Me(f40) and my husband (42m) of 14 years are having hard times and I see no alternatives but to separate, since I think he doesn’t like or respect me and choses his mom over me.
During the years there have been different incidents involving MIL being hostile or passive aggressive towards me, or trying to act behind my back.
I tried to address the issues, but in each convo even starting with “hun, why did your mom did this or that, why did she say this and that” ended in blown up fights, where I would try to make the point and he would become defensive and call me needy, AH, crazy, too sensitive etc.
In some major incidents (his mother verbally attacking me) he took my side, in some I would say 90% of issues he would fight me for years and admitted he was wrong only in therapy.
The thing is that after even taking my side in some situations like his mom visiting us and verbally attacking or insulting me, afterwards he behaved himself the way as if nothing happened and demanded that I also keep the same level of being nice to her.
I went LC and he was unhappy, saying I ignore her. Now I am NC and he sometimes still rubs it into my face for not being “nice” to her.
He tells me its justified that he always choses me over her, because I am the villain- like I want him to go NC with his mom, I nag all the time and badmouth her whereas she doesn’t do the same.
However I never demanded he doesnt talk to her or not visit her or go LC himself. My point was he should stop her or not obey her or protect her when she does the power play.
So now he says I am making his life difficult, so I can skip the visits to the home country if I hate my MiL so much.
The thing is we visit home-country once a year and we socialize with friends, other relatives do fun things we have in our HC. Not going would “punish” me and deprive of family activities and fun of socializing with people I like.
So do you have any ideas what could be done so that he doesn’t have to go LC with his mom the way I don’t feel left behind or not defended by him?
Because every time she does something not nice to me, he either think its nothing or tells me I can live with that and goes on being nice and caring to his mom and spending time with her, although I would say by her passive aggressive behavior she sabotages me and our family and tries to act as if she was the more important woman in his life 🙂
What can he alternatively do? Or would it be a reason for a husband to go LC with MIL?
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