Bf of 2 weeks showed up outside of the cinema i went to with my best friend, in a different town and said ‘did you really think I wouldnt come?’ (Wasnt invited). Also if i said ill hangout thisarvo and wasnt there exactly on time he said ‘i dont like liars’ yeah nah
Not taking my no for a no, it could even be me saying no to a particular event, talk to me and tell things but don’t try to guilt me or invalidate my no. Also I HATE when someone says I am being too girly when I am simply expressing my internal monologue or thoughts. STOP it and leave me.
I found out she tried to run over her ex because he was sleeping with another girl after they broke up. That’s also roughly the time I discovered first hand that women can be stalkers too.
He was texting his Mom on our date telling her how it was going. Then I realized she was not saved in his phone as “Mom” but “Mommy”.
He also asked a lot about kids which at first was a little weird but we actually had a really nice conversation about it. It was nice to see where we both stood on it.
Told his family and friends we were getting married like it was a done deal. Never mentioned it to me. Was a causal relationship from my perspective. Then he stalked me for years after….I had no idea. But he knew far more about my life than was imaginable even several years after we broke up.
I was the red flag I guess. After we had been dating for a few weeks I let her know I used to be into drugs and did molly, lsd, coke and weed. But I let her know I haven’t done any of that in about 4 years. She took it well or so I thought until she texted me the next day due to my past she couldn’t be with me. She was worried I was secretly addicted or worried if her friends and family would ever find out.
Not quite a ‘relationship’ but I when back to his house to use his phone (my mobile died and this was like 18 years ago) and he came out with a shirt off. Which was already kind of a red flag, but even more red was the fact he had a swastika tattoo.
Set a date with a girl. Said let’s meet at this restaurant at this time. She said cool. I’ll see you there at 7. I arrive at 7. Had a reservation. Sat down and waited. Time passed. No text. Messaged her saying hey are you on your way? Nothing. Sat there for another 25 minutes, texted again, waited for 10 and then asked for the check. Saw some friends at the bar, had a charger of bourbons. Girl shows up 2 hours later and asks if I’m ready for dinner. Was like ‘uh…’ *looks at watch* I texted you and hour and a half ago and never heard back. I’ve already moved on with my evening. No apology, nothing. Was like well we can reschedule for another day. Looked at my watch and said ‘sure, I’ll let you know when I’m free.’ Never reached out to set-up another date.
tl;dr: people who don’t respect my time or communicate if they’re running terribly behind.
She drank way too much alcohol. It was normal for her to have a few drinks also on weekdays.
Casually being black out drunk almost every weekend too.
Otherwise she was really nice, but I couldn’t handle that anymore.
If I tried to encourage her to drink at least a bit less, she always called me „boring“ or said something like „it’s normal in my family, everyone drinks“.
She WOULD NOT get out of the car until I walked around and opened her door for her. “Because my life is hard and I deserve it”. And when I say she would not I mean ever. If we were just hanging out and went to Walmart for ice cream or beer.. if we were going to the river to swim… I HAD to open her door everytime. It wasn’t opening her door that bothered me, though it was kinda weird, it was the quote.
When they are too flirty with other people. You can tell when someone is trying to keep their options open. There are some people that are always looking for an opportunity to trade up.
He never drank alcohol, never thought anything about it.
Drank alcohol in a group of new people, got fucking aggressive and beat the shit out of a guy and almost me.
Next morning he said he didn’t remember a thing but over the next days he got angry cause the other people blocked him from everything and said he was dangerous.
“It wasn’t even that bad, I just hit XY and…”.
So, he remembered everything and somehow it was my fault. I was terrified and kicked him out of my life.
Keeping the truth about sexual history with a close friend hidden. Them sweet talking and staying up together, her touching him intimately in front of me.
She berated a waitress for smiling at me. To be clear it wasn’t some seductive type smile. Just a smile a waitress gives everyone. Her insecurities showed through way too hard on that. I finished our meal. Gave the waitress a 100% tip for putting up with that, dropped her off at her apartment, she asked me if I wanted to come up, I told her I’m blocking her number and she should be embarrassed for how she acted.
Yelling at me in public… I 32f confronted him 36m about something that was bothering me (I caught him in lies) and he started to raise his voice and swear at me in the shops.. I noped right out of that relationship. Makes me question what he would have been capable of doing to me behind closed doors. Was really scary.
he just lied for the hell of it. i’d ask him what he had for lunch that day and he’d say pizza, and then i’d see a wrapper for a burger when i opened the trash can. figured if he could lie about meaningless stuff he could lie about much worse
I was doing the dishes, not even aware we were in a fight. Just standing there scrubbing a pot and I (almost in bullet time) saw a bottle of bleach sail thru my vision and explode against the wall right in front of me, then had a woman screaming at me. That was when I realized I wasn’t going thru this bullshit anymore. I grabbed a hand towel, dried my hands, walked over and picked up the dog (small dog) and walked out the door and walked to my parents house (a little over a mile)
I don’t expect you to remember everything about me but when I find myself repeating myself about my work or dog which is like the only 2 things I talk about everyday…. might be good to pay attention to one of those details.
Technically, I was in high school and breaking up with the guy when he threw the red flag. He realized I was ending things and he got MAD. Like, more mad than I had ever seen him. He made me promise that I’d attend his Prom with him. He was obsessed about not having a date for him Prom in May. We went to different schools and he didn’t want me to tell my friends that we broke up. I told him that I’m not going to do that. He came back with, “Well, I’m not going to tell my friends that we broke up.” I told him that he can tell his friends whatever wanted to.
I broke up with him in January, we hadn’t even talked about Prom yet. I was so scared and freaked out by the conversation and how visible angry he got, I just told him I’d go with him so that I could leave. He wanted me to stay longer so that his parents didn’t realize we were breaking up. He was talking through tightly clenched teeth and I just wanted to get out of his house.
I blocked him everywhere, but he ended up calling my house in early May. My dad took the call-it was great. I only heard my dad’s side of the conversation. “Who is this?” “Who?” “Didn’t she break up with you months ago?” “Prom?” “When was the last time the two of you even talked?” “January, you say. Look-she’s not going with you to Prom. She doesn’t want to see you. Lose our number, and if you call us again, I’ll be calling the police.”
He yelled, cursed at me, and drove recklessly for an entire hour in the car while I was in the passenger seat so that I felt trapped under his control.
The inability to get along with anyone in my universe …. family, friends, colleagues. Didn’t matter, it was me and her and no one else could be around.
In HS, there was a weird string of boys threatening suicide to get the attention of girls. It was obv that these were not real cries for help but to garner sympathy and/or manipulate girls into staying in a toxic relationship.
I made a joke to my at the time bf that if he did that to me, I’d push him off the roof. (A guy had threatened to jump off the school roof when his gf wanted to break up. It was a whole thing).
Anyway, skip to like 4 months later, and this man/boy becomes just the worst bf. Turns out he cheated on me and was trying to get me to break up with him (I guess). It’s a long, messy story, and we were teenagers, so everything was the end of the world. lol.
We break up. A few months later, he regrets it, I think. I’m not really sure. I had already moved on and wanted nothing more than an apology from him.
He calls me one night, high. So 10/10 for that. He started going on some rant about how I was the best thing in his life and how he ruined it. How his life is terrible now Yada Yada. He then drops the bomb of: “If you don’t forgive me, I guess I’m worthless, and I should just kill myself.”
I just laughed at him and told him “well good luck with that,” and hung up. Never spoke to him again.
And spoiler alert 10+ years later, he is still alive. Never attempted suicide.
Also, side note before people lose their shit at me. If I thought for one second, this threat was real. I would have been all hands on deck. But I have been clinically depressed and have known people who are do depressed they have attempted suicide. They don’t call you at 2am high and tell you they will kill themselves if you don’t forgive them. In fact, there are hardly any signs at all. He was trying to manipulate me. He knew it, I knew it, the NSA listening in on call knew it.
Penny pinching on everything we did together, concerned about every dollar spent on eating out then treating himself with the nicest things, experiences etc. I knew I wouldn’t want a husband like that.
She adopted a cat and a few months later became tired of him and tried to send him back to the shelter.
Since that a moment, I gained a cat and lost a bad person. One of the best things that ever happened to me. Many years after he is happy, loved and cared.
When he screamed at the waitress because his steak was medium instead of medium rare. If he couldn’t handle a minor inconvenience without losing it I didn’t want to stick around to see what else would set him off.
I was the problem, I was self centered and emotionally immature. But it took a girl who refused to accept her own amount of blame and consistent gaslighting for me to realize I was looking into a mirror. I’ve gotten away from her and bettered myself, from what I hear she hasn’t changed.
Disrespecting consent. Had a guy think it was ok to stick a finger in my ass while in doggy, with no prior conversation about it.. and then wouldn’t stop until I yelled “stop” 3 times and started reaching my hand back to remove it myself. Traumatizing.
After almost 20 years of marriage, I found in his underwear drawer (putting away laundry) a box of condoms with several missing. We never used condoms. He tried to tell me he’d had them since before we got married. I’d put his underwear away hundreds of times. We had moved twice. I had cleaned every room in that house multiple times. I did not see condoms until that day. That was the end of our marriage.
He kept bringing up his ex wife in EVERY conversation. First date? Ex wife. Movie night? Ex wife. Grocery shopping? Somehow still his ex wife. Fastest block button press of my life.
When I discovered he had six felony charges pending against him, which he hadn’t told me about because it was “family business.” We had been married for four years.
His male friend got sexually assaulted and robbed while solo traveling in a different country and he thought it was funny. I asked him if he’d have the same reaction if it happened to a woman and he said “it’s different”. All the love I had for him just vanished.
Comments
Not matching the effort I’m putting in.
Self absorption
Texting like crazy if I don’t respond right away
Road rage. But it was just a date.
He laughed while telling me how he used to “mess with” his ex just to see her cry. Immediate ick. No second chances after that.
Wouldnt go home when I asked her to and would start a fight over it.
Self victimising themselves in every problem they caused.
She said, I must be the most pretty girl you’ve ever dated. Left her right there and then.
I was the red flag
Bf of 2 weeks showed up outside of the cinema i went to with my best friend, in a different town and said ‘did you really think I wouldnt come?’ (Wasnt invited). Also if i said ill hangout thisarvo and wasnt there exactly on time he said ‘i dont like liars’ yeah nah
Not respect boundaries
Herpes blisters that she said were “nothing to worry about.”
Her storage unit full of doll heads and gray skin
Jealousy especially over things like what I wore or when I’d do my makeup to go out. That relationship lasted a whole two weeks
He went out and bought all of my favourite books and favourite films and started to consume them, and made liking what I liked his entire personality.
Not taking my no for a no, it could even be me saying no to a particular event, talk to me and tell things but don’t try to guilt me or invalidate my no. Also I HATE when someone says I am being too girly when I am simply expressing my internal monologue or thoughts. STOP it and leave me.
Cheating.
I can’t be with someone who searches google for the best word in Words with Friends.
I found out she tried to run over her ex because he was sleeping with another girl after they broke up. That’s also roughly the time I discovered first hand that women can be stalkers too.
He was texting his Mom on our date telling her how it was going. Then I realized she was not saved in his phone as “Mom” but “Mommy”.
He also asked a lot about kids which at first was a little weird but we actually had a really nice conversation about it. It was nice to see where we both stood on it.
Unfortunately I knew he was updating mommy on it.
she kept asking reddit for advice on our relationship.
Watching him leave my house in handcuffs in a police car
I never did this. I was dumb and naive. I thought red flags were opportunity to make things work.
He said all his exes were ‘crazy’—every single one. That was enough for me.
Turned the tv channel over whenever a good looking man came on the screen and said “you aren’t watching that”
Them disappearing every time I take my meds .
Told his family and friends we were getting married like it was a done deal. Never mentioned it to me. Was a causal relationship from my perspective. Then he stalked me for years after….I had no idea. But he knew far more about my life than was imaginable even several years after we broke up.
Tried to get me to join a pyramid scheme. (Edited to correct spelling)
I was the red flag I guess. After we had been dating for a few weeks I let her know I used to be into drugs and did molly, lsd, coke and weed. But I let her know I haven’t done any of that in about 4 years. She took it well or so I thought until she texted me the next day due to my past she couldn’t be with me. She was worried I was secretly addicted or worried if her friends and family would ever find out.
He started yelling at me…. Yikes.
once called him crying and he laughed at me.
Not quite a ‘relationship’ but I when back to his house to use his phone (my mobile died and this was like 18 years ago) and he came out with a shirt off. Which was already kind of a red flag, but even more red was the fact he had a swastika tattoo.
We were at Carl’s Junior and she asked, “is the one three (1/3lb) or the one two (1/2lb) bigger?”
Set a date with a girl. Said let’s meet at this restaurant at this time. She said cool. I’ll see you there at 7. I arrive at 7. Had a reservation. Sat down and waited. Time passed. No text. Messaged her saying hey are you on your way? Nothing. Sat there for another 25 minutes, texted again, waited for 10 and then asked for the check. Saw some friends at the bar, had a charger of bourbons. Girl shows up 2 hours later and asks if I’m ready for dinner. Was like ‘uh…’ *looks at watch* I texted you and hour and a half ago and never heard back. I’ve already moved on with my evening. No apology, nothing. Was like well we can reschedule for another day. Looked at my watch and said ‘sure, I’ll let you know when I’m free.’ Never reached out to set-up another date.
tl;dr: people who don’t respect my time or communicate if they’re running terribly behind.
She drank way too much alcohol. It was normal for her to have a few drinks also on weekdays.
Casually being black out drunk almost every weekend too.
Otherwise she was really nice, but I couldn’t handle that anymore.
If I tried to encourage her to drink at least a bit less, she always called me „boring“ or said something like „it’s normal in my family, everyone drinks“.
They laughed while telling a story about being cruel to someone “as a joke.” Instant nope.
He hit me, nope I don’t tolerate that! No second chances
I was raped
She WOULD NOT get out of the car until I walked around and opened her door for her. “Because my life is hard and I deserve it”. And when I say she would not I mean ever. If we were just hanging out and went to Walmart for ice cream or beer.. if we were going to the river to swim… I HAD to open her door everytime. It wasn’t opening her door that bothered me, though it was kinda weird, it was the quote.
When they are too flirty with other people. You can tell when someone is trying to keep their options open. There are some people that are always looking for an opportunity to trade up.
His mom called during our first date and he put me on the phone and introduced me as his girlfriend. Then he mansplained The Phantom Menace to me.
Manipulation then playing the victim. I wish I’d ended it earlier than I did. Nothing ever being enough.
He never drank alcohol, never thought anything about it.
Drank alcohol in a group of new people, got fucking aggressive and beat the shit out of a guy and almost me.
Next morning he said he didn’t remember a thing but over the next days he got angry cause the other people blocked him from everything and said he was dangerous.
“It wasn’t even that bad, I just hit XY and…”.
So, he remembered everything and somehow it was my fault. I was terrified and kicked him out of my life.
He told me his mother doesn’t let him shop for clothes on his own.
He was 34 years old…
They were rude to waitstaff for no reason
All their exes are ‘crazy’ – but not them
She threw an object at me when she was angry…
Angry drunks are an instant dump.
Chronically late for everything, like hours
Keeping the truth about sexual history with a close friend hidden. Them sweet talking and staying up together, her touching him intimately in front of me.
Interrupting me every other sentence
She was rude to our waitress.
Lying. Immediate turn off.
Being mean to animals. Out the door you go!!
She berated a waitress for smiling at me. To be clear it wasn’t some seductive type smile. Just a smile a waitress gives everyone. Her insecurities showed through way too hard on that. I finished our meal. Gave the waitress a 100% tip for putting up with that, dropped her off at her apartment, she asked me if I wanted to come up, I told her I’m blocking her number and she should be embarrassed for how she acted.
Yelling at me in public… I 32f confronted him 36m about something that was bothering me (I caught him in lies) and he started to raise his voice and swear at me in the shops.. I noped right out of that relationship. Makes me question what he would have been capable of doing to me behind closed doors. Was really scary.
Always seeking external validation. Everything was about what other people thought.
For me, any attempt of manipulation or control results in an immediate termination on the spot.
Happy my dog died.
When he started to pressure me for sex because i said that i wasnt ready yet.
Calling me insecure when they are acting single.
Using my vulnerability against me.
I realized that I was the red flag and ended the relationship to work on myself.
he just lied for the hell of it. i’d ask him what he had for lunch that day and he’d say pizza, and then i’d see a wrapper for a burger when i opened the trash can. figured if he could lie about meaningless stuff he could lie about much worse
when the bare minimum seems A LOT for them, like all I’m asking for respect and honesty, how does that make me ungrateful 🙂
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I was doing the dishes, not even aware we were in a fight. Just standing there scrubbing a pot and I (almost in bullet time) saw a bottle of bleach sail thru my vision and explode against the wall right in front of me, then had a woman screaming at me. That was when I realized I wasn’t going thru this bullshit anymore. I grabbed a hand towel, dried my hands, walked over and picked up the dog (small dog) and walked out the door and walked to my parents house (a little over a mile)
You ever know everything about a person in 2 days and then realized they never even asked what you do for a living or any other thing about yourself?
No personal retention.
I don’t expect you to remember everything about me but when I find myself repeating myself about my work or dog which is like the only 2 things I talk about everyday…. might be good to pay attention to one of those details.
When I realized he did not believe anything I would say to him.
I suspected that she had another man or boyfriend on the side and once that fact was confirmed, I ended things.
Not all in one but three red flags:
Technically, I was in high school and breaking up with the guy when he threw the red flag. He realized I was ending things and he got MAD. Like, more mad than I had ever seen him. He made me promise that I’d attend his Prom with him. He was obsessed about not having a date for him Prom in May. We went to different schools and he didn’t want me to tell my friends that we broke up. I told him that I’m not going to do that. He came back with, “Well, I’m not going to tell my friends that we broke up.” I told him that he can tell his friends whatever wanted to.
I broke up with him in January, we hadn’t even talked about Prom yet. I was so scared and freaked out by the conversation and how visible angry he got, I just told him I’d go with him so that I could leave. He wanted me to stay longer so that his parents didn’t realize we were breaking up. He was talking through tightly clenched teeth and I just wanted to get out of his house.
I blocked him everywhere, but he ended up calling my house in early May. My dad took the call-it was great. I only heard my dad’s side of the conversation. “Who is this?” “Who?” “Didn’t she break up with you months ago?” “Prom?” “When was the last time the two of you even talked?” “January, you say. Look-she’s not going with you to Prom. She doesn’t want to see you. Lose our number, and if you call us again, I’ll be calling the police.”
I never felt so vindicated ending a relationship.
They saw my boundaries as a dare contest
Repeated silent treatment.
He yelled, cursed at me, and drove recklessly for an entire hour in the car while I was in the passenger seat so that I felt trapped under his control.
Disrespecting my boundaries with PDA
Validating cheating of her friendship circle.
Victim mentality.
Any sign she wants to partner for a lifestyle.
Entitlement to things not earned.
Alcoholism. It came to ultimatum me vs drinking. You can guess what was her choice.
My ex had BPD npd never again.
Getting other women’s phone numbers. Period.
Asked for my phone password before they knew my middle name. That’s FBI behavior, not boyfriend behavior.
The inability to get along with anyone in my universe …. family, friends, colleagues. Didn’t matter, it was me and her and no one else could be around.
Saying something mean-spirited and then saying “it’s just a joke, come on”… nooooo thank you
This is a sort of dumb story.
In HS, there was a weird string of boys threatening suicide to get the attention of girls. It was obv that these were not real cries for help but to garner sympathy and/or manipulate girls into staying in a toxic relationship.
I made a joke to my at the time bf that if he did that to me, I’d push him off the roof. (A guy had threatened to jump off the school roof when his gf wanted to break up. It was a whole thing).
Anyway, skip to like 4 months later, and this man/boy becomes just the worst bf. Turns out he cheated on me and was trying to get me to break up with him (I guess). It’s a long, messy story, and we were teenagers, so everything was the end of the world. lol.
We break up. A few months later, he regrets it, I think. I’m not really sure. I had already moved on and wanted nothing more than an apology from him.
He calls me one night, high. So 10/10 for that. He started going on some rant about how I was the best thing in his life and how he ruined it. How his life is terrible now Yada Yada. He then drops the bomb of: “If you don’t forgive me, I guess I’m worthless, and I should just kill myself.”
I just laughed at him and told him “well good luck with that,” and hung up. Never spoke to him again.
And spoiler alert 10+ years later, he is still alive. Never attempted suicide.
Also, side note before people lose their shit at me. If I thought for one second, this threat was real. I would have been all hands on deck. But I have been clinically depressed and have known people who are do depressed they have attempted suicide. They don’t call you at 2am high and tell you they will kill themselves if you don’t forgive them. In fact, there are hardly any signs at all. He was trying to manipulate me. He knew it, I knew it, the NSA listening in on call knew it.
I’ve never ended anything immediately because I’m a fucking dumbass.
Penny pinching on everything we did together, concerned about every dollar spent on eating out then treating himself with the nicest things, experiences etc. I knew I wouldn’t want a husband like that.
She adopted a cat and a few months later became tired of him and tried to send him back to the shelter.
Since that a moment, I gained a cat and lost a bad person. One of the best things that ever happened to me. Many years after he is happy, loved and cared.
When he screamed at the waitress because his steak was medium instead of medium rare. If he couldn’t handle a minor inconvenience without losing it I didn’t want to stick around to see what else would set him off.
I was the problem, I was self centered and emotionally immature. But it took a girl who refused to accept her own amount of blame and consistent gaslighting for me to realize I was looking into a mirror. I’ve gotten away from her and bettered myself, from what I hear she hasn’t changed.
Disrespecting consent. Had a guy think it was ok to stick a finger in my ass while in doggy, with no prior conversation about it.. and then wouldn’t stop until I yelled “stop” 3 times and started reaching my hand back to remove it myself. Traumatizing.
Threw a rock at a duck. An innocent duck swimming along in the pond peacefully. Just randomly picked up a rock and hit the duck. Never saw them again.
After almost 20 years of marriage, I found in his underwear drawer (putting away laundry) a box of condoms with several missing. We never used condoms. He tried to tell me he’d had them since before we got married. I’d put his underwear away hundreds of times. We had moved twice. I had cleaned every room in that house multiple times. I did not see condoms until that day. That was the end of our marriage.
Asking someone a question you already know the answer to and watching them lie to you with no indications they’re being dishonest.
Every time I addressed something that bothered me he played the “I guess I’m just a horrible boyfriend then”
He kept bringing up his ex wife in EVERY conversation. First date? Ex wife. Movie night? Ex wife. Grocery shopping? Somehow still his ex wife. Fastest block button press of my life.
When I discovered he had six felony charges pending against him, which he hadn’t told me about because it was “family business.” We had been married for four years.
His male friend got sexually assaulted and robbed while solo traveling in a different country and he thought it was funny. I asked him if he’d have the same reaction if it happened to a woman and he said “it’s different”. All the love I had for him just vanished.
Having to ask for the bare minimum
He was too loud