Title basically says it all. My best friend (19M) have known eachother since we started highschool and he met his girlfriend he has been with since about a year and a half afterwards. I actually introduced them and was initially a mutual friend with both of them. Things changed with the beginning of this year. She has started being openly hostile/cruel and targeting me specifically. It’s gotten to the point that in a group HER friends are asking if I did something wrong or if we are fighting. I’ve asked everyone if I did something to upset her (accidental or purposeful) and they all said no. I asked my best friend/her boyfriend and they said no. It’s gotten to the point where someone who was once my closest friend is someone I try to avoid. I’ve tried seeing if there was a misunderstanding or something online (I don’t have social media minus tt) but nothing. My best friend is trying not to take sides (even tho it’s often her) but I genuinely don’t know. I’ve asked everyone, including her, and nobody knows. I want to know what I should do to still hangout with my best friend and the group but can’t be around her. I so far just stand up for myself and throw insults back but I don’t want to stay in this negative pit.
TLDR: Friends girlfriend is being cruel and hateful to me and I want to know the best way to handle it without losing friends
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Call her out for it in private. Just ask directly what it is she dislikes about you. That usually gets from a static to a dynamic situation with some sort of solution in the future.
Drop the insults, they only fuel the fire. Keep your distance from her, focus on your friend one-on-one outside the group. If she’s toxic and your friend won’t set boundaries, maybe step back from the whole crew for your own sanity. You can’t control her, but you can control how much you let it eat you.
Sounds like both you and your friend are between a rock and a hard place. But ultimately, if the beef is as one-sided as it sounds, then it’s not a “fight” that can be dealt with as two opposing sides. It’s more just her opposing you — therefore, it’s her with the problem.
I suggest asking your friend to take some time for an honest one-on-one conversation. “Hey, I know this conflict has been stressing you out too. Let’s find a way to fix it. I don’t bear a grudge with her beyond her directly rude behavior towards me. It doesn’t make sense that she both doesn’t have a problem with me and is treating me like this — it’s undeserved. But I want to think better of someone you love and care for, so can you help me get to the bottom of it?”
Something like this could help get you and your friend out of your bind by trying to figure out what’s really going on. It could be something completely unrelated to you. Maybe she’s got something else in her life that she’s unfairly taking out on you. Remember, compassion always wins. Approach it from that angle and I’m confident things will work out!
Ignore her. Act as if she doesn’t exist. In a group setting it will be very easy to do that. Don’t look at her or listen to her or respond. If she starts talking walk away or you talk to someone else.
She won’t ever like you because she views you as a threat. It’s rare to keep a male best friend exactly because of this. The threatened female girlfriend. She wants to be the best friend and thinks you don’t have a purpose anymore. Speaking from mine and several other girls experience. So no matter what you try to do, if she already doesn’t like you, it’s going to stick until they break up or you friend break up with your best friend. How to handle: talk to your best friend and don’t make him think you’re making him choose just keep a distance and explain to him you know she feels threatened bc of your place in his life.