I recently saw a post of the flip side- what do girls looks for in a dad. I was raised with only a sister and it took a LONG time for me to get close to my dad- it didn’t happen until my 20’s… I only really have female friends, and while me and my husband have a beautiful relationship, I’m not a man so I am not really sure what it is that a boy needs from his mom? Me and my 2.5 year old son are extremely bonded and I try to make it a priority to be his safe place and to play with him, whatever that looks like… but men, what is the best thing about your mom? What makes your mom the best mom for you? What do I need to focus on when raising my little dude?
What do boys need from a mom?
r/AskMen
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Made decisions I didn’t like as a kid but now thank her for. It’s important to not just give kids what they want for the sake of ease or letting them fit in, this applies especially to phones. I didn’t have one until I was around 14.
Kindness, softness, love, hugs, empathy, forgiveness, a place to open up about feelings, feel safe to cry, etc.
She taught me about girls and girl stuff. I’m glad she did. I became a girl dad.
I lost my mother when I was quite young. She was always a safe space for me to be a little boy. That’s what I missed.
Always be sure he knows he’s loved and that you care about him. Tell him he can come to you and talk to you about anything. Encourage his interests and teach him to be a good person. Set a good example for him. Be kind and understanding.
Tell him you love him every day. Make him feel safe. Make him feel wanted.
Raised by a single mom, she yelled at me a bunch for not knowing how to do handyman stuff but I never had a male role model to teach me that shit lol. If anything she taught me to avoid single moms like the plague lol.
Being an actual mum, honestly. My mum is a career focused super woman with endless energy. She is highly social, always out and about, popular as anything. She was more like a friend to us as lads.
Which was not what we needed. At all.
Sigh.
We needed a mum. A real one. Who knew how to bake and cook, and was tender and loving and sweet, who was the counterpoint to the men in our lives. Without a mum to do that me and my brother kind of grew up a bit cold, honestly. All my friends always seemed a little bit soft to me. I think it came from having proper mums. Real heartfelt fellas who were in touch with their emotions. Only emotion I know how to express that’s real is rage. Everything else is performative. Just like mum in a way. Sigh.
A real mum is so important. A real dad is so important. There were established roles and duties for a reason, and for all the flaws they mostly worked. My modern upbringing did not. I still love my mum and I love my dad, but man, was this not handled well. What a mess.
So there’s my answer – Be a real Mum. Or try to be.
Sandwiches
How to cook. How to clean house. How to change diapers. Appreciate beautiful things in nature went in the art museum.
Cooking and cleaning will stand him in good stead while he’s single. And will help catch a lovely partner. I cook all the breakfasts in our house. I can stand in and do the other meals when my wife is sick or has to go deal with a family crisis.
Changing diapers: i look at it as part of a parents job. It a moms job. Or a dad’s job. A parents job.
The obvious stuff, not least of which a good example of what to expect from a partner.
Here’s the way I look at it and why two parents are better than one. A typical dad is kind of stand off-ish, more distant. Kind of standing in the background and allows the kid into the world almost by themself, or feels that way. (Yes he teaches, plays, gives good and sometimes harsh life lessons too like empathy, sacrifice and hard work) He’s watching, ready to jump in when needs be. This prepares kids for the world, for adulthood, it builds confidence and self reliance. But it can sometimes be too far away, it can make the kid too self reliant, too independent, distant, even as far as unloved.
The typical mother is right there, more hands on, always hyper vigilant to danger, pain, and discomfort always wanting to protect the kid(s) from all that. It makes the kids feel loved and supported, she also has many other lessons too like the importance of looking after yourself, and social skills dad’s don’t teach. But that can go too far, leave the child unprepared for the world, entitled and dependent.
The reason two is so beneficial is that too much or too little of either leaves the kid(s) maladapted. There is continuous balancing act or compromise between these two forces to protect or to allow to learn for themselves, to pick up or force them to pick themselves up. That way they don’t scew too far one way or the other.
That’s just a generalized, or simplified explanation. The “dad’s” role can be done by a woman and the “mom’s” role can be done by a man. But the two forces aren’t easily balanced by a single person. Most people lean one way or the other.
Teach them how they should be treated in a relationship. We spend so much time showing and telling boys how to treat women but almost no time on how they should be treated. Also, teach them what they are feeling matters. Not that have to stuff it down inside because some woman will weaponize his feelings.