I(M31) and my wife(F29) have been together almost 3 years now.
Her parents have never, ever liked me and consistently go out of there way to be manipulative and drive wedges between us.
The present issue is a prime example of this.
My wifes car broke down several months ago. 9 months maybe?
I bought a car for $9k with 70k miles on it and a new engine roughly 5 months prior to that.
My wife has some mental health issues that make it difficult for her to work full time. She calls off often from an already 4 day work week. Sometimes its frustrating because its financially difficult to cope with, but ultimately i understand she cant help it. Thats why Im in school rn, very close to graduating too. I want to take care of her.
Well anyways, due to these troubles, she couldnt keep up on her car maintenance. So when it broke down and she scrapped it, of course i let her use my car. We are a team, family. Its us vs the world, right? Of course i let her use it. We have goals and plans together.
Now, im a full time student, like i said. Because of my wifes schedule and a lack of childcare, my best option for income while i attend school was to drive for Uber and Lyft. I made enough money to pay all my bills and also help her out sometimes. She was still able to get to work and pay her bills, so everything was good.
She got into a head on collision and caused a 3 car accident in my car. Its technically totalled, however it still runs and rolls. Theres major front end damage, bumper is gone, severe wobbling, car feels like its gonna fall apart any day now, ya know? I wasnt mad at her, i was understanding it was just an accident.
But because we cant afford to just get it fixed or just buy another car right now, we have been driving it like that for like 3 months now.
Oh, she also committed a minor hit and run 2 weeks after the accident. Which i didnt find out about until another 2 weeks later when the cops were banging on my door thinking it was me who hit and ran.
Needless to say, I cannot drive for Uber or Lyft anymore and have resorted to doordashing. However doordash does not pay enough and we are consistently struggling all the time now.
Now to give a little more backstory: my wife has had some physical health issues in the past 2 years as well.
In the past 2 years she has been hospitalized a number of times for extended periods. This caused further financial difficulty for us because she couldnt work and I had to take time off work to be there for all this, etc.
Ever since then, we have been facing eviction notices, electric shut offs. Etc.
My wife has 1 kid and i have 1 kid as well, from prior relationships.
I havent gotten to see nor speak to my son in years because my ex was unhappy that i moved on and found someone else. (which is crazy because the relationship ended due to her cheating). So for 4 years, ive been in a legal battle trying to see him again. This is the other reason im in school. To gain financial stability to improve my chances of seeing him again.
I have to make child support payments every month or i go to jail.
So, essentially, my car could break down any day now and theres nothing i can currently do about it.
When that happens, especially if i havent graduated yet, neither of us will have transportation or income. I will not be able to continue paying the school. I will not be able to pay child support and i will go to jail.
Okay, heres the part where i describe the actual present issue im posting about.
Her parents live several states away. They offered to let her borrow one of their cars for a few months.
Their one stipulation was that Im not allowed to drive it. So essentially, when my car breaks down, im screwed anyways. My wife will have a car im not allowed to drive and my car is going to fall apart because i wanted to be there for her and help her when her car fell apart,
Before my wife left to get on the plane, she promised and reassured me that she knows i obviously am gonna have to drive it at some point. Duh, right? She said “we just wont tell them youre driving it.”
Now shes driving back from S Carolina currently and she texts me saying, “hey my parents said if i let you drive the car it would really break their trust so i cant let you drive it.”
Im in shock. I mean, ive been going to school and we have been struggling and grinding for ages together as a TEAM. Im SO close to graduating. SO close to seeing my son again. SO close to everything we have been struggling for. WE are SO close.
And its all gonna be for absolutely nothing if my car breaks down. Like im feeling so defeated right now because no matter what, after all ive done and after all ive been through, shes just gonna let it all get flushed down the toilet now? I just dont understand.
I tried to reason with her. I said, “How is this fair that we drove my car into the ground and now im just screwed? How is this fair after everything ive stuck around for?”
She immediately got angry with me and started arguing. Saying i was throwing things in her face and holding my car over her head. But i dont feel like i was holding anything over her head, i feel like i was making a valid point for how absolutely unfair and, frankly, SERIOUS this is. She said she just cant betray her parents trust, so i just cant drive it.
Like she wasnt even apologetic. There wasnt even any empathy in her voice at all so im also having feelings of confusion and isolation. She seemed extremely off, emotionally, about the whole thing.
So now im also paranoid wondering if shes about to leave me? Am i getting dumped?
WTF is happening to me rn?!!?!?!
But now shes just mad at me and is ignoring all my messages and we havent spoken in hours.
How should i proceed? What is the right way to handle this?
Am i wrong for being upset? Is it unfair of me to expect her to let me drive this car until i graduate in literally 2 months?
What do i do?
**TL:DR** My wife and I have been together for 3 years. She has ongoing mental and physical health issues, and I’ve supported her through everything. When her car broke down, I let her use mine, even though I needed it to work Uber/Lyft while I go to school full-time and pay child support. She crashed my car, making it barely drivable, and I lost my income source. Her parents, who dislike me, offered her a car but said I can’t drive it. She originally said I could, then changed her mind after talking to them. Now I’m left with no reliable car, no income, and no support from her, risking jail and losing everything I’ve worked for. I feel betrayed, unsupported, and unsure of where our relationship stands.