Recently turned 30 and spent my 20s chasing happiness with drugs, sex, gambling, gaming, traveling, and earning money yet none of these things led me to any form of what I’ve been described happiness feels like.
I’ve realized now at 30 that most will never find true happiness but it’s the pursuit that gives their lives meaning. I’ve tried many pursuits over the last decade and didn’t get anywhere.
I’ve since changed my lifestyle to cut out any and all vices I’ve had in the past that I mentioned and now I focus mostly on my mental and physical health instead, but I find myself in the same place I’ve been, not feeling any better than I did a decade ago.
So my question is; what works or has worked for you to obtain what you consider to be happiness and/or what steps did you take to make the pursuit of happiness enough to drive you towards it in a healthy and successful way?
Open to any and all questions but I’ve tried to seek help/advice from my partner, family, and therapists but haven’t gained anything useful or insightful yet. I truly don’t want a repeat of my 20s in my 30s and would give anything to be a happier person to positively impact the ones around me instead of constantly feeling like a burden.
Thank you all for reading.
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/twinpeaks2112’s post (if available):
Recently turned 30 and spent my 20s chasing happiness with drugs, sex, gambling, gaming, traveling, and earning money yet none of these things led me to any form of what I’ve been described happiness feels like.
I’ve realized now at 30 that most will never find true happiness but it’s the pursuit that gives their lives meaning. I’ve tried many pursuits over the last decade and didn’t get anywhere.
I’ve since changed my lifestyle to cut out any and all vices I’ve had in the past that I mentioned and now I focus mostly on my mental and physical health instead, but I find myself in the same place I’ve been, not feeling any better than I did a decade ago.
So my question is; what works or has worked for you to obtain what you consider to be happiness and/or what steps did you take to make the pursuit of happiness enough to drive you towards it in a healthy and successful way?
Open to any and all questions but I’ve tried to seek help/advice from my partner, family, and therapists but haven’t gained anything useful or insightful yet. I truly don’t want a repeat of my 20s in my 30s and would give anything to be a happier person to positively impact the ones around me instead of constantly feeling like a burden.
Thank you all for reading.
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Exercise. It makes me feel good, get fitter and I’ve met most of my close friends through it.
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You have a partner. Make a list of things you both want to do. Then determine how and when you will do them. Children, house, travel, garden, author, illustrator, artist, etc. You have unlimited potential. Most folks are just to afraid to try (and if you fail, learn from the experience, and try again).
I recently turned 30 and felt similar. Thankfully I have been in a good state. I find I am happiest when I listen to my wife and actually follow through with both her goals and mine. Appreciate moments when turmoil is minimized. Mentally prepare for the next challenge.
Honestly, there was a time I was so happy that I was willingly challenging life to toss the next curve ball my way. Of course, we don’t want those tough circumstances, but to an extent, they are inevitable.
Overall, recognize you are actually doing your best, and you are entirely blameless for circumstances out of your control.
Realize you have infinite potential, and just keep taking life one day at a time. Do your best to make each day worth remembering. I believe in you, and I wish you the best.
Honestly, having gone through shit in my early 20’s (homeless, jobless, far from family, etc.), I had a very negative mindset because of depression and anxiety.
I turned 28 in march and something just “clicked” it’s so weird. I’m 10x more productive at work, started a network engineering course, and I’m still going. I’ll keep going and adding more value to myself until I get where I want to be.
Just be open to change, look for your faults and work on them one step at a time. I’ve been doing therapy for 2 years which helped me being a lot of things to light and I was guided while I found my own answers. Life truly is a rollercoaster, and your mindset is everything. It’s not easily changed but not impossible at all.
Looking inward for peace and happiness instead of trying to get it from external sources. Meditation, breathwork, spirituality, mindfulness, self-compassion, forgiveness, etc
I was similar to you. I had built up what should have been a perfect life. good job, friends, healthy relationship, lived in a cool city, no stress, great health, tons of free time…. and I basically just drank myself to death because ibwas miserable and had no clue what i could improve or do to change it
Turns out it was way easier than all that. All we are, all we need, is already within ourselves, we just have to make a conscious effort to recognize it.
Volunteering. Helping others without the expectation of a “thanks” or a pat on the back. Start small with random acts of kindness – preferably once a day and then it becomes a habit then it (just) becomes a part of your personality. Old people, kids, and dogs can smell kindness in others and want to be around them. Plus you’ll feel better and feel better about yourself as an added bonus.
I got a good appreciation of life. All life. Even the boring bits. I’m not a fan of dickheads though…
Prozac. It was the only way that worked for me.
I’m not trying to force this on anybody, but in my opinion, the only thing that ever has truly brought me, joy and happiness is thinking about eternal things.
Having God by my side, I believe in God and I have technically my whole life believed he has existed.
When I don’t PUT God, first and when I stray away from my spiritual life, I feel like everything else doesn’t really matter.
It’s hard to explain unless you yourself start going to church and building a relationship with God.
Because sometimes life just seems meaningless without having God and I know that all my joy and happiness has come from serving him.
Which means just serving at church, serving other people wherever I’m at and getting to help others.
Even though there’s moments were, obviously, I am disappointed with life.
But through it all, I think we also find happiness in the small things and reading your post.
It makes me realize that I have always wanted to travel, and I have gotten the opportunity to travel. But even if I ever did get to become a Flight Attendant like I have wanted to pursue. I know that in the end having a career getting married or anything else that I desire is not going to always make Me Happy.
And I for sure. Know that drugs and alcohol are not the key to happiness for my Dad has been an addict his whole life, and I hope that one day he can get out of that.
But yeah, I think happiness is something that we have to choose in the small things. No person no amount of money, and nothing else in this world will truly fulfill you the way that God is meant to take that space in your heart.
We were created for him, although he doesn’t technically need us, but I know if you don’t believe in God this will probably sound like a bunch of nonsense.
But yeah, I mean you have to find happiness in the Small Things in Life and try to have a good community around you.
Although I know it’s hard finding real genuine people, but I suggest going to church.
Having good relationships help as well.
Please don’t take any offense to what I say. I don’t mean to offend or be rude if I came off in any certain way.
Blessings : )
I’m a big fan of logotherapy. Grab a copy of man’s search for meaning by Victor e frankle. Everything I could say as advice he could say better and with more authority.
I thought about what I linke doing and what I need for that. I like making music, cooking, pottery, drawing and painting. Turns out I don´t need a huge fancy masion for that, I don´t need a fancy luxury car for that, expensive clothes or other rich people stuff. That´s why I don´t waste energy on the rat race, promotions, always higher qualifications and crawling into asses. My boss called my unambitious and I just agreed with him. Jobwise i have zero ambitions because everything I want is pretty cheap. A normal job is enough and If I manage my money well, I can retire a few years earlier than the others.
You have to figure out what you want, what´s important to you. Maybe try a few things. Learn an instrument, try different sports, crafts or something else and you´ll find something you feel passionate about.
The most important thing is that chasing happiness won´t make you happy. If you chase it, it runs away. You´ll find it by accident in the present moment, not in the future. If you look for happiness in the future, it will always be a distant goal.
Also important, don´t strive for perfection, don´t get hung up on constant improvement. If you´re happy but you think you could be happier, then that´s the moment when you stop being happy. Happiness isn´t a constant state. It´s just momentary.
It helped when I stopped looking externally and accepted the internal aspect of it. Spent my 20s chasing higher positions and money. Spent it lusting after women quite hard too. In the end, simple things are all I need.
At 31 I am in a junior role in a brand new field. Far better work life balance. Far less power and therefore far less stress. I’ve leaned even more into my hobbies and me time. I’ve actually started to factor how I am affected by the decisions I make or don’t make. How my future self will be impacted.
I’ve started to incorporate little trinkets of joy as though treats for the small accomplishments here and there. Small things. Daily things that can be a struggle. At least, used to be.
There’s an old song that says sex ain’t better than love. That’s so true for me.
maybe choices we make when have a choice between g and bad
maybe outcome is combination all those choices
like may be not depending on wrong and fearing consequences