My partner and I have been together for about three years. We have a toddler and new twins, so do I even need to explain our sex life?? thing is… my sex drive is high, so trust we take advantage when we can. probably a few times a month.
when we do get the chance to be intimate, it feels rushed. like he’s racing to finish first, like jack rabbit ok. no matter how many times I’ve asked for him to slow down it just doesn’t land.
When I lead, I get close quickly, but left unfinished. It’s incredibly frustrating. It’s reached the point where I feel this sinking feeling in my chest. I try not to cry about it bc that’s just weird.
To be fair, he does offer to finish me off in other ways, but it’s just not what I crave, and this is everyyyy time. (except the TWO occasions that got me pregnant) And I hate that my mind drifts sometimes to what another man could do to me. I would never cheat. ever. I love him and our family. but this feeling is messing with my head.
I’ve tried bringing up options like BlueChew or Hims to maybe help but the conversations never go anywhere. I feel like I’m begging for something that should be normal. I even jokingly said “maybe you’ll come back with something fun” when he said we need to get more condoms, I guess he still didn’t get the hint that I’m upset.
I just don’t know what to do or say anymore. sometimes I’d just rather not bother. please help.
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Just tell him. The fact that your mind “drifts” to thinking about what another man could do for you says a lot imo. You’re going if the opportunity presents itself 😂 good luck tho!!
>I try not to cry about it bc that’s just weird
Your man won’t listen when you tell him what you’d like, to the point of you fantisizing about other men and getting a sinking feeling in your chest when you think about having sex with him. Makes sense to me if you cry about that.
Maybe it’s not wise to tell him about the fantasizing, but you could tell him about the sinking feeling. If he still continues what he’s doing, I think you should stop him in his tracks and say “hey, if this is the way we’re always going to do it and you’re always going to ignore my needs no matter how many times I tell you, I’m honestly not interested in having sex right now.”
Sit him down, have an honest conversation how you’ve been feeling and what you’re craving. Tell him pleasure is a priority for you, and although you appreciate him offering to finish you off after that’s not what you want. Then proceed to tell him what exactly you want (toys, time during, foreplay..). Telling him once you guys are already doing it might not carry the importance that it has to you. Also hinting that you want something rarely works with people, you have to straight up tell them. Intimacy and pleasure is such an important aspect of a relationship and should be treated as such.
why would it be weird to cry about this? from what you’ve said, he’s never cared about giving you an orgasm? sex should be good for both parties, and i hate it when women think they’re entitled for wanting to actually orgasm lmao
Don’t drop hints expecting your partner to understand you’re upset. Be really clear and up front about what you need and how you’re feeling.
Time to stop hinting.
Sit him down in a non-sexual situation and calmly lay out your concerns and what do you wish of him. The thing is that while I do think he should listen also during sex, men especially can get a little bit of a tunnel vision during sex, so the part of their brain shuts down and it’s only thrust, thrust, thrust.
Honestly, I also think that a really powerful (but dangerous) tool is that in middle of sex you lose the mood because he is doing something “wrong”, then stop. Ask to take a break. Be careful tho because some men don’t react well to this, you know your man the best.
Maybe he doesn’t want more kids. Are you guys using some form of birth control?