I (35F) was dating this guy (38M) and found this thing at a thrift shop I knew he had been looking for, it’s a very niche piece of decor, and I was going to give it to him for his birthday. Well, things ended between us when he decided he just had too much going on (divorce, custody, family stuff) to be dating. Now I have this thing and I don’t know what to do with it. Would it be weird to reach out and say, “Hey I got you this thing when we were together, I still want you to have it, I can drop it off on your porch no action required from you”? Or should I just try to offload it?
What do I do with the gift I got for an ex?
r/Advice
Comments
If giving it feels like closure for you and not a bid for reconnection, then a porch drop off with zero pressure is totally fair.
If it might stir up emotions or confusion on either side, donating or reselling it might bring more peace.
IMO, go ahead n give it to him. Sounds like it’s more than just a random gift – it’s something he’s been actually wanting. No harm in sendin’ a transparent text bout it. If he’s chill, he’ll appreciate the thought n that’s it – no need to make it into something more.
…Or ya could always just flip it on eBay if u get cold feet, lol. Either way, don’t sweat it. Gear doesn’t weigh on stuff as much as intentions n feelings do, ya feel me? 👌💯
Sometimes the kindest gesture is letting go, even of good intentions.
I’d just give it to him. You know he wanted it and you were thoughtful and got it for him. No worries. Just mail it to him so he’s not thinking you’re using it to see him.
You got this, let him know you were thinking about him and saw it and thought he may want it. Give it to him and set it free. Once the circus is over he may come back around
Just give it to him with that reasoning, explain it’s not an attempt to reconnect but since it was something he was looking for, the alternative is to sell to a thrift store again at a loss and him find and buy it at full price. You could offer to sell to him but you don’t want it and that’s kind of odd. If he offers to pay for it, accept that as a closure
Give it to him porch drop off with a note that says. Though things didn’t work out for us I knew you were looking for this before we separated. I hope things work out great for you!
I’d give it to them….brief text “hey I forgot that I had gotten this for you, I found it and will drop it off for you. No worries if you don’t want to keep it =)” no pressure just get it gone and out of your life…or list it and sell it
I mean it depends. If you don’t want it and there is no bad blood between you two then I don’t see what the harm is in contacting him to see if he’d atleast be interested in whatever you have for him. Or if he doesn’t then no harm no foul onto the next option either gifting to someone else or possibly the trash idk.
The nearest dumpster might be the best spot for it.
Feel free to send it my way!
Take it to a thrift store. Let them deal with the item.
Create your own closure.
I’d say just give it to him and be done with it. Unless it ended badly then try and resell it in Facebook Marketplace or something like that.
I broke up with a girl because I was overwhelmed. She dropped off a bowl I left at her house with a note and now we’re married. YMMV
Offload it, do not give it to him cuz it might end up badly for your curent relationship. Its not worth the risk.
Not weird at all, I think it say a lot about you as a person.
Depends on how you broke up. Did you break up on good terms or bad terms? Was he an a$$hole? Is he trying to get back with his wife? Would you get back with him after his personal stuff is settled?
Give it to him. No strings attached.
I would say sometimes love finds a way, sometimes it’s rocky – whatever happens if he accepts the gift and he loves it he will always remember the lovely thoughtful gift that you gave.
Sell it
Have some fun with this. Box it up, put his name on the box, and leave it on his front doorstep.
No note, no explanation. Just the box with the item inside.
If you split amicably, and you still want to give it to him, just give it to him.
I would just drop it on his porch with a note or send it in the mail, explaining “I purchased this for your birthday, and I have no expectations of getting back together or remaining friends, but that I still want him to have it because you knew he was looking for it and I have no hard feelings. Life is hard sometimes, and the timing didn’t work out. Best, your name. P.S. If you don’t want it because you will associate it with me, feel free to re-gift it or thrift it.”
I wouldn’t even reach out before I dropped it off/sent it.
I might mail it if it’s not going to cost too much to pack and ship, just because he may feel a certain way about you showing up at his place and it could look like you were hoping to have an interaction with him.
I think it’s nice to give it to him as long as there are no expectations.
I would just do the porch drop with a note and let that be it unless you’re interested in rekindling. ✌🏽
If you think he still deserves it there is nothing wrong with giving it to him
I would just take it back to the thrift store and donate it. But then again I have been EXACTLY where you are, and I did not want to open ourselves up to further discussion.
I mean if it was amicable then just say that and drop it off.
I’d sell it. If he gets back with his wife, you know he’ll have to pitch it.
Honestly, I would give it to him.
Let them know that you found it awhile back and had planned on giving it to him for his birthday and even though you two may not still be together, you want him to have it. You’ll be happier than you gave it to him.
I don’t think that’s weird. But you do you. Give it away for free online if you’re not comfortable dropping it off. Or just leave it on his doorstep with no note whatsoever.
Give it to him. It’ll probably make his day.
Depends on the relationship with your ex. If amicable, just give it to him as you suggest. If you do give it to him, it will always have your ju-ju on it, and maybe he’s trying to purge that. Back to the thrift store is the most non-controversial approach.
Sell it to him lol.
You got it from a thrift store. Bring it back and let go of it and all of this
Maybe, “ I have this thing (photo) that I’m going to offload. Think you might want it? Let me know asap, so I can move forward. Thanks”. No other words.
eBay
if it wasnt a messy break up and this is some sort of closure for you then go ahead and drop it off
I did the same. I got my bf a leather bound notepad that I knew he wanted. I mailed it to him and I didn’t leave a note or anything. The postage said it was from me but I just didn’t have anything to say. And I didn’t want any obligation to contact me for it. He texted thanks and I simply reacted with a thumbs up. That’s it.
You got it for him. Give it to him and be done with it.
You could always bring it back to the thrift shop as a donation
Yes, it would be weird. The relationship is over. Donate the item.
Smash it into pieces
And throw it at him …
This is all us blokes expect
😌🤣