So I’m 19/F and my friend is 20/M, we are both in a friend group with about 10 people.
I’ve known these people for about a year now and about these few months I started getting close together.
About a few days ago we went to our friends’ place with another friend we were all on our friends’ bed, he sat next to me and grabbed two blankets which he placed on the both of us to share it. Then, we were watching a horror movie and I got scared to I tried to close my eyes but he grabbed my hands and told me he would cover my eyes for me. After that, we were both doing something different and his hand landed on my thigh and started rubbing circles on it. Also he would randomly starts ticking me for no reason.
I honestly don’t mind it because I feel like I have a thing for him too but I’m not sure about it yet so I don’t know what to do.
I didn’t talk about it or mention it at all but I think he’s aware of what he’s doing. I don’t know what should I do because I really value our friendship group and if we date and somehow break up, things are going to be awkward for the group.
What if i just wait it out and the feelings would just disappear or should i confront it? What if I picked up the wrong signs from him and he’s just starting to get comfortable with me? I seriously don’t know and I need some advice.
Comments
How about you touch him back
What he’s doing is not normal friend things imo. Touch him back. Flirt with him. If you were dating another guy, would he approve of how your friend is around you? No. There’s something there. If you like him, then do something about it. If not, you’re eventually going to have to cut off his behavior anyway when you do get a boyfriend.
Either way, you are likely to lose a friend or a future boyfriend due to how close you are. And you’ve admitted that you have a thing for him. May as well get something started and see where it goes. You also don’t have to take it too seriously. At your age, experiences and fun are where it’s at. Go have some fun!
Jokingly ask why’re u so touchy tho…see if he’s shy or gets a boost of confidence 😂
sounds like he cares but you should still set boundaries
Regardless, you need to tell him how you feel and that you noticed his actions. He will keep going, but giving him a solid answer will help overall. Yes, No, Take it slow, and Lets fucking go.
So If you are not interested then tell him. He is obviously a good friend so you add kissing and maybe sex to the friendship. Nothing wrong there. Discuss boundaries and everything else should be fine.
Sounds like he likes you. Sounds like his way of “flirting” is through physical touch.
Since you say you feel like you have a thing for him, he probably senses this, and probably is his way of saying he has a thing for you as well.
But now that you both are moving to adulthood, you may want to start clarifying some things so you aren’t like 2 middle schoolers who have a “crush” on each other.
You’re both grown, time to start learning how to have adult conversations about such things.
If you like him back as you say you do.. get in his space, that’s a huge turn on and he will definitely escalate things
Straight men and women don’t have the ability to be friends at the level you currently are. That’s why you’re in a situation where you like him and he likes you. This happens every time. Don’t let Reddit play you like this isn’t the case, MAJORITY of the time it is.
And either way, he isn’t going to want to be “just friends”. The relationship will go one of two ways, either you date and live happily ever after (unlikely at your age, social media era, just very unlikely, however possible) or you ignore it, tell him you just want to be friends and you slowly lose him as a friend anyway because that isn’t what he wants.
You’re just maturing and learning that straight men and women simply can’t be friends at that level. Someone will ALWAYS catch feelings.
Either tell him you like him, or that you don’t and don’t want to be touched anymore. Any half measure will only hurt omborh of you.
Dating people is totally fine and normal, so IF you so like him, don’t be afraid of anything to go for it!
What stands out to me about your post is the extent of your uncertainty.
I have a daughter and we are very close. Not close enough to speak about these kinds of things in detail, but close that I’ve helped easy her mind through some thought experiments when she was faced with uncertainty, especially when emotionally charged as this situation sounds for you.
Ill start with counterfactual. A counterfactual is that which is literally ‘counter’, or against, ‘fact’, and fact is reality and reality is that which is the case, now.
When you feel your mind taking you to the future of ‘what if’ we break up and all the problems that follow or ‘what if’ my friends find out and it complicates things, none of those futures ARE real or current. None of them exist.
What does exist? Your current experience and most importantly emotions. Your current experience as laid out in your post are about a current and real connection. It is real for you because it has lots of emotion surrounding it. Those emotions are not simple, and out of that complexity, you feel uncertainty.
But that uncertainty is both perfectly understandable and necessary: understandable because these things are complex and necessary because you have choices to make.
Emotion is essentially a messenger. When the message is clear, we can easily name it and act on it. When the message is full of static, we are forced to investigate. The investigation leads to understanding that when new things happen, they excite us and excitement is a kind of surprise, they also scare us, and fear is a kind of restraint. So we are left feeling both ready to move, to jump, to engage, yet sitting on the wall, waiting to see what happens. Why are we waiting? Because we don’t have enough information to act on.
You find more information by interacting more. Not simply by letting the same thing happen again: that only amplifies the already present ambiguity. You gather more information by asking questions and generating clarity. As you get clear about your intention and his, those messages will become less filled with static and more clear so as to be named and acted on.
You need to find out, and be honest with yourself, if you want what he is offering. And you need to find out what is it he is offering.
for your safety in mind and body, ask clearly if he wants more than friendship.
regardless of his answer, tell him you need to think about it.
ask yourself, talk with friends, family, consult other resources, etc. to find out if that message is getting clearer.
[What if the message is still unclear? Everything about your mind and body is telling you it doesn’t have enough information. Take care of yourself. If this person is truly your friend or potential partner, they should more than understand your need to take more time when you tell them your unsure. In fact, if they want you, they will find ways to help you make up your mind. Stay open and observant.]
If things work out. Great. You’ve learned something. If things don’t work out. Great. You’ve learned something.
Everything is something we have yet to learn about.
All the best,
This is textbook flirting behaviour lol. I’ve been through it many times. If he’s touching you while watching a movie like that he likes you, if you like him too, you should make a move to let him know.
He is well aware of what he’s doing
Sounds like you both got a thing for each other. I say go for it, touch him back, get closer to him, hug him when it feels right etc. Regarding your friend group, if they are truly your friends, they would not only understand, but also be happy for you two.