I heard that men tends to be meaner and meaner when they fall out of love. I see guys be indifferent, cold , cruel and distant but still say “idk” when they are said what they want to do with the situation.
When you feel like that do still stay? Why? Are you still unsure? Or you just don’t want to regret it afterwards?
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I heard that men tends to be meaner and meaner when they fall out of love. I see guys be indifferent, cold , cruel and distant but still say “idk” when they are said what they want to do with the situation.
When you feel like that do still stay? Why? Are you still unsure? Or you just don’t want to regret it afterwards?
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I haven’t been in love since my ex girlfriend 4 years ago. It feels like just going through the motions. Trying to create some feelings but failing too and eventually just becoming distant until you eventually end the relationship/ situationship.
>I heard that men tends to be meaner and meaner when they fall out of love.
Meaner, yet they’ll be taking time they don’t have to, to answer your question. That’s a contrast.
It’s a slow, slow ebb and happens over years, or it did for me. I think there were 2 events, about 9 months apart which were fairly significant. I won’t go into details but after that the marriage was lost. The remaining time was just mopping up the last of emotion.
Last week I looked at my wife, sat next to another man, and thought to myself ‘Wow, they’d make a lovely couple’ and I felt no jealousy. At that point I realised I didn’t love her anymore and in fact hadn’t for years.
I still stay for my children. Loosing 24/7 access to them would be awful. I also feel I ower it to them to stick around and be there for them. Really, I decided to throw myself under the bus for them.
I don’t think it is actually that gradual. I had been worn down over time with just accusations/stressors but I never fell out of love with them. It was only when something happened that pushed me over the edge (not infidelity mind you) that made me realize I can’t put up with certain behaviors long term. I told my ex immediately when I realized this, as I respected her enough to not waste her time if I knew I couldn’t marry her given those behavioral patterns. All the while, I loved her immensely. I didn’t monkey branch or cheat, I just severed the relationship while still fully in love. I just knew that instant that no matter what we would do, it wouldn’t work. I don’t know if that answers your question, but my behavior didn’t change at all prior to the split. No coldness, no avoiding, nada. It was a bit of a blindside I guess but she just acted in such a way one time that made me realize things weren’t going to change at all and I had to end it.
love is like a bonfire, it burns out if unattended and that’s usually how people fall out of love.
so when a relationship is neglected or when i felt that way i’d initially start by trying to rekindle, if that got shut down that’s when the falling out of love starts to happen.
you’d grow less tolerant of someone because you’re giving back the energy they give you.
I could tolerate my partner doing things i don’t particularly like because i love them, with a roommate however i’d be less tolerant so it’s not so much the being ‘meaner and meaner’ or ‘indifferent, cold , cruel and distant’ it’s more that you start treating someone according to the relationship they have to you.
Falling out of love is 9/10 times something both partners are complicit in.
Imagine how it feels to go to your favorite restaurant and when you found out that your fave food is not on the menu, you feel nothing; not even sad.
I remember, once, years ago, being in a short-term relationship where it just eventually felt like I was only doing it because I was supposed to. I guess that’s close to what you mean. It’s not a great feeling- you know you have to do something, since it’s kind of faithless to stay put when you don’t mean it, but also (unless you really screwed up) breaking up with someone is gonna hurt them, at least a little. There’s also the possibility that you broke it off right before things were gonna come around, for all you know.
I don’t recommend the feeling very much.
The way a lot of guys deal with stress is go into our nothing box. If our relationship is causing us stress that’s where we are going.
Want to know why we seem cold, distant, etc? Because we are that’s how we deal with our stress. We might seem cruel because we are trying to be in our nothing box and something is trying to get in.
Pretty much you realize everything you felt was’t real and move on. Many guys will go chase that feeling again, because they are ambivalent about whether that feeling was real.
They dont get meaner. They just become more distant. Your insults or compliments dont matter.
Men mostly need to remind themselves why they are falling out of love. You see we know when something is unforgivable but its hard for us to let go so we just have to remind ourselves what caused us to break up/fall out of love. That is I think what makes it seem we are being meaner.
Most men are told their entire lives to suck it up. So we cant go ballistics day one or until we completely break. The easiest thing to do is be distant and take it slow.
Indifference and coldness. Just stop caring about our life together.