Just what the title says – what’s the longest stretch of time you’ve been single, and why did you choose to be single? How did you feel about it?
What is the longest you went without being in a relationship and why?
r/AskWomen
Just what the title says – what’s the longest stretch of time you’ve been single, and why did you choose to be single? How did you feel about it?
Comments
I’m 25; between serious relationships, about 3 years (with some very short term/casual ones in the mix). It wasn’t really a conscious choice, I definitely wanted to be in one during that time but it just wasn’t working out for me. But that time gave me a lot of knowledge and helped me learn a lot of lessons about men and myself. I had a multiple year long relationship with a shitty dude after that, left him, and now I’ve been with a wonderful man for almost a year.
[removed]
23 years. (Lmao) I never looked for it, I thought it would happen naturally but it did not. Anyone who approached me I didn’t like, anyone I liked didn’t want a relationship. So there’s that. Plus I put no effort into finding one
Well, I was single the first 17 years of my life, at first due to being a literal child and later because I wasn’t cool enough in high school to attract any boys. I met my first boyfriend at work where the popularity hierarchy wasn’t relevant.
I’ve now been single for 7.5 years partly due to COVID and partly due to not meeting anyone where there was a mutual attraction.
Technically I’ve always been single but I had a FWB at 19. I’m currently 23. I haven’t been with anyone since him. I’ve talked and texted guys but no real dates. Not even a kiss. At first it was in purpose because the FWB emotionally drained me. Now my standards are high so I’m more selective. I do want a bf but I haven’t had much success on the apps. The men who’ve been checking me out have been too old for me. Guys my age are usually my coworkers so I don’t go for them
3 years of no relationships, dating, or sex. I just needed time to heal from my prior relationship. He was abusive emotionally and then when we were on vacation together in Australia it escalated to physically when he was intoxicated. I’m so thankful that I had the strength to immediately leave and catch a flight home the next day. But it really took a toll on me.
This year I decided to put myself back out there again and I’m really happy that I made the choices I did (in regard to taking the time I needed to fully heal). It allowed me to really learn how to love myself again without the need of external validation. In addition to finding myself again, I discovered new hobbies, strengthened friendships, and spent more time with my family.
Now I feel like I can date again knowing exactly who I am, the type of partner I want to attract / be with, and I’m just genuinely happier and healthier.
I’ve only been single for about one full year in my adult life. I dated around in high school a bit, but I don’t really count that because it was never serious. Got with my first serious boyfriend when I was 19, dated him for three years, and met the man I want to marry like one month after we broke up. Current bf and I have been together for five years now, and we have plans to get married and have kids once he finishes school. I didn’t plan it this way, but what can I say? Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.
18 years, from birth to when I met my husband at college. Was single because I was a new human and growing up. 🙂 I felt fine about it.
Also I am very glad I never got with my high school crush because he’s registered as a Republican now. That and now at 44, I still think my husband is the most awesome coolest dude and I am very happy with him.
Currently in it. Broke up with my ex in 2019, haven’t really dated since. It was a 14 year very toxic relationship that was on and off for years. During periods we had broken up for a few months in the past I dated people and ended up hurting them when I would ultimately decide to end things and return to my old relationship. I didn’t want to do that this time and I also wanted to just take a lot of time and really heal from it. I think I’m close to being ready to rejoin the dating world without that being a risk for a very long time now, I live states away from him and am no longer in contact and have put that relationship fully to rest in the past where it belongs. I definitely feel out of practice and a little reluctant to leave my single cocoon so I’m still not quite ready yet, but I do feel like I’ll probably start toe dipping back into dating in the next six months or so. Very casually while I get my bearings back, and also very cautiously to ensure I’m emotionally prepared for it. If not, I’ve made peace with the idea that I might just be a lifelong single person now. And I’m ok with it if that’s my story in the future 🙂
[removed]
Well, 18 years firstly. From 0 to 18 because no opportunities as I wasn’t taken seriously by any boys in my class.
After that, 4 years. Mostly because of major trauma from my first relationship (I was left for someone else) and subsequent failed attempts at dating someone new, I lost interest. It felt pointless and I was much happier not constantly feeling like I had to vomit over whether or not my guy is messing with some other woman, whether he’ll reply to my texts or not, whether he’ll actually follow through on our plans instead of ghosting me, etc etc etc.
I felt mostly free, peaceful and happy during that time— after I moved on from the trauma, of course. I did have a friend with benefits for about a year during that time, if that counts.
I’m in my mid-twenties now and dating someone again.
2 years give or take a couple of months was what happened to me. Only twice though. Now I’m married
9 years I think? I can’t remember. I’m not really a relationship type of gal.
I think the longest so far is now. Its been 4 years since ive been in a relationship.
▪︎ I was really traumatised by my last one and id say it took me a good three years to get over everything: him and what he did
▪︎ i cant seem to find anyone who im compatible with
▪︎ i currently dont see myself taking care of someone, neither do i feel capable of dedicating my free time to talk about meaningless things with somebody. I have so many things I like to do (read, learn, paint..) and i cant do it with someone in the way
▪︎ i cant see myself sharing deep feelings or personal things about myself anymore. Going back to the first point (traumatised by my last relationship), i really learned to bottle up everyhing over the years. I didnt tell anyone anything. I simply didnt feel comfortable and thought there would be no point.. and my belief still stand to this day. I feel like this would be a deal breaker in a relationship so yeah
I don’t remember, maybe 3 years during my 20s? Because I didn’t want anything serious. I felt fantastic about it, I had a fucking great time!
My longest and most meaningful relationship is right now. Going on 3 years and I’m in my late 20s.
Never had an actual bf prior to this relationship.
Less popular stance, but one that I think is worth talking about- I do not and have never lived my life prioritizing romantic relationships. It was never a conscious choice to live my life this way.
I was extremely happy single, and absolutely love living my life with my own goals, on my own time, and in my own way. I was single for so long because there was really nothing that a relationship could add to my life to make it any better than it already was so I simply never focused on pursuing one.
Don’t get me wrong, I had situationships here and there, but I never really cared if they became serious or not. Idk, as long as I can remember, I’ve just never really cared either way about my relationship status lol.
My partner now is absolutely wonderful, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. He adds so much joy and light and happiness to my life, but I also walk through life knowing that even if he’d never come into it, I’d still be just as happy.
7 years but I’m still fairly young. The next time may be a decade or six.
Why?
Either nobody was interested or I had other priorities or I simply didn’t want a relationship.
After my husband blew up our marriage by cheating with my good friend, I was single for 4 years. The level of betrayal, combined with having a grade school- age child, made me completely uninterested in men. It was good to keep it simple for awhile.
I’m 30. The longest I’ve went? A year. I REALLY don’t like to be alone. I’m a very codependent person. :/
My first relationship was a year and 10 months. I broke up with him. Then there was that year long gap I just mentioned.
My second relationship was a year and 6 months. He broke up with me. Then there was a 4-6 month gap.
My third relationship was for 11 years. I left him because I was cheating on him for 5 months. I couldn’t take the guilt, and told him I had been cheating. He didn’t deserve to be stepped out on but we were never going to continue to work. I didn’t exactly plan to cheat. My affair partner and I knew each other my entire life and the feelings I felt for him just grew.
My current relationship is with the affair partner I previously mentioned. We never had a defined start. But we are now expecting a baby on the way. Everything feels right in the world right now.
Around 5 years
Over a year currently and not looking to change that anytime soon.
I was with my ex husband for over a decade starting when I was 17, then shortly after our divorce I started dating my now ex fiance. We parted ways early last year. I tried dating last summer and just wasn’t into it.
I’ve been really enjoying the peace of being truly alone for the first extended time in my life.
seven years, if I’m discounting a six-month long relationship that the guy talked me into reluctantly.
I dated a guy in high school for 2.5 years which is a long time for someone that age. I got a lot out of my system from that and definitely learned the value and opportunities that came with being single. I got really clear on what I wanted, and what I didn’t want, and that relationships are only worth having when you really see a future, and I just didn’t see that potential in anyone for a long time. I wanted to build the life I wanted and then find someone who fit into it, rather than meet someone young and then have to navigate formative years in which you are rapidly changing together. Of course, if I had met someone organically at that time where the connection was unignorable that would be different, but that didn’t happen.
I did date someone seven years later and it was, frankly, a dumpster fire. That caused me to get even MORE clear on what I wanted and gave me the confidence to trust my gut and believe yellow/red flags when I see them. After that I went on dates and tried to meet people, but didn’t commit to anyone for two more years, until I met my now fiance. I had a good feeling about him immediately, and we were at the same point in our lives. It was truly effortless.
I have no regrets. Every misstep and chance I took led me to my person and dream life. The overarching lesson is to ALWAYS trust your instincts and do life on your own timeline.
3 years and counting. I was in LTRs with men from age 13-29 without much of a break in between them. During covid I broke up with my last bf and promptly realized I’m gay. I don’t think I really realized until then because I’d never given myself time to explore myself and any time I had the gay feelings surface I just immediately buried them again, under yet another relationship with a dude. I came out and dated a bit in the queer world but I was repeating my old patterns and still running away from myself. Dating men unfortunately really traumatized me, so I had a lot to unpack and heal from. I’ve also been going through the justice system for a sexual assault that happened years ago, and that’s honestly put me on edge so much that I can’t even let my guard down round my friends let alone try and let someone in romantically or sexually. It’s been a lot. I’m nearly free from that situation now though and I have considered dipping my toe back in and finding a nice girlfriend
I haven’t really been single for longer than a month or so since I was 16 or 17. I got married young and was married a long time before I divorced…then was in a series of brief relationships before moving in with my husband 11 years ago.
3 years I think
Age 0-22. Met my first boyfriend at 22, dated for one year. Met my husband 9mo later and been together ever since.
The first 23 years of my life. In my culture we date to marry so I had to be super picky about who I was saying yes to. Before I married, I was super happy keeping busy with my friends, studies and hobbies. And now that Im married Im just as happy 🙂
I think around 3 years after I broke up with my first boyfriend. I was young, studying abroad, and that relationship had just drained me. I wasn’t consciously trying not to date, I just realized I was happy enough the way I was and enjoying time with friends and family. Only when I started dating again did I realize I missed being with someone.
currently single and have been for the past 2 1/2 ish years. I was previously in a long term relationship, we had a child together, married, got divorced and that has been the only “serious” relationship I’ve been in. We were so young, me 17 and him 19, it was toxic and abusive but I learned so much. I started therapy and have learned so much about myself and who I truly am while being single with no one to criticize or judge me or my actions. I feel ready to seriously date again and hope this time turns out better.
Since I started dating, this is the longest I’ve been single. I got divorced last year & haven’t bothered with trying to meet anyone. I do have someone I’m interested in, but nothing yet & I’m not in a rush.
Started dating at 15. Have only been single 2 months when I was 18. 26 now.
I had my first true boyfriend when I was 15, then almost 2 years later I got into my next relationship.
So once I started dating… 2 years between relationships was my longest stretch
3 year. I just didnt think i was ready to cater to someone.
5-ish years
I didn’t choose to be single, I dated around and desperately wanted a relationship, but it never happened. It was a time in my life where all my friends were in relationships, I disliked my job and coworkers, lived away from family… it sucked. I ended up getting into a relationship that wasn’t good for me because I was so lonely.
The first 16 years of my life, because my crushes didn’t like me back. Since then… 5-6months?
I’m 26 now, and in the last 10 years been in 3 relationships. 5ish months between each (5 years, then 1.5ish, now 3.5). I wasn’t intending to start dating someone else, but both times I just happened to meet someone and we clicked
5 years but I had elongated flings… before i met my bf now i hadn’t been anybody’s serious gf in 5 years … im assuming the fact that no man had liked me enough to take it seriously and if they did they were already taken and i was in things i had no business being in for the sake of a fuck and some intimacy
if we don’t count the 14 years before i started dating, about 7 months. my first boyfriend tried to rape me and it really kept me from wanting to be with other people. and then i ended up dating a guy who would cheat on me, and then a guy who abused me. dating in highschool is bullshit
Over twenty years, if you can call that one month relationship a relationship. If not, then my whole life, soooo forty years.
I was single for 3 years and that was unresolved childhood trauma plus living at home with parents that did not approve of me dating. At the time, it allowed me to focus on school and I saw my first therapist in that time, too. Looking back, I’m glad I had that time for myself.
23 years realized in the duff or what they call it welp
I was single aged 19-24. I was “celibate” for two of those years.
I’m a child of abuse, and got into a bad relationship 18-19. After that, I was open to a relationship but no one stuck.
A few bad hookups later, at age 21 I decided that I would not have sex until I felt safe. I didn’t date at all during this time, and for part of it I deeply despised most men.
Flash forward to age 24, I had done some inner work and was feeling open to casual sex and or a relationship, started going on dates, then met my current partner. He is amazing, and this relationship has further healed my issues with sex and love etc.
My mood while single fluctuated. Sometimes friends made me feel like I was missing out, but deep down I knew my decision was right for me. There were moments when I was open to something, but it didn’t work out, and that was difficult. I felt like maybe I was behind in the race of life. But it all fell into place for me (at the moment lol).
I’m on year 13 right now. Last relationship was when I was 23 and I’m 35 at the moment. I guess I removed myself from the dating pool a long time ago and have dealt with feelings of unworthiness to the point where I don’t want to look.
I’ve been in a relationship practically my whole adult life (except when I was 18. Started dating my husband at 19) It was not planned at all, I thought I’d enjoy single life for a while but he distracted me 😅
6 years. Dated an abusive jerk during Covid and it made me scared of relationships and intimacy. Now I have a partner who knows my fear and understands me. I’m no longer scared 🙂
About six months. I tended to stay in relationships until I was done-done and so fucking ready to move on. Two five year relationships before I was 29. There was a six month gap between an unexpected breakup and when I met my husband.
10 months. Even though my plan after getting divorced was to be single for the next ten years. But I fejl in love with my fwb and are with him now
18 years lol. I was a weird loner in high school lol and I was the girl that guys would jokingly ask out while everyone else would watch and laugh
First 20 years of my life. Wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends let alone have a boyfriend. When I had the freedom I was focused on learning about myself free from any parental control and other issues. Started with a few casual relationships before dipping into some more serious ones. I think understanding yourself and being realistic about people is crucial. I know too many people choosing partners so contrary to who they are as people for reasons that are so superficial, and or having some of the most unrealistic expectations of other people.
Outside of childhood, I went about 4 years single in the military. I had a couple of “flings” but not full relationships at that time, mainly because active duty military makes it a bit difficult to date.
10 years. 24-34. No date. Not even kiss. Celibate. Never asked out, never even approached or hit on. Despite being a person who goes out to situations where one could be approached, had to go on dating apps to get a morsel of attention. Still technically single since I just do casual dating.
You made me think hard to remember that far back and only a few months (less than 6) ever since i had my first boyfriend but I was a little slow and didnt have one till I was and now havent been single in nearly 15 years (im 44)
First 20 years well partially cuz I was a kid off course and as a teenager I had crushes but dating didnt cross my mind, I was too busy just surviving day to day life, home life sucked hard and got bullied in school, it just didnt get on my radar