I’m asking this as a son whose father—like many others—wasn’t very present during my childhood. My mother took on most of the parenting, and while I don’t hold resentment, I’ve always wondered why that imbalance was so common.
If you’re a dad (biological, step, adoptive, etc.) who didn’t spend as much time with your kids when they were younger, I’d appreciate hearing your honest perspective. Was it work? Custody arrangements? Emotional distance? Something else entirely?
I’m not here to judge—just trying to understand a pattern I’ve seen repeated in a lot of families, including my own.
Comments
For most fathers, keeping their children fed is a higher priority than keeping their children happy.
Ideally most fathers would like both, but if forced to choose, they will prioritize security.
I have the opposite problem. Maybe because I lost my mom to suicide and never met my dad, but after my first son was born, nothing else mattered. I currently clean toilets, and my wife works an office job. We have just enough income to pay our mortgage and feed our family.
Previously, I worked as a restaurant manager working 60+ hours most weeks. I made decent money, not even average, but no money could be worth sacrificing time with my boys.
It’s still a struggle, and I’m worried what I will do if I need to find a new job. But one thing is for sure, the job comes second.
Men work to provide; the women do the nurturing.