i, 16F have recently found out messed up things going on inside my family. The girls inside my family aren’t safe even from their own brothers. Some of them have gotten touched inappropriately but everyone chooses to keep it all hush-hush. The thing is I think it might have also happened to me but im not sure.
For some background information, ive been having these “dreams” ever since i was 6-8. I can’t remember most of my childhood so its difficult for me to differentiate between reality and imagination.
So these dreams, they just randomly appear in my head. sometimes they arent dreams, they feel more like memories.
i cant remember it vividly but it’s always the same. My cousin, Adrian, is putting his D!(k in my face and telling me to touch it.
i ignored it up until today when my sister told me about everything that happened in this family. when she was telling me, it felt like a switch flipped in my head. i felt nauseous, and light headed and i instantly wanted to cry and throw up, the image of him telling me to hold his 🍆 flashed in my head.
(note: in these “dreams” the only other thing i remember is being very confused and cold. everytime i remember this i feel really really cold and i feel like im gonna throw up)
(i was also forced to watch a lot of 🌽 (by another cousin) around that age, so i feel like my memories are being f’d up because of that.)
do you think im imagining it or did it actually happen? i need advice 😕
Comments
This is above Reddit’s paygrade. This is the kind of thing that needs to get mentioned to police or social workers. It sounds like a cycle of abuse that’s going to continue unless authorities step in
I think this is above reddit’s pay grade and you need to talk to a professional. Is therapy at all available for you? Do you have a trusted adult at school you can go to? It definitely sounds like you have trauma surrounding sexual abuse, but if you’ve got repressed memories, you need to unpack them in a safe environment with someone trained for it.
This is not professional advice, but the fact that you cannot remember large portions of your childhood is a red flag to me. While it’s possible this is a false memory or recurring dream, the important aspect is whether it’s negatively affecting your life. You may benefit from being under the care of a therapist who specializes in trauma and can do EMDR therapy with you. The sooner you start, the better. Please get onto a wait list as soon as you can, as sometimes it takes months or years to get in with someone.
It definitely could have happened. Our minds tend to dissociate in traumatic moments so we block things out, and they can then reappear at the surface. Do you have people you can talk to, or able to look at therapy?
That doesn’t sound imagined, it sounds like your body’s remembering something it had to bury. Please talk to someone safe about this, you shouldn’t have to carry it alone.
This is not just an issue in your head. I can’t say for sure about the dream but it definitely seems as if it at least has something to it, if that was exactly what happened idk but something probably happened. Same with you saying you don’t remember a lot of your childhood, and you having a hard time differentiating between reality and dream: pretty sure those are signs of childhood trauma you should at least go and talk to a psychologist.
Also forcing someone to watch 🌽 especially a kid is SA, and it’s something that is normal when family members sexually assault you, especially if you’re a kid. I’ve heard a lot of stories of people getting SAd as a kid by family members etc and they usually say it started with that and massage etc and progressively got worse.
This can’t keep on happening, i think you should ultimately call the authorities or the police ,but if it feels better, gather the woman in your family and talk about it and how it needs to stop, just don’t let them talk you out of it, bc they might be scared etc. I think you should also seek a psychologist.
seems as if you have a lot of repressed trauma and that your mind has repressed it, and turned to imagination to cope.
A couple things:
DO NOT reply to anyone directly messaging you.
in your title, you asked what SA is. Broadly applied, it is “non-consensual sexual acts“. This would include things like unwanted touching/fondling, coercion to engage in acts, exposure to sexual acts/materials, etc., up to and including penetration.
You are a child. You are incapable of giving consent, therefore, you should consider all acts as nonconsensual.
None of us here are capable or qualified to help you figure out what did or did not happen.
Please seek expert help, from official channels, for advice on where to go next.
Here are some resources in addition to what you may find in your local community:
National Sexual Assault Hotline
– https://rainn.org/
– 1-800-656-HOPE
Crisis Text Line
– Text “HELLO” to 741741
The Trevor Project
– thetrevorproject.org
– 1-866-488-7386
Please focus on your own self, see yourself as a strong, independent young woman deserving of the happiest life ever, and reach out to a crisis line if you start to feel overwhelmed.