What is something people don’t realize is emotionally/physically draining to you?
What is something people don’t realize is emotionally/physically draining to you?
r/AskWomen
What is something people don’t realize is emotionally/physically draining to you?
Comments
When I observe how fake people are
People who keep talking about their problems even after youve tried to give them a solution. It becomes repetitive that it drains me.
Not being able to say no. You are not being a helpful person you have s***** boundaries.
not having a voice or opinion – “i’m fine with anything” is actually so annoying over time
Adopting the emotional and mental burdens of others. It’s not helping them if they refuse to fix it and just come to you to unload the frustrations they can’t work through.
Having to engage with some people all the time via text or messenger. I don’t need to chat with you EVERYDAY!
Being talked at
My Crohn’s disease. Most people don’t even know what it, let alone realize how heavy the emotional and physical drain is on someone.
As an educated WOC, yt men tryna mansplain something that I already know I lot about 🤦🏽♀️
Making their lives a big deal but not really acknowledging my big moments. Those are the types of people I don’t keep around.
People who talk but don’t listen. People who expect to be understood but don’t bother to listen or understand. Insensitive people (I feel like they are another species)
Being around people. I’m extremely introverted and something of a hermit, and I get “peopled out” very easily. A couple hours of being in a crowd and I’m sooooo ready to go home.
Making a phone call
People who fish for compliments and want you to reassure them/validate their (usually low) self esteem an excessive amount. I won’t do it at all. Like I’m not their parents or their therapist, it’s not my job. But just all the attempts to make you do it are exhausting and grating.
People who send you tons of reels
Feels like friend homework
Definitely fakeness. I hate it. I’m wired to be my genuine self all times (if not, I just stay quiet). What I don’t understand are people who are fake with their friends??? Like if you can’t be your genuine self around the people who are SUPPOSED to accept you for who you are….then wtf is the point?
Video calls at work.
Existing.
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Speaker phone in public. Stop please. Or anything Loud
Having to interact with people I don’t know. Hanging out with a friend: easy. They bring their friend I’ve never met before: this is a VERY different situation that requires a lot more from me emotionally. Going to a party where I only know the host: Welcome to my hell.
When no one’s listening to me.. especially when I try to make a point in relationships
White people asking me what some new slang words mean. I don’t receive a fucking update from the Black People Hive Mind every time a new term comes into usage.
Some of it is just regional too. I have to figure it out from the context just as anyone else should be able to.
Indirect people. Beating around the bush. I do not do well with hints, and even if I do notice that they’re hinting at something, I will deliberately ignore it because it feels manipulative. Use your words, be direct, and tell me what you want.
People who talk about other people too much. I’m not above a little gossip. But I don’t wanna hear the same thing in different ways over multiple hangouts. It’s always the same conclusion. And this will go on for several minutes to over an hour. Just constant ranting and discussing how they’re so beneath you. If you’re so much better than this person, why are you thinking about them soo much and bullying them behind their back. It’s draining and too insecure for me.
long winded talkers. it’s one thing when there’s a back and forth to the conversation but listening to people go on for 5+ minutes at a time gets exhausting
yelling & opinions I infact didn’t ask for
Being fussy. I hate when people are fussy around me, even if they mean well and want the best for me. I feel obligated to perform emotional labor to make them calm down and let me have my peace. This whole ritual is draining and exhausting. And after I feel tired and guilty for being ungrateful for their effort.
Dieting or food restriction. Takes up soooo much brain space and energy.
Talking on the phone, even with people I like.
Avoidant people. So soul draining.
When they only message you to complain about their life
Attempting to sit still and listen without interrupting or getting distracted for even a few minutes at a time is incredibly exhausting, hard work that I cannot sustain for long.
Neurotypical people often don’t get this at all, and tend to just think people with ADHD are being purposely rude.
“You pick”, “Whatever you want”, “Do you want me to do this?”, “Just tell me what to do”. I get so much decision fatigue and I feel bad because they ultimately are being helpful but it gets exhausting after a while.
Incessant texting .. like i don’t mind a small 10 min exchange but I don’t have the time or energy to text all day long.
Physically draining to me: loud noise, for example, I cannot endure sitting in a restaurant when loud music is playing. Often I am with people who seem totally unaware of the noise, but I must excuse myself and leave before I develop headaches, dizziness and nausea.
Being spoken to when I’m trying to wind-down.
Physically, the most basic household, tidying, cleaning, chores. Lately for example I cleaned the bathroom for maybe an hour or a half after I just slept about 13 hours and the after just that I couldn’t even hold myself in a sitting position anymore, would have to rest my upper body on the table not to fall down so I layed down and passed out for 25 hours. I can do like max 2 hours of any household chores and that only if I don’t do anything else that costs energy that day. People tend to think I’m just lazy, untidy, dirty, disgusting but I just physically can’t.
Emotionally, being retraumatized over and over again by people accusing me for making up my trauma. Since they don’t believe it happened they don’t believe it can be retraumatizing (despite I actively informed them about it in a written form) so they don’t believe it can be THAT emotionally draining that it lead to several suicide attempts, only that it “bugs” me a bit if they keep saying I had made it up which is their goal because they want to believe that.
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Socializing.
My family thinking that our dynamic is normal when it’s most definitely not normal, my parents drain me as a whole.
People who talk endlessly about their jobs.
Having to maintain boundaries repeatedly, especially without turning “mean” in order to be taken seriously.
Other people. I am very very introverted which is surprising to a lot of people. I am very very very shy, too. I’m not like that at work mostly, though. So work drains me in a lot of ways. It’s emotionally draining and physically draining to be “on” for eight hours a day. I don’t think a lot of people would guess that about me, though.
Here’s something a little different… Wearing a dress. I’m a woman and I’m happily married to my husband who absolutely loves me in skirts and dresses, but whenever I wear one, I’m just counting down the minutes until I can take it off. It’s never as comfortable and I feel like I get stared at more when I wear one. Plus you have to stand up straight and I feel like I have to be presenting myself in a more feminine fashion and act that way and I’m more of a tomboy. I wear them for work and I wear them for my husband but if I never wore one again, I would be pretty happy.
Constantly being the ‘strong one’ for everyone else. It wears you down after a while.
Asking the same question over and over again because they don’t like the answer and they are trying to see if you’ll change it into something they approve and this can last for months on end…..
Their presence
Being silent responsible for feeding other people. Every day
Hearing my friends and family talk endlessly about their kids/parenthood and nothing else. I don’t want to hear about what your kids have been eating lately or how bratty they’ve been. The worst is new parents who want to show me picture after picture of their baby and tell me what colour their sh!t was.
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Constantly being asked to do activities by a person. I like doing things, I join and organise events a lot. But I need my down days to recharge. It’s exhausting to have to politely decline invites and come up with reasons other than, I would rather couch rot by myself. I just want to socially unplug for a second!
Being a bouncer
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People who say my experiences don’t matter and that I don’t know my own body.
Everything. I have long covid. It’s really hard to explain that I am suffering and will pay for overdoing it, when I am just sitting in a chair chatting.
People who don’t listen when I tell them to leave me alone. I have a hyper coworker who is extremely needy and her life is constantly a mess. She makes up random drama at work and just sucks the life out of people.
Having a ‘baby face’.
I get it, it’s great looking younger than you are. But, in my experience, the younger you look, the less people take you seriously. And the less people take you seriously, the less confidence you have in yourself, your beliefs, your abilities…
It also makes dressing in ‘fancy’ or ‘sexy’ ways a real pain. The struggle to not look like I’m trying to make myself seem older is a difficult one. I don’t care if I’ll be happy looking younger when I’m 50, I want to be able to put on an underwear set and not look like awkward bait.
Small talk
My cousin sends me 5+ minutes long voice messages. It drains my soul to sit and listen to her yack about nothing that she thinks is so tea. Example, if I text her “hey girl what are you up to??” I’ll get a 5 minute voice message in return.
People who don’t know when to stop talking, and I mean like a nonstop train of thought and you don’t let anyone else talk. Or constantly cutting people off to tell them what you want to say, it’s incredibly draining and I can’t engage much with people like that
People who say things like ‘oh come on, don’t be a party pooper’. I’m tired, man, and I’m going home.
Everything.
Jokes aside, my social ability. Most of my family think I can talk to anyone very easily, and I am very good at asking for help. However, this doesn’t mean it doesn’t take a toll. I find it incredibly draining to deal with people, especially in a casual setting, I find profesional settings are better as the other people involved tend to also have low social energy and just keep things, well, light, fluffy and professional.
It is not easy, I’m just good at it, so it looks easy to the viewer.
people who tell you about their dreams everyday
Scrolling social media excessively
Public speaking
People that do not make decisions. They do not know where they want to go out, what they want to eat, where they want to go in vacation… And they wait for you to choose all the time. At first it’s nice because you always choose the bar or the restaurant you like, but after a while that’s exhausting to always be in charge.
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Being a stay at home