Initially I enjoyed talking to MIL and when she asked me what’s going on I told her about my new workout class and my other activities in the areas to make friends. Little did I know what a mistake that was because then she and my FIL decided they also wanted to try yoga in the same studio and so I stopped going because I didn’t want to workout with them and we wanted to take classes at the same time. My DH didn’t understand why I didn’t want to take a workout class with them. Then she said she also enjoys my other activity and started showing up to that. Then DH and me were talking about taking a vacation somewhere to her saying she’s always wanted to go there and she went to the travel agent to get the trip planned and is asking when we are all booking it. I’ve been reading a lot of posts on here and learned about the grey rocking method and thought I should start doing that. And so I have stopped sharing a lot of things with my MIL because I don’t want to give her an opportunity to invite herself over or to join my activities. I even joined a new workout studio but haven’t told them and now when she asks me what is going on I say nothing I’m just working and sitting at home. But now every time we meet I have nothing to talk about because I don’t feel like sharing anything in case she takes it as me inviting her to join. So I guess what do I talk to her about?
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the weather, amusing cat videos, that wart on the end of your second cousin’s neighbour’s grandson’s dog.
tell her about your plans to tour some other country and the dates. let her waste money booking it and then be all surprised when you don’t go
talk about your plans to dye your hair some neon colour and see if she copies that.
Put out a bird feeder and keep a list of all the birds that (might have?) visited it. Buy some house plants and bore people to death with their progress. Talk about the specials you found at the grocery store. There’s actually a lot of borings we can think of to talk about.
Pick something you will never actually do then bore them to death about it. Could be catching catfish, ultimate frisbee or following a random college team. Mention it once in amongst regular conversations about the weather etc and watch what happens.
I’m constantly surprised by my ability to talk about the weather and how long I can go with that topic. Get a few different places on your weather app and check them occasionally, and that’s it. You’re armed with knowledge.
Would she ever talk about her life or interests if you turned the tables and started grilling her instead?
Otherwise, stick with talking about the weather and cats on Reddit.
Why would you vacation with these people?
Recipes. My neighbour’s apple tree. Deep sea research. Archaeological discoveries.
Things I might find interesting but are not actually about my life or what I’m doing. Really, anything that could come up in my news feed but are without any substance in my life.
I find it easier to grey rock this way. It’s still a conversation, and you can’t be accused of faking small talk or whatever, but they get no information from or about you.
(Unfortunately all the JNs in my life are rather smart, in addition to being abusive and manipulative, and always picked up on the extreme greyrocking, so it was easier to keep them at arm’s length this way.)
Yeah, I remember this phase of newly grey-rocking, and the answer is usually you just stay quiet and let them lead with the convo. Keep it topical and vague, no opinions if possible. My MIL is the gossip queen so she always has something to talk about, the woman hates any silence, and usually ends up reading her FB feed outloud to the whole room to keep talking.
The garden, the weather, what’s on tv
Ask her questions about her life instead of focusing on your life. Or tell her about solo activities, what books you’ve read, what recipes you’ve tried, what shows you’re watching, a scarf you knitted. Things she can’t just join with you (though she can certainly also read that book or watch that show in her own time.)
And get comfortable with awkward silence.