I went back to my ex-husband after a separation, and I compromised in that I forgave him for neglecting me and being an alcoholic and a cocaine addict and for cheating as well.
I made all these compromises because I wanted to give my son his father.
I also left the love of my life to go back to this man.
My ex-husband wanted me back and I wanted my child to have his dad so we sort of compromised and met in the middle and agreed to have a relationship and to try it out.
Spontaneity. I’m one of those people who’s happy to get in car and go where the wind blows me, especially now that our kids are teen and pre-teen aged. They love it too. He gets a lot of anxiety if things aren’t planned at least loosely. I’m ok if there’s no guarantee of a good time, he absolutely is not.
A church wedding. We don’t share the same religion so we couldn’t have a religious ceremony, we had a courthouse wedding, and we went on our honeymoon. I didn’t even have a cake. But it is fine, we are happy and we can have a big anniversary celebration in a few years.
My libido, moved out of state to live with him and lost the bulk of my support system, and he’s also physically cuddly/clingy, which is somewhat uncomfortable for me.
I moved to the other side of the world. But now he’s doing the same for me as I’ve been offered an unmissable job opportunity in a new country to both of us.
Top sheet. My husband doesn’t believe in top sheets and it drives me insane but after years of him just kicking it off and bunching it between us I gave up.
sharing a bed! if it were up to me we’d have our own bedrooms even. he says he wants us to share and it doesn’t bother me enough to actually put my foot down. it just means sleeping on the couch is a reward, not a punishment! lol
My home country. I moved to his. Though to be honest, it doesn’t feel like I compromised anything. I guess I could say I compromised on my independence a bit. Had to learn the language and all that, so I was dependent on him at first.
I’m allergic to animals. My husband had a cat when we met and desperately wanted to add a dog. I’m medicated for life. The cat has long since passed, and we are on our second dog. If the meds didn’t work, he’d chose me, and he offered at the time Our kids grew up with our well loved pets, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
drinking with my single cousins. i’m not mad about it as they are a terrible influence & im not the best at making good decisions when intoxicated.
one thing I did give up that I miss so so so so much is waking up in the mornings and opening the curtains/blinds. my partner is not a morning person & sleeps in until the last possible second. whereas I like to be up and wake everything around me up as well. Open shades, turn on music, just start my dad. these days I am super quiet in the mornings & keep the bedroom dark so he doesn’t wake.
My plan for when I turned 18 was to ditch everyone I knew and go off on my own. But he’s close with his family since they actually love each other. I got to establish boundaries, after a lot of clinginess due to empty nest syndrome, but we still saw them every couple of weeks and kept in touch. I’m glad we did, for all their faults they’re good people.
The man runs at 99.5 F and loves Husky so it is always cold in the house. Always. AC is set to 65F and if it’s colder outside windows up and box fans in the window. It be 40F in the house and he will have the fan running. Brrrrr
My independence. I was a loner throughout my adolescence and college. I’ve never enjoyed being in groups because people want to do different things and go different places, etc. I like the independence that solitude to bring. I like doing what I want, how I want it, when I want it.
Having a partner has meant sacrificing some of that. He doesn’t restrict me in any way (he can’t since I’m a grown adult) but we have to discuss things sometimes as partners. What to make for dinner for both of us, when do our schedules line up, who gets the car, etc.
My entire life, my mental health, values and self worth. It’s been 1 month post breakup and I see what went wrong and I’m looking forward to my future. It wasn’t all bad but I lost myself and I think I regret that part the most.
A slower sex. At this point in life he does not have a very high libido, though I still would like sex much more regularly. It’s ok, I compromise on that for all the other amazing things he adds to my life
Sleeping in the same bed. I need darkness and silence. He needs light and noise. He finds it impossible to sleep without the TV on. He also snores. I’m a light sleeper with PTSD so we were never going to find a middle ground for this.
You know what, nothing. Everything I did before we got together I still do, he just tags along now. I stopped going out say for one in a blue moon with the girls, but that was more natural age evolution than relationship compromise
Spontaneity/Freedom. I don’t have kids, he has two. I could just decide to travel or do whatever when I wanted, he can’t. Now it’s checking what days kids are here, swapping days with BM if needed, it really sucks.
Comments
I went back to my ex-husband after a separation, and I compromised in that I forgave him for neglecting me and being an alcoholic and a cocaine addict and for cheating as well.
I made all these compromises because I wanted to give my son his father.
I also left the love of my life to go back to this man.
My ex-husband wanted me back and I wanted my child to have his dad so we sort of compromised and met in the middle and agreed to have a relationship and to try it out.
It just did not work in the end.
It never does.
I love to travel. He doesn’t.
Spontaneity. I’m one of those people who’s happy to get in car and go where the wind blows me, especially now that our kids are teen and pre-teen aged. They love it too. He gets a lot of anxiety if things aren’t planned at least loosely. I’m ok if there’s no guarantee of a good time, he absolutely is not.
I like to sleep on the left side of the bed. So does he. So he sleeps on the left side since I moved in with him.
Honestly? Nothing. We didnt have to.
Self respect
Nothing. I was extremely picky about who I got into a relationship with.
A church wedding. We don’t share the same religion so we couldn’t have a religious ceremony, we had a courthouse wedding, and we went on our honeymoon. I didn’t even have a cake. But it is fine, we are happy and we can have a big anniversary celebration in a few years.
I do almost all of the cleaning but he does all the cooking so that’s good I guess!
My libido, moved out of state to live with him and lost the bulk of my support system, and he’s also physically cuddly/clingy, which is somewhat uncomfortable for me.
Going out.
Had to move to Baltimore from Chicago. However, the crabs, better job, and good-hearted locals ended up making it extra worth it!
I moved to the other side of the world. But now he’s doing the same for me as I’ve been offered an unmissable job opportunity in a new country to both of us.
Nothing, for once. It’s so amazing being with someone who just wants me to be myself. He makes me feel deeply loved.
Top sheet. My husband doesn’t believe in top sheets and it drives me insane but after years of him just kicking it off and bunching it between us I gave up.
sharing a bed! if it were up to me we’d have our own bedrooms even. he says he wants us to share and it doesn’t bother me enough to actually put my foot down. it just means sleeping on the couch is a reward, not a punishment! lol
My home country. I moved to his. Though to be honest, it doesn’t feel like I compromised anything. I guess I could say I compromised on my independence a bit. Had to learn the language and all that, so I was dependent on him at first.
The man has terrible time management skills but i love him to death so i put up with it lol
My virginity. Self respect. Love.
Gave it all for someone who didn’t deserve one bit of it.
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I’m allergic to animals. My husband had a cat when we met and desperately wanted to add a dog. I’m medicated for life. The cat has long since passed, and we are on our second dog. If the meds didn’t work, he’d chose me, and he offered at the time Our kids grew up with our well loved pets, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
drinking with my single cousins. i’m not mad about it as they are a terrible influence & im not the best at making good decisions when intoxicated.
one thing I did give up that I miss so so so so much is waking up in the mornings and opening the curtains/blinds. my partner is not a morning person & sleeps in until the last possible second. whereas I like to be up and wake everything around me up as well. Open shades, turn on music, just start my dad. these days I am super quiet in the mornings & keep the bedroom dark so he doesn’t wake.
Leaving the US but it was kind of a no-brainer. He’s Canadian.
I am still asking myself this question cause it wasn’t worth my time.
Sleep!! My husband snores like a trooper.
He gets to chose what we watch a lot and I don’t really mind. So now I watch a lot more live sports but it kinda grew on me.
My plan for when I turned 18 was to ditch everyone I knew and go off on my own. But he’s close with his family since they actually love each other. I got to establish boundaries, after a lot of clinginess due to empty nest syndrome, but we still saw them every couple of weeks and kept in touch. I’m glad we did, for all their faults they’re good people.
Heat
The man runs at 99.5 F and loves Husky so it is always cold in the house. Always. AC is set to 65F and if it’s colder outside windows up and box fans in the window. It be 40F in the house and he will have the fan running. Brrrrr
I do have many many blankets
My peace, stress level and general disappointment
My independence. I was a loner throughout my adolescence and college. I’ve never enjoyed being in groups because people want to do different things and go different places, etc. I like the independence that solitude to bring. I like doing what I want, how I want it, when I want it.
Having a partner has meant sacrificing some of that. He doesn’t restrict me in any way (he can’t since I’m a grown adult) but we have to discuss things sometimes as partners. What to make for dinner for both of us, when do our schedules line up, who gets the car, etc.
I gave up working as a condition for getting married to my ex husband.
My entire life, my mental health, values and self worth. It’s been 1 month post breakup and I see what went wrong and I’m looking forward to my future. It wasn’t all bad but I lost myself and I think I regret that part the most.
A slower sex. At this point in life he does not have a very high libido, though I still would like sex much more regularly. It’s ok, I compromise on that for all the other amazing things he adds to my life
Everything, that’s why it ended….
Sleeping in the same bed. I need darkness and silence. He needs light and noise. He finds it impossible to sleep without the TV on. He also snores. I’m a light sleeper with PTSD so we were never going to find a middle ground for this.
You know what, nothing. Everything I did before we got together I still do, he just tags along now. I stopped going out say for one in a blue moon with the girls, but that was more natural age evolution than relationship compromise
Nothing. My husband is the first guy I didn’t have to compromise anything for.
Happiness.
Spontaneity/Freedom. I don’t have kids, he has two. I could just decide to travel or do whatever when I wanted, he can’t. Now it’s checking what days kids are here, swapping days with BM if needed, it really sucks.
Nothing. I’m with him because he adds to my life, he doesn’t subtract from it.