Like, people being in long term partnerships with both parties agreeing to not commit to marriage.
I’m in an incredibly happy and long term relationship (my first one ever) and both me and my partner are ambivalent on marriage. For me personally, I don’t think us signing a piece of paper sanctioned by the government is any marker of lasting love (though I wouldn’t be opposed to it if a theoretical partner really wanted it ) and my partner is explicitly against marriage, seeing it as an outdated practice. In other words, we’re very much in agreement on this issue.
But I wanted to hear from y’all: if you or someone you know is in this arrangement, is it working out well for them? Are there any potential challenges to this approach that you think we should keep in mind? And how’s your day been going?
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I can think of one couple I know that’s doing this, and they seem fine with it. For me and my husband, it definitely helps to be married from a legal perspective, because we’ve moved countries since then.
It’s pretty common in some parts of Europe. A lot of my Belgian and French colleagues have that arrangement.
In the US, I think it’s worthwhile to research what that means for next of kin rights, insurance beneficiaries, etc. We have a lot of this built-in with marriage.
Any sort of arrangement in a partnership is perfectly fine as long as both people are 100% good with it. Differences in values and needs not met will always lead to resentments and threaten the relationship. If you’re both in agreement, I don’t see the problem?
One if my good friends has a kid with her partner, but they don’t really care about getting married. They’ve been together for 10 years or so. They’re perfectly happy with their arrangement
I dont think a marriage certificate is any indication of how long a partnership will last. Just get your legal stuff in order to cross all your t’s and dot your i’s
Well, it’s quite common in my country. Many couples spend their life together without marrying.
Some of my friends live that way, and it’s fine.
My husband and I waited 7 years to get married, because it just doesn’t make much of a difference besides tax class and health insurance. And yup, it didn’t make any difference in our commitment and our relationship. None at all.
To me it’s the same as people who are gonna get married. Do what you want tbh
To the main question: It’s whatever! People can have whatever arrangement they like as long as it benefits them.
My day’s been going– and it’s looking like it’s gonna be a long day.
I love a Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russell long term romance. If it works for you, do it!
However, my dad died and I went through hospital and estate stuff.. I would want to be legally married for those rights. I don’t wanna fight someone’s mom to be in their hospital room, if it came down to it. Also, I’ve been domestic partners with someone before for health insurance reasons.
Note: you don’t have to be married to do the above. You can handle the legal stuff. Marriage is a quick way to do it.
I’m in agreement with you and my partner has shown me he takes good care of me so l don’t think a document would change that. I think it’s a society status but not really a necessity if both individuals are happy.
Ideal.
I have zero interest in marriage or even cohabitation. If I were to ever be in a committed relationship again it would need to be with someone as independent as I am, and that includes separate finances and separate houses.
I think as long as both parties are happy, and things are equitable, any arrangement is great. I knew a woman who had been with her partner for 20 years, and they didn’t even live together. It worked for them.
I generally don’t spend too much time thinking about other people’s relationship arrangements. Good for them.
I personally would prefer to get married because I wouldn’t have been able to when I was born. Plus I want it to be easier for my partner to visit my birth country.
My good friend has been with her partner for over 20 yrs, owns a house with him, 2 kids and very happy. Not married nor do they care about that.
As a lawyer I see marriage (and civil partnerships) first and foremost as a legal arrangement creating a legal union. It is not a very romantic view, but I dare say very realistic.
The legal union of marriage (or civil partnership in my jurisdiction) immediately creates clarity on many questions regarding property, inheritance, debt, involvement in medical issues and on and on.
It is a way to organize your life. I wouldn’t want to be in a long term, committed relationship without such a union. For me, if you love someone you want to arrange things well for each other and marriage/CP is an easy straightforward way to do it.
I would never have children outside marriage/CP. It creates protection and clarity for everyone involved. Also in raising a family, lots of (financial) sacrifices are involved. Marriage/CP is a way to arrange protection for the spouse who does more of the sacrificing.
Marriage would interfere with my disability benefit so i can’t have it as a goal but we might as well be
As someone who is currently going through a messy divorce, marriage is definitely not worth it. Ultimately I will do well out of the divorce but it just prolongs the heartache and logistics of breaking up
I don’t see a lifelong marriage-like relationship as any different from a marriage, so I have the same view as you: no desire for it but would be willing to do it if it was important for my partner. My husband also shared that view, so we had no plans for marriage for the first 10 years of our life together, at which point we had to get married for visa reasons. We’re very happily married but we could have just as happily lived unmarried ever after if it weren’t for that.
This is extremely common in our cultures, so I know plenty of people who feel the same and were also together for a decade or more, with kids, a home, etc before marriage or who never married. My parents-in-law were together until death did them part without marriage. In fact, most people never marry here.
I think that’s key is truly being on the same page. It sounds like you and your partner are – and it would be easy for you to get on the same page with most people anyway since you’re flexible – so that’s great.
Day is going meh. I had a cold this week; I’m recovering but still fatigued and coughing. Happy it’s the weekend. What about you?
My husband and I just went to the courthouse – I didn’t change my name and didn’t even tell my family haha. We were kinda of similar thoughts as both of our parents were divorced and both divorces were nasty. Being married didn’t mean anything to me because it’s no guarantee that someone is actually invested for life or not.
Thing is, being legally married is helpful (atleast in the USA) for being able to qualify for your partner’s health/life insurance. It is also helpful for big medical scares – you carry more weight as a spouse than as a domestic partner. If your partner died, again you have more say/benefits as a spouse. There are of course big tax benefits as well.
If you plan to be together for life it is helpful in some cases to be legally married even if the act of getting married doesn’t mean much to you emotionally.
I grew up around a lot of hippies and gay couples prior to legalization of gay marriage so this wasn’t particularly abnormal to me. Legal marriage does supply a lot of protections though (depending on country/state) and it’s important not to be blindsided by things. Make sure legalities are taken care of regarding power of attorney, property, kids, inheritance, etc as applicable.
I have a cousin who’s been with her boyfriend for about twenty years. He’s proposed several times, but she’s seen too many friends’ relationships fail after marriage, so they’ve just remained an unmarried couple. I have to say, they seem very happy. They’re “married” in every way except the legal one.
That “piece of paper” doesn’t matter……until it matters. I would never setup a household with someone unless I’m married. In the event of death, a break up, hospitalization or any other major life event a marriage contract will protect your interests. It’s not indicative of love, but rather a way for both parties to be taken care of should something happen.
The “piece of paper sanctioned by the government” makes my spouse my closest relative, legally speaking. That was important to us, since we don’t have extended families.
People who want to get married can. People who don’t, don’t have to. Do as you will.
When I saw your question, I was like my thoughts? I never thought about it because I don’t care about how other people live their lives.
Since you brought it up, it made me think of the potential pros and cons of long-term partnerships without marriage goals, so it is definitely not for me. I live in the U.S. You know our healthcare system is not great. If one of us lost a job, at least one of us still has a job, so we still have health insurance.
I also want to have kids, so I’m not comfortable with having children outside of marriage. Otherwise, it would leave me in a very vulnerable position.
Everyone has different values and needs. Just do whatever you think is best for you.
My parents are not married and I was raised with the idea that you’re together because you love each other and you’re happy together.
As you said, a piece of paper doesn’t really add up anything.
Now that I’m in a long term relationship I totally agree with my parents and don’t see any benefits to getting married besides having a chance to celebrate with all of your family and friends.
Before the pandemic I considered getting married just to bring our families together and make our grandparents happy lol.
Unfortunately my grandpa died during covid and since then I changed my mind and considering the cost of living etc it makes no sense to spend so much money on a party.
I live in Canada where Common law unions have the same rights as a marriage, so we have a notarized agreement in case of a medical emergency, etc.
So far we haven’t had any issues with our insurance, taxes, etc
Also the idea of saying I have a husband makes me feel old haha
You do you! As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters
Edit: My parents have been together for 30 years and they also have notarized agreements in place to protect each other and their joint assets.
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Nothing lol.. people should do what they want
10 years. 2 kids. Neither of us find it to be a pressing item on the list. Tax guy laughed and said the benefit isn’t worth it.
We are doing what matters to US, despite family protests, friend jokes, and stranger judgements. Legal things can be settled with a lawyer to make sure each other and the kids are covered.
Marriage isn’t a huge deal in many places outside of the US. People have kids and cohabitate for years without getting married. In the US, if you don’t want to get married, you’ll need to speak to a lawyer about what you’d need to do to protect yourselves in the event that an emergency happens. If one of you goes to the hospital, the other person CANNOT make medical decisions without being married or having legal paperwork.
I’m in that sort of arrangement. My boyfriend and I are quite happy together and love each other, but we have no plans to ever marry. It’s what works for us.
I know two couples like this and they are two of the healthiest relationships I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.
One person in each couple is one of my closest friends, sooo I guess I just found my people because I also do not care for the institution of marriage.
It is totally up to you. I knew a very happy common law married couple when I lived in Texas. Check your states laws to see if you even need to get married to have property held jointly.
Nothing..
What two consenting adults do that are not harming or hurting anyone else or kids is none of business.
I have my own struggles to deal with. I don’t have the time to be analyzing something that has zero effect on my life.
I went into my current relationship completely ok with that set up. Preferring it, actually. As did my partner. No real desire for marriage. Both of us individually shifted our thinking as we fell in love though. We started talking about marriage as a way to celebrate our love rather than a binding contract. We are eventually going to have a wedding. It will be non-conventional and fun and may or may not include civil marriage. I find myself ok with however it ends up, because you say, a piece of paper doesn’t define us.
I think as long as you are both on the same page and are happy with how things are then that’s what matters. The biggest issue that seems to come up for long term couples is one (usually the woman in straight couples) wants to get married and the other (usually the man) doesn’t. But the man in this case will say he does want to get married eventually but has a collection of excuses as to why now isn’t good….and then 10+ years go by.
I have two couple friends that have been together for years and I don’t think either of them are ever going to get married. One of the couples has explicitly said they don’t want to ever get married. The other may at some point but it will just be at the courthouse as a formality. Obviously you don’t really know what is going on behind closed doors with relationships but to me both seem very happy. The one couple especially has great dynamics – teamwork, supporting each other, equal division of household labour, etc.
Personally I’ve always been of the mind that if you’re going to build a life together you should just get married. But that’s my own opinion for now I want my life to go. I also understand that there are pros and cons to both. Ultimately it’s a very personal decision and again, as long as it works for you that’s what’s important.
My perspective is look into rights based on where you live. Getting married in the US is pretty important when it comes to being able to visit in the hospital and make important decisions, and who gets your stuff in case there is no will.
Even in Europe it can be dicey. I’m reminded of when the Swedish author of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo died, all his assets went to his estranged? family and not his 20 yr long partner. I can’t remember if there was no will and/or if it’s just how their laws work.
My attitude is also, if a piece of paper won’t change your relationship, then getting it if the benefits are important to you shouldn’t change anything either. Also there are things like pre-nups to protect assets, tho again consult a lawyer and your local laws to make sure it’ll be seen as fair/enforceable.
I got married because I found my person and to me, marrying your person is what you do. (I hope I can break the 2 generational curse of women in my family getting divorced, tho it’s only something I just thought of now as I’m writing this). I also live in the US and want my husband to be able to visit me and make decisions (tho I do trust my parents) and to get my stuff if I die unexpectedly.
I think it depends where you live and what recognition your partner needs legally.
Where I live my partner of 8 years has all the same legal rights now as he would if we were married. There’s no legal ‘benefit’ to us being married.
We’ve both been married before, are committed to each other and happy together, we don’t feel like we need to get married to somehow validate our relationship or provide a sense of security.
It has big implications on finance and laws of inheritance in the UK, so it is an important decision to make for sure. If in a partnership a proper will is pretty much essential or your partner gets nothing if you die.
Also we don’t have prenups or at least they aren’t enforceable, so with divorce again things can get messy and you can lose assets. There are also a number of tax benefits if married, and if the spouse is not British then they benefit from a spouse visa.
Basically it is best to only get married to someone you love and hopefully not divorce, so marriage should be taken seriously, also from a financial point of view.
Many pros and cons of both options in terms of the legal and financial stuff.
We were together 8 years before getting married. Post wedding our relationship is exactly the same, but I don’t worry about what would happen if one of us got seriously sick or injured. We could visit each other in the hospital, make decisions about each other’s care, and have an easier time with finances if it resulted in death. Gives me a lot of peace of mind.
It’s important to mention all these things can be achieved without getting married! But there would still be a lot of legal paperwork to own our home together, set up a will and power of attorney, etc. Personally I think just going to the courthouse and signing 1 piece of paper is the easier route.
I was married and it didn’t work out. I do not feel the need to ever get married again. I am in a long term relationship and am perfectly content without engagement or marriage.
I’m in one. I can only see myself getting married for a practical reason like one of our citizenships or access to health insurance, but neither of those apply to us. To be honest, the whole idea of getting married strikes me as performative. I don’t need to profess my feelings for my partner in front of everyone and putting a government contract on our partnership wouldn’t make it feel more “real” than it already feels without it.
I’ve been with my partner coming up on 24 years. We share a house. We raised a kid. We share books, CDs, a Netflix account, Easter eggs, and drinks. I’m on his health insurance. He’s on my life insurance. Marriage doesn’t mean very much for us one way or the other, but we’re pretty committed, I guess. And we’re hardly unusual – a lot of our friends either never marry, or decide sometime after the second or third kid that maybe they should.
(Note that if you do decide to commit without marriage, you should make sure to arrange your legal affairs so that you can make legal and medical decisions for each other in the event of incapacity and properly arrange inheritance, since it won’t default to your partner in a lot of places.)
Fine if both people are committed to it. Set up wills etc though if you want your partner to inherit anything.
I have no desire to get married or cohabitate, so if a guy wants to be a part of my life, he’d have to be okay with those two things.
We’ve been together for over 7 years at this point and have no marriage plans. We’re happy. We share a home, car loans, are one another life insurance beneficiaries, etc.
We did become legal domestic partners so that he could get on my health insurance. If I ever leave my current employer and a new one doesn’t recognize domestic partners – we’ll get married for health insurance purposes.
I think it is very important to have a living will/power of attorney set up in non marriage commitments.
My SIL (widowed) is in a LTR with a man (widower). They both have significant financial advantages to remaining unmarried. Every situation is unique. Do what is best for you.
I know a lot of couples who are happy in this arrangement. I can think of at least two that are going on 10+ years. I myself am married and I like being married. To me it was more than just a piece of paper to be honest. I’m an immigrant and it’s nice to feel like I have a family, in a legal way now too. I got married in October and people kept asking me, “well how’s married life? It’s the same as before isn’t it” and I feel like it’s better actually, but that’s because both my husband and I are romantic and sappy. It’s not necessary though. Lots of people make it work without making it official. YMMV
I’m in this arrangement 🤘
If you both are happy to be long-term partners
I would say go for it
We’re going on 16 years, living together 15. Last year we thought about a nice Vegas wedding by Elvis because that’s how much it means to me, but now with Trump in office… it almost seems safer to be single. I think we’ll eventually marry when we’re definitely getting older to get those “benefits”, but we have no kids so I see no problems. We file taxes separately. If one of us takes a tax credit, the difference is usually put into the house or vacation fund.
I don’t mind it. I know several people in situations like this. Most don’t have children by choice. I am also looking for something like this – I don’t want children or marriage.
I don’t see the difference really. As long as you’re both committed, I don’t see why having a ring and piece of paper makes much difference.
I can see though why some people might view it differently for religious reasons
I am in Australia and it’s pretty common here to not bother to get married because “de facto” gives you the same legal rights as getting married.
However, if you want to spend any time working overseas, that piece of paper is awfully handy for visas as most countries don’t recognize domestic partnerships for this purpose. Some bureaucratic processes are just faster even here with the marriage certificate even though technically you can do them without–we immigrated here from the US and while we could have gotten a partner visa from proof of our de facto relationship, it would involve hunting down six months of shared bill statements as opposed to attaching a marriage license, so we decided to go to the courthouse.
In the US there are many benefits you receive from being married including hospital visitation rights/next of kin, joint tax filing, and health insurance. Generally speaking if you have kids and are together it is more of a nuisance to not be married.
So there are some advantages to formalizing your relationship legally, depending on what you want to do with your life and where you live.
It’s a legal and business relationship that can have a lot of protections and benefits depending on where you live. That’s not a small thing. If the relationship is serious and long-term (I.e. not just a long-term fwb/roommate arrangement) I would prefer marriage (non-religious for me) paired with a fair and rock-solid prenup.
I don’t want a situation like an unexpected medical emergency or death to cause pain for a partner of mine when inheritance rights aren’t recognized or it’s difficult to get the legalities of access in a hospital sorted out. Ditto for getting dependents on insurance. Or if there are children (especially if it is a same sex partnership) making sure there is no doubt that the kids are the children of both parents for things like international travel.
There’s a lot of reasons why the LGBT community fought for the right to marry aside from religion or romance. I personally know someone in a long-term and serious polyamorous relationship who had a partner get cancer. And because their wife couldn’t be legally married to them, she wasn’t able to visit in the hospital during all the chemo, etc.
It’s totally legitimate to opt out of it, but there are important reasons why it’s a good idea to be married. It doesn’t have to be the traditional form (religious vows, subservience, merged finances, etc.) if you don’t want it to be. If you decide not to do it, its probably worth sitting down with a lawyer and figuring out what are the pros and cons legally in your country.
That’s exactly what I’m looking for. I have no interest in getting married.
I am married so I’m biased.
I am in the US for reference.
I think if you are going to make a baby together, you should consider marriage. I think if you’re going to make big financial investments together you should consider marriage. If one of you has career opportunities abroad you should also consider it. Marriage does not equal big giant wedding. It’s a legal enmeshment of your lives and finances. I personally feel like I shouldn’t be making huge life/financial decisions with a person who isn’t willing to make that commitment.
See a lawyer together for will, living will etc
If it’s someone else’s relationship and they’re happy, that’s none of my business. But personally, I’d never tolerate it.
If nobody in the relationship wants marriage, I think it makes perfect sense and frankly it’s nobody’s business but the people in the relationship.
Only potential issues are things like hospital visits, insurance, and if someone is a stay-at-home parent (dunno if that applies to you) it can help protect them in the case of a breakup, etc but that also depends on where you live. I’m in the US so it can matter. For all I know there are workarounds for some of that stuff, I’m by no means an expert.
Despite my brutal divorce, I did a lot of activism for marriage equality in the US in college. The basic benefits in the US are: inheritance, property ownership, next of kin, health insurance, and child stuff.
When you’re not married, your next of kin is a parent, and if you don’t have any parents, your oldest living child. If you’re in a coma, who do you want making decisions for you? If you die, who do you want ensuring that your burial etc is followed according to your wishes?
Prior to getting married, I owned a house. My then husband moved in with me. If we hadn’t been married and I had died, my house would’ve gone to my parents as he would have no legal claim to it. I believe this is dependent on length of relationship in some states, but it’s still a hot mess. Who gets your life insurance policy?
You can add spouses onto health insurance policies but not boyfriend/girlfriends/partners.
If I hadn’t been married to my husband when we bought our house, I would’ve had no claim to the house when he left because his name was on the paperwork. Even though I poured a ton of time and money into the house.
You can absolutely get a legal document to cover most of these issues, but it’s easier to get married.
My husband and I were both ambivalent on marriage. My mom and her partner were together almost 20 years and us 10 years prior to our marriages. My mom married mainly for the insurance benefits.
My husband and I married for spousal rights. I was really worried that I wouldn’t have rights to make decisions or even visit in the hospital should something ever happen. His family sucks and I would never want them in charge.
I love my husband and we had already built a whole life. In general, I’m still ambivalent on marriage don’t don’t think I would ever marry again if I ever didn’t have my husband now.
I got married and divorced in my 20s. I’m in my 40s now, and couldn’t care either way about marriage. If I ended up with someone who it was important to, I’d possibly go for it again (with a damn good prenup), but I don’t think it’s something I would push for.
No problem if both partners are on the same page, and if they have kids they have some kind of legal protection in case of breakup. In my country marriage wouldn’t really change the legal obligations in case of break up of long term cohabiting partners. Also if your country/state requires marriage to be considered next of kin.
My question would be why is that “piece of paper” seen as not important? Because marriage is a legal commitment where you’re build a life together and tie your assets together. That’s a more serious commitment in a way. There is an inheritance and medical implications that marriage can give over just dating. Property ownership, taxes and access to bank accounts in case of death. You can be on your spouses insurance plans, pensions can be shared with spouse and if you would like a child there are even more benefits.
There is legal protection with marriage. Why would you not want that? The piece of paper is a significant legal document.
I think it’s fine as long as both parties are on the same page.
As long as both parties want it that way, then that’s great! It’s the stories of women being strung along for years, waiting for a proposal that ain’t coming while they lose their financial autonomy, take on the unofficial role of “wife” and get stuck because they have kids…these are the situations I find sad.
Marriage has always mattered to me but I think it’s perfectly acceptable if it doesn’t matter to you. Just be sure that you have all your ducks in a row, legally speaking.
For me- my partner and I choose each other every day and would in or out of marriage anyways. When we stop, the relationship stops. For my partner, who is slightly more trad, it’s a legal contract that puts up more loopholes for that arrangement to end. So for him we got married. I benefit from the marriage still, in a lot of ways, so it wasn’t something I object to- We mostly did it to buy a house and to please our conservative parents (mostly his).
If the commitment is there, marriage doesn’t change anything.
Ultimately marriage exists for legal purposes. If you are a stay at home mom, you need to be married. It protects you financially too
Seems fine to me.
But I do understand why people want the legal benefits of marriage. I would get married if I was going to have kids, but since I’m not going to, I don’t really care.
Long term partnership without marriage is a dealbreaker. However, I’m a romantic at heart. Speaking of which I gotta get off Reddit & go write my bfs “go luck” note for his race tomorrow 😊
I don’t mind not getting married as a relationship status, but for legal reasons in case of emergency. Neither of us have family, and if something were to happen I know I can trust him to make my medical or financial decisions. I don’t want either of us having any trouble in an already stressful situation or worse being made wards of the state through some sort of stupid loopholes.
Quite frankly, I think they’re a load of bullshit and one of the partners probably desires more but is tolerating the situation hoping it’ll change. Never ever again ew.
Ten years married and you can collect on their social security if it’s better than yours, without it impacting them. SSA DGAF about any non marriage relationships.
We are doing an immigration thing now, legal marriage matters a whole lot in those processes too.
Initially we had a courthouse wedding to secure health insurance for me and a bigger moving allowance for him. So I’ve always felt pragmatic about it. If you think you’ll be together a decade, not marrying is leaving money on the table.
Whatever works for you both is fine.
However it is worth considering practical aspects in a committed relationship eg in the event of illness or death, medical decision making, medical power of attorney, handling finances, passing on money or property and so on are a million times easier if you’re married. I mean if one of you is in an accident and decisions need to be made, the legal next of kin gets to make decisions unless you’ve done all the paperwork to indicate otherwise. Some places will only let spouses and immediate family visit folks in hospitals. Not to be dark, but illness and death are part of life and things that we far in lifetime relationships.
There’s also an option to get married on paper and not call it marriage or have a wedding or wear rings etc, but just as something legal. I have friends who are having a very causal commitment ceremony and legally getting married but will never refer to each other as husband/wife or wear rings. 🤷 there are lots of options
I’m in one. We’ve both been married before. We’re older. 44/50. Been together 7 years. Both on the house deed. I’m his sole beneficiary as he is mine. We’ve agreed and acknowledged we’re partners for life. Marriage just isn’t something we feel the need to do again. Previous marriages both kinda sucked. We get along so great and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. We’re good with where we stand with each other. We might when we get older or if this country continues to deteriorate. But right now I ain’t trying to fix something that isn’t broken.
I think if that works for you guys, then good for you! The only thing I would recommend is sorting out medical authorizations and power of attorney in the event one of you has a medical emergency and you want your partner to be the one making medical decisions on your behalf.
There are also some tax benefits to marriage. You could just quietly file paperwork with your state and call it a day if you decide the tax benefits are worth it.
20 year relationship, and common law for 15 of those years. We have a 2 year old. In my province in Canada, common law affords you functionally the same rights as married people (and my entitlements to alimony, etc. are the same as a married person).
It’s been great! BUT we have revisited this conversation about marriage many times over the years, and have continued to commit to the common law life. I don’t need to be married to feel secure, and he hates the idea of marriage. His parents were unhappily married and it left a mark on him.
I will say…almost all of my friends and female coworkers in heterosexual relationships got married, have big diamond rings, and had expensive weddings. I’ll admit, there are moments when I feel less than – especially when some of the women in our friend group are comparing their rings. I know I would’ve shriveled under that much attention and spotlight if we’d gotten married, and the financial and emotional stress of planning a wedding would’ve taken years of our lives. Our families are difficult.
For us, the actual big moment was combining our finances about 10 years in and taking out a line of credit together to pay off my credit card debt (which was accrued while I supported him through law school). We own a home together now, have a very loved child, and have had a much more stable and loving relationship than many of my married friends. So, it’s worked out well for me. We might still get hitched when our daughter is 18, or something, haha! That would make for a funny family vacation.
Marriage offers a number of legal protections, including a guided way to split up shared property (divorce). There’s a lot of reasons gay people fought to have it.
Together for 8 years, engaged for 4.
2 major reasons we want to get married eventually:
Employer sponsored health insurance for both of us of only one of us can work. We work in healthcare and get good coverage thru them (free imaging, free surgeries, still have to pay the doctors fees).
God forbid something were to happen to one of us, we want the other to be the main beneficiary and we both have some unstable family members who would make things difficult if we aren’t legally married.
My partner and I are coming up on eight years this year. We own a house together, we’ve started a business together. By Australian law, we’re defacto partners. This has legal implications, particularly in matters of property division and child custody.
We might get married one day, but it’s not a priority for us.
If you’re committed to each other, you need to take legal measures to make sure you’re both taken care of in the event something happens – powers of attorney, designated as beneficiaries on life insurance policies/retirement accounts/wills, both in mortgage/title, etc. I think those legal steps show as strong or stronger of a commitment than marriage.
It isn’t any of my business???
Plenty of other have mentioned the legal and financial aspects. To me, it’s a personal choice. I’m all for two people getting married if that’s what they both want. I’m all for a couple just being long term partners, if that’s what they choose.
For me personally, I’ve been married. I wish I had never done it. I’m very happily divorced. I don’t particularly want to get married again but I would if I truly believed it was the right person and it meant a lot to him.
I think that as long as both people are on the same page it’s fine.
Well whatever, fine as long as you are both alive and healthy… If one have an accident the other will bé unable to take médical décisions, and if one die, there is no widow’ gov help or whatever it’s called in your country.
And their assets may bé given to their family, not you.
Not my business.
Kinda down, kinda not. Idk. I would love to be married, idk. It’s like a deep commitment and I think that’s beautiful. I don’t mind NOT having a fancy ass wedding though, I’d be down for a cute lil court marriage or a lil secret Vegas wedding with a photographer 🫣🤍
One thing I’ll add to the conversation that isn’t exactly either the legal or romantic side of things is the social side—we still live in a pretty traditional society in many ways, and being married gives other people a structure in which to understand someone’s relationship (“this is a very serious marriage/partnership around which they will make major life decisions and which I cannot question or disrespect without major consequences”) that I think is helpful for adults socially. I started my relationship as college-age young adults and we only recently got engaged, so I watched as my relationship started being treated as either sort of socially confusing to others, or generally less than, in some cases less than friends’ marriages with partners they’d been with for much less time, the longer we were dating/older we were without engagement or marriage. Now that we’ve taken those steps I’ve immediately noticed a difference in how people treat us as a couple – and for me, I feel it sort of “aged” me into an older social sphere where older colleagues are viewing me as more of a peer by extension.
Depends on the country, but I think all countries have legal benefits to marriage. Being legally recognised as family is useful. Especially if you have kids, which is a far greater commitment. If you’re willing to have a child with someone, you should be willing to tell the government you’re committed to that person?
It’s also something of a straight privilege to be able to ignore marriage. The LGB community fought for the ability to have the government recognise their relationships, and 20 years later we say it doesn’t matter and it’s just a piece of paper. Did marriage become devalued before, which is why we let everyone have access to it, or did it become devalued after we let everyone get married?
My aunt and uncle have been engaged since 1986. They have two children and they’re doing great.
I’m totally fine with it, but there are some legal steps that need to be taken to assure your are still treated like each others next of kin
With my ex husband, the piece of paper didn’t mean he was committed. After that, I did not care about getting married again. I met someone else and it was special to him, so we got married. I would have been just as happy not being married but I certainly was not pressured into it.
The actual reason and benefits of marriage vary strongly on your values, beliefs, country you live in and how you see the arrangement.
For me, if the plan is to have children and one partner sacrifices their career to raise the children, marriage is important from a security perspective. However when there are no children planned, I don’t really see the point besides the romance and easier paperwork when something bad happens (but it can be covered with civil partnership). Also, in Switzerland you get punished tax wise and pension wise if both partners are working.
90% of the time when I meet a man who’s anti marriage, it’s about money. These men spew a false narrative that women walk away from divorces rich with their partner’s cash.
Are there individual men who’ve been screwed in a divorce? Yes. Is it a statistical norm? No.
Part of me would love to be married. But my boyfriend has already been married once before and he’s adamant to never get married again. And I don’t know if I’d actually want to be married to him anyways so it works out. It’s becoming less and less common to marry as opposed to remaining in a long term relationship and less of a stigma as well. Just do what makes you happy and nothing else matters.
Marriage is a contract that gives financial benefits and protections regarding shared property, in case of death or divorce for instance.
I’ve seen what a struggle it is to keep your own (shared) property after your spouse’s death. I can’t imagine how it is for an unmarried couple.
I don’t need marriage to know that my partner loves me, but I want marriage to move forward with buying together. When I’m old, if I’m not in a committed romantic relationship, I’ll propose to a dear friend of mine so that she can inherit my possessions.
I think this type of protection is a proof of love, and not caring about it irks me.