A bank heist. No hold-up, because I don’t want to traumatize anybody. But I’d find a way to get into a vault after-hours and take enough to be set for life. I’d assume that, because I have a guaranteed no arrest, I wouldn’t have to launder it. I could just have it and spend it and nobody could do anything.
I just wanna be able to get off the rat race, if I could just spend money to endlessly that would be nice, I’m not a needy person so it wouldn’t be that much
Maybe jaywalking?
I don’t commit crimes because i fear a vengeful gor or legal system, i am a good person because it makes me feel godd being good.
So maybe a very minor crime that has no effect on anybody or their well being in a negative way.
I’d steal soooooo much money. Not just for me. Like I’d keep a sizable amount but the rest would go to providing housing a rehabilitation for the homeless
100% rob a pharmacy. Actually, scratch that, a pharmaceutical manufacturer. I want to have a lifetime supply of various things. And just so I don’t sound like a degenerate drug addict, the things I want I am legally prescribed. I am just sick of being limited to how much the doctor can give me without raising eyebrows somewhere. I’ve been taking these things for so long that it takes a massive dose for me to even know I’ve taken it. However, if I don’t take said things, I feel like I’m going to die.
In all reality, I would be happy to just know the recipe for the couple of things that I am prescribed and a legal way to get the necessary chemicals to carry out those recipes. I wouldn’t even sell it. So technically, as long as the police never had a search warrant for my house, I would never even really be committing any crime.
Open an unlicensed old folks home. The home would be the height of respect, dignity, and care and attempt the best atmosphere possible. I hate corporate old folks homes, but to get a license to open one where I live there is a real “boys club” that own the market and tend to not let already extremely expensive licenses in the hands of new people.
I’ve kind of liked the idea of opening an independent / assisted living facility since I saw some really nice ones my exs grandparents went to when I was in my early 20s and thought “why can’t more facilities be like this?!” Then during Covid when all those old people were abandoned alone in their facilities. It made my blood boil. “Golden years” isn’t some platitude, it’s supposed to be a promise.
So I’d do that. If I could do a second thing? Maybe start an unlicensed and unregulated online gambling platform. It’s disgusting, but I gotta subsidize the monthly rent for the people living in our care facilities; keep quality high without making the cost to the patron prohibitive.
What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me by the Trocadero in Paris. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.
I’d take the money from every rich CEO, CFO, COO, or inherited share holder, etc, and give the money to the poorest people in the most menial jobs in their companies. Let’s equalize corporate America right quick.
Have an M16A3 (M16A2 but with the safe-semi-full trigger group instead of safe-semi-burst). Wouldn’t use it for anything outlandish, I just want one.
Technically, multiple separate crimes, being both a select-fire weapon (NFA of 1934) and an MSR with prohibited features (CA AWB, SB23) and probably with a lower from a listed manufacturer to boot (CA Roberti-Roos act)
I’d be a parking lot bandit. You park over the sidewalk in your HUGE SUV or truck so much that a wheelchair or stroller can’t get past? Out comes my knees fe and pssssssst goes your tires. Ssscccrrrrrttttcccchhhh down the sides of your vehicle. You think you need to park on the white line? See above.
Comments
I would steal a lot of donuts
Tax fraud.
Vegas casino robbery
I would never do a crime.
I am a good boy.
Stealing from the rich and giving them to the poor
Bank rob
Every time I see a question like this, I realise my knowledge of crimes is very limited.
Harassment of my enemies.
Ride around on the airport conveyor belts. Go into all the interesting bits of historical houses or castles that are closed to the public.
Credit card scamming
I would raid the cheese mines.
I would do absolutely all of them
good one Agent Thursby. Still not telling you anything
Jaywalking.
Political assassination
Do crimes against physics count? Time travel.
I would steal sooooo much money
Every single one of
I would rob the casino
Murder. Murder most foul.
Bank robbery
I guess I would be stealing a truck and hauling all new appliances to my house. (then I would return the truck!)
Nice try, FBI.
At the advice of counsel I must use the protections afforded to be the 5th amendment.
Coup d’etat.
A bank heist. No hold-up, because I don’t want to traumatize anybody. But I’d find a way to get into a vault after-hours and take enough to be set for life. I’d assume that, because I have a guaranteed no arrest, I wouldn’t have to launder it. I could just have it and spend it and nobody could do anything.
grand theft auto, fraud, stalking.
fishing on a giraffe in boise idaho
Probably pull a Luigi
Insider trading
I would handle a salmon while looking suspicious.
I’d fistfight Oprah Winfrey
Bank Robbery
This post feels like it was written from inside a federal law enforcement building
Cutting the labels off mattresses.
Chill out rookie a$$ cop
Elon musk is propositioning women and then punishing them when they say “no”.
So I would … do something about that. And any other sex pest I am aware of. There are a few.
I would just like to be able to grow some weed.
Heist
Constructing a Nuclear Bomb and dropping it on Southern Ireland, allowing the UK to reclaim it.
Probably like .. Take a nap at Denny’s.
Whatever gets me the most money
Can I go back in time to do it?
Embezzlement
Oh I would so take a certain someone out that I can’t mention by name without being put on a watchlist
I woudn’t get my car inspected.
Mildly criticize Taylor Swift
Purge
Rob a corrupt billionaire of his fortune.
Embezzlement
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Bank robbery
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Walk around Birmingham with an ice cream in my back pocket.
Hacking
Specifically, I would wipe out all student loan and medical debt
Having wild animals as pets. Imagine walking around with a Jaguar in Califorina or a pickpocket shoulder monkey in New York.
Multinational bank/art heist..
No no no. I’m not falling for this again ATF.
Rob a back…that’s an easy one 😛
Murder
Tax evasion ha
Cutting the tags off mattresses
Okay copper.
I’ll jaywalk an old lady accross the street, not at a crosswalk. Only if safe. Gimme my jaywalking ticket copper!
I’d be one jaywalkin’ son of a bitch!
When I am in my 70’s to 80’s I hope to organize a flash mob octogenarian streaking party through a grocery store on a Saturday morning.
Steal everyone’s left shoe.
All I want is for an excessively large amount of money to be transferred to my account. I’ll handle it from there.
I just wanna be able to get off the rat race, if I could just spend money to endlessly that would be nice, I’m not a needy person so it wouldn’t be that much
I hack the legal system and change all my fines to paid and then yeah plus school loans etc
Definitely something for a lot of money. Maybe a Brinks Truck
5 counts of murder
Is it wild to say counterfeiting?
I steal from hackers and scammers
Smoke Weed, Oh wait I already do that
I would like to Assault a few deserving people, but I’m not capable of doing that.
Maybe jaywalking?
I don’t commit crimes because i fear a vengeful gor or legal system, i am a good person because it makes me feel godd being good.
So maybe a very minor crime that has no effect on anybody or their well being in a negative way.
Kidnapping. 🤷🏼♀️
My tax returns would be YUUGE
That’s easy. Feeding chomos to the wood chipper.
Public nudity/indecency
Robbing a bank
Tax evasion
Rob a bank
I’d steal soooooo much money. Not just for me. Like I’d keep a sizable amount but the rest would go to providing housing a rehabilitation for the homeless
I would rip all the tags off all the pillows. ALL OF THEM I SAY!!!
Rob a massive bank
Nice try FBI
Probably not a crime but I’d scream in a really public place just for the thrill of it.
But for an actual crime and face no consequence for? Honestly, shoplifting. I just want fancy kitchen appliances and pretty clothes.
Probably hack my student loan account and clear the debt. It’d feel like a little justice without hurting anyone.
I would do so much jay-walking.
Pay the globetrotters refs an obscene amount of stolen money to throw the game and let Washington generals finally win
I’d erase all debt. Quietly, from the inside. Just… gone.
Not for chaos — for breathing room
100% rob a pharmacy. Actually, scratch that, a pharmaceutical manufacturer. I want to have a lifetime supply of various things. And just so I don’t sound like a degenerate drug addict, the things I want I am legally prescribed. I am just sick of being limited to how much the doctor can give me without raising eyebrows somewhere. I’ve been taking these things for so long that it takes a massive dose for me to even know I’ve taken it. However, if I don’t take said things, I feel like I’m going to die.
In all reality, I would be happy to just know the recipe for the couple of things that I am prescribed and a legal way to get the necessary chemicals to carry out those recipes. I wouldn’t even sell it. So technically, as long as the police never had a search warrant for my house, I would never even really be committing any crime.
I’d steal all abused animals from their owners.
Well-intentioned thievery. Robin Hood shit.
If I told you, the secret service would knock on my door within the next hour.
Armed robbery of 8 million dollars…
Open an unlicensed old folks home. The home would be the height of respect, dignity, and care and attempt the best atmosphere possible. I hate corporate old folks homes, but to get a license to open one where I live there is a real “boys club” that own the market and tend to not let already extremely expensive licenses in the hands of new people.
I’ve kind of liked the idea of opening an independent / assisted living facility since I saw some really nice ones my exs grandparents went to when I was in my early 20s and thought “why can’t more facilities be like this?!” Then during Covid when all those old people were abandoned alone in their facilities. It made my blood boil. “Golden years” isn’t some platitude, it’s supposed to be a promise.
So I’d do that. If I could do a second thing? Maybe start an unlicensed and unregulated online gambling platform. It’s disgusting, but I gotta subsidize the monthly rent for the people living in our care facilities; keep quality high without making the cost to the patron prohibitive.
Drive drunk. Absolutely horrible and you shouldn’t do it, but would be very convenient.
Rob a bank
“Give a man a mask, and he’ll show his true face”
Lol
Serve the rich to the tigers at the zoo and redistribute their wealth to normal people who would actually spend it and simulate the economy
Murder
I WOULD download a car.
What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me by the Trocadero in Paris. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.
You already know the answer… Stop playing…
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Steal fractions of pennies from every large movement of money and have it transferred into a Swiss bank account.
Bank robbery
Rob a corporate bank Joker style.
I’d take the money from every rich CEO, CFO, COO, or inherited share holder, etc, and give the money to the poorest people in the most menial jobs in their companies. Let’s equalize corporate America right quick.
I’m not allowed to say it. Or write it.
Political assassination
Have an M16A3 (M16A2 but with the safe-semi-full trigger group instead of safe-semi-burst). Wouldn’t use it for anything outlandish, I just want one.
Technically, multiple separate crimes, being both a select-fire weapon (NFA of 1934) and an MSR with prohibited features (CA AWB, SB23) and probably with a lower from a listed manufacturer to boot (CA Roberti-Roos act)
I’d be a parking lot bandit. You park over the sidewalk in your HUGE SUV or truck so much that a wheelchair or stroller can’t get past? Out comes my knees fe and pssssssst goes your tires. Ssscccrrrrrttttcccchhhh down the sides of your vehicle. You think you need to park on the white line? See above.
whew. I feel better now
Truly not gonna answer.
eliminating the people who SA children
Can’t say…don’t want a visit from the FBI.
Nice try FBI