I have an idea of what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like from a woman’s perspective, but I want to know how men feel.
How do you love your partner? What are the arguments like? How do you give to them and how do they give to you? What is intimacy like for the moth of you?
What are key things that should be acknowledged? What would your partner do that would make it an unhealthy relationship?
Thanks for any answers!
Edit: I feel like I need to add some context – my long term relationship has turned verbally abusive (from him). The manipulation and abuse has clouded my mind and changed my perspective on not only who I am, but what a normal, healthy relationship looks like.
Comments
I’ve never been in a healthy (longterm) relationship. But a healthy one, is a relationship where the other person isn’t controlling you, dodging questions and is vulnerable and honest. But most people that date today, are seeking a (future) supply.
Arguing doesn’t need to be shouting. Good lord I have an ex who would tell me I was an asshole for trying to de-escalate arguments she started. Then when I tried to say it’s okay or get away from her rage she’d get louder and aggressive.
The insulting thing was people told me that’s how “certain” people are. WRONG.
So, just avoid that.
Healthy relationships look like giving each other space and love based on respect for each other. If you cannot manage that basic thing just go be single.
A healthy relationship is where you both support each other, respect each other and go out of your way to please, love and nurture the other. Even putting yourself second, on occasion, so the other person can thrive.
An unhealthy relationship is unbalanced where one invests more in the relationship, way more, than the other. One takes, one gives. Now, there are people who actually like this dynamic but, in my own personal view, that comes from a place of trauma rather than from mental good health.
As a man, it can sometimes feel almost impossible to navigate relationships with women.
It’s like being a background character in her emotional narrative—when her mood shifts, the whole atmosphere follows. Suddenly, you’re cast as the one responsible for managing the fallout. You can’t solve it, you can’t ignore it, and whatever you try feels like the wrong move. Once she’s upset, it’s as if an unspoken rule takes over: no one in the house is allowed to feel okay until she does …
Watermelon
We don’t argue. Been with my wife 10 years and my gf 5 and I’ve never argued nor felt like nor needed to argue with either of them.
It feels safe and loving.
I can be my authentic self around either or both of them and I’m accepted for who I am.
It feels like partnerships and teamwork.
It feels caring and empathetic.
It feels like effort is put in from all sides.
There’s no confusion. With good communication we can all know how each other are feeling.
It’s fun most of the time.
The effort put into responsibilities ebbs and flows with our energy levels. One picks up when the others cannot.
Intimacy is more than just sex. It’s touch, time together, tantra, cuddles, hugs, eye contact, massages, etc.
There is trust and vulnerability, both physically and emotionally.
There is a desire to spend time together and a space for alone time.
With mine, we actually enjoy being together. We’re each others best friend. No arguments, no bullshit, we work as a team. We support each other and just do things for each other without having to be asked.
10+ years of marriage…..
An healthy relationship is one with no arguments, good communication, frequent outings and a genuine love that’s mutual
A healthy relationship can have arguments. Everyone argues about something.
But a healthy relationship feels a lot like a best friend. When you argue, you can never stay mad for long, even if you try. You can talk about anything. Say anything that’s on your mind. Never worry about saying the “wrong” thing.
You anticipate each other’s needs without thinking or asking. Just living your lives, but together. With a partner.
A healthy relationship shouldn’t feel like hard work. When people say marriage is hard, they either mean they don’t have a good marriage, or they mean that life itself is hard. The hardest part about marriage shouldn’t be the marriage itself, but the things you are trying to accomplish together. House, kids, careers, etc. It’s easier to be alone, because your goals can be more self realized. But there are some goals that take two, and you have to work together at it. That’s the only part that should be hard.
By contrast, an unhealthy relationship feels like constant resentment and stress. You start to hate little things they do, dread what they’re going to say, feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Resentment over things they’ve done or said that never goes away. Questioning yourself constantly. Actively trying to please instead of just living your life.
It sounds like your relationship isn’t healthy at the moment. Why that is, is something only you can answer. But you probably already know.
It’s simple, it’s when you don’t feel like you are the only one doing compromises or actions to please and when you can voice your concern without being belittled and dismissed. healthy relationships have problems too, they are just smart about how they deal with it because they care about each other.
It feels like you can sleep at night at ease without worrying.
Ive never been in a relationship so have do idea, however i do know your unlikely to find them online as anyone healthy wont use social media.
A healthy relationship should make you feel less anxious when you think about it, not more. There should be reliance on one another without either partner being dependent. More often than not, their name showing up on your caller ID should bring a smile to your face, not a feeling of annoyance or worry.
Healthy arguments should be about something. And they should address the problem, not fling barbs just to hurt the other person. If you’re just lashing out at each other, you have some deeper issue that needs to be addressed one way or another.
Married 6 years, dating for 12, 2 kids. We don’t really argue. And if we do, we get over it quick. We never raised our voices at each other. We’re a team in everything, we each do our best, we both want to spend as much time as possible together, and we’re very transparent with each other. The drama comes from what life throws at us, not from our relationship.
First I’m really sorry you’re going through this. When verbal abuse and manipulation are involved, it doesn’t just hurt it reshapes your reality. It can make you question what’s normal, what’s acceptable, and even what love is. So asking this is strong, and it matters.
A healthy relationship, from the perspective of many good men, often looks like this:
You don’t have to stay in a relationship where love feels like pain dressed up as passion. Healthy love doesn’t make you lose yourself. It helps you come home to yourself.
I respect my partner and she respects me. We both continue to give a shit and put in work. When something happens in my life, she’s the first person I want to tell/see. She is my best friend who I also like to put my PP in. 😀
In general, all your relationships. Don’t spend time on people who don’t show you the same respect you show them.
In a healthy relationship, both partners should act like a team. It’s never you vs them; it’s together vs the problem. Also, it’s not healthy to depend on your partner to make you happy and fulfilled. A partner is meant to add to your life, not become it.
A healthy relationship is where the woman loves you more then you her, and she’s younger by few years or so.
Of course the basic ups and downs come like arguments but that’s normal.
I feel safe enough to let my mask down, be held, cry when I have to, and not always be the stoic support person. I am so often the rock for others that when I can soften, I know there is real trust. If you can answer this question with a yes, it’s probably a solid relationship: do you believe she wants you to be fulfilled and supported in your life, and that she is willing to learn to be with your emotions as much as you are willing to be with hers? Another good gauge is if you know that she will be okay without you and you will be okay without her, but you’re CHOOSING to stay because it’s so fulfilling. There has to be that sense of agency, not a sense of staying because you have to.
Somewhat the other person saw your weakest and raw selves and you feel like being loved instead of judgement or distance. Growing up in dysfunctional and emotionally distant family, it still shocks me that I can show someone who I really am and what made me doesn’t bring shame or distress. I know there is someone who always has my back and love me for what I am is such a comforting feeling. My life’s changed a lot. I sleep well, much more relaxed.
I’m of the opinion that most people will only meet their soul mate once, or maybe twice in this life. Most people muck it up due to unrealistic expectations and/or societal conditioning that diminishes their intuition.
Love by it’s very nature is SPIRITUAL. If people come together without their intuition in choosing their potential mate, problems are inevitable. Just replace discernment for intuition if you like. I realize some (due to conditioning) may have never enjoyed the promptings of intuition. There is NOTHING better qualified to equip two adults for a lasting relationship.
Just my advice, but some form of teaching/reading on intuition and how to follow it’s lead can make a remarkable difference. I recommend anything written by Manly P Hall or Shakti Gawain. Many relationship issues stem from so many living in body and mind, with no relationship with their spiritual self.
Instead of the relationship feeling like your pushing a boulder up a hill, it feels like your pushing a boulder down a hill