I’ve seen many definitions of what makes a relationship “serious” vs “casual.” Some say exclusivity alone makes it serious. Others say it’s about feelings, time invested, or future plans.
My question is: If a couple is exclusive but doesn’t do things like meet family intentionally, exchange gifts, or make future plans — is that still serious?
For example, my husband dated someone for 9 months. They were exclusive, but:
• No gifts were exchanged
• No long-term plans were made and they never said I love you
• He said she never told his mom about her
• He met her dad briefly but not through a formal dinner
• He didn’t cook for her (his love language)
Would you consider that a serious relationship — or more of a casual one with exclusivity?
Comments
Whatever the couple in question defines as serious
How the people in it define it
I think what you define as “mutually exclusive” is considered serious. And given the situation that your husband had when he dated someone for months, I don’t think it’s a casual one either.
It’s serious when we discuss it and decide it is, however we come to our own definition of serious.
Those are identifiers that most people don’t worry about. I think they were just banging each other for a while and they both knew it was just a short term fwb.
Isn’t exclusive and casual contradictory? What is being considered casual these days?
Whether you actually love them or not.
It varies from person to person, but for me, it’s the possibility (not necessarily the actuality) of future plans. You don’t have to have actual concrete intent to marry the person for it to be a “serious relationship,” but you also haven’t ruled out the possibility. It’s on the table.
For a “casual relationship,” you know it’s not going to last forever, and that’s okay, because it’s not the point.
For me, relationships were always exclusive, because I’m basically hardwired for serial monogamy (if one person is meeting my needs, I’m not even tempted to look elsewhere). And “feelings” were always involved on some level, because why be in a relationship at all if they’re not? But most of my past relationships were never meant to last forever, and I knew that at the time, so they were “casual.”
Only three were ever “this might be the rest of my life” material, so I’ve had three “serious relationships.”
And of those three, only the last one actually turned out to be “the rest of my life” material. I mean, my life isn’t over yet, but so far, so good.
Casual relationship: we’re not exclusive and have no expectations of things becoming long-term, so we’re not making plans far off in the future, meeting each other’s family, discussing moving in together, etc. Just someone to spend time with for now till I find something more serious.
When anal is involved.
There are no serious relationships. They’re all a joke.
Why are you looking for something to validate picking a fight with your husband about – that’s the real question here.
I think it’s absolutely absurd that exclusivity is some sort of achievement. I do not screw around with more than one person at a time, and I do not tolerate it the other way.
If I ask you out on a date, it’s because I’m not talking to anyone else and I will not talk to anyone else until we are 100% done.
And of course, not every one of those relationships ends up being a good one. So all of my relationships are exclusive, but that does not mean they are serious.
There is no such thing as exclusivity in a casual relationship. Once you’re exclusive, the relationship has gotten serious.
Casual but committed. Its never going to become long term.
When the guy ask the girl if she wants to be his girlfriend and she says “yes”. That’s the only thing that makes it official. Period.
To get my point through:
Imagine you have a daughter and the dude she’s seeing never asks her officially to be his gf, they’re going out, he’s banging her, etc., all for a period of let’s say 4 months or more (more than enough time for him to know if she’s gf material). As her dad, would you say that guy is truly taking her seriously? And even if in actions maybe he appears to… Why not just ask her and make it official?
Instead of having all of these dumb “stages” (talking stage, non exclusive, exclusive, situationship, it’s complicated) why not call things for what they are?
It’s basically black and white, either you’re gf/bf or you’re not.
Did they never bone? I can’t feel serious for someone who doesn’t bang me on the regular. They’re acting noncommittal by avoiding it. I guess my love language is. PiV. I was once young and dumb and would go exclusive before going all the way. Never again.
> my husband dated someone for 9 months. They were exclusive, but: … He said he never told his mom about her … He didn’t cook for her (his love language)
Definitely casual with exclusivity — I t’s good enough but going nowhere. Companionship is nice and life circumstances don’t always allow for a serious relationship. I hope he doesn’t confuse whatever that was with an actual relationship.
Serious = dating to marry.
Very good question, every once in a while, you get a good question like this. This is one of those questions where you need to actually sit and think about your priorities for yourself.
I don’t think it’s a difference for everyone, I think there are steppingstones that show if a relationship is serious
Monogamy in combination with meeting the family and planning a future is almost uniformly serious.
But I don’t think monogamy is one of the main reasons unfortunately. People get married and plan a future with people they cheat on all the time.
I think future planning, meeting family, and moving in together with the intention to be engaged to be married is the only sure fire way.