Very nice to me when she needs something, a total jerk when I refuse. Or she’s great company when it’s just us and makes fun of me (or is mean to me) when there are other people around.
When they left their girlfriend and 2 kids under 5 and moved 3 states away without telling any of his “friends” because he “couldn’t handle it”. What a shit bag.
They tried to subtly belittle me. Me being a doofus who needs things spelt out realised it too late.
I organised a dinner for my friends and family and cooked a hearty meal and beautifully laid the table. I worked on it for weeks. That too, on my first day of period and coming off from a rough couple of years. A few days later she sent me a text full of accusations.
She was having fun btw and even posted pictures on her gram. I’m sad to loose her but her behaviour and attitude irked me to no end.
On January 4, 2022, the founder of the group ‘Predator Poachers’ approached …. after he sent sexually explicit messages to one of their decoy accounts.
will serve 10 years behind bars after pleading guilty to one count of exploitation of a child.
Any time I said something about my life they twisted it back into their problems. This was an on and off friendship for years at this point and I realized it had always been about them and I was a prop to talk at.
After living together and letting her slide on rent because she was “struggling” I found out not only that she had money the entire time, but was giving money to people to help them out. Made me assess our entire friendship and realize I always showed up for her and very rarely did she show up for me.
she used me as a scapegoat with her boyfriend often, lying to him about her whereabouts and where money was going, and let him speak poorly about me behind me back. she’d tell me what she’d lied to him about and the shitty things he’d say about me after like it was funny to her. 💀
It’s such a surreal thing to realize and come to terms with. That they wanted power, control. And hurting others verbally/emotionally is how they got that.
Friend 1: called me ugly because I was getting more attention from the girls than he was
Friend 2: when he blew off my wedding with no working and no response to any texts
Friend 3: when he took $100 worth of my property with him to another province without telling me
Friend 4: when he helped friend 3
They chose a “grapevine” over their own lived experiences – and then tried to emotionally manipulate the situation. That was the point I realised that they had seriously warped personal judgement skills.
I dawned on me that I was always the one who initiated contact. So I decided to wait and see how long until he initiated contact, if I stopped. He never did lol.
I told my close friend that I have a boyfriend and that there’s kind of a big age gap between us. (both legal age) I also told her not to tell anyone and I trusted her. But then I just heard from someone else that she went and told other people about it without me knowing. 🙂
When they tried to force “help” on me that I didn’t want, need or ask for and when I politely declined they told our boss that I was creating division in the workplace. Turns out they didn’t give a crap about me, they just wanted to play the white knight and got pissy when I denied them the opportunity.
Though tbh, there were red flags before then that I missed. Like how every time my partner went away with work, which he did often, they would replay the same stories about the people they knew who’s husband’s had a similar job to my husband and they all cheated on their wives. Why would you try to make someone insecure like that, let alone somebody you’re supposed to be friends with? Can’t believe it took me that long to see it.
My boyfriend at the time suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. I had been friends with this girl for a few years, we hung out with her and her husband often and always had a good time. Let them know about his memorial service but they were too busy camping to come.
Just hurt because if it would’ve been her husband, I would’ve dropped everything to be there without thinking twice about it.
They asked our friends in common (she had introduced them to me) to stop making plans with me without her. Then she ghosted me for about a month and would only post moments with the friends online. She came back towards me after they told her they no longer wanted to be friends.
Saying things like: “You are no one’s priority! You are no one’s family!”
And
“You need to stop going to these Dr appointments, you’re never going to be able to see again or drive. You need to face this.”
Note: I just got a prescription for glasses And I will be able to see well enough to drive again.
They dropped me. I had a group of friends drop me because of a relationship I was in. I thought they were my brothers. Had been best friends with one of em for over a decade, now I haven’t spoke to them in quite some time.
I thought it was my fault forever, thought that I was the cause for the friendship to end but in reality an entire group of guys took me in and gave me people to be friends with. Those dudes who were there for me when everyone else dropped are the guys I now consider my friends, I now know the difference between a friend and a real friend
They gave backhanded compliments, would say things about me that was obviously masking their own insecurities, and relied on me to be there for them during their hardships but never helped me through mine.
When I started noticing the subtle jealousy when something would go right in my life, whether it be my personal or professional life they would get jealous when I would succeed.
When I told her I was interested in this guy… and she encouraged me to go for him.
And then she swooped in and started dating him. This was in college and I had never had a boyfriend but he and I did like each other.
I think it’s because in high school most of her crushes had liked me, even though I was really freakin’ introverted and shy, I never felt like I did anything to attract them. I would always hide in the computer room during lunch and the most interactions I had with the dudes she liked was either in class or after school in the pick-up zone. And this was her way of getting back at me.
When they broke up she told me I could have her left overs. And then when I said “no thanks, I’m going through a lot and my anxiety is making it hard to even leave the house,” (she knew that my dad was in jail for attempted murder of my step mom and I was having panic attacks all day every day) she freakin sent him my way and told him I wanted to date him.
When I had COVID she got annoyed I was going to miss her birthday. When another friend got it later she made her a care package and was fussing all about her. That was the final straw in a long line of selfish and poor behaviour, I called her out on it and we haven’t spoke since. I deserve better.
She had cut me off numerous times over the course of our friendship, with no explanation. My dumbass kept forgiving her every time she got over it and let me back in.
I was always the person she came to when she was down and out, because she knew I wouldn’t say no and I’d always help her get back on her feet. Not to mention she had already pushed everyone else away.
She would get herself into a shitty situation and expect me to fix it, every time. Even if it meant putting myself or my family in harms way.
Im way too forgiving of a person and it took some tough love from my husband but I finally cut HER off and I feel a weight off my shoulders.
When the third person told me that he was not my friend and talking shit about me, or when he borrowed $10k from me and never paid a penny back. or when he tried to recruit my own friends to ruin my wedding, and then tried to demand that I drive him to the airport at midnight on my wedding night, which was the last straw. Fuck you, David.
Had a friend whom I hadn’t seen in years. She was in town and wanted to see me and meet my baby, but didn’t have a lot of flexibility with her traveling schedule. We set a day and time but she ended up canceling to get her hair done.
She invited me to a party. When I got there, I looked for her for an hour, Textes her multiple times and didn’t hear from her. I went back home and the next day I only got a message from her saying “sorry, I forgot you were coming.”
We were best friends in high school. We moved in together a few years after I graduated because she was struggling with her mental health. I wanted to help her.
A couple years into living together, she puts a box in my room full of my stuff I had accidentally left in her room. In the box was a book I didn’t recognize. I open it. I see my name handwritten all over it. I read a little. It was a homophobic rant about me and that she hated my guts.
I walked into her room and put it on her dresser and she just stared at me, wide eyed. I distanced myself from her and it made her freak the fuck out all the time. Things got so tense after that.
We aren’t friends anymore. She completely spiraled after that. Got addicted to meth. Lived on the streets. Her boyfriend tried selling her to a cartel member for drugs. I only know this because we check in every few years.
They quit a job I got them due to my recommendation to my old supervisor. They gave no notice and just quit. They didn’t tell me until weeks later. They didn’t even last 2 months at this job. This was an easy job and low stress and not an easy company to get into. I had to apologize profusely to my old supervisor. Their only reason for leaving the job was they decided in a couple months they were moving out of state. So, there was no reason why she couldn’t at least give some kind of notice before quitting. They left the state, and I blocked them entirely.
Three days after my wedding, one of the bridesmaids was upset that I was in a medical boot from nearly breaking my foot at my reception and couldn’t drive her to work. I found out less than a month later my great aunt was terminal and stated I was going to be travelling a lot since time was very short and therefore couldn’t commit to driving her to work. By the time my great aunt made it to her last birthday 2 months later and entered hospice care the same week, I had “only been friends with them so I would have bridesmaids” and I was “acting like going down there to visit will save her”. That really didn’t seem to be like the sort of things a real friend would say, or how a real friend would act.
There’s this idea of “self energy” in the therapy modality I’m working with. The qualities include:
Compassion
Creativity
Curiosity
Confidence
Courage
Calm
Connectedness
Clarity
Presence
Persistence
Perspective
Playfulness
Patience
We won’t have access to all of these traits all of the time (it’s more of a spectrum), but it dawned on me that I didn’t feel any of it when I was around her.
Many things, definitely downplaying my achievements, yelling at me.
And when I liked a guy (mind you, I did not even date nor talk to the guy), and he kinda showed interest back. She started to belittle me, tell me that nobody would ever love me because I am “ugly”, and a bunch of other stuff, she straight up bullied me the rest of the year.
Thats when I realized it…
When something good happened to me, I shared it with her as much as possible. When something good happened to her, I had to hear about it on her instagram story. She wasn’t even telling me about it when good things happened to her, let alone share any of it.
If they needed anything, whether it’s money, time, support, food, advice, help. Literally whatever you could imagine. I would be there in a heartbeat and drop everything to help. Always supportive, always putting in the work.
I had one time in over 20 years of friendship when I genuinely needed someone. I’d never asked for help before. The one and only time I ever truly needed support and reached out. I was dropped instantly like I’m nothing because it’s inconvenient once I’m no longer useful.
I went to all of my friends events and get together’s, and I planned a get together 2 months in advance and reminded everyone. I made food, had drinks ready, and games to play. No one showed up even though people confirmed they were coming… it was embarrassing and hurtful. I stopped hanging out with all of them.
She started a rumour that I was going to sleep with someone who was doing a nice thing for me (invited me to a new year’s party because I wasn’t able to go to my home country the first Christmas I moved away). That might have been fine except he had a long time girlfriend, so it could have ended up looking really bad on me, someone who had no social support in said new country.
The main reason she did so was because she wanted to sleep with him and she was jealous.
I considered her my best friend. I’m autistic and struggle with reading social situations. She always had plans and went on trips with a group of friends, and I was never invited. It took me way too long to realize that while I considered her my best friend, I was not her best friend. Hurt like hell. Now I don’t even bother trying to make friends with anyone.
She kept failing to make it to plans, but would lead me on that they were still happening for HOURS. Then she started doing really manipulative things in conversations to get her way. Then she started manipulating how others treated me.
Sorry I’m being a bit vague about the details, it’s all still having effects on my life even after 3 years. I’m sure she would be proud.
Long story short, I ended up figuring out that she had lied a shit ton to me about herself, and about what she thinks of others. It was mind-blowing. The reason she lied to me was because she saw me as a resource for her career, not a friend.
Finally I had enough, there had been feelings in my gut that something was disingenuous in the situation. I started to put up boundaries and move away from the friendship.
But she is more conventionally attractive than me, more charismatic, and a brilliant liar so she ripped my life almost apart as punishment. It’s been a long road picking up the pieces.
This is a sad one and I don’t hold any ill will toward them for this, but someone that I thought of as a friend for twenty years just passed away. After they passed, I found their Reddit handle and was reading through all their old posts. They’d occasionally mention me but only ever as the partner of their good friend. In someways it makes the guilt/grief for falling out of touch better but other times it hurts that that’s all I was in the grand scheme of things.
Two different friends told me I was no fun during the two years my mom suffered through terminal cancer and then that I should get over it not even 6 months after she died.
He can’t tell you anything about me, my life or my current endeavors. It’s all about him and what he needs from me.
He messaged and said I miss you. I said yeah sorry I am having a really hard time right now, emotionally.
He said yeah me too I need to talk to you about it. We hung out soon after.
Never even asked about me or my hard time. Talked for hours about his dog.
That was the last straw. I’m done.
In my 30’s, I had a best friend that my husband and I included in our outings since she was a single mother and literally my best friend. We attended a Halloween costume party and about 6 months later when we were out together, (just she and I), we ran into another girl we had worked with but had left our employer for another job. Anyway, we were catching up and at one point were talking about the Halloween party and my friend pulled a purse size photo album out to show pictures. Almost every single picture had my husband in it and many of just him. There were NONE of me. It’s like I hadn’t even attended the party.
She was no longer my best friend.
Ironically, my husband and I ran into her and her husband last night when out for dinner. Immediately, the hurt and pain came back even though that was 20 years ago. I was polite but we didn’t waste anytime getting out of that restaurant. I could also tell that she was uncomfortable as well. As she should be.
After 10 years of being absolute best friends where she went on vacations with me and my family, we lived together for a while, she was in my wedding, etc. She was getting married and I wasn’t going to be able to be there due to finances and having no support system to care for my kids while I was gone.
She said she wasn’t going to send me a wedding invitation because they were expensive and she didn’t want to “waste” one. And I was pretty ok with that. I get it. Money is tight. But she asked for my parents’ address so she could send them one because “I know they won’t come but they’ll send me a big check.”
I realized then and there that she had just been using me all these years and I hung up the phone and blocked her on all social media. We haven’t talked since. That was 13 years ago.
A kid who lived down the street from me who I hung out with regularly broke in to my mom’s car and stole her first gen iPod. I tracked him down and proceeded to beat the shit out of him in front of a family friend’s house and we ended up on his lawn. Unbeknownst to me, there was a funeral in progress at the house for the family friend’s mom, so he came running out yelling about what the fuck was going on and he’s hosting a funeral for his mother. I apologized profusely and explained the kid stole from my own mother. The man just nodded and said take it back to the street and walked back inside
She wanted me to turn down my dream job that would change the entire game for my kids and I because it would mean we wouldn’t live near each other anymore…. And then she slipped and said I wouldn’t be able to watch her kids for her anymore either if I took the job 😐
She had been fired from her job and suffering severe back pain, complaining about being broke and too hurt to look for work. I had $100 worth of groceries delivered to her house. The following week she invites two dozen people over for a bbq to celebrate her daughter’s birthday. Guess I paid for the birthday party.
moved to a new city ~40 mins away when previously we were only 15mins apart, suddenly too busy all the time to respond to my messages but posting stories constantly out with other friends
Their entire face and neck turned the color green and they looked like they were going to be sick to their stomach when they came over to see my newly purchased condo. I couldn’t ignore the weird vibes I’d been feeling after that. Jealousy literally shows.
They made little digs at things I accomplished. I realized it was them projecting their insecurities on me but they never wanted me to accomplish the little wins.
The tradition in my country is that after the wedding your best man and his family come to your home as guests. It is expected to happen before or around the 6-month mark after the wedding.
We (wife and I) invited him 3 times after the wedding. Had excuses every time and made no effort to reach out or reschedule after.
I have not spoken with him in 3 years now. Good riddance.
When I helped her move 3 times and every time I needed her help she was always busy. Then when she did offer to help, she changed her mind and put it upon herself to help someone else who didn’t even ask for help.
I had another friend, “Jen” who jellyfished me once my bf dumped me. My ex & I dated for 5+ years. Jen knew I was destroyed by this breakup bc my ex told me he still loved me but it wasn’t good timing for his mental health & then he immediately hooked up with someone for months & I told Jen I thought he likely cheated too. Jen was the one that told me he hooked up with someone else, but only after I pressured her to tell me. So I felt her loyalty wasn’t initially to me, even though it should’ve been.
Jen & I were really close before & hungout alone together but also as a couples friend group every weekend & more. Maybe Jen got insecure once I was single & didn’t want me around her man. Idk.
Anyway, so I made some single friends & was hanging out with them more. Jen saw this, got jealous & asked to hangout one weekend a week or so ago & I said yeah, but Jen never followed up, so I planned to hangout with my single friends & posted a pic of us. Jen was “jealous” & so she & her bf went to go do a trip at my exes lake house like we’d always planned to do while together. She took a bunch of pics of them on the boat, having fun, & posted them all over social media “in revenge” -her words she told my single friends. So I just completely dropped her after that. My enemies don’t burn me that hard.
I organized an impromptu engagement party for her with our little friend group. As we were cutting cake and pouring champagne, she loudly informed me that I could also get engaged if only I’d “close my legs”. She later played the victim, claiming that she was loopy on Tylenol cold and sinus when she said it. Apparently, I was unforgiving and cold for not wanting to be friends with her after
I had been pulling away because she was one of those people who was constantly on their phone and not present. I think she sensed it and she insisted we have a dinner date. She proceeded to be on a phone call the entire time. Like while ordering, food arriving, eating, paying the bill. The WHOLE time. She was talking to a married man she was banging.
Insulted me in front of her other friends. I shut her out. She kept contacting me after I started succeeding. Started texting me out of curiosity to know what I have been upto once I started posting on my socials.
We all hang out and have known each other for a long time. But they have a WhatsApp group without you. I was not aware of it, but one day, randomly, in a conversation, one guy slipped it. Afterwards, I don’t feel the same any more
When they told me how three former coworkers were making false statements about me but didn’t correct them even though she was witness to the truth. “What did you say when they said that?” “Nothing, I didn’t want any drama.” Uh huh
I provided emotional support for decades, would take calls from her at work when she was overloaded with anxiety. I always drove the 4 hours to visit. We’d talk about get family dynamics constantly, but she got “bored” of me talking about my kids. When I was struggling with mental health issues, she got sick of my needing to process, and told me I talked to much. I realized that I gave a lot more than she did, and when I stopped, the relationship pretty well died. Obviously more complicated than this post, and I’m still a little heartbroken over it. Been friends for 40 years until the last 1
Somehow, someway, I snuck lingerie into my friends house at a party in front many people, planted it in his dresser drawer in his bedroom (even tho I never stepped a foot in there), all while happening to know that his girlfriend was going to randomly open that exact drawer later that night. Resulting in her accusing him of cheating and him accusing me of planting the lingerie. It was surreal. To this day, I still have no idea how or why he came to this conclusion. That was the last day we were ever friends.
He texted my ex behind my back and trashed her over the way and reasons she dumped me. I asked him to not text her and leave her alone, especially since she was going through some stuff, but he still sent his nasty message and she got mad at me.
I used to go to an annual get-together with friends from college. At the last one I attended we made plans for me to host the next one. So I did all the research and prep work and then emailed everyone potential dates, AirBnB for us all to stay at, etc. Nobody replied, not one person. I sent follow up emails, reached out to people on Discord, etc. Nothing.
That’s when it dawned on me, we werent all friends. They were friends with each other, but not with me. So I did them one last favor and cut all contact. Haven’t heard from any of them since.
There were a lot of other things that added onto this, but this was a bit of a last straw.
They messaged me to hang out one day. I said I couldn’t as my mom had just started chemo that week and wasn’t feeling well, so I had to stay home and take care of her. They said it wasn’t a problem, but followed it up by saying that too many sad things were happening around me lately and they didn’t like that.
There are so many things I didn’t see until the friendship was over. Never had money when we hung out but had funds for other events I didn’t attend. She made jokes at my expense, but when I reciprocated, it was going too far. She was always able to have an opinion on the way I parented, but she asked me not to have an opinion on her and “just listen.” Talked about every single one of her friends in a negative way. Fck. I still feel like an idiot for sticking around as long as I did.
This election revealed a friend to be a misogynst, partly racist (and thus, racist), and a few other things. He is going through some shit, but has been so obsessed with “being cool” that he became rigid, and let go of his earnest self.
Amidst my anger/disdain for certain aspects of this, I cut things off.
He looks at people like me as failures/incapable based on outcome metric (job, money, popularity, family/women, cars, “cool” activities). I wasn’t ever about this stuff, knew it since he met me. We bonded over the concepts of nonconformity as teens, and young adults in moments.
Things changed, and when you reflect on those changes, you can see if you still fit in. Some friends are a for lifetime, but a lifetime isn’t eternity.
When she would talk shit about people’s children and their parenting, so I knew she definitely talked shit about my child and parenting…. Come to find out SHE DID… for year’s.
He (gay guy friend) brought me to a party with his friends and said “This is xxx. Everyone loves her and I really don’t know why”. Nice introduction 😂 He was amazing and kind when we were alone, but he was a mean girl towards me with other people around. I was never insecure about it and was more like “this is a him issue” but I ended the friendship eventually cuz he was just a straight up bad person to everyone around him.
I was in a very tough financial spot due to some sudden medical issues and their subsequent bills, and needed to make a payment to a utility company or risk shut off (which would have then tripled what I owed through a reconnect fee). I am rarely someone who asks for help and am generally better with my finances but it was a bad year. I don’t have much family to turn to so reached out to my “best friend,” making it clear that I would pay her back within the next two days after I got paid (and I did, as soon as my check cleared). She loaned me the money, but proceeded to seriously shame me for being in the position to have to ask for help— even going as far as demanding I give her my account info with the utility company so she could “verify” that’s where the money was going.
It wasn’t a very large sum of money ($100) and I was completely flabbergasted by her behavior as it was the first time I had ever asked her for help in that way. I thanked her for the assistance and then slowly distanced myself from her after I paid her back.
She wanted me to travel to another state for her bachelorette party WEEK and then to another country for another week for the wedding, all at my own expense for travel and board. She wouldn’t go 15 minutes out of her way to drop me off after dinner one night and took me back to her house for me to call an uber home.
I called and told her I didn’t feel our friendship was reciprocated and that I wasn’t attending her events. She hung up on me and we haven’t spoken since
made a group chat without me because they “felt bad for talking about hanging out without you being able to come”
that was when I decided to cut them off
Only nice to me when we hung out one on one. Anytime we hung out in a group with other women, she tried to make me the butt of all jokes and neg me and gang up on me. Bye, bitch.
Had a friend in high school that whenever we would talk to girls and he noticed I got more attention than he did, he’d crack a joke or bring up some wild untrue thing about me to make me look bad. Like if he was jealous or something. This kept going well into college and a little after. Eventually I stopped talking to bro because how you going to claim to be a buddy but then put me down to make yourself look better?
Multiple times someone I thought I was good friends with has said something like “I’d love to go there but I don’t have anyone to go with”…when I have just said I’d love to go there.
I once suggested to a friend that we could meet at a café or something rather than just doing playdates with the kids and she said “Why would I want to do that?”
I have since had therapy and hopefully choosing better friends! 😁
I was best friends with this girl all throughout college. We were roommates for a few years after. She ended up moving to Texas (time zone is 2 hours behind where I am) to be with this man she met online. At the time, I was dealing with a recurring bed bug infestation and was at the lowest point of my life (those little blood suckers destroy you emotional & financially). I realized that it was already 7 pm & that I had missed calling her for her 30th bday.
No big deal because it’s only 5 pm in Texas, right? NOPE!
I tried to call and there’s no answer. Followed up with a text and she never answered that either. The next day I texted to explain that I was dealing with the exterminator all day and had to call out of work but hoped she had an amazing 30th, but clearly that wasn’t good enough. She never responded to my repeated attempts to call in the following days so i just moved on.
The night before my surgery she sent me several photos of botched surgeries (same procedure as mine) and laughed at them.
She also constantly talked poorly to me about friends in her circle. I can only imagine she was doing the same about me.
When after you went through hard times and finally some good things happen in your life instead of being happy for you, they secretly hate on you and also make you feel guilty for having some fortune in your life. Also you are the type of person that texts only when has something to say, but they take a week or more to reply (and no, they were not that busy, they were online). Stay away from jealous people! 🤗😌
Drove down to see his new place 8 hours away after they settled in.
I’d call around every month or two for catch up and he’d talk for a bit then he’d always end the call first.
Eventually he stopped even answering calls and texts for some reason. Never got an explanation why.
This guy and I were tight too. We hung out constantly, game nights. Man I even helped him get a job and at the very top of things I helped him coordinate his proposal with his gf. I set up his apartment with flowers and lights and the rose heart on the floor and ducked out when he texted coming back. We were THAT tight.
Probably when I realised that seeing their name pop up on my phone filled me with anxiety and dread because the only time they’d ever call me was to lecture me about something I’d said/done that she didn’t like or to tell me that something in her life was horrendously wrong (normally of her own making).
People who are non-stop drama but disappear whenever you need support are not your friends, they literally see you as supporting characters in the show of their life and they do not like it when you have your own stuff going on.
When she didn’t invite me at her wedding… but made another friend her witness. The three of us knew each other since we were 7. I thought we were best friends. I thought.
My supposed best friend during elementary school. She lived just up the street. We both took the bus to and from school together. My siblings and I had issues with severe bullying from some other kids in the neighborhood, who rode the bus with us also. My parents found out that there was another bus we could take, with a bus stop a slightly longer walk from our house. We started taking that bus to avoid the bullies. I told my friend that we were taking a new bus and wouldn’t be riding the old bus anymore, and she went ahead and told some of the bullies (who weren’t bullying her). Bullies started walking over to take the new bus with us. Thanks, Terri, for the trust issues. We moved away the following year and I never kept in touch with her afterward.
Much later, in college. Had a friend who told me (after I emerged from a rough patch during a not-great relationship) “I like you better when you’re depressed”.
When they didn’t go to my art gallery opening night which was a huge deal to me. It was a group exhibition and first time my art was exhibited. They didn’t go to see my piece at all, even tho the exhibition lasted for 4 weeks.
When they only ever talked about themselves and expected me to always listen to their constant rants and support them — but as soon as something good happened in my life and I tried to share it, they completely ignored it and went on with their rant 15 seconds later 😂
That’s when I finally realized I wasn’t their friend, just an audience. After that day, I cut all ties with them – zero regrets
We were best friends our entire lives and I slowly started to realize she only reached out when she needed something. Then she told me after literally everyone else in our lives that she was pregnant and I realized I needed to move on. It’s been like three years and my life is much improved.
We were good friends through school and early college. It was a friendship based mostly on proximity (small school) and a few nerdy shared interests.
Around my late teens, I started to notice that every guy I had a crush on and would excitedly mention to her that I had lots in lots in common with, she’d find ways of dissuading me from him and redirecting me instead to boring, bland guys who were often into NASCAR, fishing, hunting, etc., telling me I needed to give all guys a chance and aim more realistically.(To be fair, I’m sure they weren’t boring to girls who shared their interests, but they weren’t my type at all. I was a theatre/book/culture nerd who couldn’t wait to get out of our rural area that offered little of what I wanted out of life. I didn’t care about deer season or demolition derbies.)
Initially, I thought she simply didn’t “get” my interests and just had a bad knack for matchmaking. But she and I had very similar interests and tastes in men and life goals, and it didn’t take me long to realize that every time I mentioned a guy I had my eye on, she’d throw herself at him whenever we’d run into them (by design or coincidence). It was a competition for her. I started to notice she was in competition with all girls she knew. Even friends that had boyfriends—their guys were fair game for her. She needed to be the most desirable girl in any room. I’m positive that if I had started dating any of those down-home boys that were nice but not my type, she’d have thrown herself at them, just for the ego boost.
Final straw was when I mentioned a guy (I’ll call Matthew) in my creative writing class in college (we went to the same college at first). I thought he was wonderful. He and I would eat together sometimes when we end up in the student union at the same time. We’d talk a bit if we happened to end up in the school gym after classes. He was sweet (we’d worked on a volunteer trip together), overly polite, a little shy and quiet (I’m an outgoing extrovert, but we really hit off well together—he seemed to genuinely like my chattering and really came out of his shell), deeply intelligent (fellow nerd!), and not bad on the eyes (bonus!).
At one point I mentioned him to her that I was gradually getting to know him and learning that underneath that shy exterior there was a really fascinating person, and I wondered if he was developing feelings for me as I had been for him. I subtly pointed him out to her in the halls one day so she’d see who I was talking about.
When we stopped to chat with him, she turned on her high-level flirt, tossing her long blonde hair, giggling, stepping closer to him as she talked. Now, I’m outgoing, but I’ve never been a flirt, at least not in the stereotypical girly-girl way. My M.O. was generally bringing up film, politics, plays, literature, the effects of the bubonic plague on medieval Europe… She was used to her method, and it usually worked for her. I always figured if her tactic worked for guys, they weren’t the type of guys I’d want anyway.
And yet, knife in the heart two days later. She asked if she could talk privately with me and, with earnest eyes and an apologetic tone I knew her well enough to know were both manipulative, she said, “I’m so sorry to tell you this, but I really think you should know and I should be the one to tell you myself. Matthew isn’t interested in you; he likes me. He turns up everywhere I am now, and he’s been flirting hard with me. Don’t worry, I’ll never go out with him! I wouldn’t do that to you. If he asks—and I think he will—I’ll turn him down. But I just didn’t want you to be wasting your efforts if he prefers me to you.”
I don’t know how she thought I believe that, but it was near the end of the semester, and we both went our separate ways, and I was happy not to have her in my life anymore. Matthew never did end up asking her out after all. Hmm… (I ended up biting a bullet and confessing I had feelings for him later that summer, and he let me know in the most adorably awkward, stammering way possible that he only thought of me as a friend, which was fine actually. It still hurt less than my friend’s smugness.)
This quick story ended up way longer than I meant for it to, and I probably should have saved this for therapy next week, but 20+ years on, here’s what I know:
I ultimately got out of that town, and she didn’t.
I was fine with that friendship quickly fading.
My life may not be as glamorous as I’d dreamed, but I’m happy, and I’m adjacent to a big city with lots of access to arts and culture I pined for growing up.
I married a great guy I’d meet a few years after college—who was perfect for me.
After some major Google-fu a few years ago, I tracked Matthew down online, and it turns out he doesn’t even like girls, so my ego weirdly feels a little less bruised.
Comments
They voted for trump
they stole my money from my gym locker
When she tried to f*ck my husband.
Making inappropriate jokes in front of my young daughter despite being asked not to.
When they start avoiding you or cancel plans constantly without any real reason, it hits you that maybe the friendship isn’t as strong as you thought.
[removed]
They texted my best friend that they were having a party and told him not to tell me about it.
She hit on my husband at my wedding. She was “testing” him for me. Thanks no thanks.
When they didn’t come to my 40th birthday or to my grandmother’s funeral
It was the trust that was broken first.
Got jealous and reacted quite negatively at my achievement. Spread rumors about me.
As soon as I stopped initiating conversation and contact, I never heard from them again.
They replied to messages, but never started them. I travelled to visit them, they never travelled to visit me.
And disappeared completely when I needed them most (divorcetime and business collapsing).
Trying to sleep with my husband. Sadly both my mother and a “friend” have tried that. What’s wrong with people?
Very nice to me when she needs something, a total jerk when I refuse. Or she’s great company when it’s just us and makes fun of me (or is mean to me) when there are other people around.
When they left their girlfriend and 2 kids under 5 and moved 3 states away without telling any of his “friends” because he “couldn’t handle it”. What a shit bag.
They tried to subtly belittle me. Me being a doofus who needs things spelt out realised it too late.
I organised a dinner for my friends and family and cooked a hearty meal and beautifully laid the table. I worked on it for weeks. That too, on my first day of period and coming off from a rough couple of years. A few days later she sent me a text full of accusations.
She was having fun btw and even posted pictures on her gram. I’m sad to loose her but her behaviour and attitude irked me to no end.
When they never actually initiated conversation, and once I stopped, we never spoke again. Also, when they reply to everyone else but you
When I realized that he only called me when he needed something.
Snitched on me when I held my tongue about them.
I got the last laugh though🤣
On January 4, 2022, the founder of the group ‘Predator Poachers’ approached …. after he sent sexually explicit messages to one of their decoy accounts.
will serve 10 years behind bars after pleading guilty to one count of exploitation of a child.
Showing up to our house without texting/calling first,constantly changing their phone number without letting us know
They treat you like an employee.
They said they were there for me and never were through the hard times and weren’t.
Any time I said something about my life they twisted it back into their problems. This was an on and off friendship for years at this point and I realized it had always been about them and I was a prop to talk at.
After living together and letting her slide on rent because she was “struggling” I found out not only that she had money the entire time, but was giving money to people to help them out. Made me assess our entire friendship and realize I always showed up for her and very rarely did she show up for me.
she used me as a scapegoat with her boyfriend often, lying to him about her whereabouts and where money was going, and let him speak poorly about me behind me back. she’d tell me what she’d lied to him about and the shitty things he’d say about me after like it was funny to her. 💀
Sorta just kept expecting me to pay for things. the “I’ll pay you back later” never materialized.
When I realized my pain was their gain.
It’s such a surreal thing to realize and come to terms with. That they wanted power, control. And hurting others verbally/emotionally is how they got that.
Friend 1: called me ugly because I was getting more attention from the girls than he was
Friend 2: when he blew off my wedding with no working and no response to any texts
Friend 3: when he took $100 worth of my property with him to another province without telling me
Friend 4: when he helped friend 3
To name a few.
They chose a “grapevine” over their own lived experiences – and then tried to emotionally manipulate the situation. That was the point I realised that they had seriously warped personal judgement skills.
When he got petty with me after I called in a debt.
I dawned on me that I was always the one who initiated contact. So I decided to wait and see how long until he initiated contact, if I stopped. He never did lol.
I told my close friend that I have a boyfriend and that there’s kind of a big age gap between us. (both legal age) I also told her not to tell anyone and I trusted her. But then I just heard from someone else that she went and told other people about it without me knowing. 🙂
When they tried to force “help” on me that I didn’t want, need or ask for and when I politely declined they told our boss that I was creating division in the workplace. Turns out they didn’t give a crap about me, they just wanted to play the white knight and got pissy when I denied them the opportunity.
Though tbh, there were red flags before then that I missed. Like how every time my partner went away with work, which he did often, they would replay the same stories about the people they knew who’s husband’s had a similar job to my husband and they all cheated on their wives. Why would you try to make someone insecure like that, let alone somebody you’re supposed to be friends with? Can’t believe it took me that long to see it.
My boyfriend at the time suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. I had been friends with this girl for a few years, we hung out with her and her husband often and always had a good time. Let them know about his memorial service but they were too busy camping to come.
Just hurt because if it would’ve been her husband, I would’ve dropped everything to be there without thinking twice about it.
When they were only interested in the version of me that benefitted them, not the full person.
They asked our friends in common (she had introduced them to me) to stop making plans with me without her. Then she ghosted me for about a month and would only post moments with the friends online. She came back towards me after they told her they no longer wanted to be friends.
Saying things like: “You are no one’s priority! You are no one’s family!”
And
“You need to stop going to these Dr appointments, you’re never going to be able to see again or drive. You need to face this.”
Note: I just got a prescription for glasses And I will be able to see well enough to drive again.
when they started talking badly about how our other friends looked. absolutely drew the line at that.
When they only need u as a backup if someone closest to them is not there on the moment . Will treat u as an option
They dropped me. I had a group of friends drop me because of a relationship I was in. I thought they were my brothers. Had been best friends with one of em for over a decade, now I haven’t spoke to them in quite some time.
I thought it was my fault forever, thought that I was the cause for the friendship to end but in reality an entire group of guys took me in and gave me people to be friends with. Those dudes who were there for me when everyone else dropped are the guys I now consider my friends, I now know the difference between a friend and a real friend
They only responded to messages when they wanted something.
Sorry, I’m not a bank/taxi service/baby sitter.
They gave backhanded compliments, would say things about me that was obviously masking their own insecurities, and relied on me to be there for them during their hardships but never helped me through mine.
When I started noticing the subtle jealousy when something would go right in my life, whether it be my personal or professional life they would get jealous when I would succeed.
When I told her I was interested in this guy… and she encouraged me to go for him.
And then she swooped in and started dating him. This was in college and I had never had a boyfriend but he and I did like each other.
I think it’s because in high school most of her crushes had liked me, even though I was really freakin’ introverted and shy, I never felt like I did anything to attract them. I would always hide in the computer room during lunch and the most interactions I had with the dudes she liked was either in class or after school in the pick-up zone. And this was her way of getting back at me.
When they broke up she told me I could have her left overs. And then when I said “no thanks, I’m going through a lot and my anxiety is making it hard to even leave the house,” (she knew that my dad was in jail for attempted murder of my step mom and I was having panic attacks all day every day) she freakin sent him my way and told him I wanted to date him.
When I had COVID she got annoyed I was going to miss her birthday. When another friend got it later she made her a care package and was fussing all about her. That was the final straw in a long line of selfish and poor behaviour, I called her out on it and we haven’t spoke since. I deserve better.
When they only contacted me or spoke to me when they wanted something
She made up lies about my other friends and tried to cut them off from me.
She had cut me off numerous times over the course of our friendship, with no explanation. My dumbass kept forgiving her every time she got over it and let me back in.
I was always the person she came to when she was down and out, because she knew I wouldn’t say no and I’d always help her get back on her feet. Not to mention she had already pushed everyone else away.
She would get herself into a shitty situation and expect me to fix it, every time. Even if it meant putting myself or my family in harms way.
Im way too forgiving of a person and it took some tough love from my husband but I finally cut HER off and I feel a weight off my shoulders.
When the third person told me that he was not my friend and talking shit about me, or when he borrowed $10k from me and never paid a penny back. or when he tried to recruit my own friends to ruin my wedding, and then tried to demand that I drive him to the airport at midnight on my wedding night, which was the last straw. Fuck you, David.
Had a friend whom I hadn’t seen in years. She was in town and wanted to see me and meet my baby, but didn’t have a lot of flexibility with her traveling schedule. We set a day and time but she ended up canceling to get her hair done.
She invited me to a party. When I got there, I looked for her for an hour, Textes her multiple times and didn’t hear from her. I went back home and the next day I only got a message from her saying “sorry, I forgot you were coming.”
After that, the 20-year friendship was over.
They stopped making time for me. Just would hit me up when they A) needed something B) never to check in on me.
We were best friends in high school. We moved in together a few years after I graduated because she was struggling with her mental health. I wanted to help her.
A couple years into living together, she puts a box in my room full of my stuff I had accidentally left in her room. In the box was a book I didn’t recognize. I open it. I see my name handwritten all over it. I read a little. It was a homophobic rant about me and that she hated my guts.
I walked into her room and put it on her dresser and she just stared at me, wide eyed. I distanced myself from her and it made her freak the fuck out all the time. Things got so tense after that.
We aren’t friends anymore. She completely spiraled after that. Got addicted to meth. Lived on the streets. Her boyfriend tried selling her to a cartel member for drugs. I only know this because we check in every few years.
They quit a job I got them due to my recommendation to my old supervisor. They gave no notice and just quit. They didn’t tell me until weeks later. They didn’t even last 2 months at this job. This was an easy job and low stress and not an easy company to get into. I had to apologize profusely to my old supervisor. Their only reason for leaving the job was they decided in a couple months they were moving out of state. So, there was no reason why she couldn’t at least give some kind of notice before quitting. They left the state, and I blocked them entirely.
Three days after my wedding, one of the bridesmaids was upset that I was in a medical boot from nearly breaking my foot at my reception and couldn’t drive her to work. I found out less than a month later my great aunt was terminal and stated I was going to be travelling a lot since time was very short and therefore couldn’t commit to driving her to work. By the time my great aunt made it to her last birthday 2 months later and entered hospice care the same week, I had “only been friends with them so I would have bridesmaids” and I was “acting like going down there to visit will save her”. That really didn’t seem to be like the sort of things a real friend would say, or how a real friend would act.
She only ever texted me about her problems. It was never good stuff. I was like her emotional dumping ground.
Disparagement and/or defamation directed at me or spread around about me are pretty good signs someone isn’t my friend or worth knowing.
There’s this idea of “self energy” in the therapy modality I’m working with. The qualities include:
We won’t have access to all of these traits all of the time (it’s more of a spectrum), but it dawned on me that I didn’t feel any of it when I was around her.
Many things, definitely downplaying my achievements, yelling at me.
And when I liked a guy (mind you, I did not even date nor talk to the guy), and he kinda showed interest back. She started to belittle me, tell me that nobody would ever love me because I am “ugly”, and a bunch of other stuff, she straight up bullied me the rest of the year.
Thats when I realized it…
They forget about you when they’re happy.
When something good happened to me, I shared it with her as much as possible. When something good happened to her, I had to hear about it on her instagram story. She wasn’t even telling me about it when good things happened to her, let alone share any of it.
Physical distance
When I wasn’t paying for most of the drinks ect they slowly disappeared.
If they needed anything, whether it’s money, time, support, food, advice, help. Literally whatever you could imagine. I would be there in a heartbeat and drop everything to help. Always supportive, always putting in the work.
I had one time in over 20 years of friendship when I genuinely needed someone. I’d never asked for help before. The one and only time I ever truly needed support and reached out. I was dropped instantly like I’m nothing because it’s inconvenient once I’m no longer useful.
I went to all of my friends events and get together’s, and I planned a get together 2 months in advance and reminded everyone. I made food, had drinks ready, and games to play. No one showed up even though people confirmed they were coming… it was embarrassing and hurtful. I stopped hanging out with all of them.
She started a rumour that I was going to sleep with someone who was doing a nice thing for me (invited me to a new year’s party because I wasn’t able to go to my home country the first Christmas I moved away). That might have been fine except he had a long time girlfriend, so it could have ended up looking really bad on me, someone who had no social support in said new country.
The main reason she did so was because she wanted to sleep with him and she was jealous.
I considered her my best friend. I’m autistic and struggle with reading social situations. She always had plans and went on trips with a group of friends, and I was never invited. It took me way too long to realize that while I considered her my best friend, I was not her best friend. Hurt like hell. Now I don’t even bother trying to make friends with anyone.
very insecure, tried to compete with me in the dumbest ways, never truly happy for me, badmouthed all people around her
She kept failing to make it to plans, but would lead me on that they were still happening for HOURS. Then she started doing really manipulative things in conversations to get her way. Then she started manipulating how others treated me.
Sorry I’m being a bit vague about the details, it’s all still having effects on my life even after 3 years. I’m sure she would be proud.
Long story short, I ended up figuring out that she had lied a shit ton to me about herself, and about what she thinks of others. It was mind-blowing. The reason she lied to me was because she saw me as a resource for her career, not a friend.
Finally I had enough, there had been feelings in my gut that something was disingenuous in the situation. I started to put up boundaries and move away from the friendship.
But she is more conventionally attractive than me, more charismatic, and a brilliant liar so she ripped my life almost apart as punishment. It’s been a long road picking up the pieces.
When I spent so much time helping everyone in the friends group organise birthday parties, and no one did anything for me.
This is a sad one and I don’t hold any ill will toward them for this, but someone that I thought of as a friend for twenty years just passed away. After they passed, I found their Reddit handle and was reading through all their old posts. They’d occasionally mention me but only ever as the partner of their good friend. In someways it makes the guilt/grief for falling out of touch better but other times it hurts that that’s all I was in the grand scheme of things.
Two different friends told me I was no fun during the two years my mom suffered through terminal cancer and then that I should get over it not even 6 months after she died.
He can’t tell you anything about me, my life or my current endeavors. It’s all about him and what he needs from me.
He messaged and said I miss you. I said yeah sorry I am having a really hard time right now, emotionally.
He said yeah me too I need to talk to you about it. We hung out soon after.
Never even asked about me or my hard time. Talked for hours about his dog.
That was the last straw. I’m done.
In my 30’s, I had a best friend that my husband and I included in our outings since she was a single mother and literally my best friend. We attended a Halloween costume party and about 6 months later when we were out together, (just she and I), we ran into another girl we had worked with but had left our employer for another job. Anyway, we were catching up and at one point were talking about the Halloween party and my friend pulled a purse size photo album out to show pictures. Almost every single picture had my husband in it and many of just him. There were NONE of me. It’s like I hadn’t even attended the party.
She was no longer my best friend.
Ironically, my husband and I ran into her and her husband last night when out for dinner. Immediately, the hurt and pain came back even though that was 20 years ago. I was polite but we didn’t waste anytime getting out of that restaurant. I could also tell that she was uncomfortable as well. As she should be.
After 10 years of being absolute best friends where she went on vacations with me and my family, we lived together for a while, she was in my wedding, etc. She was getting married and I wasn’t going to be able to be there due to finances and having no support system to care for my kids while I was gone.
She said she wasn’t going to send me a wedding invitation because they were expensive and she didn’t want to “waste” one. And I was pretty ok with that. I get it. Money is tight. But she asked for my parents’ address so she could send them one because “I know they won’t come but they’ll send me a big check.”
I realized then and there that she had just been using me all these years and I hung up the phone and blocked her on all social media. We haven’t talked since. That was 13 years ago.
Only hit me up when they need a ride, borrow money, or some sort of favor.
A kid who lived down the street from me who I hung out with regularly broke in to my mom’s car and stole her first gen iPod. I tracked him down and proceeded to beat the shit out of him in front of a family friend’s house and we ended up on his lawn. Unbeknownst to me, there was a funeral in progress at the house for the family friend’s mom, so he came running out yelling about what the fuck was going on and he’s hosting a funeral for his mother. I apologized profusely and explained the kid stole from my own mother. The man just nodded and said take it back to the street and walked back inside
She wanted me to turn down my dream job that would change the entire game for my kids and I because it would mean we wouldn’t live near each other anymore…. And then she slipped and said I wouldn’t be able to watch her kids for her anymore either if I took the job 😐
She had been fired from her job and suffering severe back pain, complaining about being broke and too hurt to look for work. I had $100 worth of groceries delivered to her house. The following week she invites two dozen people over for a bbq to celebrate her daughter’s birthday. Guess I paid for the birthday party.
moved to a new city ~40 mins away when previously we were only 15mins apart, suddenly too busy all the time to respond to my messages but posting stories constantly out with other friends
Their entire face and neck turned the color green and they looked like they were going to be sick to their stomach when they came over to see my newly purchased condo. I couldn’t ignore the weird vibes I’d been feeling after that. Jealousy literally shows.
Playing two-face, jealous of what I’ve got
I decided to stop always initiating contact as I noticed it was always me doing it.
The thing that stood out is I had a procedure recently. They knew I was worried about it, and never contacted me afterwards.
Turns out I actually have zero friends. It’s better to know the truth though.
They made little digs at things I accomplished. I realized it was them projecting their insecurities on me but they never wanted me to accomplish the little wins.
The tradition in my country is that after the wedding your best man and his family come to your home as guests. It is expected to happen before or around the 6-month mark after the wedding.
We (wife and I) invited him 3 times after the wedding. Had excuses every time and made no effort to reach out or reschedule after.
I have not spoken with him in 3 years now. Good riddance.
When I stopped drinking and they stopped calling.
When I helped her move 3 times and every time I needed her help she was always busy. Then when she did offer to help, she changed her mind and put it upon herself to help someone else who didn’t even ask for help.
I had another friend, “Jen” who jellyfished me once my bf dumped me. My ex & I dated for 5+ years. Jen knew I was destroyed by this breakup bc my ex told me he still loved me but it wasn’t good timing for his mental health & then he immediately hooked up with someone for months & I told Jen I thought he likely cheated too. Jen was the one that told me he hooked up with someone else, but only after I pressured her to tell me. So I felt her loyalty wasn’t initially to me, even though it should’ve been.
Jen & I were really close before & hungout alone together but also as a couples friend group every weekend & more. Maybe Jen got insecure once I was single & didn’t want me around her man. Idk.
Anyway, so I made some single friends & was hanging out with them more. Jen saw this, got jealous & asked to hangout one weekend a week or so ago & I said yeah, but Jen never followed up, so I planned to hangout with my single friends & posted a pic of us. Jen was “jealous” & so she & her bf went to go do a trip at my exes lake house like we’d always planned to do while together. She took a bunch of pics of them on the boat, having fun, & posted them all over social media “in revenge” -her words she told my single friends. So I just completely dropped her after that. My enemies don’t burn me that hard.
I organized an impromptu engagement party for her with our little friend group. As we were cutting cake and pouring champagne, she loudly informed me that I could also get engaged if only I’d “close my legs”. She later played the victim, claiming that she was loopy on Tylenol cold and sinus when she said it. Apparently, I was unforgiving and cold for not wanting to be friends with her after
I had been pulling away because she was one of those people who was constantly on their phone and not present. I think she sensed it and she insisted we have a dinner date. She proceeded to be on a phone call the entire time. Like while ordering, food arriving, eating, paying the bill. The WHOLE time. She was talking to a married man she was banging.
She stole from me
Insulted me in front of her other friends. I shut her out. She kept contacting me after I started succeeding. Started texting me out of curiosity to know what I have been upto once I started posting on my socials.
We all hang out and have known each other for a long time. But they have a WhatsApp group without you. I was not aware of it, but one day, randomly, in a conversation, one guy slipped it. Afterwards, I don’t feel the same any more
They’re very happy to see me fail and very unhappy to see good things happen to me. Always boasting and trying to poke at my insecurities.
They were never honest.
When they told me how three former coworkers were making false statements about me but didn’t correct them even though she was witness to the truth. “What did you say when they said that?” “Nothing, I didn’t want any drama.” Uh huh
I provided emotional support for decades, would take calls from her at work when she was overloaded with anxiety. I always drove the 4 hours to visit. We’d talk about get family dynamics constantly, but she got “bored” of me talking about my kids. When I was struggling with mental health issues, she got sick of my needing to process, and told me I talked to much. I realized that I gave a lot more than she did, and when I stopped, the relationship pretty well died. Obviously more complicated than this post, and I’m still a little heartbroken over it. Been friends for 40 years until the last 1
Them taking me for granted. Saying no to me and doing the same thing with others.
Somehow, someway, I snuck lingerie into my friends house at a party in front many people, planted it in his dresser drawer in his bedroom (even tho I never stepped a foot in there), all while happening to know that his girlfriend was going to randomly open that exact drawer later that night. Resulting in her accusing him of cheating and him accusing me of planting the lingerie. It was surreal. To this day, I still have no idea how or why he came to this conclusion. That was the last day we were ever friends.
He texted my ex behind my back and trashed her over the way and reasons she dumped me. I asked him to not text her and leave her alone, especially since she was going through some stuff, but he still sent his nasty message and she got mad at me.
I used to go to an annual get-together with friends from college. At the last one I attended we made plans for me to host the next one. So I did all the research and prep work and then emailed everyone potential dates, AirBnB for us all to stay at, etc. Nobody replied, not one person. I sent follow up emails, reached out to people on Discord, etc. Nothing.
That’s when it dawned on me, we werent all friends. They were friends with each other, but not with me. So I did them one last favor and cut all contact. Haven’t heard from any of them since.
There were a lot of other things that added onto this, but this was a bit of a last straw.
They messaged me to hang out one day. I said I couldn’t as my mom had just started chemo that week and wasn’t feeling well, so I had to stay home and take care of her. They said it wasn’t a problem, but followed it up by saying that too many sad things were happening around me lately and they didn’t like that.
When the person betrayed me and they didn’t care
There are so many things I didn’t see until the friendship was over. Never had money when we hung out but had funds for other events I didn’t attend. She made jokes at my expense, but when I reciprocated, it was going too far. She was always able to have an opinion on the way I parented, but she asked me not to have an opinion on her and “just listen.” Talked about every single one of her friends in a negative way. Fck. I still feel like an idiot for sticking around as long as I did.
This election revealed a friend to be a misogynst, partly racist (and thus, racist), and a few other things. He is going through some shit, but has been so obsessed with “being cool” that he became rigid, and let go of his earnest self.
Amidst my anger/disdain for certain aspects of this, I cut things off.
He looks at people like me as failures/incapable based on outcome metric (job, money, popularity, family/women, cars, “cool” activities). I wasn’t ever about this stuff, knew it since he met me. We bonded over the concepts of nonconformity as teens, and young adults in moments.
Things changed, and when you reflect on those changes, you can see if you still fit in. Some friends are a for lifetime, but a lifetime isn’t eternity.
When she would talk shit about people’s children and their parenting, so I knew she definitely talked shit about my child and parenting…. Come to find out SHE DID… for year’s.
When they put a 1 star review of a gift I’d given them on Amazon, stating that they’d thrown it away, knowing I’d see it. Ok then.
He (gay guy friend) brought me to a party with his friends and said “This is xxx. Everyone loves her and I really don’t know why”. Nice introduction 😂 He was amazing and kind when we were alone, but he was a mean girl towards me with other people around. I was never insecure about it and was more like “this is a him issue” but I ended the friendship eventually cuz he was just a straight up bad person to everyone around him.
I was in a very tough financial spot due to some sudden medical issues and their subsequent bills, and needed to make a payment to a utility company or risk shut off (which would have then tripled what I owed through a reconnect fee). I am rarely someone who asks for help and am generally better with my finances but it was a bad year. I don’t have much family to turn to so reached out to my “best friend,” making it clear that I would pay her back within the next two days after I got paid (and I did, as soon as my check cleared). She loaned me the money, but proceeded to seriously shame me for being in the position to have to ask for help— even going as far as demanding I give her my account info with the utility company so she could “verify” that’s where the money was going.
It wasn’t a very large sum of money ($100) and I was completely flabbergasted by her behavior as it was the first time I had ever asked her for help in that way. I thanked her for the assistance and then slowly distanced myself from her after I paid her back.
She wanted me to travel to another state for her bachelorette party WEEK and then to another country for another week for the wedding, all at my own expense for travel and board. She wouldn’t go 15 minutes out of her way to drop me off after dinner one night and took me back to her house for me to call an uber home.
I called and told her I didn’t feel our friendship was reciprocated and that I wasn’t attending her events. She hung up on me and we haven’t spoken since
made a group chat without me because they “felt bad for talking about hanging out without you being able to come”
that was when I decided to cut them off
Only nice to me when we hung out one on one. Anytime we hung out in a group with other women, she tried to make me the butt of all jokes and neg me and gang up on me. Bye, bitch.
Had a friend in high school that whenever we would talk to girls and he noticed I got more attention than he did, he’d crack a joke or bring up some wild untrue thing about me to make me look bad. Like if he was jealous or something. This kept going well into college and a little after. Eventually I stopped talking to bro because how you going to claim to be a buddy but then put me down to make yourself look better?
How often I’d feel unliked around them. I realized if I can’t tell if they like me, then why hang out?
Told me I had nothing to be depressed about when I said I was really struggling with feeling down
Kept telling me what my ex was up to when we had just broken up
Multiple times someone I thought I was good friends with has said something like “I’d love to go there but I don’t have anyone to go with”…when I have just said I’d love to go there.
I once suggested to a friend that we could meet at a café or something rather than just doing playdates with the kids and she said “Why would I want to do that?”
I have since had therapy and hopefully choosing better friends! 😁
I was best friends with this girl all throughout college. We were roommates for a few years after. She ended up moving to Texas (time zone is 2 hours behind where I am) to be with this man she met online. At the time, I was dealing with a recurring bed bug infestation and was at the lowest point of my life (those little blood suckers destroy you emotional & financially). I realized that it was already 7 pm & that I had missed calling her for her 30th bday.
No big deal because it’s only 5 pm in Texas, right? NOPE!
I tried to call and there’s no answer. Followed up with a text and she never answered that either. The next day I texted to explain that I was dealing with the exterminator all day and had to call out of work but hoped she had an amazing 30th, but clearly that wasn’t good enough. She never responded to my repeated attempts to call in the following days so i just moved on.
The night before my surgery she sent me several photos of botched surgeries (same procedure as mine) and laughed at them.
She also constantly talked poorly to me about friends in her circle. I can only imagine she was doing the same about me.
When after you went through hard times and finally some good things happen in your life instead of being happy for you, they secretly hate on you and also make you feel guilty for having some fortune in your life. Also you are the type of person that texts only when has something to say, but they take a week or more to reply (and no, they were not that busy, they were online). Stay away from jealous people! 🤗😌
He moved away and never initiated contact.
Drove down to see his new place 8 hours away after they settled in.
I’d call around every month or two for catch up and he’d talk for a bit then he’d always end the call first.
Eventually he stopped even answering calls and texts for some reason. Never got an explanation why.
This guy and I were tight too. We hung out constantly, game nights. Man I even helped him get a job and at the very top of things I helped him coordinate his proposal with his gf. I set up his apartment with flowers and lights and the rose heart on the floor and ducked out when he texted coming back. We were THAT tight.
Probably when I realised that seeing their name pop up on my phone filled me with anxiety and dread because the only time they’d ever call me was to lecture me about something I’d said/done that she didn’t like or to tell me that something in her life was horrendously wrong (normally of her own making).
People who are non-stop drama but disappear whenever you need support are not your friends, they literally see you as supporting characters in the show of their life and they do not like it when you have your own stuff going on.
When she didn’t invite me at her wedding… but made another friend her witness. The three of us knew each other since we were 7. I thought we were best friends. I thought.
When I was betrayed. Now I have no friends and I’m OK with that.
I realized they only listened when it was gossip. Never when it was pain. That’s when I stopped talking 😪
Spoke so badly about everyone we hangout with when we’re alone, so he most likely he spoke so badly about me too when I wasn’t around.
They ghosted me. Both of them.
Two different “friends”:
My supposed best friend during elementary school. She lived just up the street. We both took the bus to and from school together. My siblings and I had issues with severe bullying from some other kids in the neighborhood, who rode the bus with us also. My parents found out that there was another bus we could take, with a bus stop a slightly longer walk from our house. We started taking that bus to avoid the bullies. I told my friend that we were taking a new bus and wouldn’t be riding the old bus anymore, and she went ahead and told some of the bullies (who weren’t bullying her). Bullies started walking over to take the new bus with us. Thanks, Terri, for the trust issues. We moved away the following year and I never kept in touch with her afterward.
Much later, in college. Had a friend who told me (after I emerged from a rough patch during a not-great relationship) “I like you better when you’re depressed”.
When they didn’t go to my art gallery opening night which was a huge deal to me. It was a group exhibition and first time my art was exhibited. They didn’t go to see my piece at all, even tho the exhibition lasted for 4 weeks.
They’re an energy vampire that got worse over the years. I shouldn’t feel exhausted after seeing them Every Time
I had a friend who used to belittle me, behind my back and used to spoil my name in my neighbourhood. I had no clue, what his problem was with me.
When they only ever talked about themselves and expected me to always listen to their constant rants and support them — but as soon as something good happened in my life and I tried to share it, they completely ignored it and went on with their rant 15 seconds later 😂
That’s when I finally realized I wasn’t their friend, just an audience. After that day, I cut all ties with them – zero regrets
We were best friends our entire lives and I slowly started to realize she only reached out when she needed something. Then she told me after literally everyone else in our lives that she was pregnant and I realized I needed to move on. It’s been like three years and my life is much improved.
She also dated everyone I expressed interest in
I texted her happy birthday and realized the last text between us was me texting on her birthday last year.
It’s a boring teen drama, but wow did it hurt.
We were good friends through school and early college. It was a friendship based mostly on proximity (small school) and a few nerdy shared interests.
Around my late teens, I started to notice that every guy I had a crush on and would excitedly mention to her that I had lots in lots in common with, she’d find ways of dissuading me from him and redirecting me instead to boring, bland guys who were often into NASCAR, fishing, hunting, etc., telling me I needed to give all guys a chance and aim more realistically.(To be fair, I’m sure they weren’t boring to girls who shared their interests, but they weren’t my type at all. I was a theatre/book/culture nerd who couldn’t wait to get out of our rural area that offered little of what I wanted out of life. I didn’t care about deer season or demolition derbies.)
Initially, I thought she simply didn’t “get” my interests and just had a bad knack for matchmaking. But she and I had very similar interests and tastes in men and life goals, and it didn’t take me long to realize that every time I mentioned a guy I had my eye on, she’d throw herself at him whenever we’d run into them (by design or coincidence). It was a competition for her. I started to notice she was in competition with all girls she knew. Even friends that had boyfriends—their guys were fair game for her. She needed to be the most desirable girl in any room. I’m positive that if I had started dating any of those down-home boys that were nice but not my type, she’d have thrown herself at them, just for the ego boost.
Final straw was when I mentioned a guy (I’ll call Matthew) in my creative writing class in college (we went to the same college at first). I thought he was wonderful. He and I would eat together sometimes when we end up in the student union at the same time. We’d talk a bit if we happened to end up in the school gym after classes. He was sweet (we’d worked on a volunteer trip together), overly polite, a little shy and quiet (I’m an outgoing extrovert, but we really hit off well together—he seemed to genuinely like my chattering and really came out of his shell), deeply intelligent (fellow nerd!), and not bad on the eyes (bonus!).
At one point I mentioned him to her that I was gradually getting to know him and learning that underneath that shy exterior there was a really fascinating person, and I wondered if he was developing feelings for me as I had been for him. I subtly pointed him out to her in the halls one day so she’d see who I was talking about.
When we stopped to chat with him, she turned on her high-level flirt, tossing her long blonde hair, giggling, stepping closer to him as she talked. Now, I’m outgoing, but I’ve never been a flirt, at least not in the stereotypical girly-girl way. My M.O. was generally bringing up film, politics, plays, literature, the effects of the bubonic plague on medieval Europe… She was used to her method, and it usually worked for her. I always figured if her tactic worked for guys, they weren’t the type of guys I’d want anyway.
And yet, knife in the heart two days later. She asked if she could talk privately with me and, with earnest eyes and an apologetic tone I knew her well enough to know were both manipulative, she said, “I’m so sorry to tell you this, but I really think you should know and I should be the one to tell you myself. Matthew isn’t interested in you; he likes me. He turns up everywhere I am now, and he’s been flirting hard with me. Don’t worry, I’ll never go out with him! I wouldn’t do that to you. If he asks—and I think he will—I’ll turn him down. But I just didn’t want you to be wasting your efforts if he prefers me to you.”
I don’t know how she thought I believe that, but it was near the end of the semester, and we both went our separate ways, and I was happy not to have her in my life anymore. Matthew never did end up asking her out after all. Hmm… (I ended up biting a bullet and confessing I had feelings for him later that summer, and he let me know in the most adorably awkward, stammering way possible that he only thought of me as a friend, which was fine actually. It still hurt less than my friend’s smugness.)
This quick story ended up way longer than I meant for it to, and I probably should have saved this for therapy next week, but 20+ years on, here’s what I know: