I realized I didn’t want them to see the real me and think I was weird. We had a brief dating period and then we did have sex. After that I just couldn’t bring myself to really be in a relationship with him. We are still however very close and talk daily. He’s currently talking to a girl and I’m engaged now
I think romantic connections are more than just attraction. Just because you’re attracted to someone doesn’t mean you’d date them. Sometimes as you get to know someone you realize you have different views – which won’t impact a friendship but are big deals for a relationship.
Simple answer: they have a quality, view, opinion, circumstance, etc that makes us incompatible for a romantic relationship but wont impact a friendship.
It has happened when I was friends with them first, and I didn’t want to lose that. Friendship can last for a lifetime. Romantic relationships rarely do.
Being lust-driven. We’re attracted to each other and he’s totally my type, but he’s way too lust-driven which makes me think that he only thinks of me as something for short-term fun 🙁 if he hadn’t brought up sexual innuendos consistently, then we’re probably in a relationship right now.
I’m immediately turned off by someone who talks badly about their past partners or tells me their exes secret/weird/alone behaviors. Idk that I would even friendzone them atp bc I wouldn’t trust them.
I’d argue that at least 80% of the time the reason is not being attracted to them.
That doesn’t mean that they’re not objectively attractive, just either not your type or, once you get to know someone as a friend, that’s just how you keep seeing them and it’s hard to get out of that zone
I take issue with “friendzone” because that’s never a thing I’ve done.
They girlfriendzoned me first.
I understand your question though, so let me rephrase it and answer it:
> What makes me lose attraction to someone I thought could be a potential romantic partner?
a core incompatibility previously unknown became known
That’s it. It is often something explicitly stated but it’s usually a pattern forming out of semi-related things said.
Differing worldviews and beliefs, giving me impressions they would be a partner that can’t meet my needs, your “date 0” incompatibilities like children or substance abuse, wants sex earlier than I am capable of (or is completely sexless type of asexual), I would a partner that can’t meet their needs. etc.
For me, everyone is a stranger. Then an acquaintance. Then a friend or at least friendly. That’s where they start. They don’t really go from friend/ly to attracted and back again. It’s more like… friend/ly, friend and hypothetical partner, then friend/ly confirmed not compatible (or things too incompatible to keep speaking).
The Friendzone is not a thing. Dating someone means you are getting to know each other. Auditioning for the role of Romantic Interest. Sometimes you realize the other person is wrong for the part. Not wrong to be anyone’s Love Interest, just yours.
If a woman is actually attracted to a man, he doesn’t get “friendzoned”; that’s where men who pretend to be your friend while secretly trying to manipulate you into sleeping with them hang out.
If what you’re asking is why some women change their minds and just want to be friends, it’s because they got to know him better and discovered a fundamental incompatibility that makes a romantic relationship impossible
Sexual chemistry. I’ve dated people that were perfect on paper – I was attracted to them, we had the same values and interests, etc. And then we kissed, or we had sex, and I just… didn’t feel it. For reasons that had nothing to do with their skills or preferences. There’s this visceral chemistry, that has nothing to do with objective compatibility, or how aesthetically attractive you find someone, and it’s either there or it’s not.
I only have one male friend who I could imagine being attracted to and he’s already married, so this doesn’t really come up. I don’t really have any friends who I wouldn’t consider good partners, and I hold my partners to the same standards as my friends, so the only reason I’m not dating them is that there isn’t a romantic spark.
Over eagerness to please, and extremely clingy, wanting to hang out every other day.. It’s scary. You’re either getting strongly friend zoned or ghosted by me, irrespective of gender. Sorry but not sorry.
Firstly, the verb is “friendzone”, past tense “friendzoned”.
Secondly, it’s an inflammatory term designed to place blame on the person not interested in a relationship.
Thirdly, any myriad of things may reveal romantic or sexual incompatibility. You find out they always eat something you cannot stand. You might realise their values aren’t yours. You may discover their addictions. Plenty of things are just going to make you incompatible.
Understanding the difference between attraction vs lusting. There’s plenty of people in the world who are attractive and would def smash however, that’s all it is. The physical aspect of that person, not them as a human or as a potential partner.
Comments
The friend zone isn’t a thing.
I realized I didn’t want them to see the real me and think I was weird. We had a brief dating period and then we did have sex. After that I just couldn’t bring myself to really be in a relationship with him. We are still however very close and talk daily. He’s currently talking to a girl and I’m engaged now
I think romantic connections are more than just attraction. Just because you’re attracted to someone doesn’t mean you’d date them. Sometimes as you get to know someone you realize you have different views – which won’t impact a friendship but are big deals for a relationship.
Simple answer: they have a quality, view, opinion, circumstance, etc that makes us incompatible for a romantic relationship but wont impact a friendship.
Not wanting to be in a relationship with them
It has happened when I was friends with them first, and I didn’t want to lose that. Friendship can last for a lifetime. Romantic relationships rarely do.
Them being too clingy
Their personality, politics, or income potential.
Incompatibility.
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A personality conflict
Being lust-driven. We’re attracted to each other and he’s totally my type, but he’s way too lust-driven which makes me think that he only thinks of me as something for short-term fun 🙁 if he hadn’t brought up sexual innuendos consistently, then we’re probably in a relationship right now.
‘Friend’ is default, dating is extraordinary.
if they give friend vibes. I also don’t think i’d be initially attracted to someone who gives off friend vibes. never happened in my case.
Learning they have a short temper.
If they have a sexist or homophobic mindset. Instant killer
Compatibility! You can think someone is hot but know you are not compatible
For most people I think the main answer is something which hasn’t been mentioned yet and that is a pre-existing monogamous commitment to someone else.
I’m immediately turned off by someone who talks badly about their past partners or tells me their exes secret/weird/alone behaviors. Idk that I would even friendzone them atp bc I wouldn’t trust them.
I’d argue that at least 80% of the time the reason is not being attracted to them.
That doesn’t mean that they’re not objectively attractive, just either not your type or, once you get to know someone as a friend, that’s just how you keep seeing them and it’s hard to get out of that zone
I take issue with “friendzone” because that’s never a thing I’ve done.
They girlfriendzoned me first.
I understand your question though, so let me rephrase it and answer it:
> What makes me lose attraction to someone I thought could be a potential romantic partner?
That’s it. It is often something explicitly stated but it’s usually a pattern forming out of semi-related things said.
Differing worldviews and beliefs, giving me impressions they would be a partner that can’t meet my needs, your “date 0” incompatibilities like children or substance abuse, wants sex earlier than I am capable of (or is completely sexless type of asexual), I would a partner that can’t meet their needs. etc.
For me, everyone is a stranger. Then an acquaintance. Then a friend or at least friendly. That’s where they start. They don’t really go from friend/ly to attracted and back again. It’s more like… friend/ly, friend and hypothetical partner, then friend/ly confirmed not compatible (or things too incompatible to keep speaking).
Finding out their a shitty person, I’ll cut all contact after telling them why.
The Friendzone is not a thing. Dating someone means you are getting to know each other. Auditioning for the role of Romantic Interest. Sometimes you realize the other person is wrong for the part. Not wrong to be anyone’s Love Interest, just yours.
If a woman is actually attracted to a man, he doesn’t get “friendzoned”; that’s where men who pretend to be your friend while secretly trying to manipulate you into sleeping with them hang out.
If what you’re asking is why some women change their minds and just want to be friends, it’s because they got to know him better and discovered a fundamental incompatibility that makes a romantic relationship impossible
Sexual chemistry. I’ve dated people that were perfect on paper – I was attracted to them, we had the same values and interests, etc. And then we kissed, or we had sex, and I just… didn’t feel it. For reasons that had nothing to do with their skills or preferences. There’s this visceral chemistry, that has nothing to do with objective compatibility, or how aesthetically attractive you find someone, and it’s either there or it’s not.
[removed]
I only have one male friend who I could imagine being attracted to and he’s already married, so this doesn’t really come up. I don’t really have any friends who I wouldn’t consider good partners, and I hold my partners to the same standards as my friends, so the only reason I’m not dating them is that there isn’t a romantic spark.
Over eagerness to please, and extremely clingy, wanting to hang out every other day.. It’s scary. You’re either getting strongly friend zoned or ghosted by me, irrespective of gender. Sorry but not sorry.
As I got to know him more it turned out my attraction was just a lack of information 😅 He turned out to be pretty childish
“Friendzonize”. What in the actual.
Firstly, the verb is “friendzone”, past tense “friendzoned”.
Secondly, it’s an inflammatory term designed to place blame on the person not interested in a relationship.
Thirdly, any myriad of things may reveal romantic or sexual incompatibility. You find out they always eat something you cannot stand. You might realise their values aren’t yours. You may discover their addictions. Plenty of things are just going to make you incompatible.
Understanding the difference between attraction vs lusting. There’s plenty of people in the world who are attractive and would def smash however, that’s all it is. The physical aspect of that person, not them as a human or as a potential partner.
All different reasons. I didn’t date a dude I would’ve otherwise because he mumbled when he talked