What is something that you really need to tell your partner, but if you did, it will end the relationship? Or worse…
We listen and we don’t judge.
What is something that you really need to tell your partner?
r/AskWomen
What is something that you really need to tell your partner, but if you did, it will end the relationship? Or worse…
We listen and we don’t judge.
Comments
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There’s nothing. I don’t keep secrets.
I don’t particularly like the way he kisses. It’s way too wet and idk what he’s doing with his tongue.
I wish you’d fixed it. I don’t know if I can feel the same way again… but u won’t try anyway. I wish you had done better… and sexually too.
Years ago I asked my best friend if she wanted to date since I’ve always had a big crush on her but she was always in a relationship. She said no she wasn’t ready to date again since her previous relationships were toxic. I made peace with that and we’ve always remained close friends. Recently I’ve gotten engaged and we’re expecting our first child, but my best friend came out and said she’s missed out on dating a great guy and that I’ve been right in front of her this whole time but hadn’t given me a chance. Now I’m confused and don’t know how to feel but part of me wishes she said something sooner. I haven’t told my partner about it because I know it’ll end bad
I wish you’d try more
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I think his brother is repulsive, and I’m over him living with us.
Oh, I’ve told my husband this before, but I still remind him regularly.
First of all you need to stop it with your habit. Second of all I know you are ghosting me rn but I don’t know if it is because of you being grounded or if it is you just wanting to casually end things. (For context my bf has been ghosting me since Sunday) anyways I want him to get his shit together with his mom. I want him to get his drivers license and I want him to communicate with me better.
I’m scared we will have to break up if he visits his home country and decides to stay there.
I’m so tired of this life, please understand me… not just hear me. Treat me like a human being with problems and burdens of their own, as someone who’s sharing your problems with you. I’m being made to think I’m only here to fix you, and when I can’t help you I’m the problem…. You’ve hurt me in ways I could’ve never imagined wouldve happen to me–coming from the person I was before you. I see you’re changing and trying but with the words and feelings and repetitive behaviors and same old arguments happening every single day, the way youve been treating me, makes me feel like a burden, everything is my fault, I need to fix this…..I have my own problems. I need to fix yours, like I’m the sole disturbance within everything we’ve ever gone through, acting like im the only person who can fix our current lives and work on myself and be better as a person and a girlfriend….please give me a break
Well, we are 99% broken up as it is. We are just waiting on the closing date for me to refinance our house. So i guess “Here, these are yours to sign.”
I have so many things I want to say but I’ll just do a few. This is cathartic:
I’m not in love with you anymore, but i do love you. I’m only playing house because I promised your mother I’d try to make it work after you flew off the handle while drunk on vacation and no one in the house felt safe with you anymore (he didn’t hurt anyone, he was just belligerent). You’re breath has smelled like literal dog shit for the last few years and I can smell it from 4 feet away so I’m repulsed when you kiss me.
That I want to have and enjoy intimacy with him. I’m just so uncomfortable with my body and how hypersexual I was in the past that I have a lot of shame around sex now.
Nah, I believe that every secret you try to keep, ends up coming out in the worst possible way, at the worst possible time. So I don’t keep secrets. With anyone. And I am alone in my endeavor. I get lied to on the daily. But I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m braver than most.
I need more non-sexual physical affection. I need to be held, hugged, and touched in passing. I need to have my back rubbed and my hair played with. The touch starvation has made me feel so fucking lonely and disconnected.
I wish he would flirt with me more and do things to make me feel desired again.
Yes, I have communicated some of this.
It bothers me sometimes that he doesn’t like to make out or kiss more than just a few little pecks at a time, or go down south. I love him to bits, but one of the big reasons why I’m happy to be in an open relationship is because I can outsource these needs.
I wish he wanted me more, deeply, sexually. I want to be seen physically. I know LDR sucks but I have that intimacy urge. I wish he does as well. And maybe show me.
I wish I could say everything that’s been sitting on my chest. But I already know how it would go you’d be hurt, I’d feel guilty, and nothing would actually change.. we’re drifting apart..
i don’t know if i can love you the way i did before
Even when you play a role in my “this is why I’m sad and having feelings” story, that doesn’t mean I am blaming you or wishing you did anything differently. I am just sad and having feelings, you only need to sit there and listen and validate my feelings, and then cuddle me and help me feel less distressed.
Marriage is sacred that’s why I am here, else I dislike him, living with him and his infidelity is shit show of life. He sucks and his mistress is perfect for him!
That I tried more than I should. Put efforts more than I should and love you more than I can express.
I wish you appreciated my love and efforts. I wish you were not nonchalant on expressing your love. I wish you loved me loudly and see me for who I am and not for the things I do. I wish didn’t have to beg for bare minimum or for you to be closed. That everyday I feel like you’re losing me and it makes me sad
I wish my partner cared more about the true day to day tidiness of our living space. Is it really that fucking hard to put clothes in the hamper instead of the floor in front of it? Is it that hard to make the pillows on the couch nice when you’re done? Or to make the bed in the morning? It makes all the difference and I question if I really wanna deal with this for the rest of my life? I’ve tried to bring this up cause its important to me. Maybe I just gotta bite my tongue but its also a minute tops to do these things like be so fucking for real
I know you don’t want me. I know you don’t like me. I know you’re not attracted to me. I don’t know why you are still here then because I tell you to save money to move out asap and offer to help but you continue to stay and I don’t understand the reason. I can’t live my whole life being starved of human touch, compassion and telling myself I’ll figure out how because I’ve had it worse in the past. I just want to feel needed, wanted and maybe loved by someone if I’m lucky
I’m not happy, but I don’t know why.
Our communication sucks. We rarely have deep conversations. Also, it constantly feels very one-sided when we do talk. He will tell stories and I always respond and act interested. He really does not do the same for me
He’s too vanilla in the bedroom, it’s boring as fuck
I’m a fucking weirdo, I need a lot of freaky shit in order to get off in the bedroom, and he’s not cutting it.
Two things. The first, please…please! Clean your bathroom and kitchen! The bathroom stinks like old urine and crap. The kitchen is covered in grease and the sink has bacteria colonies that could dwarf the population of earth. I know, you don’t mind living like this. It’s my choice to clean it when i’m over. I really dont mind the cleaning of it even. But I don’t want to eat bacteria or bath in crap. Seeing it week after week feels at this point personal. You see me cleaning..couldnt you keep it up, at least a little?
The second, and I’m a ashamed of this, is that I don’t need you the way you need me. I like being around you, I enjoy spending time with you. But I don’t ‘need’ you. If you came to me and said you wanted to break up. I would be fine. I would go away and continue to live my life and think of our time together as a happy memory, but I would not be any less…I know this sounds callous. But I don’t…You are a bonus, but ultimately, I’d be just fine on my own. I was happy before we meant, and I know I would be after.
I worry that your with me just because I cared for you during covid. I was the one who stuck around for two years of isolation, make sure you had what you needed, that I was still just ‘there’, and I worry more that if you ever realized this..I wouldnt care that it ended.
I want kids.
He knows, I know. But I’m relishing the love right now. I’ve given myself an internal end date when I either leave him or he magically changes heart, but I will never ever ask someone who doesn’t want kids to have them. It’s just one of my things.
I hate when he ask me to have sex super late at night when I’m tired. Then I feel bad for not being in the mood because I do want to have sex.
He never gets mad at me for turning him down, just why are you only ever horny at 2am???
To stop vaping bc it makes his breath stinky
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To communicate. I’m not blaming him. I just want to discuss things so that we can move forward and I can learn something from fights. We just keep hitting the same brick wall that I’m actually fed up.
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That I don’t know how to justify being in love with him to people. Everyone tells me I deserve better and that I am settling with a loser.
But he’s the only man I have ever met who’s been patient with me…
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I can’t stand the way he moans during sex it completely takes me out of the moment. I’ve never told him because I don’t want to embarrass him, but it seriously makes it hard for me to stay turned on hahha
I would tell her that I’m unhappy and miss being unmarried and single.
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I feel unloved and invisible. I daydream what it’s like to be loved properly and grieve that I will probably never experience it.
I’m not leaving you. I know you had major surgery. Even if you never walk again, we’ve been married for years. I’m not leaving because you didn’t leave me when I had health issues and almost died during childbirth. I took our vows seriously.
I’d probably tell her I don’t always feel heard.
She’s not mean or anything — just quick to respond, slow to really listen.
It’s not relationship-ending stuff, but yeah… it builds up.
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If you don’t like me anymore, and if you are completely and utterly unattracted to me, please tell me. I’m tired of having to guess what is going on between us.
Hurry up. I’m tired of waiting for you. Hurry and find me so we can figure out this while life thing
I really miss him and I love him. He passed almost 2 years ago (7/16/2023) and I miss him every single moment.
If I was still dating my ex and told her I faked all the orgasms for the entire duration of the relationship, she would be livid. Lmao. I faked all of it. Allllllllll of it. No ‘ragrets’.
i fear the compromises we’ve made to balance his homebody-ness and my wanting to go out with friends make him unhappy, which makes me feel guilty. i worry that no matter how we try to cooperate in this regard, we might just be incompatible.
She needs to stop partying so much. I’m all for her having fun and letting loose, she deserves it. But it’s straining her more than anything else. She barely gets any sleep and she’s just constantly getting drunk or doing drugs. She manages to still live her life and meet all her responsibilities, but it drains her and she needs to settle down a bit.
That I no longer trust him to support me
I love him
He’s perfect in so many ways
But his inability to help me when I actually need real help is something I cannot forget
He’s trying
I think I have probably voiced it when in extreme pain
But he retreats and won’t mention it again
Until the next time
And I don’t think I can keep doing this as we get older
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More PDA.
We are still young (19 & 20) but I don’t want children but pets instead. And I also don’t believe in God anymore. My family is very religious and have influenced him to become more christian while pushing me to become agnostic.
That I don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore. I’m so done but so scared of how he would react.
That I have no romantic feelings or sexual attraction to him. That the lack of emotional vulnerability and openness between us, including the other stuff, has me planning on divorce in the future. I think he will be totally blind sided.
I can’t forgive you……
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You talk too much The amount you talk is difficult for me. I need silence and moments of pause in conversation so I can think about my response, but you seem to fear silence. Sometimes, allowing silence and space opens up conversations that aren’t possible otherwise.
But other than that, you’re perfect!
Listen, if there is a thing you’re not telling someone because it would end the relationship, you’re using them. Be honest with your partner and make it a real relationship.
That said if this post was meant to be more light hearted than I took it I have one:
Dear Husband,
I understand that your process is different than mine, that you are a late riser and you are English. But we don’t have any more time for your 2 pm starts and afternoon tea breaks when we have <a week to prepare this shitty house so we can move into it. It currently lacks floors, dear. Floors are important to me because our furniture goes on top of floors. So can you wake the fuck up and help me build some fucking floors?
That I wish he wasn’t high all day every day. It’s been our whole relationship and I don’t even really know what he’s like when he’s not smoking weed.
That I really need more affection and sex from him, without me being the only one who ever makes an effort.
Also that I have about 9k credit card debt. We aren’t married and don’t share finances yet so I haven’t really felt a good time to mention it. But I do live with him and feel like it’s something I probably should have told him by now.
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that im so tired.
whats so hard about cleaning as you go? especially when cooking. wiping the counter after using the sink. just small things like that. i see the mess and i immediately get drained. he doesnt clean up and leaves it for me to do.
i told him so many times, gently even, to help tidy but he always “forgets”
im so drained and tired.
I love you and you’re finally doing everything that I wanted from you, even though you’re not doing it bc you finally choose me, you’re doing it bc we’re having a baby. And it feels good and I’m grateful but I’m not happy. You don’t want monogamy right now, we’re not even in a relationship just a 4 year situationship, and you still dealing with your ex and another woman makes me feel like there’s something wrong or missing in me. Like I’m not good enough. I’m having your first child and it’s still not enough for you. And I know that’s not what it is for you but that’s what it feels like to me and it’s all I can think about even though you’re with me most of the time. Being involved with all 3 of us is what makes you happy so I don’t feel Iike I can ask you to stop fw them even though you told me to tell you when it becomes too much and you’ll cut them off for a while. Because you’re going to stop for a few months and then what? The same situation is gonna happen. And you’re not gonna be as happy with just me, be thinking about them, maybe even lying or hiding still being involved. I hate you man. And I’m so disappointed in myself for not having enough self respect to leave sooner and loving you so much that I’m trying to handle a situation that hurts me cause it makes you happy. I’ve created the life I literally did not want and I hate myself for it. That’s why I’m so nonchalant about my pregnancy and have been so melancholy. I’m happy and so grateful to be a mom. I love my son so much and I’m excited for him. I can’t wait for our son to get here. But it’s too early to decorate/plan and actually feel him so in the meantime all I can think about is you and these other women and how selfish I may be coming off cause you are with me majority of the time and doing amazing at supporting me and being excited for our son. But I hate you for breaking my heart over and over again. I hate you for still dealing with your disrespectful ex and now another woman. I hate them for dealing with you knowing you have a child on the way. I hate you for the weekends you visit your ex out of town, or spend with her or the other girl here. I hate myself for allowing you to. I hate myself for not wanting to leave you either. and I don’t know what to do right now but cry and pray.
That I still talk to my ex sometimes. It’s completely platonic and rare, but I know it would make him uncomfortable even though there’s literally nothing there. Just feels easier to avoid the drama.
That I know…..
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I’ve been emotionally checked out for months.
well it used to be that i wish he wouldn’t be on his phone so much and dedicate so much time AFTER work to worrying about work and being such a people pleaser.
I hate our communication! It sucks despite me expressing every single detail out to you now so you can understand my point of view. When there’s a problem between us I don’t want to even try and talk about anything anymore because the blame is always put on me. You make me feel as if I’m not allowed to have feelings anymore unless they’re positive feelings. It’s like pulling teeth trying to talk things out. Hiding away will not solve our problems!
That I refuse to let any of our kids live in our home when they get past 22. He keeps bringing up his son potentially needing to still live at home as an adult, but that’s not going to happen.
Not with me there, anyways. I spent my first marriage taking care of a man-child. I’m not doing it again. Bipolar diagnosis or not.
I’m leaving if you don’t propose before I’m 40.
I don’t want a shut-up ring or to get married under an ultimatum, so I’m not telling you.
You’ve had 5 years already. Shit or get off the pot.
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I hate when he lashes out at me. I adore him so much and when he gets upset, I feel horrific.
He is aware and admits failure but Istill feel really bad and take it very personally.
I don’t plan to ever spend time with his family again
I love you. See ya when you get home. <3
I hope it wouldn’t end it, but you know, shit happens. That and death til we part means I guess I’m going to prison?
Stop rearranging where stuff goes in the kitchen! Every time we move somewhere new you want to go in the kitchen and move where I’ve put things. It feels like encroaching on my territory because I’m the one who cooks mostly and I need to know where everything is. The other day you swapped the drawer where we put our measuring spoons,whisks,etc and the junk drawer. And dammit it made more sense. But still. Stop doing that. Organize something else.
His family doesn’t feel like my own. I don’t feel connected with them anymore. I wish he paid closer attention to the things they do/say to me, but also the things they DON’T say/do.
That I do truly love him. That I really have been trying as hard as I can. That he did not deserve the upbringing he had. That he truly is a good person and holds himself back by thinking down on himself and that hes unlovable. That hes a good dad… And that although I love him more than I’ve ever loved a man, I wish he would realize that hes broken me in ways I didnt think I could be and I wish he did more to take accountability and change it, that the girl he says he married is gone because my confidence in myself gone after years of him telling me Im never enough, gaslighting me into thinkinf Im the problem until I became one that I was willing to take accountability for and fix….That if I could leave right now I would and put us both our of our misery, even though I love him and wish I could spend the rest of my life with him.
Nothing. Seriously
He needs to stop constantly trying to create conflicts by trying to make me jealous because in his head, that makes him feel desired and important. He needs to pay more attention to how he talks to me and how he treats me because for him, I’m the one who should always talk to him “because he likes the attention.”
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Part of the reason I fell in love with and married you is because you took care of me. All of my friends were jealous at how ‘spoiled’ I was (not financially, but with acts of service). Now it’s my job to take care of everything while also working, and I hate it. If you had been like this since the beginning, we wouldn’t have gotten married.