I make poor decisions.. it’s a long story full of them.. I write this in hope of getting some guidance, or encouragement I guess on how to move forward and rebuild my life.
I want to start by saying that I’m no where near perfect and I have done some things I’m not proud of when I allowed my self to stoop to a lower level of being, that I did my part in letting things get this bad and far instead of walking away..
I moved her in originally because she was out of work, and about to lose her apartment.
I paid the bills, her car, food etc.
She didn’t take finding work seriously and is still jobless.
leading up to now our relationship has been very toxic. By moving way too fast, insane verbally abusive arguments when we would drink. I party but I never let it take control of me and affect my life in the way that I have seen it happen with her..
I used to try and just walk away or leave the house if she wouldn’t stop insulting me, but she would literally chase me down in the street when I would leave.
Fast forward to the beginning of July, I’m telling her I don’t want to be with her and she needs to find somewhere else to go, that she has time to do that but I’m done.
She of course was in the middle of another binge and would just berate and insult me endlessly.
I called the local PD and told them about my situation the night before it came to a head, that I was worrying something might happen and I wanted them to have a record of me expressing this.
The next day I get home from work around 7pm and was talking to a close friend that offered me to stay with them until she leaves because of what I expressed. I have not seen her in person over 24 hours at this point.
As I’m leaving to go stay with him, I get arrested at gun point.
They get her, my room mates, and my stories. She told them I beat her and threatened her life with a weapon.
As I was in custody she walked passed me, laughing and smiling at me on the way to the ambulance like she was proud..
Fast forward the case is dropped. The DA, investigators found no viable proof on top of me giving them as much information and evidence to support my story.
There was an automatic protective order placed on her against me, so in this time after spending over 72hr in jail, I can no longer go home because she locked her self in my room.
Somehow she managed to get a flight back to her mother’s house across the country so I can go home finally…
She kept messaging me during all of this about how sorry she is and how she did everything to get the charges dropped, but I know that wasn’t true. the investigators told me they never were able to speak to her.
She claimed to be pregnant again and once the p.o was dropped I told her I need definitive proof this time.
She kept telling me how she will stay sober, have the baby and more BS to win me back..
A few days later she sends a picture of a negative pregnancy test..
the same day she’s already drinking heavily and hanging out with other men and lying to me about it, forgetting that she added my burner account to her social media profile so i was able to see every one of the posts she tried to hide from me..
I told her mother what happened and she got kicked out and sent to her grandmothers house.
She has since admitted her self to rehab and was apologetic and trying to win me back the first few days, but at the same time is telling me that she no longer has family to count on or stay with when she gets out..
that if I don’t let her come “home” she will be homeless and her life will get even worse.
I’m a very generous person and I make poor decisions. I give people way more chances than I should, always trying to help people at the price of my own peace and safety.. a big dumb part of me wants to help.. still.
We did have great moments together, and i wish none of this happened.. I do love her but my life is falling apart after all of this..
At the end of the day it’s my choices which cause that, but I’m genuinely afraid of having her back here.
It feels like it’s only a matter of time before her next episode happens and ends with her putting me in a terrible position and making sure I can’t get out of it this time..
She’s already been very manic in rehab these last few days, I keep catching her in more lies about lots of things I’m starting to connect the dots on and she is still treating it as if she would when she was drinking and partying heavily. Just denying and deflecting everything.
I don’t want her to be homeless, but I also I don’t think she will be, knowing how she operates. It feels like manipulation so she can keep using and abusing me.
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Are you stupid???
Are you seriously considering taking back someone who lied to get you in jail?? What’s wrong with you??
She almost RUINED your life. Stay away from that psyco
Why have you not blocked her and changed the locks? Aren’t you done yet?
Don’t touch her with a 10ft rusty barge pole. Leave the past behind you where it belongs. Block her on everything
Dude. Change your phone number.
This could be the saddest post I’ve seen here in a while. Your ass sat in jail for a long weekend directly because of her, in what world would you consider taking her back
Run….. run….. don’t look back
She is not your responsibility. She has a family who can deal with her. She is using you because you pay the bills and keep her in the lifestyle she likes. I guarantee her family refuse to pay for her and insist she gets a job.
Lastly and most importantly, she made false allegations of DV assault against you that had you been convicted would guarantee a custodial sentence. She tried to ruin your life without any remorse. She continues to lie and manipulate her way back in. This should be an easy decision block her and move on. If you don’t this will be your life. Don’t be an idiot.
What I suggest is that you tell her that one condition of her moving back into you is that she write a letter to the police admitting that all the charges against you were made up and false. Make sure she sends you a copy with her signature on it. Once you get that letter or email from her, then you can make a good choice to never let her back in your life. That is called setting a boundary and only allowing people in your life who respect you and treat you with the dignity you deserve.
You need some serious psychological help if after what she’s done to you and everything that happened you still are unable to close the door.
She’s not good for you. You can love people from afar, even if it’s best to not be with them because it just doesn’t work.
Your life could have been ruined. It will be if you continue to make poor decisions. Please don’t.
I am not a doctor, but it sounds like a combo of Borderline Personality Disorder and alcoholism.
The repeated pushing you away then love bombing is classic BPD. Insulting you, then following you down the street begging you to stay.
To JAIL?
Bro her bedroom talents must be once-in-a-generation astronomical for you to even consider considering this.
Don’t let her come back. You’re setting yourself up to fail if you do. Her actions led her to this. Actions have consequences. Block her and change your number and locks
Block her, her family and her friends everywhere. Leave her with no way to contact you. She nearly ruined your life already. If you let her back in, she will finish the job. Stay as far away from her if you want any chance of having a good life.
Oh, I’m so glad this isn’t about myself.
It sounds like you need an attorney, before it gets worse.
Walk away and get therapy.
You’re the crazy one for even considering getting back together!
Block, block and block her then go find therapy
You need to hear some harsh truths here. You were this woman’s meal ticket and nothing more, she doesn’t love you, if she did she would not behave in this way. She sounds sociopathic.
Look at it this way, there is now a record of domestic abuse against you. She could fabricate injuries in the future, she could allege sexual assault, she’s shown that there are no depths she isn’t willing to stoop to.
So what would the potential outcomes be?
You could be convicted and go to jail as a woman beater.
You could lose your job income and home.
You could end up on the sex offenders register if she went down that route.
You could end up having future children removed from your care.
This is massive, life ruining stuff. And the fact you’re posting here about her being apologetic and wanting you back shows you’re considering it. Advice is simple – don’t.
Edit to add – NEVER have unprotected sex with this woman again. She wants to try and use a babytrap, while having no genuine intention of wanting a baby to interrupt her chaotic, substance fuelled life. Any man who impregnates her are in for a lifetime of shit.
Don’t be a doormat. Very possibly a personality disorder and not the silly tic tok quiz variety. I bet sex was great!!!
Read walking on Eggshells. Don’t let her back.