I’ve always been someone who struggled to find my professional passion. In my past relationship—with a relatively successful woman—I did everything I could to be the best boyfriend possible. Despite my efforts, she broke up with me. I was always honest with her about my struggles, and even now, we both agree that it was the best relationship either of us has had.
Ironically, since the breakup, I feel like I’ve finally found my calling and am now pursuing my passion. Nowadays I grind 10-15 hours every single day
She’s someone I admire deeply. I’m not looking to get back together—genuinely—but it’s incredibly important to me to regain her admiration. Yes, I know I should be doing it for myself, and I am… but still. It hurts so much to feel like I’ve lost her respect.
Is it possible to earn that back? And maybe even be friends again? This is something I care about from the bottom of my heart, and I wouldn’t mine be deep in the friendzone, brotherzone or whatever…
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I’ve always been someone who struggled to find my professional passion. In my past relationship—with a relatively successful woman—I did everything I could to be the best boyfriend possible. Despite my efforts, she broke up with me. I was always honest with her about my struggles, and even now, we both agree that it was the best relationship either of us has had.
Ironically, since the breakup, I feel like I’ve finally found my calling and am now pursuing my passion. Nowadays I grind 10-15 hours every single day
She’s someone I admire deeply. I’m not looking to get back together—genuinely—but it’s incredibly important to me to regain her admiration. Yes, I know I should be doing it for myself, and I am… but still. It hurts so much to feel like I’ve lost her respect.
Is it possible to earn that back? And maybe even be friends again? This is something I care about from the bottom of my heart, and I wouldn’t mine be deep in the friendzone, brotherzone or whatever…
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Honestly? Find and start dating a better-looking woman.
The only thing that’s ever made women of my acquaintance show any interest or respect at all is when I started dating a dime-piece. I started posting pictures of us together, and every one of my female friends was suddenly, “Damn, homey got game!” And, magically, they started giving me more attention, wanted to start spending more time with me, and wanted more of my attention. As near as I can figure, the hamster in their brain started wondering what the hottie saw in me that they might have missed, or overlooked.
Nothing makes women want you more than being wanted by a different, more attractive, woman. Envy and jealousy is wonderful when you can turn it to your own ends.
And, hey, if you get really lucky, that dime-piece will make you forget all about your ex, because she’ll be better in every possible way.
You earn women’s respect by having self respect. And that is also how you gain a guy’s respect. And also, a human’s respect… That’s just how it is. No secret cheat code respect yourself to be respected.
Actions speak louder than words. Let the result of your work speak for itself. If she still cares a little, she will check in, and see.
It sounds to me you wanna get even.
Respect once lost can never be regained as women have memories like elephants 😂
Well firstly don’t deign to grovel for it.
Just become successful. If you’re doing anything for someone else’s respect or admiration, then your priorities are off.
Also, move on. There’s no need to keep hanging on to the past. That won’t get you any respect. She’s probably not even thinking about you.
Why would you even lower yourself to try and get someone’s respect and admiration? Have some self respect dude. I used to be like you, it’s not worth chasing someone that doesn’t respect you. Remember, she broke up with you, just because you’ve found your passion doesn’t mean she wouldn’t break up with you again. It’s not worth it
Yeah it’s possible, ironically that will be by ignoring her and doing better.
If you keep chasing, regardless of what you achieved, there just won’t be any respect.
You respect your equals, people that meet you half way, why would you respect someone that keeps chasing you even when you move away from them.
The best thing you can do is to respect yourself and walk away; don’t get on your knees or beg and don’t try to do anything to impress her at all.
OP – perhaps the better question is to ask why you seem to rely so much on external validation … especially that of a former romantic partner.
I’m relatively certain a therapist would have some interesting insight.
Move on, become successful and forget that she ever existed. Then you become the one that got away. Otherwise no.
I think your best bet is just to just genuinely become a respectable and admirable person. And also accept that this doesn’t automatically mean everyone will respect and admire you. And strive to be okay with that and continue to move forward with your life.
Seek validation from yourself. Self respect and confidence is the most valuable asset you can have. If you still see her and she sees that in you then you will have her respect and admiration.
> it’s incredibly important to me to regain her admiration.
No it is not.
You were sold a bill of goods on what women want. It’s not “doing everything to be a good boyfriend” and being “nicest guy(good puppy)”. Love Languages (Acts of Servitude) and Happy Wife Happy Life isn’t attractive. They hate it. Women and our society say the opposite and that’s probably what got you into this bind. Work on yourself and people that a want to be part of that success(don’t chase)
Once a woman loses respect for you, it’s over. Move on dude.
Start by not being a Chat-GPT bot
Probably when you stop caring if she respects you or not. Be who you want to be, not what you think someone else wants you to be.
Win the Powerball.
“I wouldn’t mine be deep in the friendzone, brotherzone or whatever…”
Yes you would. You’d get there and then want more because you crave her approval and desire and being around her will hurt… especially when you see her moving on. You don’t like how you feel like you disappointed her, but to move forward you need to build the idea in your mind that happiness doesn’t come from external approval it comes from inside. (Also with more space, you might come to realize that she had some issues that you had nothing to do with.)
“Nowadays I grind 10-15 hours every single day”
Cool. Build your boundaries though. That pace isn’t sustainable or without serious long term opportunity cost. Be sure that you’re doing it because you love it. Then build in limits so you don’t burnt out your love for your passion and have a more well rounded life.
Then you’re when you’re ready to start dating again you’ll do it from a much better place.
If you’re still in contact with her then why do you think she doesn’t respect you? Why would you even want to be in contact with her if she doesn’t respect you? Are you sure you’ve not just had a glow up and want to basically pose and posture at her?
>Nowadays I grind 10-15 hours every single day
If it makes you happy then fine, but the word “grind” suggests it doesn’t. This isn’t a healthy goal or something to be proud of.
If that’s what she needs to see from you to respect you, then she isn’t worth respect herself.
I found the best way to hold a woman’s respect is to not give a shit what they think and go by your own rules and not waiver. Once it’s lost, you’re not going to get it back.
You bent over for her. Women say a lot of things but don’t know what they actually want, like most people do. Catering is the best way to lose a woman.
Why? Because it’s not genuine. Be who you are, she’s not the prize, you are (if you have your s together).
You’re setting yourself up for failure with that being a primary goal man. Only do it for yourself and the rest will come after that. You should never, ever be improving yourself and making drastic changes, etc for anyone other than you. Because you could become the perfect version of yourself and only you truly know it. You chasing her ‘admiration’ is also the wrong mentality. You should want to respect yourself and what you found is your passion. From there people will respect you for that.
I am a woman. Don’t do this. If she broke up with you because you were struggling and she wasn’t it’s because she felt like you were less masculine than her. That will unfortunately never change, no matter what you achieve now. Move on to a happy life with someone else, no judgment but you are not a good match.
Do the things that make you happy and proud of yourself. Don’t try to do things to impress others. You’ll only end up miserable. As much as you want to regain this woman’s respect, that ship has probably sailed. If you still maintain a friendship with her, I’d just let it go and try to move on so you don’t risk damaging the friendship because you are looking for external validation. While not entirely impossible, if she has indeed lost respect for you, it is a very difficult task to regain it and your energies would be better spent elsewhere.