An emotional affair with a long-distance colleague. We are both married, with kids, and we started sabotaging our families so we decided to stop it. It’s been over for 3 months, but it really shattered what we had with my wife. Now I wake up every morning thinking, “is my marriage over or is it a phase?”
It’s a little different for me. I’m not out of love, not even close. Despite the reasons, despite knowing we’re over, my heart never really let go. I’m still here, quietly waiting, wrapped in this fragile bubble of hope no one can see. And in that hope, I tell myself that if he ever comes back, I won’t just fall again. I’ll fall deeper, harder, like I never stopped. But I know it’s a long shot, hardly doable in this life.
He stopped trying. Like, completely. I was the only one planning dates initiating conversations or showing any interest in his life. Eventually realized I was in love with who he used to be not who he became.
I just felt tired … I did everything.. tried to make his life easy with love , care and money but he didn’t …
I got tired of asking for gifts , dates and basic love and attention …
The R in ROI quickly became lowercase. I was expected to provide, protect, and care for someone that had the nerve to tell me that she saw me as a third wheel in a home that I paid for. No bueno. Can’t pour love from a cup that’s empty.
We weren’t communicating, kept pissing each other off, outside interference + cheating in the same instance.
I didn’t want to be alone and that’s why I re-engaged the relationship. When she moved away, I felt whatever love that she had left rot away. She started cheating on me again with her current husband but hid it. The sentence she hit me one day was “I’m a changed woman” and that’s when I knew it was over. Next month will be year 3 of the break up.
Getting cheated on, yelled at, and criticized constantly. She had some legitimate mental health issues and I tried my best to be supportive. Even read books on how to be the best supporting partner I could be, as well as joined and participated in an online group for partners of people with those specific mental illnesses. I tried to be understanding whenever she got upset about something and lashed out at me simply because I was the nearest person. Always stayed calm, tried to talk things out. Then she cheated. I started to walk away, but she convinced me it was due to a manic episode and promised she’d go back into getting treated for her diagnoses. I stayed and got us couples counseling. Seemed to help, and I was starting to build trust in her again. Then boom, I find out she cheated again – bringing a guy over to the house while my toddler daughter slept in her crib and I was at work. Destroyed me completely.
The funny thing is I was always a “no tolerance for cheating” kind of guy, my entire life. I guess I went overboard on trying to be supportive for her and her legitimate struggles. I emboldened her to do it. I’m not actively bothered by it much anymore, but I’ve stayed single because I don’t want to go through that again. I’m embarrassed that I even forgave her the first time. Not sure how I could have expected it to go any other way.
Being unappreciated, not once or twice but consistently. The way I show love is through acts of service. But when those acts get not only unappreciated but outright disregarded or even ridiculed its a death penalty to love.
So it started with trying to do things to relieve stress but thanks to her being anxious person it never worked (not really her fault). Then developed into “I have to do everything around here” while I was actively helping. But the icing on the cake was her leaving for a weekend trip and overhauling to make sure the house was clean and spotless to impress her when she got back and it being recived with insults of its condition even though it was clearly in better condition then it was left in.
I will say this person is my wife and we are actually still together (14 years now) and through communication things have gotten better. Her responses has more to do with her anxiety issues then me and it took time to see that but still doesn’t do much to ease the pain of those reactions.
But I say this because there is another lesson. Marriage is commitment, its working through things for each other. You commit to being committed and communicate and work through your problems it does get better when you face tough times. It does take both though wanting to be committed. When I see posts about how you stay married my answer is always, “stubbornness, but stubbornness for each other”
Comments
Promiscous
Unhappy with her life, made my life unhappy too
Validation
Sometimes love fades when you realize you are not growing together anymore.
Maybe it’s not that you stopped loving them, but that you started loving yourself more.
An emotional affair with a long-distance colleague. We are both married, with kids, and we started sabotaging our families so we decided to stop it. It’s been over for 3 months, but it really shattered what we had with my wife. Now I wake up every morning thinking, “is my marriage over or is it a phase?”
Falling out of love does not happen overnight, it’s usually a series of small things building up.
When the communication stops, so does the connection. It’s like a slow, quiet drift.
I changed, she changed, those two new people didn’t love each other.
We get bored of each other.
This is also how I knew I was falling in love – do we get bored with each other after a while or can’t wait to see each other when we’re apart?
It’s a little different for me. I’m not out of love, not even close. Despite the reasons, despite knowing we’re over, my heart never really let go. I’m still here, quietly waiting, wrapped in this fragile bubble of hope no one can see. And in that hope, I tell myself that if he ever comes back, I won’t just fall again. I’ll fall deeper, harder, like I never stopped. But I know it’s a long shot, hardly doable in this life.
Over critical, only thought of herself, rudeness. Just got tired of the drama and being browbeaten.
The resentment was real. He was all talk, no action…. Until I had one foot out the door.
she was always and we had no time to spend with each other
Lack of intimacy
He stopped trying. Like, completely. I was the only one planning dates initiating conversations or showing any interest in his life. Eventually realized I was in love with who he used to be not who he became.
Communication and seeing their true colors. Personality change when your comfortable I guess
We just got bored of each other. It was as simple as that.
Idk. I get abused daily and hit occasionally and I’m still in love, maybe I’m fucked.
I just felt tired … I did everything.. tried to make his life easy with love , care and money but he didn’t …
I got tired of asking for gifts , dates and basic love and attention …
Most men get tired of being treated like shit and want to be treated like a human instead of an ATM and surrogate father.
Better to love yourself and have peace than love someone’s ungrateful daughter…. For some anyway.
I know plenty of terrible one sided relationships
The R in ROI quickly became lowercase. I was expected to provide, protect, and care for someone that had the nerve to tell me that she saw me as a third wheel in a home that I paid for. No bueno. Can’t pour love from a cup that’s empty.
We weren’t communicating, kept pissing each other off, outside interference + cheating in the same instance.
I didn’t want to be alone and that’s why I re-engaged the relationship. When she moved away, I felt whatever love that she had left rot away. She started cheating on me again with her current husband but hid it. The sentence she hit me one day was “I’m a changed woman” and that’s when I knew it was over. Next month will be year 3 of the break up.
Getting cheated on, yelled at, and criticized constantly. She had some legitimate mental health issues and I tried my best to be supportive. Even read books on how to be the best supporting partner I could be, as well as joined and participated in an online group for partners of people with those specific mental illnesses. I tried to be understanding whenever she got upset about something and lashed out at me simply because I was the nearest person. Always stayed calm, tried to talk things out. Then she cheated. I started to walk away, but she convinced me it was due to a manic episode and promised she’d go back into getting treated for her diagnoses. I stayed and got us couples counseling. Seemed to help, and I was starting to build trust in her again. Then boom, I find out she cheated again – bringing a guy over to the house while my toddler daughter slept in her crib and I was at work. Destroyed me completely.
The funny thing is I was always a “no tolerance for cheating” kind of guy, my entire life. I guess I went overboard on trying to be supportive for her and her legitimate struggles. I emboldened her to do it. I’m not actively bothered by it much anymore, but I’ve stayed single because I don’t want to go through that again. I’m embarrassed that I even forgave her the first time. Not sure how I could have expected it to go any other way.
The sudden realization that I was in love with the idea of being in a relationship, not with the person I was actually in one with.
I spent most of my 20s deeply afraid of being alone, bouncing from one relationship to the next.
Being unappreciated, not once or twice but consistently. The way I show love is through acts of service. But when those acts get not only unappreciated but outright disregarded or even ridiculed its a death penalty to love.
So it started with trying to do things to relieve stress but thanks to her being anxious person it never worked (not really her fault). Then developed into “I have to do everything around here” while I was actively helping. But the icing on the cake was her leaving for a weekend trip and overhauling to make sure the house was clean and spotless to impress her when she got back and it being recived with insults of its condition even though it was clearly in better condition then it was left in.
I will say this person is my wife and we are actually still together (14 years now) and through communication things have gotten better. Her responses has more to do with her anxiety issues then me and it took time to see that but still doesn’t do much to ease the pain of those reactions.
But I say this because there is another lesson. Marriage is commitment, its working through things for each other. You commit to being committed and communicate and work through your problems it does get better when you face tough times. It does take both though wanting to be committed. When I see posts about how you stay married my answer is always, “stubbornness, but stubbornness for each other”
Her emotional cheating.
Does it ever happen that you fell out love because you think you’re not enough?
Lying
She became overweight, no plans to try and change then she cheated.