Historically a lot of cultures taught young people to “respect their elders,” though there was a backlash in which a lot of people scorned the idea that age should merit any greater respect. Now that you’re old yourself, what’s your take?
Historically a lot of cultures taught young people to “respect their elders,” though there was a backlash in which a lot of people scorned the idea that age should merit any greater respect. Now that you’re old yourself, what’s your take?
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respect is earned, not grated by age or job title or bank balance
Everyone should start out entitled to the same default level of politeness (which is not the same as respect).
I think you should treat everyone well.
When FDR signed the Social Security Act into law back in ‘35 one of the things he said was, “The love and respect we show our elderly is a measure of our society.” True then. True now.
I believe in the golden rule, but also I do enjoy talking shit to my older relatives now and then who didn’t respect me because I was a kid.
When I was young, I thought I knew everything, way more than my elders. Now I know that I was so incredibly wrong. What’s the old line? “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt.” I should have listened more and talked less. Still learning. But I think that’s a lesson we each have to learn for ourselves.
I think we should be respectful to everyone.
I believe everyone should be treated with respect until otherwise indicated.
I don’t expect respect because I am elderly. I only want respect because I earned it by being a decent human being and caring for others in the way I would hope they care for me.
If you were 21 and woke up feeling the same as most 75 year olds feel you would understand why they should be at least treated with some respect just for going on.
The first cuneiform essay known to exist laments that kids don’t show respect to their elders anymore.
In my estimation, it’s just a thing people complain about, pretending that they and theirs were respectful when they were just as devious a little shit as anyone else.
First of all, can we please use the term elder instead of elderly? They have completely different connotations. That request being made, No one deserves respect simply because of their age.
Respect is earned, it shouldn’t be handed out like a participation trophy.
I’m old, I think if you come across an oldie in physical distress ( fallen down or needs an ambulance) you should help, just as you might for anybody. But I draw the line at obedience being the definition of “respect”.
Treat everyone with kindness… but be especially mindful of those who are frail, weak or sick, regardless of age.
I think that you show respect by giving your seat in any public transport to the elderly for example. That you actually see them as a person.
I don’t want any extra deference, nor do I want to be rendered invisible or written off because of my birth year.
just common respect. No one expects you to be super respectful.
Fortunate to be a very able-bodied 72yo American who lived in Asia (Sapporo, Japan in the 1970s) and has spent time in other cultures. Right or wrong, those and other life experiences make me feel that just living life means you deserve at least an initial “benefit of the doubt” until and unless you show yourself to be a shithole. I sure as hell don’t expect deference; but it’s sad when younger people proclaim that I have to “earn respect” before they’ll treat me like a human being. Fuck that kind of bigotry, bcz that’s exactly what it is.
The elderly have more pain than they used to, they can’t do the things they used to, they’ve seen friends and family die before them. They have knowledge and lived experience we will be lucky to live long enough to acquire. They can’t do anything as fast as they used to. Do they deserve to have people be kind to them? You do the math.
Extra? No. Treat everyone equally well. Call people out for being jerks. Being elderly is no excuse for being an ass.
“Stop traveller and cast an eye,
As you are now so once was I,
Prepare in time make no delay
For youth and time will pass away.”
— Balmoral Cemetery, Belfast
the strong should protect the weak. If someone is weaker than you, show them some deference. this goes for age, disability etc.
In some cultures that ” Revere the elderly”, the elderly are mini dictators, highly authoritarian and basically people can’t wait to get old in order to be jerks to everybody and have it excused. I think you should treat everybody well and that people should be respected to the degree they earn respect. If you were scum when you were 30 you’re probably still going to be scum when you’re 60.
Having said that I do appreciate that by and large people notice my age and are thoughtful about opening doors or offering help with things Etc it’s also nice to not have men say anything to me.
I think being extra courteous to elders is important, and even potentially cutting them some extra slack for minor annoyances. I only truly respect people who have earned my respect.
I believe in respecting everyone, unless they are asshats to me. Then I tell them all about themselves. I will not tolerate rudeness or disrespect from anyone of any walk of life. You get what you give.
(Most of us) were raised in a culture of deference & extra kindness to elders just because they were elders, no matter how crabby they may have been personally. I think it’s only natural that we internalized that custom and — while maybe not exactly expecting it — we notice if it’s lacking. Fortunately, I personally find people very courteous and kind if I’m in public, and I don’t feel like it’s a forced reaction. I think in general younger people are much more sensitive and willing to help than they get credit for.
As we age – and I mean into the 80s, our bodies are more frail, hearing may go, and searching for the words to say something can be frustrating. In a weird way it’s like going backwards into a more childlike, vulnerable state. When I can’t open a jar of pickles bc of my arthritis, and I have to ask my son to do it, I get frustrated. Aging isn’t for sissies. So “respect” might just be an understanding of the person’s position and challenges due to lifespan issues. In my view, assholes in their 30s often stay assholes in their 70s. Not always but more often than not. What I don’t like is when people who are older, like myself, expect respect but have no respect or curiosity or empathy for young people. It goes both ways.
What is “extra” respectful? I engage in polite small talk, I hold doors for people, and let people in front of my car if no one will let them in the lane.
But I do that for everybody. Unless they’re acting like an asshat, in which case I’ll probably tell them off.
I helped and respected older people when I was young.. I help and respect older people now… My mother taught me that
I think it depends. If I see an elderly individual who looks like they’re struggling or confused, I’ll definitely be more likely to go out of my way to assist. Sure, I’d help anyone who looks like they might need it but I also don’t think a 18 year old man is going to need help lifting something and I don’t think the 25 year old woman is going to need help with a smart phone. Someone in their 80s however…. Especially if they look lost or bewildered. But do unto others as you would have them do unto you (and your elderly family members).
But that’s definitely not to say that same individual automatically deserves my respect or deference if they’re going to go off half-cocked racist rant. If you want to go off on some BS racist rant, it’s your right. Just don’t expect me to sit there and tolerate your antics because you’re of a certain age. And if I know you’re an ass, don’t expect me to bend over backwards to show you any compassion, not when you can’t be bothered to show it yourself.
Being respectful is a two way street, all the time. However, it does seem like we have two problems here. First, is there are a lot of bad boomers who are just awful (mid gen x). Second, a lot of kids have not been raised with proper role models and are just running around like feral animals.
Covid definitely did not help.
My mother always taught us that respect should be earned. Not a believer in respecting your elders blindly.
Everyone should be treated with respect and human decency. Simply being old doesn’t entitle anyone to more respect than younger people.
I personally try to show extra kindness to old people. I try to respect them as much as anyone else. Nothing like veneration. In some traditional cultures, old people are meant to be placed on a pedestal.
Here are two things that have changed in our world that have make the veneration less logical:
Old people knowledge is less valuable. The experiences elder have had in their emotional and intellectual development is absolutely knowledge to value, but their technical knowledge is much less so. The world changes more quickly than ever before. This sounds like something people have always been saying, but it actually isn’t. In the year 1700, the world did not change so monumentally between generations that the knowledge of old people would dramatically lose value. Your grandfather could teach you about farming, banking, dating, and business. Now, those institutions change so rapidly that you wouldn’t go to your grandparents for primary knowledge. Before you get your panties in a bunch, I’m not saying that elders don’t know knowledge worth learning, it’s just the fraction of their knowledge that is worth listening to is smaller than it was.
Young people actually have it disproportionately harder right now. They are dealing with challenges that elders are not knowledgeable about. The structure of the American nation has been unraveling, with our infrastructure, social safety net, middle class, health and education systems meaningfully undermined by the ultra wealthy. No boomer alive has any frame of reference for dealing with the challenges of today, and so their value in the current crisis is lower than the value an elder would have had in previous crises.
What do you have to do to “deserve” awareness and consideration? It’s called vulnerable populations – elderly, children, disabled or chronically ill – those who are less able to advocate or care for themselves. Sure some of those folks may not have led exemplary lives. But we, each of us, will be among that crowd some day and may need the kindness of others.
older people should absolutely be treated respectfully.
Avoiding the obnoxious or abusive geriatric citizenry is recommended.
With age hopefully comes wisdom. No need to be deferential. I think we should treat each other with respect by default. It has little to do with age. We just need to learn from each other. It’s certainly not about some kind of hierarchy. I had enough of the generation gap in the 60’s. Instead of pigeonholing each other we just need to communicate. Being kind to each other helps as well. Sounds simple. I wish.
I treat everyone the way I want to be treated. And I match energy….if they are assholes they get the asshole in me right back. (Dementia patients are given much more leeway.)
I’m nice to them out of pity, at least until they say something racist or are just assholes.
There’s an old joke about a guy who was trying to persuade a young woman to sleep with him. She asked,
“But if I sleep with you tonight, will you respect me in the morning?”
“I don’t respect you now. Why would I respect you in the morning?”
Point being: An uncaring, disrespectful person doesn’t respect anyone at all. Not even themself.
I have always treated people with respect until they prove they don’t deserve it. I see no reason to change my policy now.
I think karma is cruel , so treat them the way you would want to be treated,bif your actually lucky enough to live that long.
I respect the respectable. If you are a horrible person, then no. There are people who squander their limited time on this earth learning how to be a worse asshole.
Respect is earned, not given.
Treating your elders, or anyone for that matter, with decency until they can earn it should just be the default.
Maybe we should just treat everyone respectfully.
It is common compassion. When you get older you will learn first hand how hard life becomes with advanced age.
Just be nice to everyone, no matter age. Kindness is contagious
The default position is to treat everyone well, right up until they show they aren’t deserving.
As one of those so-called “elderly”– a name I really dislike– I always appreciate it when younger people are respectful. I was taught as a kid to respect those who are older, and I think it make sense. But as others have noted, it’s a good idea to be respectful to everyone– good manners should never go out of style.
When they say respect your elders it’s not about old people. It’s about children respecting adults, which they should definitely do. I don’t mean they should do everything they ask or let themselves be exploited, I just mean it’s good to teach your children to respect adults as adults in charge, and yeah, despite what some people think adults should be in charge over children.
AGAIN I don’t mean to the point that you do anything an adult tells you. I mean respect, as in don’t talk to them in a demeaning way and listen when an adult in charge talks. Such as teachers or other group leaders.
The reason why is because when they don’t respect them, chaos ensues. Kids don’t learn. They aren’t paying attention. They aren’t doing what they’re supposed to do within the group. Having an adult in charge keeps everyone on task.
It doesn’t mean you have to allow yourself to be abused by an adult out of respect though.
Many cultures do respect the elder population. What happened to America? The younger people are so disrespectful to older folks. The children have no respect, and the older folks sure don’t feel safe around younger people. The American culture has gone to hell.
I’m always surprised when young’uns show me deference because of my age. It’s rather nice, actually, when someone offers me a seat, or to help me carry the groceries out to my car, or listens attentively when I babble. And it’s fun to pretend I’m somehow less capable than I actually am– just because niceness goes both ways. 🙂
We should respect everyone, at least most people. As kids in the 60’s we had to called most adults, Mrs, Miss or Mr. We were only allowed to address an adult by their first name, if they told us we could.
I haven’t referred to anyone by Mrs/Mr./Miss in at least 40 yrs, lol.
Paraphrase, ““When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
Old people have wisdom which is something you gain right after you needed it. So I think they should be treated with respect. Also know that some of their behavior they can’t help do declining faculties and onset of dementia. So some of their antics need to be forgiven but they do have a lot of experience and wisdom to offer.
Nobody should tolerate an abusive situation, but barring those, I do think the elderly deserve respect and frankly, they can teach you younguns alot! LOL!
Be honest, young people (I include myself of 50 years ago) are arrogant know-it-alls. We think the elderly are stupid and “that may have been fine for your days but not mine.” As we move through life, we discover just how much we didn’t know. Old people typically have good intentions and want to help young people to avoid the pitfalls they discovered.
On the other hand, I have discovered that it is pretty futile to try to persuade young people. They usually discount or blow off any advice the elderly give to them. It seems as if every generation has to repeat the same mistakes and work through the same problems. Frankly, I get bored with young people blabbing away their great ideas and ideologies and philosophies when I know they really don’t crap about what they saying. But I’m learning to keep my mouth shut and just shake my head and move on.
I’m 67 and grew up with six siblings, we just naturally respected our elders and I feel the elderly should get a little more respect. we went through many many more years and that gained us a lot of wisdom… the young will be smart to listen to us.
I think many young people don’t understand just how much the elderly have experienced, learned, and done in their lives. This means that in their old age, they have experience and learning that can benefit younger people IF those younger are receptive to it.
I was one of those young people in certain ways and I missed opportunities because of it. Now that I’m older I see others missing out on opportunities because they are very self-absorbed, even if not disrespectful as such.
If I were to go back and do it again, I’d spend MUCH more time to be available, respectful, and caring for those whose wisdom and acceptance would have meant so much to my life.
I’m rude asf to rude boomers.
I earned the right. How’s that?
I’m middle aged, but here’s my take: younger people are unaware of the things that change and decline as we age. Please don’t be angry at older people on the road. They may not see and/or hear as well. Their depth perception and judgement aren’t as sharp and they may be hesitant at the wheel. Also, it may be more difficult to turn their head and neck to see oncoming traffic, pedestrians, etc…
I am polite to everyone . If they are rude to me then I am indifferent, regardless of age
Eh I prefer to be respected for my humanity, ethics, empathy rather than my age. It would be different if I were a tree, but I’m not. I’m not due respect for my mere existence or longevity.
I got this far without dying or being thrown in jail. Maybe you should listen to me.
Something I say regularly to younger motorcycle riders.
Respect me, I’m awesome ’cause I didn’t die!
Nah! just be nice to everyone – it makes life better
Why would I deserve extra respect simply for being old? I only want the same respect that any other person deserves.
There’s a wide range of attitudes on this if you include all countries. Some are very abusive and controlling.
Respect has to go both ways. If it’s only one way then it’s not going to work.
I think it’s the idea that elders have more life experience and have worked longer so they’ve earned respect. Plus they can get frail and need some gentle care kind of like babies. We should show respect for everyone but I certainly put up with more from my elderly MIL than I did when she was younger.
I don’t know. All I can say, as a wobbly, forgetful, oldie, I’m continually surprised at how sweet and patient young people are with me.
I’d like to thank them all, and I make sure to treat them with kindness and respect in return.
Young people need to be told that because, yes, youth is arrogant. I’m a baker. I work and have worked with a lot of young people. I remember, for example, this one girl just out of high school. We were her second job in life, her first being three months at a Little Ceasar’s pizza joint. She said to me, she didn’t feel our manager, a master baker and that year’s dessert chef of the year according to one trade magazine – she didn’t feel he treated her like an equal. I had to tell her that’s because we were not his equal. It’s like that with many many young people.
Everyone deserves a basic level of respect until proven otherwise.
Humanity goes through periods of cultural evolution and we are starting to see those quicken as the years go by. The reality is that things change and evolve and a thing that is understood and common now may not have been in the past. I think this might be a case where you need to be a little deferential to someone who may not understand how terms and ideas have changed in their lifetime.
Of course I am not talking about overt racism or things like that. And yes, older people need to learn to update their cultural software regularly so as to not be offensive. But I have to admit that it is hard to keep up with how quickly things change not to mention how some terms and ideas have changed very recently. It seems like sometimes we adopt these new concepts and give everyone 5 seconds to get on board before we start shouting at them.
I think everyone with any limitations should be treated with respect and dignity.
We should treat everyone with respect and dignity but those with limitations should be at the top of the list.
I have to admit that the respecting your elders phenomenon has grown weak with time especially in certain communities. I know of many teenagers who now don’t know what respect is and feel that it is important to rudely walk out of a discussion or shout loudly to prove themselves right. Many say that nobody deserves respect until they earn it. Sure, everyone needs to earn respect but you got to put it into perspective.
If a child has a tantrum, we are patient with them. They deserve no respect for their actions but we give it to them anyway. I hold this for old people. Nobody can imagine what it is like to be old and not having control of your body or mind as you age. You basically will go back to being children who need to be taken care of. But old people are different than children because society puts all the blame on them for the current state of bad decisions from the past so I think this is where they are treated differently and disrespected and ignored more than any other age group. The vultures are circling waiting for you to do die. Younger people want your material possessions or your job or whatever you have accumulated. You also become more of a burden on society
Traditional societies, particularly in Eastern cultures, have historically placed a high value on the wisdom and knowledge of elders, often seen as anchors providing stability and order. However, with the rise of modernism and individualism, respect is becoming increasingly linked to individual accomplishments and actions rather than solely based on age. As younger generations find themselves caught up in the latest trends or technologies, it’s important to also take the time to listen to and learn from seniors can offer a much-needed perspective on life.
younger generations, especially Gen Z, are growing up in a world where values of self-expression, individuality, and equality are prioritized. This can lead to a belief that respect should be a two-way street and that their opinions and perspectives should be heard and considered, rather than simply accepting the views of older generations without question.
Respecting seniors doesn’t have to involve grand gestures—it’s about the small things
Take Time to Listen
Offer Help When Needed
Include Them in Conversations
Was caring for my elderly dad when working in IT at a Fortune 500 corp.
A slew of Chinese folks, both from Taiwan and the mainland, were brought in for a large project.
And I suddenly was getting mucho respect for running home at lunch to check on dad, etc.
I was stunned, having gotten only sighs and eyerolls from US coworkers before. It’s all cultural.
Everyone deserves basic respect, it doesnt mean blind obedience. The elderly have so much information and we would be ignorant without them
elderly people deserve to be respected, they need a special care and treatment
Always deferential, helpful to the elderly and prioritize them 1st.
I’m 67 years old. Although people suggest that we should respect our elders, generally, I have found it to be the exact opposite. I feel that we live in a culture that worships youth and that when you become older, you become invisible. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve tried to get help in a store and I’m completely ignored. I am caregiving for my 88-year-old mother and did the same for my husband’s parents, and I found that people are pretty much willing to run them over because they are too slow or people lose patience with them because they can’t hear as well or move fast enough. I personally have not experienced the extra respectful or differential treatment.
What successful society has not?
Seriously, how can a society be successful if age is derided and youth held up?
I wonder if this has any effect on schools, or public places, or respect for qualified educated people, or the flood of influencers selling superficiality to kids, or……
Clearly you learn a lot from life that’s not cultural or imbued by all the idiots who think what’s important is something that is not. Therefore showing respect to those with the wisdom learned by experience and not just immersion as in birth school work death. I’m cranky at having to point something like this out I’m cranky damn it.
A lot of commenters here are saying you should, basically, be kind and respectful to everybody. I agree with that wholeheartedly.
At the same time, it has become fashionable for younger people to sling the term “Boomer” at any older person they disagree with, or are jealous of. Many are not ashamed to let you know they blame “Boomers” for their own hardships in life.
Ironically, many of the people being insulted with the term “Boomers” are too young, or in some cases too old, to be members of the baby boom generation.
Stereotyping anyone is just stupid, in my opinion.
Most people learn a thing or three in their time around this sun. And they might not be willing to share that with someone who treats them like dirt.
Conversely, and lot of people turn into crotchety old bastards. In which case saying please and thank you and sending them packing quickly is easier than putting up with them.
But I don’t know any old people who won’t make your life worse if you come across as a jerk. All we got left is time to be obstinate.
And, as others have said, why would you not start off being respectful of anyone? Does it take a lot more effort to do so towards the elderly?
Treat everyone the same. However I will assist someone elderly if it is obvious they need assistance.
Respect is earned. Courtesy is given to all until it is not returned. Then you get what you deserve. I’m old. I try to be kind to everyone.
I get a senior discount here and there so I guess I qualify as old now lol. I say nah. Respect is earned, and not just by remaining alive.
Everyone deserves respect the problem I found when I was young and now later aswell is the term wasn’t used to gain respect but bully people and a do what I say as I have more respect more knowledge and yes while the older you are you do have more knowledge but most of its out of date and not applicable any more everyone deserves basic respect if you see and old person struggling you should try to help but they shouldnt be put up on a pillar or anything like that
Most old people have amassed a large amount of knowledge during their extended stay. Some have amassed a lot of wisdom with it.
When I was younger I found i always got along better with older people (70-80 years old). They had interesting stories, some grand, some about everyday life, some about minutiae so obscure most weren’t even aware. I found them to be a treasure trove of knowledge and occasionally wisdom as well.
How about just practice the golden rule? Many seniors are very nice people. Many have been horrible all their lives and now seem innocent because they are doddering old fools. No need to be extra nice. . .just follow the golden rule.
Respect is earned, but kindness is free.
An asshole is an asshole at 22 and also at 72.
>What do you think about societal expectations of being extra respectful or deferential to the elderly? Deserved or not deserved, and to what level?
I think it’s a good idea to generally honor those who are older than yourself (and it’s not because I am 63, either – I’ve always been polite to older people), and my logic is simply this:
Humans are social animals. We derive our sense of self in part by our relationships with other people. Also, many/most of the lessons in “life” are cyclical – and occur again and again and again over the generations. So, to have an older class of people in your society who have “seen this before and know what it is” is useful because it provides consistency and context to a life which would otherwise have to endure every little thing as if it were new.
My own very elderly grandmother, upon hearing from me (when I was in my late 20s) concerns about a relationship and “finding the right person”, assured me that things would work out. She related stories of this, and stories where things did not work out because people did not trust in themselves or did not open their eyes as to the potential issues in any relationship. Her advice calmed me, and gave me perspective that I otherwise lacked at that age. I followed her advice, and now (at age 63) have been married more than 30 years.
“Nothing is new under the sun” – and the people to tell you about this are the old people.
I think there are timeless values that span across cultures. Respect for the elderly is one of them.
So I’m 64. When people older than me treat me with respect (or younger for that matter) then they get respect in return. If they are rude to me then I’ll either just ignore them or they get rudeness back.
Age makes not a shitbit of difference. If someone is a decent person, they’re worthy of respect. Just because someone managed to keep themselves alive for a long time doesn’t mean they’re a good person.
I respect anyone that deserves it, of any age. Many don’t deserve it and you can easily tell who they are.
I think that people of all ages should be treated with respect.
My default is to treat everyone with respect. I’m in the South, so everyone is a Sir or a Ma’am. I suppose I’m more patient and solicitous toward the elderly. Having said that, an elderly person is not always right or reasonable (no more than folks at any other age), so I may need to tell them “no.” Respectfully.
Depends on if you’re related to me and you’re also treating me with respect. Don’t care who you are or how old you are – if you aren’t reciprocating with appropriate respect, you don’t get to demand that of me. Your advanced age does not automatically translate to greater wisdom or better life experience.
Now that I’m old(er) myself, if you don’t want to respect me because of my age, that’s fine. You ‘re free to make your own mistakes – just don’t look to me to pay for them.
Today there’s generally less interpersonal respect for people than there was 30, 40 years ago. Just less common courtesy and politeness in general. People go around treating each other with open hostility, contempt, and disrespect today. Lots of reasons for that.
I think it is yet another rule of society that is honored much more in the breach than in the observance
At one point, cultures and societies changed slowly, and wisdom gleaned over decades about things like crop cycles, animal migrations, animal husbandry, hand crafts like weaving and woodworking, they represented important stores of knowledge. A modern person who is familiar with carbureted engines or DOS programming or mid century farming practices is hopelessly out of date, their knowledge just flat out doesnt apply to many situations, but because of the previous practice of elder veneration, they insist it should rather than accepting the facts. Like, farmers plant with a GPS guided tractor, using modified seeds, with a drone shot plot of where more fertilizer or more water would get a higher yield out of a few square meters. “I didnt need all that!!” You’re right grandpa, but thats whats used now, and no amount of yelling at clouds is gonna change that.
no need for extra- treat everyone with kindness and respect until the show they don’t deserve it.
Are you a person or a dick-head? If someone is old, you give them your seat on the train. Also pregnant women. And women with children. or someone with a physical problem. In my opinion fuck societal expectations. Just don’t be a dick.
It’s not totally age, it’s does this person need a little help? I’m cresting on 70. I will give up a seat to someone who needs it. If I’m having a gout attack, I appreciate someone giving me one.
Just be people.
You should be extra respectful to everyone
I am elderly. I expect to get the same level of respect everyone else gets. Not put down and told by society that I am a nuisance because I receive Social Security and Medicare (for now!) that I paid for, and because I live in my own house that I paid for and that they want and think they deserve more than I do. And that I should, if working, step aside, and if not working just hand over all my money and die. Oh, I’m also told I should not be allowed to vote, and that every single thing wrong with the world is my fault.
I am of two minds. One is that being deferential to relatives or anyone else who treats you like crap just because they’re old has to end. Two, wow, you don’t really know how vulnerable older people are in every way or how hard it can be to be old until you are. Older people need a little extra consideration. Unless they treat you like crap. 🤣
Everyone deserves respect. I show special respect to those much older than me.
In the past we allowed far too much bad behavior, that’s why No Contact with many of our parents has become a thing. I’m Low Contact with my 2 narcissist parents.
I will make sure they get the care they need, but I won’t be doing it myself. Years of mental abuse didn’t earn them my unconditional loyalty, I did not ask to be born or cause my neglect. I value my own family’s mental health and safety more than them. While I do love them I do not respect or trust them. The end for me was when my Mom started a fight with me a day after my chemotherapy, she needed me to agree the guy selling oranges on the street was working for a cartel. She personally harassed him while on a phone call with me. Truly ugly.
For people that can’t understand why boundaries are important, please watch Jerry Wise on Youtube.
Fear and Frustration. And constant physical pain. Those are the main reasons an elderly person’s personality may change, causing them to behave “badly” in public. (besides, Alzheimers/memory loss, etc.)
As my parents age, it’s been heartbreaking to watch them slowly lose their physical and mental capabilities. And many elderly often respond to this by struggling against it, for years, until they can accept it.
My Dad, 82, still drives, but this year he’s gone from driving the speed limit+, to driving 30 mph on average. Now he’s angry at other drivers for ANY perceived slight, and honks.
He’s frustrated that driving is harder than it used to be, causing him fright. He’s frightened alot, now, by things that never upset him before- my dog barking, ANY driver speeding, going out after dark, etc.
But he has SO much life experience, he is a treasure trove of experience and wisdom for anyone, it’s just harder for him to access it now.
So, I think that we should be courteous, and assume respect as the default. Then, we should be compassionate when having to set boundarys with them.
I try really hard to respect everybody, not just one specific group or anything. When people act crappy or mean, it is hard for me to remain respectful.
I always loved having older people around and giving a hand where I could, or just being available to chat. I felt it was a great privilege to have elders in amongst us, my grandparents died so long ago. I dont see as many elderly people these days as I used to, which is saddening. I think it’s mentally and emotionally enriching to have an age spectrum available to us and all ages to be honoured.
One should be kind to children, deserving or not. One should be helpful and accommodating to the infirm, whether or not you think they’ve earned it. One should be respectful to others, even if the others demonstrate that they don’t deserve respect.
The elderly are infirm, often needing assistance and have lost the ability to reason as an adult. We should show them respect.
For elderly, I try to remember that someday I may be their age and think about how would I like to be treated.
I treat everyone with respect until they display a lack of respect towards others. Being young or old has no part in this decision. An asshole is an asshole regardless of age.
I was raised far away from extended family, so didn’t see aunts, uncles and grandparents aging. My cousins, who were raised close to extended family have a better sense of what it means to get older, and how to have good relationships with the elderly. Now I’m old and have great relationships with the elderly (haha) but would like to interact with more young people.
I graduated from college with a perfect GPA, but I’m now a senior citizen, and learning new things takes a lot more effort than it did when I was young. Reading has become more complicated because I now skip over words because I don’t see them. I also walk with a cane now. The respect that is given to the elderly isn’t merit based. It’s simply being kind and respectful to anyone simply because they are human. Your ability to be kind to the elderly also speaks well of your humanity.
I respect people in general as a starting point, until they prove themselves to be unworthy. Having worked with coworkers old enough to be my parents & even grandparents before, I learned quickly that they thought they could disrespect me because they had kids my age. When I pushed back & stood firm, they learned to grow up some.
It’s funny- the custom seems to have died out just in time for when it would have applied to me.
We were trained to respect our elders so we did. I don’t care if anyone outside my family respects me or not. I’m 82.
I treat everyone with a general level of respect unless they do something to lose my respect. If you are not going to be nice and respectful of other people there is no reason you should be respected just for being old.
Things like giving a seat up on the bus, train etc I agree with though if they clearly need it and you don’t, I don’t think that is a respect thing though I think that is just being a nice person, they will be old one day and need that seat too.
Everything has to be new to get old and new wouldn’t exist without old. So there is that truth to consider.
One person of any age can be respectful to another person of any age without needing to show reverence or admiration of any kind. It’s as simple as just being courteous to one another in your daily interactions with other people.
I think respect is due to most people, regardless of age, unless or until they demonstrate otherwise.
Deference? Eh. Context matters. It’s not inherently due to age, but power and wisdom are both hierarchical. I’m pretty sassy, but there are certainly people I’m deferential to because of their position or their superior expertise. “Young people” aren’t exempt from behaving appropriately any more than I am.
This hasn’t happened in about 20 years.
It is deserved….except when it isn’t. Crochety old people were generally crotchety young people. You don’t have to be mean but you can walk the other way.
You respect those who deserve it, no matter the age. Just because you are old, doesn’t mean you deserve respect. You get what you give.
I believe in being courteous generally, and providing some wiggle room for the infirm regarding their behavior. However, the loudest voices in the “respect your elders” tribe are old enough to remember when elders were respectable.
Treat everyone kindly, but blanket additional respect for older people just because they’re older is bullshit.
No 30 year old owes me an additional measure of deference or respect just because I’m 55.
The older folks who harp about not getting respect from younger people are, generally speaking in my experience, the sort of people who deserve no deference for any reason at all. They think they got smarter just because they got older.
I would like to be treated with respect. Most of the time, I am. I host a trivia show once a week and we have teams of young players (college age) and they are always very kind and respectful. Most of them call me “sir” a lot, which I still find a bit funny. I was in the Navy and worked within the DOD for most of my working life, and I was always the one addressing others as “sir” or “ma’am” (even people younger than me). So it’s just sounds funny for young people to be saying it to me now.
I’ve learned that you get respect by giving it. Treat others kindly in most situations and you’ll have it returned.
Simple concept, but it works.
I think be patient with them and offer physical assistance if needed/asked for. But no need to be deferential or put up with bad behavior just because they are older than you. I agree we should just be kind to everyone. But not put up with BS.
It shows your character how you treat the elderly.
I believe it is correct to respect the basic humanity of others we come in contact with. That doesn’t mean obsequiousness or obedience, but to basically treat them in such a way that we consciously do not make their lives difficult if instead we can make them easier.
I don’t think respect should be earned, but I do it can be increased as one finds out more information about another person, and I definitely think it can be lost.
Tl; dr? Don’t be a jerk. It really is that simple. (Though sometimes, not that easy.)
As an older man I can say from experience that I often feel like Rodney Dangerfield: I don’t get no respect.
People who’ve been on the planet a while have likely had interesting and even amazing lives, led quietly and without braggadocio. A polite interchange between a younger person and an elder can lead to amazing stories and insights…if you would but listen.
I’m old. Respect is earned, so I don’t expect strangers to respect me. I do wish people were a bit more courteous. Hold the door for me (I’d do it for you), don’t beat me into the elevator, give me a seat on a crowded bus. Just common courtesy.
You should treat everyone with respect but there should be a bit extra respect, at first at least, for anyone who managed to survive into their senior years and is on their way out.
If they subsequently demonstrate that they are worthy of any respect at all, you continue to show respect.
If they turn out to be complete shits then you don’t have to show them very much respect. No need to shit on them but perfunctory, minimal manners is fine.
I see much positive comments made about respect but also too, while we older folks are still alive, we’ve slowed up as the world continuous to evolve. For some of us, we’ve not only slowed up physically, but mentally as well. It may be harder for us to comprehend new and exciting things as the world continues to evolve.
I think it’s wise to treat elders with respect, generally speaking and until proven otherwise. it demonstrates that you understand they have more life experience and you could learn something from that.
It also shows appreciation for the hard work they’ve put in so you can have what you do now.
And, in terms of things like offering them your seat, their bodies simply aren’t as strong and stable as yours.
You should be respectful to every living thing. Pretty simple.
I was taught by word and example ( during Jim Crow days ) that EVERYBODY is SOMEBODY.
I live by that rule so everyone but the Littles got a “ Mam” and “ Sir”.
The little ones get called “ Sweetheart” because I’ve seen too many treated harshly by their parents.Some children look so surprised when spoken to kindly….
« Boomer » is an accepted insult. I will be calling my younger colleagues who call me that « kiddo ».
I was taught to respect my elders. But I was taught to respect everyone. Someone deserves respect, until they don’t. If a person is disrespectful, cruel, spiteful or generally just an asshat of a person, no they do not automatically deserve your respect.
However I’ve seen a large movement of younger generations generally writing off and disrespecting their elders. This is a dangerous cycle for the younger generations. You’ll blink, and it will be you. You will find that you travel through your life faster than the speed of light.