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You leave. Your twelve year old daughter is learning that this is what a relationship looks like and how a man who says he loves you, treats you. Do you want her to marry someone like her father who erodes her self esteem?
I got out of my marriage like this but it has taken so much strength and work to heal. Eight years later, I still am in therapy because I keep thinking I’m the problem and embarrassing and annoying- because my ex husband told me that.
It’s not easy, not at all, but I’ve been on those holidays and these days he takes his 29 year old partner and she manages the mental load. I’m happy to chill in the house with the kids when it’s my week and have them go away on their highly stressful holidays where the threat of the silent treatment is imminent at any time. It is a big deal, you’re not overreacting, you’re not asking for too much. He will never change and you will spend years crying silently in bed and asking yourself why he won’t change or apologise or notice you or be kind.
In my ex’s case, he had an abusive childhood, where there was sometimes no food, no medical care and not a lot of kindness. It was also a deeply religious household. It takes a lot of work for someone to not recreate this pattern, and a lot of people just can’t, and end up recreating emotional trauma. Is that what you want for you and your precious babies? Sending love. It’s not easy to get out, but it’s a lot easier than staying.
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You leave. Your twelve year old daughter is learning that this is what a relationship looks like and how a man who says he loves you, treats you. Do you want her to marry someone like her father who erodes her self esteem?
I got out of my marriage like this but it has taken so much strength and work to heal. Eight years later, I still am in therapy because I keep thinking I’m the problem and embarrassing and annoying- because my ex husband told me that.
It’s not easy, not at all, but I’ve been on those holidays and these days he takes his 29 year old partner and she manages the mental load. I’m happy to chill in the house with the kids when it’s my week and have them go away on their highly stressful holidays where the threat of the silent treatment is imminent at any time. It is a big deal, you’re not overreacting, you’re not asking for too much. He will never change and you will spend years crying silently in bed and asking yourself why he won’t change or apologise or notice you or be kind.
In my ex’s case, he had an abusive childhood, where there was sometimes no food, no medical care and not a lot of kindness. It was also a deeply religious household. It takes a lot of work for someone to not recreate this pattern, and a lot of people just can’t, and end up recreating emotional trauma. Is that what you want for you and your precious babies? Sending love. It’s not easy to get out, but it’s a lot easier than staying.