What is something you set as a boundary that you feel you get unfair judgement for?
What is something you set as a boundary that you feel you get unfair judgement for?
r/AskWomen
What is something you set as a boundary that you feel you get unfair judgement for?
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When I park far away from other cars. I drive a really rare car so If I see dings, dents, scratched rims, etc. I damn sure am not parking close to them. We’re walking. You should’ve drove if you wanna park front row.
The whole vegan thing. I don’t bring it up unless it’s relevant (like if someone is offering me food I can’t eat) then suddenly I’m the obnoxious one because when you asked why I won’t eat fried chicken I told you the reason?
No fucking clue why people get upset. This means more fried chicken for you! Leave me alone.
Had to go no-contact with an abusive parent a few years ago. I still hear through the grapevine how they talk about me/portray me and I’ve been told I’m cold because ‘he’s still my father, how could I do that’.
Having to put up with unsolicited conversation with work colleagues during break. I’m usually sweet, but firm about if I’m in the mood to talk or not. If I do tell them to leave me alone so that I can recharge my mental batteries, they tend to take an offense on that, and needlessly to say, I get reviews that says, “she could be a bit more friendly at work”.
Chastity when dating
I don’t like conservative people and try to avoid them.
I don’t really worry about judgement for boundaries I’ve already set… but I’ve decided on one that I know I will get a lot of judgement for. When I have kids I will not let anyone in my brother’s family be alone with them. The adults have zero accountability and think they know better than me on everything and their kids have no respect for anyone or anything and when they act inappropriately their parents excuse it because they “don’t know better.” They aren’t young children, they’re old enough to know better. I also don’t want my kids to pick up bad habits like throwing a tantrum because they were told no (again, not little kids)..
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Not sharing my social media handles freely with acquaintances. I only add people I’m friends with/interested in getting to know, which is considered absurd here.
I went no contact with my sister. After 2 years, I still get comments from my parents about reaching out to her or inviting her to stuff.
I will not date a man who plays video games.
Going no-contact with my grandparents.
Not being open to friends and family introducing me to men. I’m not interested. If I have to tell you twice, I’m going to hurt your feelings.
Not eating food when pressured to do so. I know that sounds bad, but I have digestion issues and I have to time when I eat food or I’ll end up in pain and discomfort at inopportune times.
People used to think I had an eating disorder and was conscious of my weight. I’m not a slim person and I’m very active. But people who know me, even though they don’t understand how I can go so long without food, they can plainly see that it’s not stopping me from doing the things I enjoy.
That I like spending time doing the things I like. I like to write, and draw sometimes instead of going out or having people over. I don’t like being told that I’m not really busy enough when I’m doing those things to justify not having people over.
Not interested if he isn’t taller.
it’s AMAZING how such a tiny, expected, bare minimum requirement makes me commit a hate crime on Reddit.
Hugging/kissing people as a greeting. I was raised in a culture where everyone does some sort of physical greeting, and we’re raised basically from birth to do the same thing. I was always uncomfortable with it as a child, and stopped doing it in my 20s. Of course, now I have a reputation in my circles as being rude. It’s crazy how many full grown adults feel entitled to hug and kiss you, regardless of if they’ve known you for a while or are just meeting you.
I see so many parents try to force their little kids into doing it too, and so I always stand back from them and give them a wave or ask for a high five as a greeting instead. Their parents never like it, but I don’t care. I refuse to partake in teaching these kids that they aren’t allowed to have physical boundaries when we should be teaching them the opposite. Being young doesn’t mean that they can’t decide what they are and are not comfortable with. I’m a glaring example of how damaging it can be, I can barely handle being touched by people now, and that feeling traces all the way back to not being allowed boundaries for half my life.
I get lots of judgement from work because of my boundaries with work time. But other than that, I also do not plan or attend social events on Friday nights. I have a demanding job and by the time Friday comes around I’m exhausted and just need some time to get my house sorted, spend time with my partner and my dog, and just decompress.
I do make rare exceptions (birthdays, other date-specific events) but generally my friends know not to expect me at Friday night social events.
Mine was when he had Roz killed
Not posting pictures of my baby anywhere till they are old enough to say they want their pictures posted.
I don’t want my friends to be Instagram friends with my former abuser. You’d think that was common sense but I’ve had friends say that was too controlling, “well she never did anything to me,” etc. Then I get hate as if I’M the bad friend and not the person who gave me cptsd
Not dating someone who misuses social media. To elaborate, I have zero interest in being with someone who follows thirst traps or supports any photos of half nude women. I’ve had friends of mine tell me I care too much. I really don’t care, I have no interest in dating someone who wants to ogle half naked women all day.
It’s more that I say, I don’t need to be in love. I can just have casual ONS. And people say “oh, actually at the third date, you know that. You will regret this once you are actually in love with someone.” I hope I never fall in love
Smoking
Saying no to family events when I’m emotionally overwhelmed. People often assume I’m being distant or dramatic, but the truth is I’ve learned to protect my peace. Just because I love people doesn’t mean I have to stretch myself thin to prove it
My work hours. I’m salaried and will not go over the obligated 40 hours. Some people think it’s absurd at my level but I’ve been willing before, and it didn’t go well. The more you give, the more they feel entitled to take. I bust my ass when I’m at work, I care, I’m efficient, and I’m damn good at my job. Having said that, life is finite and I love spending time with my husband so that’s all they will ever get. My current employer brought it up once and after my response they started to say that I might not be a good fit, but they backed down when I said that maybe they were right. I’ll never climb the ladder again but I’m content where I am.
People (men) be real mad when I won’t reply to texts after 7pm. Enacted this boundary after too many of them expected me to be some sort of late night doordash order. If you want to meet up with me for the first time it will be during daylight hours and it will not be at your house.
Texting in general. I feel like a lot of society has forgotten that sometimes we’d go days-weeks without contact with some of our peers and expects you to get back to them asap. I study and work around 60 hours a week on top of gym and other hobbies, some days I barely touch my phone. I assume if it’s urgent they’ll call me. I value my peace and exercise my right to get back to people when I can.
Sleep. I have a hormonal condition that predisposes me to needing more sleep than the average person during certain menstrual phases. I will go home early or miss late night events occasionally so I don’t feel like ass and unstable for 3 days afterwards, it’s not worth it to me anymore. Anyone who says anything negative about my sleep patterns or needs is immediately ignored. I once had a man tell me to “toughen up” because I wouldn’t stay out past 10pm to get a drink with him on a week night mind you. Weirdo.
I don’t do extra hours, I’m not picking my phone on my free days.
Not answering messages right away. I need space to recharge, and I won’t apologize for protecting my peace. But yeah, people definitely take it personally.
I dont have sex until we are fully into a committed relationship where there is an understanding we are building something together. Also no porn.
People absolutely hate it, but I will often say “Hey, I’m so happy to be a worker bee and do whatever you say on this project, or I’m happy to take over this project and lead and tell you how I think it should be done and solve any problems that come up as a result of my choices. But I need you to pick one.”
People hate it. But I know myself. I know that I can be an absolute asshole when I’m frustrated, and that goes double when I know the right way to do a thing and somebody wants to condescendingly explain to me that we should do it a different way. I think I’m being pretty damn generous by being willing to show up on a Saturday with my power tools, turn off my brain, and do literally everything you tell me like a trained monkey until you’re ready to give up no matter how much I might have done this differently. I can do that because I’ve given up any emotional investment whatsoever in the results of this project. If you expect me to do it your way AND give you my opinion on how to fix it when it goes wrong, you are asking me too much and this relationship won’t survive. I know that about myself and I like you too much to put us through that. We can do it my way and I’ll draw up a plan and run it by you and handle any problems that come up. Or we can do it your way and I am a fucking automaton who smiles and responds to orders. THATS IT.
I don’t want to date a partner who uses porn.
People often assume that I’m very close-minded or old-fashioned about relationships/sexuality, but I am very sexually openminded and have a high sex drive myself. I just don’t feel comfortable with my partner quite literally having an orgasm while looking at other people’s bodies.