When people say that you have to learn to love yourself, do they actually mean love love? Like having positive, caring feelings about yourself? How exactly are you supposed to do that? Just sit and think about yourself?
Excuse me if this is a stupid question. I’ve just never understood what exactly is meant by loving yourself. I think the closest I can get is feeling like I’m an okay person, and maybe trying to give myself a break sometimes. But love? I don’t think that’s even close to love. I love other people. I can’t imagine feeling those feelings for myself though. Am I missing out, going around just feeling meh about myself while other people are feeling great?
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I think it’s noticing and taking care of your needs just like you would a friend. I was always “the mom of the group” and always making sure my friends and family members were taken care of-if that meant being a shoulder to cry on or showing up at 2am to pick them up somewhere or sending them surprise coffee money because I know they are having a rough day.
For me, it’s noticing the little things I need like that as well. Taking that break when I need it, talking to myself kindly when I screw something up at work or don’t feel pretty in my outfit etc. I still often times put others needs above my own because I just truly love being there for my loved ones. But, loving myself is taking into account that sometimes I need a little extra TLC too.
>Just sit and think about yourself
Well, no. You don’t just sit around thinking ‘wow I’m amazing’ while doing nothing. Then you’re just conceited at best, a delusional narcissist at worst.
Love is always a verb to me. I love animals so I care for them–I groom them, feed them, work in organizations that provide healthcare, shelter, homes. I love my friends and family, so I call them, speak with them, be there for them, run errands with them, throw celebrations for their accomplishment.
I do things that make me feel like a person I would love. I also do things to show love to my body. I love good people, artists, activists, community liaisons, so I try to engage in behaviors that reflect that. I learn to love myself by focusing on the things I do, the work I do for the community, the hours I volunteer to causes I care about, the creative outlets that allow me to create or explore or appreciate art, I read a lot to be informed and knowledgeable.
Then I do things for my body and mind. I work out a lot to keep my body healthy. I’ve learned to cook to feed myself properly. I prioritize sleeping (still learning to do this) since it’s such a vital part of a good life. I go to therapy and journal a lot to practice on my mental and emotional wellbeing
Love for the self happens as a consequence of all of the above. You’re not actively sitting around saying “I love myself.” You just do things that boost your personhood, health, and sense of identity.
No. It means liking how you look – that doesn’t mean you have to think you’re beautiful! Just that you like how you look however your face and body is shaped. Liking traits in your personality. Thinking you deserve good things. Caring that your body is in good health. Not accepting to be treated badly. Wishing good things for yourself, and working towards them. Not prioritise everyone else over yourself, always.