I’ll start.
We are in my dorm room talking about her recent breakup. I cooked her home made chicken noodle soup.
“Guys are such jerks, I can’t believe he left me for some stupid bitch just because she is prettier than me. I wish I could find a guy who is considerate and thoughtful, like you.”
Looks at me for a few seconds.
“Like, I wish I could find a guy who was exactly like you, but was someone else.”
EDIT: I mentioned my theory in the comments, but I texted her and got a confirmation.
She was flirting with me and just royally fucked up.
She sent me a long text apologizing for it and saying she was so ashamed that she couldn’t get the courage to call me and explain it. Nothing will come of this, as we have both moved on, but at least this will be one fewer piece of anxiety for me to stew over while trying to sleep tonight.