I [30F] have been single for a really long time. I’ve dated a decent amount over the years, only one for longer than a few months, and a long term relationship back in college (nearly 12 years ago).
I am very comfortable with being single, but love the idea of being in a romantic relationship too. The problem is, I can’t figure out what it is that I want exactly. When I talk to people in my life, they don’t really get it. My therapist and I are talking through it, but she’s obviously not there to tell me the answer… so I’m doing the work to figure it out, but in the mean time, thoughts?
Here is where my mind goes when I think of what I want out of a long term relationship
- I don’t want to be married, but I would like a long term committed relationship
- I don’t believe in struggle love. I feel it’s perfectly healthy to be in a relationship until the dynamic becomes unhealthy for either party. I don’t believe relationship success is based on longevity.
- I want romance, cuddles, and physical and emotional intimacy, but I don’t need that person to be everything. I have a good job so I don’t need financial support, I am in a good space mentally, and I have friends and family that I lean on. The only thing I’d need a partner for is romance. Right?
- Because of the state of the world and the future of the planet, I feel really uncomfortable with having biological children even though I absolutely love kids, have always wanted to be a mom, and have lots of experience taking care kids of all ages (I’m a teacher)
- I think that gender roles are antiquated and I would want a romantic relationship where we take on “roles” out of care for each other and wanting to make the other feel special. Not out of what we think we should do.
Idk…. Is there a way to explain this that’s easier? Is anyone else in a relationship like this? If this is asking too much then I’d rather just stay single. 😆
I hope this post makes sense, I just need to synthesize.
TL;DR: I’m not sure what type of relationship I want. Not sure it fits in an easy to explain box so it makes finding that person a little more tricky.