I’ve got this friend I care about a lot but every time we hang out I end up paying. At first it was small stuff coffee, Uber rides but now it’s basically everything and one time he even suggested we go on holiday and acted like I should cover it. The thing is he works too and while I do earn a little more than him it’s not like I’m made of money. It makes me feel like he’s just taking advantage at this point. What bugs me most is he never even says thank you anymore its just like he assumes I’ll handle it. I wouldn’t mind helping out once in a while but it’s become the norm and I hate feeling used. I don’t wanna ruin the friendship, but it’s starting to feel less like hanging out and more like I’m just his free ride. How do you even bring this up without it turning into a fight?
What do you do when a friend always expects you to pay?
r/Advice
Comments
Maybe try having a calm, honest chat with him, like, just say you’ve noticed you’ve been covering a lot lately and it’s starting to feel one-sided. You could suggest splitting costs going forward or taking turns, and frame it as keeping things fair between friends.
NO ONE CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT!
Put a stop to this. Make it clear that outings will be a Dutch Treat. If he “can’t find” or “forgot” his wallet, tell him that this is unfortunate beut you WILL NOT be paying for anyone but yourself. If that means he has to go home for money, call someone else to bring it for him or he winds up getting arrested – that is HIS problem.
Frankly, he us a selfish, rude, freeloading moocher. Are you certain you want THAT as a friend?
Easy – stop
A real friend should at least meet you halfway. Maybe try being honest but gentle, like saying you can’t always cover things anymore. If he values the friendship, he’ll get it.
He is counting on the fact that you can’t have uncomfortable conversations. If you are going to meet up, say up front that you’ll need to stop covering costs for both of you due to trying to save money, or whatever. Then if he still wants to go out, order separately from the beginning.
Ask for separate checks. Boom a vacation, but only for you. Give your friend the details on your trip so he can book similar if he wants. Tell him that you are trying to save up and are cutting your expenses to do so and you feel it would be best if he started paying for himself.