For context,
My bf and I have been together for 2 years now, and we have pretty much have been real to each other from the start.
This includes communicating about our boundaries, what we want for ourselves and each other, and other topics that shows commitment to the relationship.
However, just recently, my bf and I got into a petty fight when I opened up about him not having the sexual drive for me anymore.
I often find him pleasuring himself secretly in the bathroom or a separate room.
I feel bad over this.
Our sex relationship hasn’t been that bad throughout our relationship. If anything, he constantly has a very high sex drive and we are very mutual when it comes to that.
When he’s horny, he would instantly just go to me and show that he wants it.
But, I talked to him about why he does this and how come he isn’t interested in having sex with me anymore.
And all he says is, he’s too tired or he wants some alone time.
The only time he’d engage into sexual activities with me (rarely btw) is when he’s bored.
I’m not sure how to deal with this or work it out with him.
I have no intentions of breaking up with him, but something like this — has been conflicting my mind.
I know I should leave him because of this.
But, he’s communicated with me so many times in a manner that makes me feel that he is listening to me. He’d also show through his actions that he is on the drive to bettering himself.
[side note: I caught him cheating on me one time when he was doing hook ups while he was courting me. And he would (still is) message girls on reddit or TG and dirty talk to them.]
Is it reasonable that I feel kind of upset over this?
What should I do about it?
Comments
It is very reasonable for you to feel upset about this.
Especially given his past, and his current behavior regarding messaging other women… which in my personal opinion is inappropriate in a committed relationship.
Masturbation on the other hand is normal for men and women alike, whether they are in a committed relationship or not.
You say above that you have “no intention of breaking up” with him, and then in the next sentence, you say that you “know I should leave him because of this.”
When way to approach this might be to seek some sort of couples therapy… or for you to go into some sort of individual therapy yourself so that you can sort out your contradictory feelings about this.
What do you think about that idea?
Join him and be kinky together.
Surprise him sexually. Random moments, little leg rubs. All adds ups. And if he goes to do it alone, walk in and don’t leave
With all due respect, if he’s still messaging other girls and talking dirty to them, he’s not worth the hassle
Those are enough reasons to leave him, he’s not going to change. You better not have these things keep bothering you. I can understand your situation. So girl, JUST LEAVE HIM.
The comments so far are rough. Sounds like he’s got some sort of sex addiction. Maybe not to where he’s ordering escorts but if he doesn’t get ahold of it now, it could come to that. He watches too much porn most likely and thinks all sexual experiences need to be exactly like what he sees on pornhub or wherever. Prob why he was texting girls at the beginning like that, needs them to send him nudes to jerk it too other than all the porn he watches.
You’re going to have to sit down with him and have a deep ass conversation about this. Does he want a committed relationship? No? Ok, I will move on then, sorry that’s what I’m looking for. Yes? Well how much porn are you watching and jerking it a day? Well maybe that’s what’s causing his “boredom” and “laziness”. Can you work on minimizing the porn and controlling your cravings? Why do you turn to porn? Frustration? Idk look up porn addiction people on here, you’ll get a view into their minds. It’s wild to read about. Good luck girlie.
You have no respect for yourself girlll. You clearly just said he’s cheated on you before and he is still currently messaging girls 🙃 like it’s right in your face & you still want to stay with him….leave him. He’s cheating on you.
He’s bored with you for his own reasons. Move on, he’s old news
Does he have a porn addiction he doesn’t know about? Normally I’ve never had issues or saw it effect my relationships before with ANYONE until my current partner. I caught him in the bathroom on a app he said he wouldn’t use for porn(all I cared about what that he used the app he said he wouldn’t) and then didn’t watch it for YEARS and then all of a sudden I felt a huge pull away from him. We’re in a long term relationship so we fell into our “norm” and then this pull away happened and I thought he just wasn’t attracted to me anymore but he was actually back into a porn addiction he didn’t realize he had and it had messed his head up so bad that he pretty much never wanted sex or even wanted to sext when he went on a trip. We’ve talked about it and he stopped and it’s completely different now. But it wasn’t until I accidentally found everything that I knew the truth and he was honest with me. The messed up thing is is I was offering the whole time he didn’t want that if he wanted to I’d just like him to talk to me and tell me and I wouldn’t have a problem… he didn’t even realize how bad it made him pull away and just not want anything physical AT ALL until he stopped and he wanted to again. But I’ve learned since then how damaging it can be to the brain and relationships since that all happened and it makes sense. I really wonder if something like that might be going on, since a TON of people are addicted to it and don’t know they just assume it’s normal but the thing is is it makes your brain process in person stuff as not as good bc the dopamine levels don’t spike the same as they do for porn so even the want isn’t there or a thought but if they are masturbating that much or edging themselves they are also probably making themselves less sensitive (this normally a slower process so they don’t notice it as much) which makes sex less enjoyable bc they can’t go harder or squeeze harder to supplement the loss of feeling.