I know some might say stuff like “I stopped caring” Etc, but it would still nice to connect with others as we are currently dealing with a chronic loneliness epidemic. Are they confusing me for someone else? Did an ex gf spread rumors about me? Every time I go to a new place and try to be outgoing and friendly people seem to be cold and give me strange looks. Maybe im actually not a good person? Obviously our life experiences are different but how do you handle situations where it seems like you’re trying you’re best to be polite and connect with others yet feels a school of fish swimming away from a scuba diver. Should I move to another city and start over or try to connect better where I’m currently at? How did we get here?
What do you do when it feels like no one wants to connect or associate with you?
r/AskMen
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I am not sure. I just keep doing what I do! There are a lot of people who have some weird complexes now. Big Egos from small people.
First you should try to figure out why they don’t want to connect with you, if you are that much bothered. Otherwise, you should keep doing your work and things will keep moving and you will meet new people.
People can be quite shallow and fickle. Remember: everyone you meet is constantly rattling through their own thoughts, insecurities, concerns, etc. What you perceived as someone being cold or distant could very well just be them being wrapped up in their own drama. All you can do is try to find people you share common interests with and put yourself out there.
I’m 45. Never been on a date and don’t have friends beyond some former coworkers I have a group chat with.
As far as how I cope, I occupy my time with things I enjoy. Reading, video games, etc. And I plan two to three solo vacations a year, often to exotic places. It gives me something to look forward to.
Beyond that, I have an awesome cat who keeps me company. I spoil the heck out of him and also volunteer at my local SPCA.
>Did an ex gf spread rumors about me?
Yes. The answer is always yes, every time.
For the future, you were supposed to get a text message of her saying everything is OK with you two, THEN you break up with her. She can’t try to get revenge on you for breaking up and start spreading lies about you, because you’d already have the text message from when you two were together claiming everything’s OK.
It can seem like a catch 22. Like even if you improve upon your social skills, some people don’t respond to it as well as you might think they would. Sure sometimes you might have great interactions with random people when you are out and about doing day to day stuff at shops and whatnot. A lot of people just don’t have that one thing or lacking that one thing that helps them want to befriend new people who might be outside of their norm or however you want to put it. It might be because we can easily not talk to anyone we don’t want to.
I’m not saying we are obligated to friendships and all that, it just feels like there’s something missing. That sweet spot a lot of people talk about. Or it could be that was something a lot of people say to seem like decent people. Then again most people are generally indifferent other people, and there’s not a whole lot of room for anyone new for them. At least things have to line up a certain way for it to work.
People, honestly aren’t all that. They aren’t keen to make friends or sometimes even be respectful. Its get worse and worse the older we get. I lowered my expectation for every social interaction I have and its done wonders for me. I’m never surprised.
Offer them Nachos
My philosophy is that you can change the ground but not the sky. Moving to another city will just further highlight the social blindness you are experiencing. If I were in your shoes, I would ask a trusted friend and/or family member to be honest about my social skills. I would also rethink my past experiences:
How do I come across in social situations? Is my demeanor off-putting? Is it maybe the tone of voice? Am I too polite and quiet, which prevents people from getting to know me? Where do I tend to meet people? When I do have better success meeting others where does that tend to be? Are there any hobbies I can engage in that can help me meet people socially?
If all the above failed I would look into speaking to a counselor to see if more is at play.
>feels a school of fish swimming away from a scuba diver
Oh i feel seent.
Tldr: If this happens everywhere you go, either you’re going to the wrong places or the problem is you.
I’ll use extreme examples to highlight a point.
I hate clubbing. If I go clubbing (I don’t), I’m not gonna have a good time. Even if I try to connect with people who enjoy it, they are gonna sense that I don’t fit in. This will cause them to avoid me.
I love fps video games. If I go hang out with people that love rpg’s, I’m not gonna fit in. I hate rpg games. Even though we both may love video games, we won’t be able to connect.
Or
You are going to the right places, places you love and topics you love. Everyone there still doesn’t connect with you no matter how much shared interest, the likely story is your personality isn’t great. You are the common denominator in all this. If everything points to you connecting with people but you still can’t, take a hard look at your own life and personality.