Vibrators/toys should absolutely be essential. I was never able to enjoy sex until a partner brought a bullet to the bedroom. Holy shit it changed my life.
I don’t even want this to be a secret, spread the word around! Save a life!
Edit: Any requests to chat will be ignored, thank you, have a nice day 🌸
Lube!
As I grew older, things didn’t get as wet as I’d like. This would cause a fair amount of bleeding (though no pain) my partner suggested lube and honestly I felt slighted and defeated at the thought of it. We tried it with lube and it was a huge game changer for us.
Telling someone when they’re doing something you like, when they could change something to make it feel better for you, when you would prefer to do something else or when they’re stretching into territory that makes you uncomfortable.
Also just making sure someone feels like they’re performing well, or so to speak, because those kinds of ego boosts can really help in the bedroom.
Don’t treat foreplay as something that happens before the „actual sex“. Foreplay is already sex, so take as much time as you want and enjoy it. There is no time limit for foreplay even if porn or some guy makes you feel like there is.
I think a general point, mostly for men, is to be more patient. Take everything just a little bit slower. Actually listen to your partner and unless they’re telling you to stop, feel free to keep doing exactly what youre doing: same pace, same effort. You don’t have to be flipping positions and upping the ante constantly. Take time to enjoy what feels good.
Don’t have sex in a linear heteronorm way. Don’t treat oral and masturbation as foreplay only. Switch it up from oral-PIV-mutual masturbation-PIV-oral. It will help men last longer and women come more!
I’m sure this would work for either party. I spend the day building up my wife. In the morning, I whisper a subtle you are beautiful in her ear. By lunch I’ll push her against the wall. Grab her firmly and whisper I want you. By dinner, I’ll find a secluded spot away from the kids. Wrap my hand gently around her neck and say something like you’re mine tonight.
Track your cycle! Not just your period but other phys changes too like cervical mucus, appetite, etc.
Tracking my cycle helps me connect the dots between how I’m feeling (physically or emotionally) and what’s going on in my body behind the scenes. It’s greatly improved my sex life and confidence.
Here’s one example of something I’ve noticed that lines up with what the science says: Cervix is lower before/after my period = so I usually prefer less depth during those times and communicate accordingly.
Even if you’re not into tracking or unable to, learning about the follicular and luteal phases can help you build body awareness and greatly improve your sex life.
Men. Trim your nails. Not just clip, but also learn to use an emery board. Especially your hands, and work on your flexibility so you can also do your feet.
Stop viewing sex as something you “do to” another person (or that another person “does to” you, and start viewing it as something you do with another person. That little shift makes a big difference in the quality of sex you’ll have.
I once read that foreplay starts once sex ENDS and it made a lot of sense. Building anticipation and flirting go a long way. It’s also ok to plan sex in advance. It sounds odd but it can help build excitement when you know it’s happening on X day/night. Also always aim to give more pleasure than you receive.
Release the sex shame ladies, many of us where raised with shame based parenting ..sex isn’t bad, you’re meant to enjoy it, as long as you’re comfortable anything goes. it’s the most fun you can have for free 😂
Learn how to properly relax and then strengthen your pelvic floor. It’s not as simple as “just do kegals”. Most people do them wrong and are just making their pelvic floor weaker
The deeper the emotional connection/bond. The better the sex. Tenfold.
The more in love you are with that person, the more sensational the sex gets. The more you work through your baggage and trauma together, the deeper your emotional bond gets.
And the sex gets better and better and better every time. It’s absolutely incredible.
Never have sex with a man that doesn’t know how to ask for consent, and you shouldn’t have to explain this to him, especially not constantly. So many ment think looking at us, joking, forcing, etc are viable ways to get consent. If he’s can’t ask then he shouldn’t be having sex with you.
Lube is awesome and makes things so much easier. There’s such a stigma behind “needing” lube when you can use it and not need it at all. I’m in my 20s and get called old for using it when at the same time I’ll hear issues my friends have with their sex lives that could be improved by being open to the idea of using lube or toys in the bedroom (obviously not every issue, but so many). Having trouble getting wet or wet enough for comfortable sex can be caused by so many things, including a side effect of medications. Like allergy meds, antibiotics, or just stress even if the stress isn’t related to your relationship or sex life. The only bad time I’ve had with lube was when someone had their own, and I had an allergic reaction to an ingredient in it. I already have a bunch of weird allergies, so I should have read the label anyway
All these are great advices, but I want to go back a little to the basics, things Ive discussed many times with my girl friends and found to be an issue actually.
Confidence. Enjoying your body the way it is. Get out of your head and the little stupid comments that might pop up. Your partner doesn’t care, they have a picture of you with your clothes on, so clothes off makes no difference. Learn to enjoy it as well, look at yourself in the mirror until you love what you see, try out stuff on your own so you pinpoint what you like. Be vocal, guide them through body movements or words. Experimentation!!! Be curious and flow with what is happening.
We always just accept that a man who refuses to give head or doesn’t like to do it is unacceptable. Why is it ok or acceptable for so so so many women to not enjoy or refuse to perform oral sex on their partners?
I’m not very experienced and I don’t know what I’m doing but every guy I’ve been with has busted within like. Minutes. Seconds? I have gotten so many compliments.
I really genuinely want to do it like I just get unbelievably wet thinking about it and when he pulls it out it’s all I want to do!!!! I start salivating !!! I just slobber all over it like I don’t even remember he’s there half the time. I suck the back of the tip like a baby on a soother . I don’t know what else I do I don’t know I kind of just go insane every time
He typically returns the favour and the confidence boost makes sex overall more enjoyable
Wait for enthusiastic consent. Teasing is fun. Consent is sexy. Make them beg for it. If they can’t communicate enthusiastic consent in some way then it wasn’t meant to be. A lot of men complain about women just laying there. The only times I do that is when I don’t want to be there.
It’s all about communication. Every person has their own definition of what great sex is so make sure the couple knows what that is for them together. Speak up about what you like and what you don’t and listen when the other person speaks and then hang from the chandelier lol
Speaking out loud that you are interested in sex now/today/later does NOT kill the mood. Your partner is not a mind reader. Better to be on the same page than to be disappointed
Developing a stronger bond and improving communication. Creating anticipation also makes a big difference. Maybe some playful flirting in the morning or gentle, casual touches while cooking dinner together 🙂
Keeping things on a simmer constantly makes it much easier to get it up to a boil at any time. When you’re with someone who just sees sex as something that happens at the end of the night when literally everything else is done and you’re half asleep from exhaustion and you feel totally unattractive because they didn’t bother to flirt with you during the day, or connect in some way, it’s really hard to flip that switch on.
Also, emotional connection and investment of time and effort into sex and everything around it amps things up a LOT. Casual sex is great for the novelty of it, but nothing beats super connected sex that lasts awhile.
Focus on pleasure and connection and on love/affection, instead of on getting to orgasm (for either person). Take your time, and create a situation where there is no pressure.
Read Emily Nagoski.
Also, simmering is good. Enjoy getting aroused for its own sake without feeling that it has to lead to anything else in that moment.
Plan on at least 20+ minutes of buildup and then 20+ minutes of foreplay and touching/ outercourse before penetration happens. Then plan in time for aftercare too. At least 2-3 hours was my preference to feel unrushed, when possible.
kissing begins with the lips. more often than not, the best position will be the spoon. you’re meant to move your hips together, not banging into each other in opposite motion
That it’s sooo much better when both people actually communicate what they like 👀 like hello?? moaning is cute but telling him what feels good?? even hotter 😛
Not everyone’s cup of tea but smoke a joint before, totally gets me out of my head and pleasure is massively enhanced and I get toe curling multiple orgasms. Been a game changer.
Ditch the tired social script that society has hammered in our brains. Make up your own together. Talk about sex first and way before you’ve initiated anything physically. Listen and allow all preferences to be shared without judgement.
Talk about boundaries, talk about what you enjoy receiving and providing. Talk about pleasure spots and off limits spots. Talk about the terms you like being used for your body parts and the ones you don’t.
It’s such a hot conversation to have. It doesn’t “ruin the moment”. Instead it makes it safer and way hotter. Keep the dialogue open for future conversations. Peoples desires and limits can change.
This is sacred queer sex knowledge. Now you can use it too.
Comments
If you are a woman… Get older 😂
Mutual love with your partner 😊 and a vibrator lol
Vibrators/toys should absolutely be essential. I was never able to enjoy sex until a partner brought a bullet to the bedroom. Holy shit it changed my life.
I don’t even want this to be a secret, spread the word around! Save a life!
Edit: Any requests to chat will be ignored, thank you, have a nice day 🌸
communication
Don’t fake orgasm or enjoyment. Be honest, be vocal.
Lube!
As I grew older, things didn’t get as wet as I’d like. This would cause a fair amount of bleeding (though no pain) my partner suggested lube and honestly I felt slighted and defeated at the thought of it. We tried it with lube and it was a huge game changer for us.
Pillow under lower back.
Communication.
Telling someone when they’re doing something you like, when they could change something to make it feel better for you, when you would prefer to do something else or when they’re stretching into territory that makes you uncomfortable.
Also just making sure someone feels like they’re performing well, or so to speak, because those kinds of ego boosts can really help in the bedroom.
Stop watching porn and it will become way more intense.
Explore explore explore have the mindset of. I’ll try anything once kind of thing
Kegels. And getting older.
Start with a person you love and a sensual massage. 10/10 recommend
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Learn to lick the kitty
Don’t treat foreplay as something that happens before the „actual sex“. Foreplay is already sex, so take as much time as you want and enjoy it. There is no time limit for foreplay even if porn or some guy makes you feel like there is.
Enthusiasm…
Know what you like and be able to ask for that
Eye contact. When you’re with someone you trust, it can take the experience to a whole other level of intimacy.
Tense your vaginal muscles during sex and it will help you climax easier. 😊
Foreplay isn’t the trailer. It’s part of the damn movie. Stop fast-forwarding
Do it with someone you are madly in love with and have been with for a while.
Remember the brain is the most powerful sex organ and skin is the largest sex organ.
Have it with someone you are actually attracted.
Brutally honest Communication, trust and tons of foreplay
Communication, Communication, Communication
Everyone is different. The only way to get better is to communicate and take that direction well.
True and tried: slow down and deepen breathing 10 seconds or so before you come. Try it and let us know.
Enthusiasm and lube.
It’s more than ok to laugh. Sex doesn’t have to be serious.
You should spend as much time, if not more, on foreplay than actual PIV sex.
I think a general point, mostly for men, is to be more patient. Take everything just a little bit slower. Actually listen to your partner and unless they’re telling you to stop, feel free to keep doing exactly what youre doing: same pace, same effort. You don’t have to be flipping positions and upping the ante constantly. Take time to enjoy what feels good.
Don’t have sex in a linear heteronorm way. Don’t treat oral and masturbation as foreplay only. Switch it up from oral-PIV-mutual masturbation-PIV-oral. It will help men last longer and women come more!
I’m sure this would work for either party. I spend the day building up my wife. In the morning, I whisper a subtle you are beautiful in her ear. By lunch I’ll push her against the wall. Grab her firmly and whisper I want you. By dinner, I’ll find a secluded spot away from the kids. Wrap my hand gently around her neck and say something like you’re mine tonight.
Usually she jumps me by this point.
Lube, use lube
Track your cycle! Not just your period but other phys changes too like cervical mucus, appetite, etc.
Tracking my cycle helps me connect the dots between how I’m feeling (physically or emotionally) and what’s going on in my body behind the scenes. It’s greatly improved my sex life and confidence.
Here’s one example of something I’ve noticed that lines up with what the science says: Cervix is lower before/after my period = so I usually prefer less depth during those times and communicate accordingly.
Even if you’re not into tracking or unable to, learning about the follicular and luteal phases can help you build body awareness and greatly improve your sex life.
Hitachi wand and tongue double ended vibrator – you’re welcome
Talking is important.
Men. Trim your nails. Not just clip, but also learn to use an emery board. Especially your hands, and work on your flexibility so you can also do your feet.
Stop viewing sex as something you “do to” another person (or that another person “does to” you, and start viewing it as something you do with another person. That little shift makes a big difference in the quality of sex you’ll have.
I once read that foreplay starts once sex ENDS and it made a lot of sense. Building anticipation and flirting go a long way. It’s also ok to plan sex in advance. It sounds odd but it can help build excitement when you know it’s happening on X day/night. Also always aim to give more pleasure than you receive.
Learn how to make yourself cum, communicate with your partner, and don’t take sex so seriously. It’s supposed to be fun.
I swear this gets asked every day lol. The secret is to get out of your head and just be present and enthusiastic.
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Slow down! Take some time!
Communication. #1.
Open and safe communication with your partner. Like feeling fully comfortable to express your needs and wishes.
Just relax and have fun… tell your partner what you like and don’t like and reciprocate the favors
Yes to toys!
Release the sex shame ladies, many of us where raised with shame based parenting ..sex isn’t bad, you’re meant to enjoy it, as long as you’re comfortable anything goes. it’s the most fun you can have for free 😂
Open communication
Take the lead. Don’t be a pillow princess and expect them to rock your world. Be responsible for your own pleasure
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Learn how to properly relax and then strengthen your pelvic floor. It’s not as simple as “just do kegals”. Most people do them wrong and are just making their pelvic floor weaker
On days when you are tired, do massage as foreplay…
Riding on top is awesome!!!
Cunnilingus. The (vast) majority of women do not orgasm from penetrative sex alone. Happy endings for all!
The deeper the emotional connection/bond. The better the sex. Tenfold.
The more in love you are with that person, the more sensational the sex gets. The more you work through your baggage and trauma together, the deeper your emotional bond gets.
And the sex gets better and better and better every time. It’s absolutely incredible.
Show an interest in it.
Exercise.
Dont eat/prepare stuffed jalapeños for dinner before sex. No matter how much you wash you hands.. ow. 3 hours in a cold shower did nothing.
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Love
Never have sex with a man that doesn’t know how to ask for consent, and you shouldn’t have to explain this to him, especially not constantly. So many ment think looking at us, joking, forcing, etc are viable ways to get consent. If he’s can’t ask then he shouldn’t be having sex with you.
Lube is awesome and makes things so much easier. There’s such a stigma behind “needing” lube when you can use it and not need it at all. I’m in my 20s and get called old for using it when at the same time I’ll hear issues my friends have with their sex lives that could be improved by being open to the idea of using lube or toys in the bedroom (obviously not every issue, but so many). Having trouble getting wet or wet enough for comfortable sex can be caused by so many things, including a side effect of medications. Like allergy meds, antibiotics, or just stress even if the stress isn’t related to your relationship or sex life. The only bad time I’ve had with lube was when someone had their own, and I had an allergic reaction to an ingredient in it. I already have a bunch of weird allergies, so I should have read the label anyway
Safety, trust, hygiene, emotional closeness
All these are great advices, but I want to go back a little to the basics, things Ive discussed many times with my girl friends and found to be an issue actually.
Confidence. Enjoying your body the way it is. Get out of your head and the little stupid comments that might pop up. Your partner doesn’t care, they have a picture of you with your clothes on, so clothes off makes no difference. Learn to enjoy it as well, look at yourself in the mirror until you love what you see, try out stuff on your own so you pinpoint what you like. Be vocal, guide them through body movements or words. Experimentation!!! Be curious and flow with what is happening.
Work on your core
We always just accept that a man who refuses to give head or doesn’t like to do it is unacceptable. Why is it ok or acceptable for so so so many women to not enjoy or refuse to perform oral sex on their partners?
I’m not very experienced and I don’t know what I’m doing but every guy I’ve been with has busted within like. Minutes. Seconds? I have gotten so many compliments.
I really genuinely want to do it like I just get unbelievably wet thinking about it and when he pulls it out it’s all I want to do!!!! I start salivating !!! I just slobber all over it like I don’t even remember he’s there half the time. I suck the back of the tip like a baby on a soother . I don’t know what else I do I don’t know I kind of just go insane every time
He typically returns the favour and the confidence boost makes sex overall more enjoyable
Tell your partner what you want. Explore kinks together!
Wait for enthusiastic consent. Teasing is fun. Consent is sexy. Make them beg for it. If they can’t communicate enthusiastic consent in some way then it wasn’t meant to be. A lot of men complain about women just laying there. The only times I do that is when I don’t want to be there.
For my cry girlies: lube
Have another person involved. It is better as a team sport
a loving partner and weed lol
If he makes you feel emotionally safe, the orgasms are stronger
Get the angle right
Adjust your position until you’re getting hit where it is best for you
Trying new things and asking for what you want should be the norm. Normal dialogue doesn’t have to kill the mood!
Put a pillow underneath your hips/butt when getting oral. It positions the meal better for your partner.
It’s all about communication. Every person has their own definition of what great sex is so make sure the couple knows what that is for them together. Speak up about what you like and what you don’t and listen when the other person speaks and then hang from the chandelier lol
Speaking out loud that you are interested in sex now/today/later does NOT kill the mood. Your partner is not a mind reader. Better to be on the same page than to be disappointed
Developing a stronger bond and improving communication. Creating anticipation also makes a big difference. Maybe some playful flirting in the morning or gentle, casual touches while cooking dinner together 🙂
Be able to laugh with your partner!!
Keeping things on a simmer constantly makes it much easier to get it up to a boil at any time. When you’re with someone who just sees sex as something that happens at the end of the night when literally everything else is done and you’re half asleep from exhaustion and you feel totally unattractive because they didn’t bother to flirt with you during the day, or connect in some way, it’s really hard to flip that switch on.
Also, emotional connection and investment of time and effort into sex and everything around it amps things up a LOT. Casual sex is great for the novelty of it, but nothing beats super connected sex that lasts awhile.
Focus on pleasure and connection and on love/affection, instead of on getting to orgasm (for either person). Take your time, and create a situation where there is no pressure.
Read Emily Nagoski.
Also, simmering is good. Enjoy getting aroused for its own sake without feeling that it has to lead to anything else in that moment.
Plan on at least 20+ minutes of buildup and then 20+ minutes of foreplay and touching/ outercourse before penetration happens. Then plan in time for aftercare too. At least 2-3 hours was my preference to feel unrushed, when possible.
talk, like actually say what you want, what feels good, what doesn’t
kissing begins with the lips. more often than not, the best position will be the spoon. you’re meant to move your hips together, not banging into each other in opposite motion
Just bite it
That it’s sooo much better when both people actually communicate what they like 👀 like hello?? moaning is cute but telling him what feels good?? even hotter 😛
Oh damn, you mean like BITE bite
Be vocal about your needs. They ALSO MATTER!
Not everyone’s cup of tea but smoke a joint before, totally gets me out of my head and pleasure is massively enhanced and I get toe curling multiple orgasms. Been a game changer.
Ditch the tired social script that society has hammered in our brains. Make up your own together. Talk about sex first and way before you’ve initiated anything physically. Listen and allow all preferences to be shared without judgement.
Talk about boundaries, talk about what you enjoy receiving and providing. Talk about pleasure spots and off limits spots. Talk about the terms you like being used for your body parts and the ones you don’t.
It’s such a hot conversation to have. It doesn’t “ruin the moment”. Instead it makes it safer and way hotter. Keep the dialogue open for future conversations. Peoples desires and limits can change.
This is sacred queer sex knowledge. Now you can use it too.
Pleasure over performance.