gave BIL some Flak like straightforward talking back to him (or laughing about him, I couldn’t stop myself sometimes), his visit fell short and he went home angry.
Eventually he got into such a conflict with my husband they cut all contact (I try to meditate peacetalks, meaning both my husband and BIL were annoyed with me. Nope, never again!), so I guess he’s still living with his parents, not being able to order stuff from Amazon without his Dads help and not having social contacts besides his mean and toxic parents.
Oh, and a former friend of my husband got into the alpha male manosphere, and now believes talking about how his small son is cutting the throats of animals to become a real man at 8 years old is okay. It’s not. His kids aren’t developing well, and I guess his views are among the reasons.
I met this guy on emerald chat and we chatted since like 3 or 4am to like 1pm. We only stopped cause I had gotten off work and was starting to get sleepy.
He was really fucking nice, never once asked for a nude or even said anything remotely sexual, we both talked about our common interests and he was just genuinely a really cool chill person. I think maybe a day later he sends me an incel meme. Its a red flag for sure but I ask him to explain it and he sort of brushes it off like tryna be nonchalant about it and I choose to ignore it. Another day passes and he sends me a video of a girl finding something nasty in her food. He aggressively insults her even though she didnt do anything. “I hate her and her stupid bitch face.” I was taken aback and asked him why he reacted like that and he just said he didnt like fake bitches like her.
With each passing day there would be more and more moments that he couldnt help but express his disdain for women. At the same time though he was incredibly loving towards me. It was very jarring for me
We eventually got in a heated argument where he basically told me that he didnt really see the issue with catcalling. That it was a validation of girls beauty. I told him that I was 12 the first time I was catcalled and that I very visibly looked like a child cause Ive always looked younger than my actual age. I was getting catcalled by men clearly in their 30s+. That those instances never made me feel beautiful, they made me scared. How would he react if his daughter was getting catcalled? Would he tell her, “hey at least someone thinks youre hot”?
He also constantly put himself down. “I’m so ugly girls make faces when I greet them” It did not matter how much I told him I liked him he couldnt get past his own insecurities. He had been cheated on 3 times so I knew where it came from. I tried encouraging him to seek therapy but he would tell me he was a man and men didnt do stuff like that.
He also constantly thought I was talking to other guys or flirting. Which from my pov was so beyond ridiculous cause I was so stupidly into him despite his major flaws. In the end he ghosted me, hurt me, gave me a lot of insecurities I never had before. It’s so pathetically stupid but I would have done so much for him.
It frustrates me cause how can you be an incel when a woman wants to be with you as much as I did. And this is something he knew too cause we got into an argument over me being “jealous” lmaoo ah shit its so sad. He said it was flattering but also too much.
I wasnt even jealous the mother trucker just kept actively making jokes about moving to asia for the women.
Idk maybe its just me, Ive never been in a serious relationship before, but if your partner is constantly talking about their attraction to other people is that not insulting? Disrespectful?
That was my one and only experience with an incel. 0/10 would never do again.
Broke up with my ex after I found out he sided with some controversial views and when I expressed to him that it concerned me because I consider myself a modern woman, he said he doesn’t care how I feel about his views.
I had seen it in his YouTube recommendations so that’s how I brought it up. I also realized throughout the relationship how anti-feminism and just anti-women he was in general. I’d ask something like “why are you with me when you’re so against women” and he’d say something like “because you aren’t like them” and it just didn’t make sense to me and made me worry about what a married life with him would look like/what having a daughter with him would look like.
Broke up with my ex after I found out he sided with some controversial views and when I expressed to him that it concerned me because I consider myself a modern woman, he said he doesn’t care how I feel about his views.
I had seen it in his YouTube recommendations so that’s how I brought it up. I also realized throughout the relationship how anti-feminism and just anti-women he was in general. I’d ask something like “why are you with me when you’re so against women” and he’d say something like “because you aren’t like them” and it just didn’t make sense to me and made me worry about what a married life with him would look like/what having a daughter with him would look like.
They lack accountability and blame everyone (mostly women) but themselves. They also have a victim mentality and blame their lack of success on the fact that they aren’t over 6 foot or rich. They might also be a bit autistic as they often missunderstand social cues and have very low social competence. Which I think is by far their biggest problem. They just have no idea how to talk to women, and then get mad when women don’t respond in the way they want to.
There’s a guy I had this intense relationship with but eventually had to end it because he was so hateful sometimes…eventually he started believing incel type shit and would try and win me back with threats and stuff…it was v sad to watch it’s was like a cancer eating him away…
An incel in my city murdered 11 people (the Toronto van attack), which made me loathe them even more than I already did.
Their ideology is borne of virulent misogyny and patriarchal entitlement. Each and every one of them needs therapy urgently, and I hope they can get it.
A good number of years ago now, maybe 8 or 10 years ago? I discovered the existence of the redpill subreddit, and it shocked me, but what really surprised me was the existence redpillwomen sub. A community of women who advocate for the redpill worldview. Curiosity immediately got the better of me and joined the IRC I ended up spending over 2 years chatting to the people there. Honestly, it was absolutely fascinating.
Women who think women shouldn’t vote, shouldn’t even pursue higher education. Some of them would boast about how aggressive their partners got when they didn’t get their way, and sometimes beat them. I did help me get a more nuanced understanding of the RP mindset, because I do think it gets oversimplified in the media, but it doesn’t make it any less disturbing. Sometimes men from the RP subreddit would visit, and some of them would say that some of the RP women were “man-brained” because they were smart and actually respected them. It’s like they just couldn’t just accept women could be varied and equals and still embody being women. They had to be internally “men” to allow this in their head. Proper cognitive dissonance.
I replied to a friend’s political post, agreeing with him. His friend (?) whom I’d never met came unhinged. The line I recall specifically was, “you’re a c** receptacle. You don’t have an opinion.” Insinuated I deserved to be raped and more. I stood back and waited for my friend to step in. Nothing. So, 1 less friend.
The most frightening experiences I’ve had came before the term incel. The culture has been there, it’s just got a label and it’s more viable.
Comments
I’ve come across A LOT of incels on dating advice subreddits. They’re extremely annoying and don’t seem to want to believe anything but what they believe to be true in their own little worlds. They’re too far gone.
I had experiences with them pretty much daily back when those communities ran reddit. They’re extremely hostile, not interested in learning anything new or hearing anyone else’s perspective, and make spaces actively unsafe for women. I don’t miss them.
The most heated interaction I had with these sorts of guys was when one made the claim that “most men are lied to about their children being theirs”. I pointed out that that’s just most men WHO GOT PATERNITY TESTS which implies they had reason to be suspicious, and therefore this cannot be taken as representative of the general populace (also, just because a paternity test comes back negative doesn’t necessarily mean any dishonesty took place, the mother could also not know who the father is). They were so livid the thread had to be locked.
It’s never worth bothering to respond to these idiots. They don’t care, they believe what they want to believe and it doesn’t matter to them what anyone else has to say about it.
[deleted]
There are a ton online. But not IRL. Just keep that in mind
My experiences are only in the last couple of years a) with a guy who was a new friend, who I didn’t realise was into this culture, and who would say weird things from time to time where I would think ‘huh?’ Like: ‘there has to be a boss in every relationship’. Or that women friends of mine who have high flying careers and crappy relationships like being dominated and are actually looking to be abused. Needless to say the penny finally dropped and we’re not friends anymore. And then b) since Trump got elected I’ve been coming to Reddit for moral support and stumbled into these kinds of guys from time to time on what look like they could be interesting dating advice conversations. It’s stunning how sure of themselves they are, and how backarsewards their grip on history and culture is. And most importantly, how ill served they are by their take on things. It’s such a strange phenomenon to have all these guys buying into something that is going to do them so much harm. I’d feel sorry for them if they weren’t so hateful towards women including me.
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When I first came to Reddit I innocently shared in a random sub that I was a housewife. As a response I got a DM from someone telling me he was going to come blow my head off and make sure my husband was watching.
Mostly online but I know a couple of dudes in real life that would be good candidates
My BIL became more and more of an incel during COVID.
In his 40s, living in his children’s room in his parents house (he had never moved out), no friends, never had a girlfriend.
Came to my husbands and my home for visits just to crap on everything he considered “woke” (everything involving women, PoC, queerness etc of course), hating against “mean feminists” and so on.
My husband nearly died laughing because we’re both vocal feminists and whenever we gave BIL some Flak like straightforward talking back to him (or laughing about him, I couldn’t stop myself sometimes), his visit fell short and he went home angry.
Eventually he got into such a conflict with my husband they cut all contact (I try to meditate peacetalks, meaning both my husband and BIL were annoyed with me. Nope, never again!), so I guess he’s still living with his parents, not being able to order stuff from Amazon without his Dads help and not having social contacts besides his mean and toxic parents.
Oh, and a former friend of my husband got into the alpha male manosphere, and now believes talking about how his small son is cutting the throats of animals to become a real man at 8 years old is okay. It’s not. His kids aren’t developing well, and I guess his views are among the reasons.
I met this guy on emerald chat and we chatted since like 3 or 4am to like 1pm. We only stopped cause I had gotten off work and was starting to get sleepy.
He was really fucking nice, never once asked for a nude or even said anything remotely sexual, we both talked about our common interests and he was just genuinely a really cool chill person. I think maybe a day later he sends me an incel meme. Its a red flag for sure but I ask him to explain it and he sort of brushes it off like tryna be nonchalant about it and I choose to ignore it. Another day passes and he sends me a video of a girl finding something nasty in her food. He aggressively insults her even though she didnt do anything. “I hate her and her stupid bitch face.” I was taken aback and asked him why he reacted like that and he just said he didnt like fake bitches like her.
With each passing day there would be more and more moments that he couldnt help but express his disdain for women. At the same time though he was incredibly loving towards me. It was very jarring for me
We eventually got in a heated argument where he basically told me that he didnt really see the issue with catcalling. That it was a validation of girls beauty. I told him that I was 12 the first time I was catcalled and that I very visibly looked like a child cause Ive always looked younger than my actual age. I was getting catcalled by men clearly in their 30s+. That those instances never made me feel beautiful, they made me scared. How would he react if his daughter was getting catcalled? Would he tell her, “hey at least someone thinks youre hot”?
He also constantly put himself down. “I’m so ugly girls make faces when I greet them” It did not matter how much I told him I liked him he couldnt get past his own insecurities. He had been cheated on 3 times so I knew where it came from. I tried encouraging him to seek therapy but he would tell me he was a man and men didnt do stuff like that.
He also constantly thought I was talking to other guys or flirting. Which from my pov was so beyond ridiculous cause I was so stupidly into him despite his major flaws. In the end he ghosted me, hurt me, gave me a lot of insecurities I never had before. It’s so pathetically stupid but I would have done so much for him.
It frustrates me cause how can you be an incel when a woman wants to be with you as much as I did. And this is something he knew too cause we got into an argument over me being “jealous” lmaoo ah shit its so sad. He said it was flattering but also too much.
I wasnt even jealous the mother trucker just kept actively making jokes about moving to asia for the women.
Idk maybe its just me, Ive never been in a serious relationship before, but if your partner is constantly talking about their attraction to other people is that not insulting? Disrespectful?
That was my one and only experience with an incel. 0/10 would never do again.
Broke up with my ex after I found out he sided with some controversial views and when I expressed to him that it concerned me because I consider myself a modern woman, he said he doesn’t care how I feel about his views.
I had seen it in his YouTube recommendations so that’s how I brought it up. I also realized throughout the relationship how anti-feminism and just anti-women he was in general. I’d ask something like “why are you with me when you’re so against women” and he’d say something like “because you aren’t like them” and it just didn’t make sense to me and made me worry about what a married life with him would look like/what having a daughter with him would look like.
Broke up with my ex after I found out he sided with some controversial views and when I expressed to him that it concerned me because I consider myself a modern woman, he said he doesn’t care how I feel about his views.
I had seen it in his YouTube recommendations so that’s how I brought it up. I also realized throughout the relationship how anti-feminism and just anti-women he was in general. I’d ask something like “why are you with me when you’re so against women” and he’d say something like “because you aren’t like them” and it just didn’t make sense to me and made me worry about what a married life with him would look like/what having a daughter with him would look like.
They lack accountability and blame everyone (mostly women) but themselves. They also have a victim mentality and blame their lack of success on the fact that they aren’t over 6 foot or rich. They might also be a bit autistic as they often missunderstand social cues and have very low social competence. Which I think is by far their biggest problem. They just have no idea how to talk to women, and then get mad when women don’t respond in the way they want to.
[removed]
There’s a guy I had this intense relationship with but eventually had to end it because he was so hateful sometimes…eventually he started believing incel type shit and would try and win me back with threats and stuff…it was v sad to watch it’s was like a cancer eating him away…
An incel in my city murdered 11 people (the Toronto van attack), which made me loathe them even more than I already did.
Their ideology is borne of virulent misogyny and patriarchal entitlement. Each and every one of them needs therapy urgently, and I hope they can get it.
A good number of years ago now, maybe 8 or 10 years ago? I discovered the existence of the redpill subreddit, and it shocked me, but what really surprised me was the existence redpillwomen sub. A community of women who advocate for the redpill worldview. Curiosity immediately got the better of me and joined the IRC I ended up spending over 2 years chatting to the people there. Honestly, it was absolutely fascinating.
Women who think women shouldn’t vote, shouldn’t even pursue higher education. Some of them would boast about how aggressive their partners got when they didn’t get their way, and sometimes beat them. I did help me get a more nuanced understanding of the RP mindset, because I do think it gets oversimplified in the media, but it doesn’t make it any less disturbing. Sometimes men from the RP subreddit would visit, and some of them would say that some of the RP women were “man-brained” because they were smart and actually respected them. It’s like they just couldn’t just accept women could be varied and equals and still embody being women. They had to be internally “men” to allow this in their head. Proper cognitive dissonance.
[removed]
[removed]
I replied to a friend’s political post, agreeing with him. His friend (?) whom I’d never met came unhinged. The line I recall specifically was, “you’re a c** receptacle. You don’t have an opinion.” Insinuated I deserved to be raped and more. I stood back and waited for my friend to step in. Nothing. So, 1 less friend.
The most frightening experiences I’ve had came before the term incel. The culture has been there, it’s just got a label and it’s more viable.