MASH: I’ll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I’ll even ‘hari-kari’ if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!
MASH: I’ll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I’ll even ‘hari-kari’ if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!
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WKRP: As God is my witness, I thought Turkey’s could fly.
That’s near the docks. It’ll be dark; I’d better bring my big spoon.
“How about 5 ‘cross yo lip.” or “You’re so ugly that I can put your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.”
All In The Family. Gloria’s parents (Archie and Edith) have found out that she had an affair and is now separated from her husband Mike.
Edith tells Archie that what’s going on between Gloria and Mike is not his business.
Archie: “Well, it’s God’s business!
Edith (giving him a look that made even the viewer cringe): “Then let God tend to it.”
“I drink from the keg of glory. Bring me all the finest muffins and bagels in all the land” -Josh Lyman from The West Wing
MASH: “Frank if I had a dog that looked like you, I would shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards.”
So, I use this from mash all the time but no one ever gets it lol. Hawkeye was examining a Korean dude that spoke very little English. He asked the guy who he was/ or what was his name. Not sure. They looked up and smiled. “I am me…”. So serious. It’s probably not that amusing to others but I loved it lol
Sorry about that, chief!
I asked you not to tell me that !
“Hi, I’m Gladys Knight.”
“Yeah, me too, it means I’m on overtime.”
Not that long ago but from Cheers.
Woody: How’s it going Mr Peterson?
Norm: It’s a dog eat dog world and I’m wearing Milk Bone underwear.
Long, long ago from I Love Lucy. Ethel Mertz says, “I have sufficient.”
I will throw in another MASH classic. “We screwed up in reverse”.
Corporal Agarn (F Troop), when asked for directions to Ft. Courage: “You take a right at the rock that looks like a bear, then a left at the bear that looks like a rock.”
Allie McBeal: Fish – In victory, take the credit. In defeat, point the finger. And, in either case, take the money.
It’s a dog, eat dog world and I’m wearing milk bone underwear
On Barney Miller, Wojo is being told that he has to dress up as a woman for a stakeout. He’s pretty upset. Wojo calms down some, and then asks, “I don’t have to wear panties, do I?” Deitrich looks at him calmly, and tells him, “You gotta wear panties. If you don’t wear panties, you feel like a tramp.”
“If what you’re saying is true, I still don’t care” -Bill McNeil, Newsradio
Leave it to Beaver, June to Ward
“Don’t you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night”?
“Mushy mushy mushy”…Barney Miller…Sgt Yemana
Bosom Buddies. Tom Hanks, Peter Scolari and Wendy Jo Sperber enter a country western bar. There is straw every where including the floor. Wendy Jo takes in the scene and declares, “it looks like Ray Bolger exploded.”
Two from NewsRadio:
“I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you”
“Ok. But it better be worth it.”
Also:
(When the station owner reveals he owns the magazine that wrote reviews of his staff and he actually wrote the reviews himself):
“Isn’t that a conflict of interest?”
“I prefer to call it synergy”.
West wing. President Bartlett on the phone to the Butterball hotline:
“So if I do this wrong I could kill my guests? Not that that’s a deal-killer.”
Also from M*A*S*H. Hawkeye, talking about an Ethiopian soldier: “That’s Haile Selassie of you.” Or, when he was impersonating Groucho Marx investigating a theft: “… ill-gotten booty. Or ill-booten gotty.”
“A dying leader will come to know the truth of the opera house. The missing three will give you the five who have come from the home of the 13. You are the harbinger of death, Kara Thrace. You will lead them all to their end. End of line.”
Cheers: Sam to Norm …
“Whatcha up to, Norm?” “My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.”
Night Court, pointing to an urn
“That’s not herb tea. That’s Herb.”
Oh no I’m having the Big one. Elizabeth I’m coming to join you honey. Grabbing chest.
Sanford and Son
also You big Dummy
“How do you do Mrs Wileeey” -Ernest T Bass
The Golden Girls: Blanche- Eat dirt and die, trash!
Designing Women- all of Julia’s monologues, but especially-
https://youtu.be/PZXya-IMLiI?si=qsvj8GB0cFRSHMpZ
From The John Larroquette Show, as he looks at a kid with a multicolor mohawk:
“Twenty years ago I had sex with a parrot. Just wondering if you were my kid.”
I paraphrase this often when dealing with people 30 and younger, adapting it to the situation.
“… had sex with a capybara.”
“… had sex with an Ariel plushie.”
“… had sex with Gerard Way.”
MASH:
Colonel Flag: “You took a yellow red before a white American and that was pretty pinko.”
Hawkeye: “You’re even boring in Technicolor.”
MASH: “I’m a doctor, Margaret. But I swear, if I caught you with another man, I’d blow my brains out and then I’d kill both of you!”
Squad 51 KMG365–EMERGENCY
Ans that’s my milk–Leslie Nielson on MASH
Jethro Bodine on Italian cooking: And that there red gravy is what’s called Marijuana sauce.
Ellen: can you see my Pucci?
phone rings
Coach: Yeah, just a sec. Is there an Ernie Pantusso here?
Sam: That’s you, Coach.
Coach: Speaking!
When you watch the clip, watch Shelly Long’s reaction when she realizes Coach didn’t recognize his own name.
Adam-12
Under-the-influence driver at a traffic stop: Hi, Officer!
Reed: I don’t know. Are you?
Mash…Charles Emerson Winchester III…
“I do one thing, I do it very well, and then I move on”
Hawkeye
” I’ve eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish… WE WANT SOMETHING ELSE “
Sidney Freedman on MASH: “You’re a victim too, Flagg. But you’re such an unbelievable example of walking fertilizer, it’s hard for me to care.”
There are Four Lights!
Pork chaps and apple shauce!