Can you love someone and not be sexually attracted to them? And What would make it come back?
What makes you lose sexual attraction to your partner?
r/AskMen
Can you love someone and not be sexually attracted to them? And What would make it come back?
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If she gains weight.
Her fucking another guy.
Familiarity, usually.
Nothing. Because it won’t get to that. Because we put effort into our relationship. Into being healthy for each other. Into staying in love. Into staying together.
I believe the t-shirt says “I lift weights because my wife is hot.”
Unconditional attraction isn’t realistic. If someone changes from the person you fall in love with, by gaining massive amounts of weight, or suddenly becoming a smelly fucker, cheating or generally making your life a misery, they are genuine reasons for a lack of sexual interest.
Political views
Nothing, I think losing attraction is one thing, losing lust and the spark of your sexual connection is another.
In the past it’s been the lake of “fire” that has disconnected me from a parter, and that is typically when other parts of the relationship sputtered.
If you are losing the spark try a bit harder, communicate more, play dirty games, send sexy msgs, you can jump start things you just need to try.
If I always have to initiate and she rarely/never has any enthusiasm.
Excessive whining about everything
If it stops being fun and enjoyable for her.
Large amount of weight gain
When we look into each others eyes and rather then a moment of intimacy she says, “we have to clean the floor” or some other chore that could wait a few minutes. Kills attraction real quick.
To your other question, it depends on how you define love. Go over to deadbedrooms. Many of those people claim to love their spouse, but there’s no sex going on. What would make the sex come back? A new partner.
if i’m stressed out I completely lose interest in intimacy and sexual attraction
Another man fucking her. That’s what did in my last marriage.
She’s an antidentite.
Lying, cheating, gaslighting, playing with feelings, …
Criticism, judgment and nagging
Bad hygiene
Farting.
Sorry without action, change, or even just genuine curiosity about my perspective and why I feel the way I do.
Eating like a pig
Weight gain.
Weight gain
Frustration and anger. I don’t tend to want to get down with someone in a bad mood.
Lack of effort.
When he doesnt take no for an answer
Disrespect
When someone else’s dick is inside of her
When they don’t do enough chores or they refuse to take me to brunch or don’t properly celebrate my birth month.
Lack of reciprocal attention. Losing self esteem/worth and allowing yourself to get out of shape physically/emotionally/intellectually. These things apply to each person in a relationship.
Discovering an extensive sexual past but I would never really make her my partner without knowing this important details initially.
Stop being feminine. No turning back.
no foreplay, no attention, no aftercare.
Belittling behavior
She farted on my dick before I entered. My dick has never gotten soft fast enough.
A partner who is seemingly never interested in sex naturally becomes less attractive over time. A lot of couples fall into this trap in a variety of ways (eg losing all identity to parenthood, unacknowledged or undiagnosed medical conditions, etc…)
Getting it back is sometimes possible but the route there is dependent on how you lost it to begin with.
My relationship is mostly good but there have been issues I’ve been trying to sort out for myself that may be dealbreakers for others, so keep that in mind when I share this. I’m not interested in hearing about how I should break up or something. I am discussing my feelings with a therapist on a weekly basis.
I am realizing I am attracted by kindness and passion. When I say passion I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about some having interests, hobbies or something they find interesting and love to talk about. I like to see someone challenging themselves. I also get very turned on by emotional inteligence. Like my gf’s niece called upset about something and she was so good with her, and I found her empathy and kindness towards her niece to be a major turn on for me.
Unfortunately I’m struggling right now becuase my partner has no hobbies, not any interests that I’m aware of, and seems content watching tv all day. I had a revelation on our sexual differences when we were in a national park recently. I quickly felt the trip was for me, and she did not seem to enjoy anything that started to feel like exercise. After a full day of hiking I was turned on, ready for some fun and she goes “I can’t have sex when I’m doing all this, I have to really have nothing to do for hours to be able to have sex”. I’ll go on a run all turned on and she’ll be watching tv for hours. I’ll have sex with her and it’s like we are coming at it from two different angles. It’s causing issues for me though because it’s beyond just sex. I feel like I find happiness in engaging with the world and she finds happiness disengaging. This is causing struggles with me feeling connected.
My girlfriend acts like a little girl frequently in a way that shuts me completely down. I want to feel like I’m having sex with an adult. Sometimes it’s harmless, like fun, but other times it’s her pouting or not handling normal adult responsibilities well.
I’m learning I’m drawn towards things that are less about body and more about who they are, and my gf has a nice body and she knows it. It feels like she thinks that’s all I need, but it just isn’t. If she had a flat butt but I felt more connected I’d prefer that.
So yeah, not in a good place in this relationship right now.
When she plays on her phone non stop, while I’m going down on her, after she consented and tells me, she didn’t say no because she thought I would be hurt. We’ve been in relationship for a year by then.
A slow slide of lack of appreciation or accountability. Contempt that comes with familiarity.
What makes it come back? I am not sure it does. This is something where the individuals true colors come out. Or in my last relationship, proper medication?
As a man who had been with the same woman for over 20 years. Nothing really. I’d say most men are the same.
Lack of agency and bickering. Often they go hand-in-hand.
Crippling porn addiction
Bad breath
Weaponized incompetence. Or anything that indicates that they are not a capable grown-assed adult!
Edit: to the other questions, yes. You can love someone without being sexually attracted to them. If your intent is to gain, or regain it back, the techniques to do so are subjective. Every person is different.
It can be a lot of thing, drastic changes to her appearance or personality, not being pleasent to be around, not trying to look good etc..
I believe you can be inlove with someome and lose attraction to them.
Honestly a big thing can be stress, whether it’s from your partner or other sources, it can mess with your brain a bit. It’s also a thing that comes and goes. One week your partner might seem uninteresting, the next week they’re all you can think about.
Ultimately I also think there’s a bit of effort required in it, especially in long term relationships. Sexual attraction that comes from physical things is one thing, but sexual attraction that comes from love is completely different. The latter is what everybody doesn’t realise they need.
I think just respecting a need for space and trusting your partner is what’s best in times like these, sure tease them here and there to keep yourself in their thoughts, but pushing too much and it ending in you feeling down or rejected can make it a situation you both end up wanting to avoid.
She lost it first/never had (asexual). What would make it come back? I value her as a person, as a human being and as the mother of my kids, but today she is not the type of woman I would flirt with in the office or at sports.
Deceit, manipulation… no attraction to someone I cannot trust.
Being stupid.
Time, unfortunately. It’s inevitable. Yes you can still love them and thoroughly enjoy sex still, once in a while
I’m not a man, but as a woman I’d say: lack of communication. It makes me feel less emotionally safe around him, so I lose attraction.