We had very dear, old, close family friends visiting from Hong Kong and my mum made fresh scones with the usual accoutrements.
We briefly explained about the controversy re; what order you apply your cream/jam, and they were baffled. Fearing the gravity of the scone debate wasn’t being conveyed, a native Cantonese speaker translated. Their bafflement remained.
Taking it out of context and explaining it to someone from a different culture, it does sound entirely mad.
What are other mad things we do/say here that must seem bizzare for those coming from abroad?
- Keep it light-hearted, folks!
- Perhaps try and leave the great Devon/Cornwall scone debate to one side…
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When ending a conversation on the phone, you have to say bye at least 3 times before properly ending the call/conversation.
I once heard about this absolute lunatic who puts his milk in before the cereal.
From Devon naturally…
There’s no controversy, jam then cream. Jam is spreadable on scone (sc-on), not on cream.
the cultural importance of PJ getting paintballed in the face
Pantomimes. Good luck explaining them to a foreigner.
Also Punch & Judy.
The need to say “I’m really sorry” or “I’m sorry to trouble you” before telling someone they’ve screwed up, and they can then graciously accept your apology.
“I’m really sorry but your dog has just chewed a big chunk out of my leg and ran off carrying my baby.”
“Oh, he’s a scamp isn’t he. Don’t worry though he’s friendly he just wants to play.”
or, to shop worker on your phone
“I’m sorry to trouble you as I know you’re really busy but there’s about 20 people queuing for one till, is there any chance you could jump on before I need to start looking at funeral plans?”
Eisteddfod.
Very hard to explain to anyone who isn’t Welsh tbh.
The Scouse accent
Mr Blobby.
Our love of queues. And the lengths we go to to protect the queue. Though strangely this doesn’t extend in the same way to queuing at the pub.
If i had to think of one then id say it’s the question that many visitors to this country have and which is “why do you all seem like you’re never proud of your country? You English people (or may be the UK as a whole) are always so negative about everything in your country”.
Whilst it might have a simple answer it’s also incredibly complex and layered and deeply rooted within our culture and history and it really would take an age to give a full and proper response to that question.
It IS entirely mad.
Eat stuff the way you like to. There is no ‘right way’, only the way that does the job for you.
The washing up tub in the sink
Most other people just wash dishes under running water, or soak individual dishes, or soak them in a bigger dish that also needs washed.
But having a whole sink tub full of soapy water to keep your diary dishes in? And then once washing time comes potentially not even rinsing them? Absolutely madness
The lollipop man
Debates and disputes about the correct way of making tea.
Morris Dancing.
We need a license to wank.
That the response “not too bad” when asked how you are, can range anywhere from “I’ve lost my job, my wife left me, and I’m having an embolism” all the way up to “I won the lottery yesterday and got laid twice”, and the difference is only apparent in intonation and the position of the eyebrows.
The drinking and drug, party culture.
We’re fucking maddies, I love it.
Sectarianism in Glasgow.
A “cheeky Nando’s”
That the most seemingly polite short phrases in work communications often are a way for us to subtly say the exact opposite whilst maintaining the presentation of our British respectability.
E.g.: “Apologies if I was unclear, what I meant is…”, Translation: “I was crystal fuckin clear the first time but for your sakes I’ll repeat myself.”
E.g.: “OK, well let’s get back to that later.”, Translation: “This is not important and I will be doing everything possible to avoid having to discuss this later.”
E.g.: “I’ll bear that in mind”, Translation: “I think that’s completely irrelevant and will immediately forget it.”
E.g.: “It’s not bad but…”, Translation: “It’s bad.”
E.g. “Hmm, I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea.” “That is the absolute batshit craziest idea I’ve ever heard and for your sakes I’ll pretend you didn’t just say that.”
A national relic we have, named Colin the caterpillar.
I have a Danish friend who cannot understand why washing up bowls are a common household object. His arguement was that the sink (with a plug in) is a perfectly adequate place to wash dishes, and we’re essentially putting a bowl inside a bowl. He’s not wrong…
I don’t really care what order jam and cream goes on scones tbh.
If you cut the scone in half, put cream on one and jam in the other it doesn’t matter which order. Just hold it upside down to change it.
The baffling mix of measurement systems we use, and all just sort of instinctively know which ones to use
We have a friend married to an American lady. They were over here visiting and chilling at ours. A loud bang happened and every single person there just went ‘Ooh loud bang’
We live in a city, so it’s likely to be a car back firing or a firework and we had to explain to a very freaked out American who really wanted to know why we all shrugged it off. It blew her mind that we didn’t care despite it sounding like a gunshot. It’s so outside the realm of possibility we all presumed fireworks before anything else.
“What school did you go to?” Is a seemingly harmless question but is actually someone trying to assess your social class (usually from a posho trying to see if you’re part of the inner circle).
In Scotland/NI, it could be someone trying to figure out if you’re a catholic or protestant.
I was invited to a Scottish household (in Asia) to have tea, and that is the first time I got taught to put a cube of cheese on top of a small cracker. And the fun part is I didn’t know I was lactose intolerant back then.
Point is there is always the first time you learn something new.
Deaf people have their own sign names. It’s like a nickname. And it is often very blunt.
A friend’s sign name could be “purple” because she always wear something purple. Another is called “Debit” like a card because his initial is DD which reminds of us direct debit etc.
Mine is a given, “J-Slut” as I’ve been known to be one and this deaf person from abroad was not quite sure what to think of it…
I start to not be sure what I think of it either.
Roll vs Bap vs Tea Cake vs Barm etc.
Same piece of bread, different name every other town, and all insist they’re right.
Why you have a king when the king has no political power.
Grown adults still asking for a Colin the caterpillar cake for their birthday.
Explaining Guy Fawkes Night to my US colleagues. It was bad enough at uni explaining parkin to someone from London.
The constant smell of weed
The whole pub yelling “eyyyyyyy” when someone smashes a glass. It’s bizarre and I love it.
I tried to explain the Pogues “Fairytale of New York” as a Christmas song (arguably the best Christmas song) to Australians once and it just turned into a big mess. Usually Aussies get us very well, too!
The price of a roof over your head
I just want to say, I hope that your friends from Hong Kong had a nice time. We love Hong Kongers and look forward to seeing them again soon…
Beans on toast.
For breakfast, lunch or dinner.
Many people from countries outside of the UK have never seen a cat flap before. We used to host people from various European countries that came to Kent for a coach holiday and stayed with host families in place of a hotel as it gave them a more unique insight to British life (British home cooked meals many nights, seeing how a British house runs and what the family does and chatting to us. We often had tourists from many countries baffled in a good way at the cat flap. Ours cats loved it as they go treats for coming in and out for the couples to film.
How 2c can feel so cold and also how 22c can feel so uncomfortably hot.
Humidity works weirdly here.
It’s the magic of a Punch & Judy show – kids sit and cheer while a grotesque maniac murders his wife and a policeman and is then eaten by a crocodile.
We somehow went from the richest nation in the world to somewhere that cant afford to clean the streets in the space of 150 years
Once had to explain Bonfire Night to a foreigner. Then had to try and convince her that despite the way everyone was acting it’s not actually a fire worship thing
WE ARE STILL IN EUROPE!!!
We left the EU we didn’t magically move to Africa!!!!